ALBA: Payday...
BUSH: ...well, it'd feel better if I weren't in what scientists call a quote metric shitload unquote of debt.
ALBA: I should be out with the next check, for the most part.
BUSH: What's worse, a full-length shift or doing it in the deadest part of the building? You know how long I got to think about that? Five hours!
BUSH: My three-day weekend: workworkfunworkfun. Booked. I really need one of those alleged normal jobs where every weekend's just off no matter what--what do I do on Sundays besides watch football?
ALBA: At least I get to see Amanda. And go bowling. And catch this movie called Into the Blue...anybody know anything about that?
BUSH: I couldn't get my parents the anniversary dinner I wanted to buy for them since my dad's working. Maybe I made up for it by getting my dad some nice Steeler paraphrenalia for his b-day tomorrow.
ALBA: My brother's got a job. And somedaaaaaaaay you will ache like I ache...
BUSH: I feel depressed I haven't been able to find the right girl for Aaron yet. Maybe I'm not trying hard enough, or maybe I'm just offering myself up as a martyr. Who can say.
ALBA: I know what I'm going to get everybody for Christmas. This is what happens when you're bored.
ALBA: Common's new video and song, "Testify". It'll be in the top 15 in a few hours.
ALBA: I am 85% sure I'm going to be Rick James for Halloween this year. It's a...well, you know.
BUSH: What should I do, go to the WWE's pay-per-view Taboo Tuesday on November 1st at the Sports Arena or the House of Blues for the Roots November 2nd? I know I got enough to do one or the other, and since I missed them both the last times they were in town I'm amenable to either.
BUSH: They canceled Taradise? One of the five funniest shows on TV?! I don't care if it was unintentional. Things are going so bad for Tara now Vegas puts her odds at 4:1 she'll have gone out with me by the end of the year. Poor bastard.
This post is brought to you BAH: "Celebrity Skin" by Hole
9/30/05
9/25/05
Hey, I Ain't Trippin' Pimp, The Truth Is Really...
From the sister blog...
This is about me. But more about you filling it out about me.
Who you are:
Where I met you:
You think my middle name is ________
How long've you known me?
I smoke, don't I?
Do I drink?
Am I rated R for hard language?
Do I believe in the Lord Almighty?
What was the first impression you had of me after we met?
My eyes are a) green b) blue c) brown d) red...because...
How many siblings do I have? (Bonus points for names and ages.)
Name 3 of my favorite things to do.
Am I funny? Not like Kathy Griffin funny, but funny funny?
Do you remember one of the first things I said to you?
My favorite music genre is _________
Name my best feature. In a haiku.
Extrovert or introvert?
Follow the rules or make my own?
Special talents?
Favorite nicknames?
Your favorite memory of me is the time we...
What's one of my worst habits?
And finally, out of all the friends I have, name the one I would most likely have a relationship with and the one I would most like to haev a one-night stand with.
That's it. You can go pretend you have a life now.
This post is brought to you BAH: "The Boys Of Summer" as awesomely covered by Code 7 (shit on the Ataris!)
This is about me. But more about you filling it out about me.
Who you are:
Where I met you:
You think my middle name is ________
How long've you known me?
I smoke, don't I?
Do I drink?
Am I rated R for hard language?
Do I believe in the Lord Almighty?
What was the first impression you had of me after we met?
My eyes are a) green b) blue c) brown d) red...because...
How many siblings do I have? (Bonus points for names and ages.)
Name 3 of my favorite things to do.
Am I funny? Not like Kathy Griffin funny, but funny funny?
Do you remember one of the first things I said to you?
My favorite music genre is _________
Name my best feature. In a haiku.
Extrovert or introvert?
Follow the rules or make my own?
Special talents?
Favorite nicknames?
Your favorite memory of me is the time we...
What's one of my worst habits?
And finally, out of all the friends I have, name the one I would most likely have a relationship with and the one I would most like to haev a one-night stand with.
That's it. You can go pretend you have a life now.
This post is brought to you BAH: "The Boys Of Summer" as awesomely covered by Code 7 (shit on the Ataris!)
9/24/05
1) Phil Ivey 2) David Williams 3) Butch Rosser
No, not really.
Another Poker Night in the ghettos of Ysidro. I played very much to my satisfaction--I feel every time I play I get a little better, and didn't have that moment where I regretted a fold. We actually almost drew a full table when we thought we'd be lucky to get 5, so that was a nice change of pace. Danny was kind enough to buy-in for me on the condition if I reaped he got his own back. No interest, even! Do my friends rule or what?
I did, actually, get his $10 back and then some. So why aren't I happy?
It's the three times I had full houses and didn't get paid off on any of them. Once is bad enough but you can just chalk that up to bad luck; 3 times is like going out with Paris Hilton, getting to the door and all of a sudden she's got work early tomorrow. Absolute suck.
And twice I could've only got beat on my hand by pocket aces. It, of course, happened, especially in the hand of the night when I put two people in below me all-in. Erin had pocket Jacks, I had pocket Queens, and Omar had the WMD, pocket Aces. All I remember is a flop with a Jack and an Ace in it--I win that hand and I clear $25 for the night and maybe even triple the Womack investment.
But I came out ahead, I say to myself.
I guess I think the glass is half-empty.
Of course, this does Aaron no good since I busted him with pocket Queens. But screw him, this is MY blog for MY temporary psuedopain.
So, now to drift off until Monday and get the name of that hot Indian hostess I saw at work last Monday. I'm sorry, I've never heard of the name Ryan or Illusion.
...yes, I'm evil. I blame the winky. These things are usually his idea, damn him.
This post brought to you BAH: "Jack And Diane" by John Cougar Mellencamp
Another Poker Night in the ghettos of Ysidro. I played very much to my satisfaction--I feel every time I play I get a little better, and didn't have that moment where I regretted a fold. We actually almost drew a full table when we thought we'd be lucky to get 5, so that was a nice change of pace. Danny was kind enough to buy-in for me on the condition if I reaped he got his own back. No interest, even! Do my friends rule or what?
I did, actually, get his $10 back and then some. So why aren't I happy?
It's the three times I had full houses and didn't get paid off on any of them. Once is bad enough but you can just chalk that up to bad luck; 3 times is like going out with Paris Hilton, getting to the door and all of a sudden she's got work early tomorrow. Absolute suck.
And twice I could've only got beat on my hand by pocket aces. It, of course, happened, especially in the hand of the night when I put two people in below me all-in. Erin had pocket Jacks, I had pocket Queens, and Omar had the WMD, pocket Aces. All I remember is a flop with a Jack and an Ace in it--I win that hand and I clear $25 for the night and maybe even triple the Womack investment.
But I came out ahead, I say to myself.
I guess I think the glass is half-empty.
Of course, this does Aaron no good since I busted him with pocket Queens. But screw him, this is MY blog for MY temporary psuedopain.
So, now to drift off until Monday and get the name of that hot Indian hostess I saw at work last Monday. I'm sorry, I've never heard of the name Ryan or Illusion.
...yes, I'm evil. I blame the winky. These things are usually his idea, damn him.
This post brought to you BAH: "Jack And Diane" by John Cougar Mellencamp
9/20/05
The Authoritative Essential Indispensible Top 25 Songs Of The 90s
"California Love".
"Say It Ain't So".
"Bad Reputation".
"Last Goodbye".
"Interstate Love Song".
"Loser".
"Don't Speak".
There is a short list of awesome, awesome songs.
And not a one of them in the top 25.
The nineties is probably going to end up the most important decade in my life. 11 to 21. Kool-Aid to Jell-O shots. Girls are icky to I wish a girl would get me icky. Bush the Elder to Fun Time Bubba. By the time this decade was over I had transformed from wide-eyed babyfaced optimist to binge-drinking babyfaced cynic. Did the music change me? No, it was evolution, baby. But did the music come with me and mark pivotal moments in my life?
As we used to say in my youth I pray to keep (yeah, didn't make it either): for sure.
XXV) Beastie Boys, "Sabotage" (94)
Oh, by the way, just in case you were wondering: Best. Video. EVER. The New Yorkers got away from the even-now-ahead-of-it's-time Paul's Boutique and the back-to-roots Check Your Head by--melding the two styles in a way that reminded everyone of the impact of Licensed To Ill.
Best part of a great song: The building guitar before AdRock lets out the word "I" as a five-second breakout.
