To Quote A Wise Abstract...

oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god OH MY GOD OH MY GOD.

Chris Bridges--known to y'all as Ludacris but we tight like that (dodging lightning bolt...now)--asked after a few songs if we were tired. I was a little bit then. I really am now that the 40 oz. of Mountain Dew it took me 10 minutes to drink removed itself in 1/100th the time and the adrenaline rush is starting to dwindle and cause me to crash.

But he did nothing wrong. It was just an Angus burger right after a bunch of us had filet mignon off a supermodel's ass, and well, it was a unwinnable situation.

It started at 6. I went a little earlier than I thought I would, and as a result the Killers played the hors d'oeuvere of my muscial meal. When it went well, "Indie Rock & Roll", "All These Things That I've Done" and the DAMN IT TO PUS-SPEWING BLOOD-GUTTED HELL catchy "Somebody Told Me", it held my attention. And when it didn't, I looked at girls. So, fine job by the Killers. Sometimes. 6.

After that, it was shortly time for the Black Eyed Peas. They did "Joints & Jams", but not "Request Line" which surprised the hell out of me due to Fergie. Speaking of which: black sports bra with K-Day on it, red jacket opened all the way, plaid pants she must've stolen from Avril Lavigne. Very few ex-strippers can sing but she p...she's NOT? Could've fooled the fuck out of me, by "Hey Mama" I was ready to divest myself of some ones. And, of course, MY PANTS. Yes, you're funny. Go have a cupcake. Anyway, it was heavy on Elephunk, fuck Bush talk, and a nice close-out with some drawnout "Let's Get Retarded" & "Where Is The Love?" Fergie climbed the side scaffold a little and made sweet love to it, so I guess it was there. 8.

Luda did a one-man hit parade and threw in "Growing Pains", "Bia Bia" and his "Holidae In" & "YEAH!" hooks. His DJ used the hook from "Run's House", so fucking A. Still, though... 7.

Now, I'm missing something key in the middle, post-Peas, pre-Luda. I'll pause while you put the kids to bed.

(hums)

(looks)

(hums)

For a few years now, I have believed George Clinton & the P-Funk All-Stars was the best concert I have ever gone to. They went damn near five hours. The cops had to shut it down at 2 in the morning. People walked out into the night yelling "Ain't no partay like a P-Funk partay cause a P-Funk party don't stooooooop!" after having done so for the last ten minutes when the instruments were forcibly deplugged by the police. Plus, all the hits went on for like fifteen minutes each.

So you can see why I thought that.

This is what happens at 9:12 Pacific Standard Time, August 27th, 2004.

A Tribe Called Quest proceeds to, so far, make my year. And possibly my decade.

You know that VMA from like two years ago when GnR reunited and they teased it through the show and you got all amped up and then they did their medley of stuff and you realized you'd just bought the blue and white box that said CORN FLAKES instead of the good one with Kellogg's and the rooster on it?

This WAS THE EXACT OPPOSITE OF THAT. It was so good that in the first ten minutes I became deathly afraid of two things: suffering a heart attack that was going to cause me to miss the rest of this, and busting a nut.

Oh, it was that good.

Right off the outset, they kicked my ass. Then, they kicked my ass. This was followed by a review of the old minutes; namely, kicking my ass. From there it was on to the new minutes--"Bonita Applebum"; i.e., more ways to kick my ass. I've been looking for ways to describe just how fucking awesome this was without falling back on the overused "transcendant" but it keeps breaking down to cliches: sweeter than your memories of first love (though considering one of the participants, sweeter than Ben & Jerry might be more applicable), doper than Tyrone Biggums, fresher than your grandmama's fried chicken recpie, hyper than Heidenreich, sicker than a leper, phatter than the Farm...

....suffice to say, if I ever have sex with Jessica Alba & Brooke Burke and they come dressed as a stern teacher and a naughty Catholic schoolgirl, it will be the Tribe Called Quest show of flagrante delecto. Did I mention the encore started off with that Lou Reed "Walk On the Wild Side" hook ["Can I Kick It?"] and went right into "Award Tour" & "Scenario"? (Add chocolate syrup to that dream threeway up there.)

Fun side part about the New Best Show Of All-Time, the First: I loved the RHCP Labor Day I went to a few years ago because there was such a communal atmosphere. Probably because of all the weed, but still. (Side to the aside: got offered five times, and reluctantly passed ALL of them. I love my weed...but not as much as I love money. The End.) THIS was on that level, except far more people. Everyone seemed not just happy and hyped, but overjoyed they got this moment; I heard from a number of people as I walked around riding numerous demographic and social strata that this was The Reason they showed up. A bunch of college kids who probably didn't have this much fun since they thought Santa was real just giving in to the sheer force of awesome the moment projected.

FSPAtNBSOA-T, the Second: Everyone yelling QUEST! QUEST! QUEST! They come out for the encore, and the Lou Reed hook goes on. I was talking to a guy before it started (we'd been in the Peas show and moved up front as the idiots left when they finished) and we both started talking ATCQ and how great this was going to be and how I was going to lose my shit when they did "Award Tour". The hook goes on, and we both scream. Like white bitches in a scary movie. It gets better. "Award Tour" comes up, and we're both jumping up and down and hitting each other in the chest and having TRL markouts. I mean, practically on the verge of tears. Keep in mind we are grown men and this is not a playoffs situation. But we're flipping like we're on a spatula. I still don't know that guy's name.

But fucking "Award Tour", man.

And the Third: the Peas were supposed to sign autographs of their stuff once they'd vacated the stage. Apparently, they didn't, because they were just off-stage watching Quest. And by watching, I mean dancing. Fergie & Will.I.Am had the biggest stupid grins on their face throughout.

They almost matched mine.

So, other than the Low End Theory shirt costing $30 (which I'm sure I'll regret at some point--just not any time soon) this was a success with a capital HERE WE GO YO HERE WE GO YO SO WHAT SO WHAT SO WHAT'S THE SCENARIO. I mean, I could go see P.O.D., Cypress Hill & the Foo Fighters there after work tomorrow, but after the first Quest show since first-term Bubba and the only Westside show...what's the point?

Boy, work in 10½ is going to be interesting...

Ambient music: Talking Heads - Take Me To the River (Al Green)