XXIV) Snoop Dogg, "Gin & Juice" (93)
By the time Doggystyle came out, it was going to be a mortal lock you were going to be hearing it all year long. At your prom, at the game, at the mall, at your friend's house. Didn't matter. Between this and "Who Am I? (What's My Name?)", it's a reminder Suge used to be feared more for wallet size than his gangsta ways. So good, it'd take 10 years and some scrawny kid from Virginia barely doing anything for Calvin to do any better.
Best parts: Three key phrases to sum it all up: "G's up, ho's down while you motherfuckers bounce to this", "I don't love you ho's, I'm out the door", and the closing "BIATCH!"
XXIII) Big Punisher feat. Joe, "Still Not A Player" (98)
Sometimes choruses are just the weak support for strong bridges. And sometimes the chorus is a perfect summation of a song. This song, however, is a perfect summation of a lifestyle. Everybody may look back on Chris Rios' life and wonder how a man the size of a Starbucks got pussy--'cause the man 'could flow.
Best part: "I regulate every shade of the ass." Not there yet. But someday.
XXII) Nine Inch Nails, "Closer" (94)
On the Mt. Rushmore of All Time Creepy Fucking Songs right next to "Every Breath You Take" and "Possession", this is Reznor summarized: broken, twisted, creepy, psychosexual, minimalist, dirty, outcast, godless, and frightening--and yet, there's still something about him that makes you empathize, especially when you're a 15-year-old boy. Probably the part in you where you're all those things, except you can't turn it into art as he did and Mark Romanek did with the SCENE MISSING video. I remember hearing this song on the radio and just assuming I was going to get arrested for listening to this.
Best part: "You let me penetrate you". He didn't just say what I think he did, did he!?
XXI) U2, "One" (91)
I wonder why Bono thinks he's God. Maybe it's because he cuts right to the whole "Why are we here?" in the opening three questions of the song, and then homages Bob Marley. Maybe it's because they had the foresight to say get to carry each other instead of have to. As usual, U2 trades off the basics of humanity with the muck and shit of relationships. Or the basics of the muck and shit of relationships with the muck and shit of religion. Or...
Best part: "Love is a temple, love's a higher law". You don't get this when you're 12. And you might not when you're 42. But somewhere in the middle, you start to understand it.
XX) Notorious B.I.G., "Hypnotize" (97)
You know how good this song is? It got played during the funeral procession. And the immediate response was dancing. This is the song our kids are going to be rolling their eyes to when their old folks come out to the dance floor and attempt to recapture their youth. Herb Alpert gets his props here, and it gives a young kid in the Cardinals system a hell of an idea.
Best part: Quite possibly the best five opening seconds in hip-hop history. Your head ain't nodding, I don't know ya.
XIX) Pete Rock & C.L. Smooth, "T.R.O.Y. (They Reminisce Over You)" (92)
Probably the least-known song on the list, and it's a goddamn shame fifteen times over. A man's life, told in less than five minutes to a beat so stand alone and unique nobody's had the balls to dare sample it and go over it themselves. The last one got played at a funeral procession, and this one comes from the result of another one--jazzy enough to keep the olders, but hip-hop at it's realest for the young folk.
Best part: The horn sample coming in at the beginning, one of the most singular recognizable notes in hip-hop history.
XVIII) Warren G. & Nate Dogg, "Regulate" (94)
Because nothing says West Coast Death Row gangsta hip-hop like...Michael McDonald?! This would begin a continuing phenomenon where Nate Dogg sings a hook and the song goes double plat, and give the other 2 guys in 213 the spotlight if only for a summer in which this song played on every station. Even the country ones.
Best part: The fourth verses between them, because nothing says friendship like postponing ho-banging to unload a couple clips into people fucking with your people.
XVII) Skee-Lo, "I Wish" (95)
This song isn't so much a corny one-hit wonder as the story of my life in the last millennium. A lot of people write songs I like; a very select few write songs I feel I would be writing myself. And as a side bonus, the first way I indirectly found Buffalo Springfield's "For What It's Worth".
Best part: For me, the whole damn thing. Stupid short parents.
XVI) R.E.M., "Everybody Hurts" (92)
Before I knew what a DiStiple was, before I'd heard "Radio Free Europe", before I'd seen them in '03, this song was just a warm blanket of support. I wasn't one of the people who's lives was saved by this song; I gotta settle for the rung right below that.
Best part: The violins.
XV) Ice Cube, "It Was A Good Day" (92)
The godfather of "Regulate" for the slice-of-life-in-LA over a minimal beat, and Ice Cube's biggest departure from the rest of his catalog at the time (NWA, the immortal dis song "No Vaseline). How big a lasting impact did this song have on me? Did you see the title of the post before this? All right then.
Best part: Obviously, "I didn't even have to use my A.K.", the one slice of normal Cube in the song, and one of the most unlikely catchphrases of my youth was born.
XIV) Outkast, "Rosa Parks" (98)
Longtime readers will reference this as the song playing when I made the Cristal post last year. And for damn good reason. The Blender that inspired me to do this listed "B.O.B." as the second-best song since 1979, claiming it was the history of black music in five minutes. Which is all well and good, except a) this beat "B.O.B." by an album b) this is better than "B.O.B." c) about a miunte shorter and still covers the same ground and d) the title and chorus references one of the most important black events in history, leaving aside the music aspects. Oh, and there is the little matter of e)
Best part: You don't say the harmonica solo, I stab you.
XIII) Green Day, "When I Come Around" (94)
Oh, sure, Joey and Dee Dee may've been rolling over in their yet-to-be-made graves, but the reason punk music connected in the first place was it shook up a bunch of disaffected alienated people by hitting them right in the ventricles. And when you're a 15-year-old boy, it's all disaffection and alienation. It doesn't get better with age all the time, but especially when you're 15. As American Idiot provided the soundtrack to me being 26 in this country at this time, so Dookie did to me being 16 and trying to survive high school (a process that to all seems impossible until it's actually happened, and you know some of your teachers could give Presodent Squinty a run for his Confederate money.
Best part: All four verses.
XII) Radiohead, "Creep" (93)
They would spend the rest of their careers running as far away from this song as they could muster. No knock against the transendence to follow, but why? I just thought it was another song, and then all of a sudden that fuzz feedback came in--chugga! CHUGGA!--and I was like, "Oh, my God, that's the best thing I've ever heard in my fucking life!" I've never known Flea to lie to me, I'll say that much.
Best part: chugga! CHUGGA!
XI) Nirvana, "Lithium" (91)
Some of these songs are awesome but didn't make it to the autobiography list for a myriad of reasons. And vice versa. This song, one of the doomed middle children singles from the best album of the decade, sure isn't one. And Kurt throwing himself into the drum stand at the video provides another excellent metaphor for high school. It's also telling a lot that when he said "I'm not going to crack", nobody believed him, and not just in the song way--I see a crazy blur of cocaine and arms, an awesome second album when everbody wanted the Second Coming...
Best part: Plug in, turn up, sit down, shut up.
TEN) Notorious B.I.G., "Juicy" (94)
Back-to-back Autobios! I think what he missed out on when he wrote one of the most immortal opening couplets in hip-hop was how his story was going to continue manifesting itself through newer MCs wherever they happened to be from. And every rapper coming up now has their "I used to be on the block, now I fuck K.D. Aubert on the regular" song in their opening album, and you know what? No two of them combined get within the same time zone of this.
Best parts: "If you don't know, now you know, nigga", and the last half of the third verse which alongside the opening minute of the "Flava In Your Ear" remix would make Big a top 5 all-timer off of those 90 seconds alone.
NINE) R.E.M., "Losing My Religion" (91)
When you have a crush on somebody, and you think that they understand that but you're not sure, and you're dropping all kinds of hints, and you're not sure, and then you drop a hint the size of Idaho. And they've responded in a way that's confused you... Again, add pop quizzes, Clearasil, and bad cafeteria food--exactly.
Best parts: I got a fever, and the only cure is more MANDOLIN, especially at the end; "Oh, no, I've said too much", because we've all been there at least twice and at least once have screwed over a friend that way.
EIGHT) Mazzy Star, "Fade Into You" (94)
What do you do with a torch song that's sung so lowly it barely illuminates, a country song that breaks down routinely, and a piano stutter that surges up and dies in 3 seconds? If you're me, you wish you'd lost your virginity to it, and you give a band that got swallowed up in the tide of Everything Grunge a couple extra seconds to their 15 minutes of fame.
Best part: "I think it's strange you never knew" at the end, with instruments starting to drop out, is like a tuning fork to the heart.
SEVEN) The Verve, "Bittersweet Symphony" (97)
Somewhere in heaven, Rod Sterling gave a wry laugh. Imagine if you will, a band of boys from the wrong side of the tracks who keep coming apart only to find they're the only things keeping themselves together. A band determined to give success one more try. A band who then unleashes an operatic, beautiful song that goes to #1 around the world and finally puts them on the map as the Next Big Thing--until the 8-second bell sample is challenged by a larger band with actual lawyers, who win 100% of the profits off of the song and sell it off to advertisers within the year. The band breaks up, and you never hear from any of them again. But for almost six minutes, for one man's graduating year, a group of blokes found themselves #1 with a bullet--charttoppers in The Twilight Zone.
Best part: The entirety.
SIX) Digital Underground, "The Humpty Dance" (90)
Okay, for the last time, just so everybody's clear: the best old-school song ever. Groucho who?
Best part: Did anybody think I wasn't putting "I once got busy in a Burger King bathroom"? Good.
FIVE) Rage Against The Machine, "Bulls On Parade" (96)
It's funny most people my age use "The Downward Spiral" to refer to their HS years, because my mother always called it my rage against the machine. # of times she'd listened to their songs: 0. # of times I came walking in playing one of their songs: roughly 32,271. This would make 13k, easy. We all kept looking for the next Public Enemy in hip-hop--we just shouldn't been looking in hip-hop. I still maintain that if they weren't so militant they could've been one of the best funk bands ever. And seeing Tom Morello play his guitar like a turntable for the first time--holy shit.
Best part: bow wow chicka bow wow chicka chicka chicka bow wow chicka bow wow chicka chicka chicka
FOUR) R.E.M., "Man On The Moon" (92)
Mott the Whattle? Who the fuck is Andy Kaufman? Why is he wrestling and goofing on Elvis? And thus, Automatic For the People gets my attention and holds onto it...well, let's just say ever since. Pop before it became a dirty word, and the sort of wink-and-a-nudge cynicsm that would become my m.o. not only before I got that way, but even knew what an m.o. was or what it stood for.
Best part: "Here's a little legend for the never-believer yeah yeah yeah yeah Here's a little ghost for the offering yeah yeah yeah yeah".
THREE) Dr. Dre & Snoop Doggy Dogg, "Nuthin' But A G Thang" (92)
In the span of about 9 months--November 1991 to August 1992--two songs change everything for everybody forever. The other one gets #1, as everybody would expect. The N.W.A. menance, slightly cleaned up with a little bit of George Clinton to ride in and out on. And that guy next to Dre who couldn't look at the camera, which just made you pay more attention to his style, which was so laid-back it was like you were high just looking at him (which would eventually happen). Last occurence of a crowd losing their shit the s e c o n d the needle dropped on this track: Saturday night. 'Nuff said.
Best part: BAYYYYYYYYYYYYYBAYYYYYYYYYYYY!
TWO) Oasis, "Wonderwall" (95)
The question must be asked: if I hadn't tried to slit my wrists to this, would it be #1? The answer, is no. But only because of the force of the #1. Once upon a time, this song drove me to tears because of its beauty. And then it'd drive me to tears because of the painful memories it caused, a horrible 28-car pileup of misguided first love, race relations, spring formals, careening hormones, a crisis of faith and increasing isolation. Once I got over those things as much as one could, I began remembering why I fell in love with the damn thing to begin with: simple guitar structure, insistent but not overlying drums, and the fact that you can fall again, but the first love always stays with you. How come? Because maybe, they're going to be the ones that save you.
Best part: Liam's stand-alone opening verse.
ONE) Nirvana, "Smells Like Teen Spirit" (91)
The answer is 3:46. The question: what time was it when everything I ever knew got knocked on its fucking ass? I went to my old friend Mike Hammond's house. Mike is the gateway to me finding rock and roll, and grunge. We waited for the SNES to fire up, and he started playing this on cassette (you hear me, you punk kids! CASSETTE!) , and [insert Hiroshima footage here]. My head was moving before any part of my rational mind had reacted; by the time THE Guitar Riff was over and that long-haired guy who's face I was convinced was never going to be exposed to the world came in beating the drums like they owed him money, I knew this was talking to me, had a vice on my balls. I didn't know what Kurt was saying (and for the first couple of weeks would get him and Krist confused), and it didn't matter. It was 1991. I was 12. Hell, I'd been raised on Marvin & the Reverend. But with 9 years of the decade to come, this five-minute look into what was to come put the #1 far, far out of reach.
Best part: You want to talk about "Teen Spirit"? How about the chorus? More specifically, how about "I feel stupid and contagious"--what the hell else is there to life at that age?
"Say It Ain't So".
"Bad Reputation".
"Last Goodbye".
"Interstate Love Song".
"Loser".
"Don't Speak".
There is a short list of awesome, awesome songs.
And not a one of them in the top 25.
The nineties is probably going to end up the most important decade in my life. 11 to 21. Kool-Aid to Jell-O shots. Girls are icky to I wish a girl would get me icky. Bush the Elder to Fun Time Bubba. By the time this decade was over I had transformed from wide-eyed babyfaced optimist to binge-drinking babyfaced cynic. Did the music change me? No, it was evolution, baby. But did the music come with me and mark pivotal moments in my life?
As we used to say in my youth I pray to keep (yeah, didn't make it either): for sure.
XXV) Beastie Boys, "Sabotage" (94)
Oh, by the way, just in case you were wondering: Best. Video. EVER. The New Yorkers got away from the even-now-ahead-of-it's-time Paul's Boutique and the back-to-roots Check Your Head by--melding the two styles in a way that reminded everyone of the impact of Licensed To Ill.
Best part of a great song: The building guitar before AdRock lets out the word "I" as a five-second breakout.
XXIV) Snoop Dogg, "Gin & Juice" (93)
By the time Doggystyle came out, it was going to be a mortal lock you were going to be hearing it all year long. At your prom, at the game, at the mall, at your friend's house. Didn't matter. Between this and "Who Am I? (What's My Name?)", it's a reminder Suge used to be feared more for wallet size than his gangsta ways. So good, it'd take 10 years and some scrawny kid from Virginia barely doing anything for Calvin to do any better.
Best parts: Three key phrases to sum it all up: "G's up, ho's down while you motherfuckers bounce to this", "I don't love you ho's, I'm out the door", and the closing "BIATCH!"
XXIII) Big Punisher feat. Joe, "Still Not A Player" (98)
Sometimes choruses are just the weak support for strong bridges. And sometimes the chorus is a perfect summation of a song. This song, however, is a perfect summation of a lifestyle. Everybody may look back on Chris Rios' life and wonder how a man the size of a Starbucks got pussy--'cause the man 'could flow.
Best part: "I regulate every shade of the ass." Not there yet. But someday.
XXII) Nine Inch Nails, "Closer" (94)
On the Mt. Rushmore of All Time Creepy Fucking Songs right next to "Every Breath You Take" and "Possession", this is Reznor summarized: broken, twisted, creepy, psychosexual, minimalist, dirty, outcast, godless, and frightening--and yet, there's still something about him that makes you empathize, especially when you're a 15-year-old boy. Probably the part in you where you're all those things, except you can't turn it into art as he did and Mark Romanek did with the SCENE MISSING video. I remember hearing this song on the radio and just assuming I was going to get arrested for listening to this.
Best part: "You let me penetrate you". He didn't just say what I think he did, did he!?
XXI) U2, "One" (91)
I wonder why Bono thinks he's God. Maybe it's because he cuts right to the whole "Why are we here?" in the opening three questions of the song, and then homages Bob Marley. Maybe it's because they had the foresight to say get to carry each other instead of have to. As usual, U2 trades off the basics of humanity with the muck and shit of relationships. Or the basics of the muck and shit of relationships with the muck and shit of religion. Or...
Best part: "Love is a temple, love's a higher law". You don't get this when you're 12. And you might not when you're 42. But somewhere in the middle, you start to understand it.
XX) Notorious B.I.G., "Hypnotize" (97)
You know how good this song is? It got played during the funeral procession. And the immediate response was dancing. This is the song our kids are going to be rolling their eyes to when their old folks come out to the dance floor and attempt to recapture their youth. Herb Alpert gets his props here, and it gives a young kid in the Cardinals system a hell of an idea.
Best part: Quite possibly the best five opening seconds in hip-hop history. Your head ain't nodding, I don't know ya.
XIX) Pete Rock & C.L. Smooth, "T.R.O.Y. (They Reminisce Over You)" (92)
Probably the least-known song on the list, and it's a goddamn shame fifteen times over. A man's life, told in less than five minutes to a beat so stand alone and unique nobody's had the balls to dare sample it and go over it themselves. The last one got played at a funeral procession, and this one comes from the result of another one--jazzy enough to keep the olders, but hip-hop at it's realest for the young folk.
Best part: The horn sample coming in at the beginning, one of the most singular recognizable notes in hip-hop history.
XVIII) Warren G. & Nate Dogg, "Regulate" (94)
Because nothing says West Coast Death Row gangsta hip-hop like...Michael McDonald?! This would begin a continuing phenomenon where Nate Dogg sings a hook and the song goes double plat, and give the other 2 guys in 213 the spotlight if only for a summer in which this song played on every station. Even the country ones.
Best part: The fourth verses between them, because nothing says friendship like postponing ho-banging to unload a couple clips into people fucking with your people.
XVII) Skee-Lo, "I Wish" (95)
This song isn't so much a corny one-hit wonder as the story of my life in the last millennium. A lot of people write songs I like; a very select few write songs I feel I would be writing myself. And as a side bonus, the first way I indirectly found Buffalo Springfield's "For What It's Worth".
Best part: For me, the whole damn thing. Stupid short parents.
XVI) R.E.M., "Everybody Hurts" (92)
Before I knew what a DiStiple was, before I'd heard "Radio Free Europe", before I'd seen them in '03, this song was just a warm blanket of support. I wasn't one of the people who's lives was saved by this song; I gotta settle for the rung right below that.
Best part: The violins.
XV) Ice Cube, "It Was A Good Day" (92)
The godfather of "Regulate" for the slice-of-life-in-LA over a minimal beat, and Ice Cube's biggest departure from the rest of his catalog at the time (NWA, the immortal dis song "No Vaseline). How big a lasting impact did this song have on me? Did you see the title of the post before this? All right then.
Best part: Obviously, "I didn't even have to use my A.K.", the one slice of normal Cube in the song, and one of the most unlikely catchphrases of my youth was born.
XIV) Outkast, "Rosa Parks" (98)
Longtime readers will reference this as the song playing when I made the Cristal post last year. And for damn good reason. The Blender that inspired me to do this listed "B.O.B." as the second-best song since 1979, claiming it was the history of black music in five minutes. Which is all well and good, except a) this beat "B.O.B." by an album b) this is better than "B.O.B." c) about a miunte shorter and still covers the same ground and d) the title and chorus references one of the most important black events in history, leaving aside the music aspects. Oh, and there is the little matter of e)
Best part: You don't say the harmonica solo, I stab you.
XIII) Green Day, "When I Come Around" (94)
Oh, sure, Joey and Dee Dee may've been rolling over in their yet-to-be-made graves, but the reason punk music connected in the first place was it shook up a bunch of disaffected alienated people by hitting them right in the ventricles. And when you're a 15-year-old boy, it's all disaffection and alienation. It doesn't get better with age all the time, but especially when you're 15. As American Idiot provided the soundtrack to me being 26 in this country at this time, so Dookie did to me being 16 and trying to survive high school (a process that to all seems impossible until it's actually happened, and you know some of your teachers could give Presodent Squinty a run for his Confederate money.
Best part: All four verses.
XII) Radiohead, "Creep" (93)
They would spend the rest of their careers running as far away from this song as they could muster. No knock against the transendence to follow, but why? I just thought it was another song, and then all of a sudden that fuzz feedback came in--chugga! CHUGGA!--and I was like, "Oh, my God, that's the best thing I've ever heard in my fucking life!" I've never known Flea to lie to me, I'll say that much.
Best part: chugga! CHUGGA!
XI) Nirvana, "Lithium" (91)
Some of these songs are awesome but didn't make it to the autobiography list for a myriad of reasons. And vice versa. This song, one of the doomed middle children singles from the best album of the decade, sure isn't one. And Kurt throwing himself into the drum stand at the video provides another excellent metaphor for high school. It's also telling a lot that when he said "I'm not going to crack", nobody believed him, and not just in the song way--I see a crazy blur of cocaine and arms, an awesome second album when everbody wanted the Second Coming...
Best part: Plug in, turn up, sit down, shut up.
TEN) Notorious B.I.G., "Juicy" (94)
Back-to-back Autobios! I think what he missed out on when he wrote one of the most immortal opening couplets in hip-hop was how his story was going to continue manifesting itself through newer MCs wherever they happened to be from. And every rapper coming up now has their "I used to be on the block, now I fuck K.D. Aubert on the regular" song in their opening album, and you know what? No two of them combined get within the same time zone of this.
Best parts: "If you don't know, now you know, nigga", and the last half of the third verse which alongside the opening minute of the "Flava In Your Ear" remix would make Big a top 5 all-timer off of those 90 seconds alone.
NINE) R.E.M., "Losing My Religion" (91)
When you have a crush on somebody, and you think that they understand that but you're not sure, and you're dropping all kinds of hints, and you're not sure, and then you drop a hint the size of Idaho. And they've responded in a way that's confused you... Again, add pop quizzes, Clearasil, and bad cafeteria food--exactly.
Best parts: I got a fever, and the only cure is more MANDOLIN, especially at the end; "Oh, no, I've said too much", because we've all been there at least twice and at least once have screwed over a friend that way.
EIGHT) Mazzy Star, "Fade Into You" (94)
What do you do with a torch song that's sung so lowly it barely illuminates, a country song that breaks down routinely, and a piano stutter that surges up and dies in 3 seconds? If you're me, you wish you'd lost your virginity to it, and you give a band that got swallowed up in the tide of Everything Grunge a couple extra seconds to their 15 minutes of fame.
Best part: "I think it's strange you never knew" at the end, with instruments starting to drop out, is like a tuning fork to the heart.
SEVEN) The Verve, "Bittersweet Symphony" (97)
Somewhere in heaven, Rod Sterling gave a wry laugh. Imagine if you will, a band of boys from the wrong side of the tracks who keep coming apart only to find they're the only things keeping themselves together. A band determined to give success one more try. A band who then unleashes an operatic, beautiful song that goes to #1 around the world and finally puts them on the map as the Next Big Thing--until the 8-second bell sample is challenged by a larger band with actual lawyers, who win 100% of the profits off of the song and sell it off to advertisers within the year. The band breaks up, and you never hear from any of them again. But for almost six minutes, for one man's graduating year, a group of blokes found themselves #1 with a bullet--charttoppers in The Twilight Zone.
Best part: The entirety.
SIX) Digital Underground, "The Humpty Dance" (90)
Okay, for the last time, just so everybody's clear: the best old-school song ever. Groucho who?
Best part: Did anybody think I wasn't putting "I once got busy in a Burger King bathroom"? Good.
FIVE) Rage Against The Machine, "Bulls On Parade" (96)
It's funny most people my age use "The Downward Spiral" to refer to their HS years, because my mother always called it my rage against the machine. # of times she'd listened to their songs: 0. # of times I came walking in playing one of their songs: roughly 32,271. This would make 13k, easy. We all kept looking for the next Public Enemy in hip-hop--we just shouldn't been looking in hip-hop. I still maintain that if they weren't so militant they could've been one of the best funk bands ever. And seeing Tom Morello play his guitar like a turntable for the first time--holy shit.
Best part: bow wow chicka bow wow chicka chicka chicka bow wow chicka bow wow chicka chicka chicka
FOUR) R.E.M., "Man On The Moon" (92)
Mott the Whattle? Who the fuck is Andy Kaufman? Why is he wrestling and goofing on Elvis? And thus, Automatic For the People gets my attention and holds onto it...well, let's just say ever since. Pop before it became a dirty word, and the sort of wink-and-a-nudge cynicsm that would become my m.o. not only before I got that way, but even knew what an m.o. was or what it stood for.
Best part: "Here's a little legend for the never-believer yeah yeah yeah yeah Here's a little ghost for the offering yeah yeah yeah yeah".
THREE) Dr. Dre & Snoop Doggy Dogg, "Nuthin' But A G Thang" (92)
In the span of about 9 months--November 1991 to August 1992--two songs change everything for everybody forever. The other one gets #1, as everybody would expect. The N.W.A. menance, slightly cleaned up with a little bit of George Clinton to ride in and out on. And that guy next to Dre who couldn't look at the camera, which just made you pay more attention to his style, which was so laid-back it was like you were high just looking at him (which would eventually happen). Last occurence of a crowd losing their shit the s e c o n d the needle dropped on this track: Saturday night. 'Nuff said.
Best part: BAYYYYYYYYYYYYYBAYYYYYYYYYYYY!
TWO) Oasis, "Wonderwall" (95)
The question must be asked: if I hadn't tried to slit my wrists to this, would it be #1? The answer, is no. But only because of the force of the #1. Once upon a time, this song drove me to tears because of its beauty. And then it'd drive me to tears because of the painful memories it caused, a horrible 28-car pileup of misguided first love, race relations, spring formals, careening hormones, a crisis of faith and increasing isolation. Once I got over those things as much as one could, I began remembering why I fell in love with the damn thing to begin with: simple guitar structure, insistent but not overlying drums, and the fact that you can fall again, but the first love always stays with you. How come? Because maybe, they're going to be the ones that save you.
Best part: Liam's stand-alone opening verse.
ONE) Nirvana, "Smells Like Teen Spirit" (91)
The answer is 3:46. The question: what time was it when everything I ever knew got knocked on its fucking ass? I went to my old friend Mike Hammond's house. Mike is the gateway to me finding rock and roll, and grunge. We waited for the SNES to fire up, and he started playing this on cassette (you hear me, you punk kids! CASSETTE!) , and [insert Hiroshima footage here]. My head was moving before any part of my rational mind had reacted; by the time THE Guitar Riff was over and that long-haired guy who's face I was convinced was never going to be exposed to the world came in beating the drums like they owed him money, I knew this was talking to me, had a vice on my balls. I didn't know what Kurt was saying (and for the first couple of weeks would get him and Krist confused), and it didn't matter. It was 1991. I was 12. Hell, I'd been raised on Marvin & the Reverend. But with 9 years of the decade to come, this five-minute look into what was to come put the #1 far, far out of reach.
Best part: You want to talk about "Teen Spirit"? How about the chorus? More specifically, how about "I feel stupid and contagious"--what the hell else is there to life at that age?
9/18/05
They Was Watchin Yo! MTV Raps, What's The Haps On The Craps?
As I head into work today, wondering what I will consume to cover the lunch portion of my full shift, I notice there's a new Subway in the vicinity of the building. I knew of it, but hadn't gone, and do so. Six inch roast beef only $3.49 today'll work. I note on the way out they're open 9 to 4 on Saturdays. A 19-hour day. At first, I think of the downside: who's going to come from On Broadway down to behind the stadium for a footlong Philly cheesesteak? But then I realize the economic upside--the fact that they can may attract people. Look at how the pizza places turn into the 8th through 10th most populous cities in the county at 2!
On to work.
Which is work--with seven events eventually going on during the course of the day (you read that correctly--the benefits/curses of having an 8-block building) I get off light with the last major day of the one meeting on the west side of the building. A woman I helped out Thursday is happy to see me, and gives me a compressed T-shirt for something or other; I still don't know what, I haven't busted the plastic. It's a perfect cube. I marvel at the cubeness of it for a good two minutes after she's gone. Subways open till 4 in the morning and cubed shirts. What an age we live in.
The most evil of my bosses lets me out two hours early. Everything on the east was covered, and while I could've stayed nothing to do lets me out easily. I change into club attire, since it's Saturday and I expected to be across the street and off at 10:30. With the extra time? I decide to reward myself. I go up to Ghiardelli's, order a sundae, and sit right on the main street--5th Avenue--in the Gaslamp Quarter on a Saturday night with a game in town. And the fudge IS on the bottom, and lends a nice texture contrast to the chocolate chip ice cream. I eat joyously and babewatch between spoonfuls. Good times.
After that happens, I go down to the Gaslamp Strip Club where they know by sight, if not by name, and visit my favorite DJ. I tell him about Vegas, 54, and DJ P. He looks both awed and depressed he missed out by the time I'm done talking to him. As I get set to hit Henry's he announces he has something for me. The last time I was there we'd been talking about Rakim being the best MC not to die with shrapnel in him, and he announces he's gone to some people.
This is a journey into sound.
A journey which along the way will bring to you new color, new dimension, new value...
The Coldcut remix of "Paid In Full", a seven-minute epic that even now ranks amongst the best remixes of all-time begins. As we begin to execute a six-step handshake, something happens.
Namely, the fiancee from the bachelorette party hears the Indian woman start singing, and hops up on a table and begins dancing. I know she's got soul. I stop at Step 4 to get his attention, and she dances for about 4 minutes. Did I slip a dollar bill down the front of her shirt? Of course not. What sort of heathen do you think runs this place?
Don't go looking for contradictory footage, neither, 'cause it ain't there.
Now I go to Henry's. I start comparing my library of Fresh Prince-era steps with some other guys, and all of a sudden I see a cute brunette. This happens on the semireg so I don't even think about it hard, until she turns towards me and I see her whole face. This cute brunette--this is a cute brunette I know. From where, though, and in what capacity?
High school.
And the bar down the road, the day before Thanksgiving in '03. (It's very easy to remember a date like that considering it's rarity and the fact it was the last time vomit was induced--that'll teach me to mix drinks.)
So Illusion recognizes me, and we get to talking about the last time, and she, too, is stunned by the fact I go out to the clubs alone sometimes. I have no idea why this is so jarring: my friends are vestigal organs in this case. It'd be nice, but at the same time they're not wholly necessary for me to have fun. And Ivan & Aaron, I totally threw you under the bus about Studio 54, too. IKIR--I Keeps It REAL! Besides, I say, once I start doing the Running Man, that's when all the honeys come running and I don't need them.
She thinks I'm kidding.
During "Ice Ice Baby" (no, really) she finds out I'm not.
She talks to the people who she came with, but once "Pass That Dutch" comes on, she ditches the guy she's with (a move that both stroked my ego and empathy glands) and practically bounds over to me. After an half hour of dancing, she announces she has to go. I get her number, and she gets me promising I'll come swing by her work by the old school at some point, and it won't be another damn two years we don't see or contact each other. Another Latina I went to high school with in my graduating class. If I had the money to have a psychiatrist, they'd have an absolute field day. We'll see on the dating front, though it would really help chase away the demons if she wasn't pathologically jealous and insane, though.
Jo mentions she's met the drummer from the Killers, which is unassailably cool. I probably would've ruined such a moment by declaring that I had soul, but I'm not a soldier.
The Padres, who were down 0-5 and to their last out, somehow win in the 13th and the place goes batshit during "You Shook Me All Night Long".
So that lets me get back to Ryan, who I was dancing with before Illusion. Ryan goes to SDSU, looks like Sarah Silverman, moves like a Kelli apprentice, and actually remembered the Ed Lover dance. I know she said she goes to Henry's a fair amount, but it's then I'm going to have to get her number because during one of my excursions to the bar we got seperated and couldn't find each other after. Just as well--a note to Aaron with the bad luck he's gotten hit with this week declaring that if he was having girl problems I feel bad for him, son, I got 98 problems... probably would've had him lobbing a Molotov through the plate glass on my left.
I go down the block for recuperative pizza afterwards, and then back to Fumari for recuperative hot chocolate after that. It helps sober me up, and I plow through a good portion of Small Town. I get back to the homebase, and when the cabbie says "Have a good night" in earnest, I tell him it's already happened.
And that's before I find out the laundry's done, all good-smelling and folded. I wanted to throw in my jeans, but I had no idea it was going to happen.
And I sit in this chair, and I realize for all the tens of things wrong with my life, it's a day like toyesterday that makes me rerealize there're hundreds of things right with it.
All right, 5 a.m. Time to go to bed--after all, I've got football to watch in a matter of hours!
This post is brought to you BAH: "Say Hello, Wave Goodbye" as covered by David Gray
On to work.
Which is work--with seven events eventually going on during the course of the day (you read that correctly--the benefits/curses of having an 8-block building) I get off light with the last major day of the one meeting on the west side of the building. A woman I helped out Thursday is happy to see me, and gives me a compressed T-shirt for something or other; I still don't know what, I haven't busted the plastic. It's a perfect cube. I marvel at the cubeness of it for a good two minutes after she's gone. Subways open till 4 in the morning and cubed shirts. What an age we live in.
The most evil of my bosses lets me out two hours early. Everything on the east was covered, and while I could've stayed nothing to do lets me out easily. I change into club attire, since it's Saturday and I expected to be across the street and off at 10:30. With the extra time? I decide to reward myself. I go up to Ghiardelli's, order a sundae, and sit right on the main street--5th Avenue--in the Gaslamp Quarter on a Saturday night with a game in town. And the fudge IS on the bottom, and lends a nice texture contrast to the chocolate chip ice cream. I eat joyously and babewatch between spoonfuls. Good times.
After that happens, I go down to the Gaslamp Strip Club where they know by sight, if not by name, and visit my favorite DJ. I tell him about Vegas, 54, and DJ P. He looks both awed and depressed he missed out by the time I'm done talking to him. As I get set to hit Henry's he announces he has something for me. The last time I was there we'd been talking about Rakim being the best MC not to die with shrapnel in him, and he announces he's gone to some people.
This is a journey into sound.
A journey which along the way will bring to you new color, new dimension, new value...
The Coldcut remix of "Paid In Full", a seven-minute epic that even now ranks amongst the best remixes of all-time begins. As we begin to execute a six-step handshake, something happens.
Namely, the fiancee from the bachelorette party hears the Indian woman start singing, and hops up on a table and begins dancing. I know she's got soul. I stop at Step 4 to get his attention, and she dances for about 4 minutes. Did I slip a dollar bill down the front of her shirt? Of course not. What sort of heathen do you think runs this place?
Don't go looking for contradictory footage, neither, 'cause it ain't there.
Now I go to Henry's. I start comparing my library of Fresh Prince-era steps with some other guys, and all of a sudden I see a cute brunette. This happens on the semireg so I don't even think about it hard, until she turns towards me and I see her whole face. This cute brunette--this is a cute brunette I know. From where, though, and in what capacity?
High school.
And the bar down the road, the day before Thanksgiving in '03. (It's very easy to remember a date like that considering it's rarity and the fact it was the last time vomit was induced--that'll teach me to mix drinks.)
So Illusion recognizes me, and we get to talking about the last time, and she, too, is stunned by the fact I go out to the clubs alone sometimes. I have no idea why this is so jarring: my friends are vestigal organs in this case. It'd be nice, but at the same time they're not wholly necessary for me to have fun. And Ivan & Aaron, I totally threw you under the bus about Studio 54, too. IKIR--I Keeps It REAL! Besides, I say, once I start doing the Running Man, that's when all the honeys come running and I don't need them.
She thinks I'm kidding.
During "Ice Ice Baby" (no, really) she finds out I'm not.
She talks to the people who she came with, but once "Pass That Dutch" comes on, she ditches the guy she's with (a move that both stroked my ego and empathy glands) and practically bounds over to me. After an half hour of dancing, she announces she has to go. I get her number, and she gets me promising I'll come swing by her work by the old school at some point, and it won't be another damn two years we don't see or contact each other. Another Latina I went to high school with in my graduating class. If I had the money to have a psychiatrist, they'd have an absolute field day. We'll see on the dating front, though it would really help chase away the demons if she wasn't pathologically jealous and insane, though.
Jo mentions she's met the drummer from the Killers, which is unassailably cool. I probably would've ruined such a moment by declaring that I had soul, but I'm not a soldier.
The Padres, who were down 0-5 and to their last out, somehow win in the 13th and the place goes batshit during "You Shook Me All Night Long".
So that lets me get back to Ryan, who I was dancing with before Illusion. Ryan goes to SDSU, looks like Sarah Silverman, moves like a Kelli apprentice, and actually remembered the Ed Lover dance. I know she said she goes to Henry's a fair amount, but it's then I'm going to have to get her number because during one of my excursions to the bar we got seperated and couldn't find each other after. Just as well--a note to Aaron with the bad luck he's gotten hit with this week declaring that if he was having girl problems I feel bad for him, son, I got 98 problems... probably would've had him lobbing a Molotov through the plate glass on my left.
I go down the block for recuperative pizza afterwards, and then back to Fumari for recuperative hot chocolate after that. It helps sober me up, and I plow through a good portion of Small Town. I get back to the homebase, and when the cabbie says "Have a good night" in earnest, I tell him it's already happened.
And that's before I find out the laundry's done, all good-smelling and folded. I wanted to throw in my jeans, but I had no idea it was going to happen.
And I sit in this chair, and I realize for all the tens of things wrong with my life, it's a day like toyesterday that makes me rerealize there're hundreds of things right with it.
All right, 5 a.m. Time to go to bed--after all, I've got football to watch in a matter of hours!
This post is brought to you BAH: "Say Hello, Wave Goodbye" as covered by David Gray
9/17/05
KWBR
DESPERATELY WANTING:
"I Ain't Heard Of That" (9)
"Disco Inferno" (11--debuted on the late January countdown)
"Feel Good Inc." (14)
"Cool" (15)
15) Hot Hot Heat, "Middle Of Nowhere" (debut)
14) Ludacris feat. Bobby Valentino, "Pimpin All Over The World" (10)
13) All-American Rejects, "Dirty Little Secret" (debut)
12) Ying Yang Twins feat. Pitbull, "Shake" (8)
11) Nine Inch Nails, "Only" (13)*
10) the Killers, "All These Things That I've Done" (6)
09) Green Day, "Wake Me Up When September Ends" (debut)
08) Black Eyed Peas, "My Humps" (debut)
07) the White Stripes, "My Doorbell" (12)*
06) Fall Out Boy, "Sugar, We're Going Down" (7)*
05) 50 Cent feat. Mobb Deep, "Outta Control (remix)" (5)*
04) David Banner, "Play" (4)*
03) Pussycat Dolls feat. Busta Rhymes, "Don't Cha" (3)
02) Coldplay, "Fix You" (2)
01) Kanye West feat. Jamie Foxx, "Gold Digger" (1) [1m]
This post brought to you BAH: "Queer" by Garbage
"I Ain't Heard Of That" (9)
"Disco Inferno" (11--debuted on the late January countdown)
"Feel Good Inc." (14)
"Cool" (15)
15) Hot Hot Heat, "Middle Of Nowhere" (debut)
14) Ludacris feat. Bobby Valentino, "Pimpin All Over The World" (10)
13) All-American Rejects, "Dirty Little Secret" (debut)
12) Ying Yang Twins feat. Pitbull, "Shake" (8)
11) Nine Inch Nails, "Only" (13)*
10) the Killers, "All These Things That I've Done" (6)
09) Green Day, "Wake Me Up When September Ends" (debut)
08) Black Eyed Peas, "My Humps" (debut)
07) the White Stripes, "My Doorbell" (12)*
06) Fall Out Boy, "Sugar, We're Going Down" (7)*
05) 50 Cent feat. Mobb Deep, "Outta Control (remix)" (5)*
04) David Banner, "Play" (4)*
03) Pussycat Dolls feat. Busta Rhymes, "Don't Cha" (3)
02) Coldplay, "Fix You" (2)
01) Kanye West feat. Jamie Foxx, "Gold Digger" (1) [1m]
This post brought to you BAH: "Queer" by Garbage
9/16/05
Jessica & the Albaettes: September '05
BUT TINA GOT A BIG OL' BUTT, SO I'M LEAVING YOU:
Ali Landry (33), Teri Hatcher (40)
40) Maria Menounos (36)
39) Leeann Tweeden (re-entry)
38) Pam Anderson (39)
37) Kitana Baker (17)
36) Mya (25)
35) Rebecca Romijn (27)
34) Kelly Hu (re-entry)
33) Jessica Simpson (38)
32) Lacey Chabert (26)
31) Monica Bellucci (29)
30) Alyssa Milano (32)
29) Elizabeth Hurley (35)
28) Esther Baxter (34)
27) Nikki Cox (23)
26) Jessica Biel (28)
25) K.D. Aubert (37)
24) Katherine Heigl (18)
23) Adriana Lima (16)
22) Kristanna Loken (21)
21) Sarah Shahi (24)
20) Jennifer Walcott (30)
19) Carmen Electra (12)
18) Shannon Elizabeth (15)
17) Halle Berry (22)
16) Beyonce (14)
15) Rachel Bilson (31)
14) Kim Smith (19)
13) Summer Altice (20)
12) Sofia Vergara (13)
11) Josie Maran (5)
10) Vida Guerra (9)
9) Jennifer Love Hewitt (8)
8) Salma Hayek (7)
7) Shakira (11)
6) Stacy Keibler (10)
5) Brooke Burke (6)
4) Eva Longoria (3)
3) Angelina Jolie (2)
2) Trish Stratus (4)
1) What's-her-face in the swimming movie in a couple weeks (1)
This post is brought to you BAH: "She Just Happened" by the Mighty Mighty Bosstones
Ali Landry (33), Teri Hatcher (40)
40) Maria Menounos (36)
39) Leeann Tweeden (re-entry)
38) Pam Anderson (39)
37) Kitana Baker (17)
36) Mya (25)
35) Rebecca Romijn (27)
34) Kelly Hu (re-entry)
33) Jessica Simpson (38)
32) Lacey Chabert (26)
31) Monica Bellucci (29)
30) Alyssa Milano (32)
29) Elizabeth Hurley (35)
28) Esther Baxter (34)
27) Nikki Cox (23)
26) Jessica Biel (28)
25) K.D. Aubert (37)
24) Katherine Heigl (18)
23) Adriana Lima (16)
22) Kristanna Loken (21)
21) Sarah Shahi (24)
20) Jennifer Walcott (30)
19) Carmen Electra (12)
18) Shannon Elizabeth (15)
17) Halle Berry (22)
16) Beyonce (14)
15) Rachel Bilson (31)
14) Kim Smith (19)
13) Summer Altice (20)
12) Sofia Vergara (13)
11) Josie Maran (5)
10) Vida Guerra (9)
9) Jennifer Love Hewitt (8)
8) Salma Hayek (7)
7) Shakira (11)
6) Stacy Keibler (10)
5) Brooke Burke (6)
4) Eva Longoria (3)
3) Angelina Jolie (2)
2) Trish Stratus (4)
1) What's-her-face in the swimming movie in a couple weeks (1)
This post is brought to you BAH: "She Just Happened" by the Mighty Mighty Bosstones
9/14/05
Dear Sports Guy,
Okay, the WNBA sucks, it's true. But you have to understand, it's the one thing keeping my family together. Let me explain. My mother, who somehow in in 1970 didn't find herself participating in a women's basketball league, is an addict. She drives to Sparks games two and a half hours away on the regular and takes half-days to do so with the rest of the family. (I have better things to do, like watch Mean Girls and pretend I'm not. Pants optional. I've said too much.)
The thing is, she knows who the backup power forward for the Sparks is and when she stares at Sue Bird, it's because she's thrown it into traffic. This is the same woman who looked at my Ramones shirt and asked "Is that a band?", the same woman who asked during my stay in Vegas last month if I was visiting Studio 51 (after being surprised my friends and I got a hotel room; she assumed in the middle of August we were going to sleep in a car as part of some experiment to know what a rotisserie chicken felt like) and got upset when I admitted I was walking the Strip drunk (drunk ONLY!).
So it comes down to this, Bill: there's either a WNBA or a corpse in this house within a month of it shutting down. And considering my mom's the one who was a Black Panther (because all that rage had to go somewhere when the Detroit Shock had yet to exist), I don't like my odds.
I'm just saying, is all.
This post brought to you BAH: "Ace Of Spades" by Motorhead
9/8/05
And Every Sunday, St. John Facenda Looks Down On Us From Heaven
After seeing Rob's picks, I passed out. Then I drank. Now I write!
NFC EAST:
(1)Philly, who the fuck cares
This division is the equivalent of four girls walking into a club where the prettiest one's a 10 and the other 3 combined add up to 10.
NFC NORRIS:
(3)Minnesota, (5)Detroit, Green Bay, Chicago
Detroit, of course, is completely dependent on Dan's Bumbling Nephew to actually show up this year. Once that occurs, he's got more weapons than the Ministry Of Idiocy found in Iraq. And...nobody say this part too loud...but Chicago may do better than Green Bay this year.
NFC DIRTY:
(2)Atlanta, (6)Carolina, Tampa Bay, NOSA
¡VIVA LA RON MEXICO! Carolina should've been in the wild-card anyway last year. As for the Saints, Katrina's a horrible tragedy. They weren't going to be that good anyway AND you add Biggest Natural Disaster In US History? No thanks.
NFC EAST:
(1)Philly, who the fuck cares
This division is the equivalent of four girls walking into a club where the prettiest one's a 10 and the other 3 combined add up to 10.
NFC NORRIS:
(3)Minnesota, (5)Detroit, Green Bay, Chicago
Detroit, of course, is completely dependent on Dan's Bumbling Nephew to actually show up this year. Once that occurs, he's got more weapons than the Ministry Of Idiocy found in Iraq. And...nobody say this part too loud...but Chicago may do better than Green Bay this year.
NFC DIRTY:
(2)Atlanta, (6)Carolina, Tampa Bay, NOSA
¡VIVA LA RON MEXICO! Carolina should've been in the wild-card anyway last year. As for the Saints, Katrina's a horrible tragedy. They weren't going to be that good anyway AND you add Biggest Natural Disaster In US History? No thanks.
NFC WEST:
(4)Arizona, St. Louis, Seattle, San Francisco
So here are my choices: pick a franchise with one of the most inept ownership cabals in history--or pick Arizona. Pick a team that actually drove a starting receiver to drink--or pick Mike Martz. Lethal injection/the chair/tossing a salad/firing squad.
AFC EAST:
(1)New England, Buffalo, Jets, Miami
I feel sorry for Buffalo and the Jets. If they were in the NFC they'd have conference championship potential. But here they're just a really cute barrista walking into the Playboy Mansion. I mean, you fine and everything, but holy shit is that Jennifer Walcott?!
AFC DIRTY:
(2)Indianapolis, (6)Jacksonville, Houston, Tennessee
I really wanted to put Houston in at the 2 spot. But I can't go with Carr over Leftwich.
AFC NORRIS:
(4)Pittsburgh, (5)Baltimore, Cincinnati, Cleveland
Why the hell shouldn't they be the Norris, too? Would YOU like to fuck with Ray Lewis? Yeah, I didn't think so. Those Steeler/Raven games are about as close as I'll ever get to enjoying soccer.
AFC WEST:
(3)San Diego SUPER CHARGERS, Kansas City, Denver, Oakland
Rob picked Denver. DENVER. Mike Shanahan Jake Plummer Denver. Get what Descartes eloquently called le fuck outta here with that merde. Over/under on the Moss/Collins sideline fistfight: week 11. Over/under on Collins going off the wagon: Channukah.
WILD CARD
Minnesota > Carolina and Detroit > Arizona
San Diego > Jacksonville and Baltimore > Pittsburgh
DIVISIONALS
Atlanta > Minnesota, Philadelphia > Detroit
Indianapolis > San Diego, New England > Baltimore
CONFERENCES
Atlanta > Philadelphia
New England > Indianapolis
THE FOURTIETH ANNUAL SUPER BOWL
New England 31, Atlanta 9.
9/5/05
Bush An Idiot. No, The Other Bush. No, The Other OTHER Bush.
By E&P Staff
Published: September 05, 2005 7:25 PM ET updated 8:00 PM
NEW YORK
Accompanying her husband, former President George H.W.Bush, on a tour of hurricane relief centers in Houston, Barbara Bush said today, referring to the poor who had lost everything back home and evacuated, "This is working very well for them."
The former First Lady's remarks were aired this evening on National Public Radio's "Marketplace" program.
She was part of a group in Houston today at the Astrodome that included her husband and former President Bill Clinton, who were chosen by her son, the current president, to head fundraising efforts for the recovery. Sen. Hilary Clinton and Sen. Barack Obama were also present.
In a segment at the top of the show on the surge of evacuees to the Texas city, Barbara Bush said: "Almost
everyone I’ve talked to says we're going to move to Houston."
Then she added: "What I’m hearing which is sort of scary is they all want to stay in Texas. Everyone is so overwhelmed by the hospitality.
"And so many of the people in the arena here, you know, were underprivileged anyway, so this--this (she
chuckles slightly) is working very well for them."
Published: September 05, 2005 7:25 PM ET updated 8:00 PM
NEW YORK
Accompanying her husband, former President George H.W.Bush, on a tour of hurricane relief centers in Houston, Barbara Bush said today, referring to the poor who had lost everything back home and evacuated, "This is working very well for them."
The former First Lady's remarks were aired this evening on National Public Radio's "Marketplace" program.
She was part of a group in Houston today at the Astrodome that included her husband and former President Bill Clinton, who were chosen by her son, the current president, to head fundraising efforts for the recovery. Sen. Hilary Clinton and Sen. Barack Obama were also present.
In a segment at the top of the show on the surge of evacuees to the Texas city, Barbara Bush said: "Almost
everyone I’ve talked to says we're going to move to Houston."
Then she added: "What I’m hearing which is sort of scary is they all want to stay in Texas. Everyone is so overwhelmed by the hospitality.
"And so many of the people in the arena here, you know, were underprivileged anyway, so this--this (she
chuckles slightly) is working very well for them."
9/4/05
Today...
...eat free chocolate.
...stay in shape by walking through building multiple times.
...enhance new friendships.
...ogle.
...ogle harder.
...ogle so hard you think it's going to come out your ears.
...drink free soda.
...bowl 85.
...hate yourself.
...bowl 140.
...feel better.
...after the third frame in the third game, hit nothing but spares and strikes.
...bowl turkey.
...horrify friends with the celebratory vigorous humping, ass-slapping, hair-pulling, post-coital cigarette fucking of the lane. You promised, after all, and it's only your second turkey.
...bowl 171 for a new record.
...chest thump.
...horrify same friend with the Aristocrats joke. If only they'd let you add the blind three-legged dog who had an orgasm and the force of the orgasm knocked the dog over, they would've laughed.
...sleep.
Yeah.
ADDENDUM: ...wonder what that itching is.
SUPER ADDENDUM: ...repost the best post ever, http://stevegilliard.blogspot.com/2005/09/we-told-you-so.html.
And I quote:
A note to our conservative friends:
WE TOLD YOU SO
Ever wonder why New Yorkers detest George Bush?
Because we experienced his incompetence up close and person. We knew this guy was full of shit, absolutely full of fucking shit, after they started to play games with the funding and gave Wyoming terrorism money. We knew he was an assclown then.
We thought DC 9/11 was a comedy, because the Bush we saw hid in AF One like the scared bitch that he is.
But did you listen?
Fuck no. Until last week, Ann Coulter was calling New Yorkers cowards for not endorsing Bush's folly in Iraq.
We have been screaming for two years that Bush and his team sucked. That they had no clue. They sent soldiers to be wounded in Iraq without armored anything. And you idiots cheered him on from the safety of your keyboards. We told you he was fucking up Iraq. But no, we supported Saddam, we were racist, we blamed America.
You say this isn't about politics? Fuck you, this IS politics, real time, real life politics, where the insanity of all your ideas are exposed to the world for the fraud that they are. Tax cuts kill. Ask the relatives of the dead of the Gulf Coast.
Well, motherfuckers, the alligators are feasting on the dead and there isn't an Iraqi in sight. And Bush is trying to gladhand his way through a mess which has stunned FOX reporters. I mean, Shepard Smith is calling Fox's talking heads liars ON THE AIR.
CNN rips Bush in print and online after nearly five years of sleep.
Instead of hearing what we had to say about Bush, you called John Kerry a coward, mocked Max Cleland, blamed everything but herpes on Bill Clinton. You enabled Bush into this mess and now you're shocked?
Now, Fox can be outraged, now, Wash Times and Union Leader call Bush weak? Well, his coward ass disappeared in 2001. But you rather blame Michael Moore for that.
He can't even explain the Iraq war to a grieving mother.
So what did you do?
Write the most vile things about her and her dead son. Attacked her patriotism and her honesty.
Well, motherfuckers, and that means you, fat ass Goldberg and your master, Rich Lowry, PNAC Bitch Beinart, the racist wannabe white Malkin and the little fucktards at LGF, Bareback Andy and "Diversity" Instacracker, all you backstabbing, fag hating uncle tom ministers, you can see Dear Leader in action. America's largest port is gone, maybe forever, gas is $5+ a gallon and FEMA is coming. Whores come faster with old men than FEMA is getting to NOLA.
How did your wartime President react? Like Chiang Kai-Shek when the Yellow River flooded in 1944, with corrupt indifference.
Bush, the man your fever dreams built into the next Winston Churchill when he is really the live action Chauncey Gardiner, has failed to everyone, in plain sight, without question. Rick Perry is trying to save his ass, but it ain't working. NOLA looks like ANGOLA and that ain't flying.
Say 9/11 changed everything now, motherfuckers. Ooops, 9/11, 9/11. 9/11. Doesn't work anymore? Gee, maybe the sea of alligator MRE's once known as the citizens of New Orleans has something to do with that. Now you can shut the fuck up about 9/11. Bush just proved what would happen with another 9/11. Dead Americans as far as the nose can smell.
Drunken Chris Hitchens muttered some nonsense about blacks having it so good here. The poor man needs to stay in his bottle or go to Betty Ford before someone beats his treasonous ass stupid. Islamofascism means what, now motherfucker? Shove Islamofascism up your well travelled ass. The most dangerous thing to average Americans is not some mullah in Iraq, not even Osama Bin Laden, but George Bush. If he doesn't get you killed in Iraq, he'll fuck up saving your city so it turns into Escape from New Orleans. Armed junkies roaming the streets, looking for a fix, robbing and looting like Serb paramilitaries and about as sober.
George Bush's ineptitude has killed far more Americans than Osama could have dreamed of.
Some of you still try to see the clothes on the Dauphin, but he's as naked as Peter North around Jenna Jameson. Bush fucked up so bad, FOX turned on him like a rabid dog.
You can't hide behind racism forever. Bush fucked up, Bush is a weak, callous leader and the world knows this like it knows few other things. And all the stolen TV's in the world cannot hide that.
This post is brought to you BAH: "Murder Incorporated" (go figure) by Bruce & the E Street Band
...stay in shape by walking through building multiple times.
...enhance new friendships.
...ogle.
...ogle harder.
...ogle so hard you think it's going to come out your ears.
...drink free soda.
...bowl 85.
...hate yourself.
...bowl 140.
...feel better.
...after the third frame in the third game, hit nothing but spares and strikes.
...bowl turkey.
...horrify friends with the celebratory vigorous humping, ass-slapping, hair-pulling, post-coital cigarette fucking of the lane. You promised, after all, and it's only your second turkey.
...bowl 171 for a new record.
...chest thump.
...horrify same friend with the Aristocrats joke. If only they'd let you add the blind three-legged dog who had an orgasm and the force of the orgasm knocked the dog over, they would've laughed.
...sleep.
Yeah.
ADDENDUM: ...wonder what that itching is.
SUPER ADDENDUM: ...repost the best post ever, http://stevegilliard.blogspot.com/2005/09/we-told-you-so.html.
And I quote:
A note to our conservative friends:
WE TOLD YOU SO
Ever wonder why New Yorkers detest George Bush?
Because we experienced his incompetence up close and person. We knew this guy was full of shit, absolutely full of fucking shit, after they started to play games with the funding and gave Wyoming terrorism money. We knew he was an assclown then.
We thought DC 9/11 was a comedy, because the Bush we saw hid in AF One like the scared bitch that he is.
But did you listen?
Fuck no. Until last week, Ann Coulter was calling New Yorkers cowards for not endorsing Bush's folly in Iraq.
We have been screaming for two years that Bush and his team sucked. That they had no clue. They sent soldiers to be wounded in Iraq without armored anything. And you idiots cheered him on from the safety of your keyboards. We told you he was fucking up Iraq. But no, we supported Saddam, we were racist, we blamed America.
You say this isn't about politics? Fuck you, this IS politics, real time, real life politics, where the insanity of all your ideas are exposed to the world for the fraud that they are. Tax cuts kill. Ask the relatives of the dead of the Gulf Coast.
Well, motherfuckers, the alligators are feasting on the dead and there isn't an Iraqi in sight. And Bush is trying to gladhand his way through a mess which has stunned FOX reporters. I mean, Shepard Smith is calling Fox's talking heads liars ON THE AIR.
CNN rips Bush in print and online after nearly five years of sleep.
Instead of hearing what we had to say about Bush, you called John Kerry a coward, mocked Max Cleland, blamed everything but herpes on Bill Clinton. You enabled Bush into this mess and now you're shocked?
Now, Fox can be outraged, now, Wash Times and Union Leader call Bush weak? Well, his coward ass disappeared in 2001. But you rather blame Michael Moore for that.
He can't even explain the Iraq war to a grieving mother.
So what did you do?
Write the most vile things about her and her dead son. Attacked her patriotism and her honesty.
Well, motherfuckers, and that means you, fat ass Goldberg and your master, Rich Lowry, PNAC Bitch Beinart, the racist wannabe white Malkin and the little fucktards at LGF, Bareback Andy and "Diversity" Instacracker, all you backstabbing, fag hating uncle tom ministers, you can see Dear Leader in action. America's largest port is gone, maybe forever, gas is $5+ a gallon and FEMA is coming. Whores come faster with old men than FEMA is getting to NOLA.
How did your wartime President react? Like Chiang Kai-Shek when the Yellow River flooded in 1944, with corrupt indifference.
Bush, the man your fever dreams built into the next Winston Churchill when he is really the live action Chauncey Gardiner, has failed to everyone, in plain sight, without question. Rick Perry is trying to save his ass, but it ain't working. NOLA looks like ANGOLA and that ain't flying.
Say 9/11 changed everything now, motherfuckers. Ooops, 9/11, 9/11. 9/11. Doesn't work anymore? Gee, maybe the sea of alligator MRE's once known as the citizens of New Orleans has something to do with that. Now you can shut the fuck up about 9/11. Bush just proved what would happen with another 9/11. Dead Americans as far as the nose can smell.
Drunken Chris Hitchens muttered some nonsense about blacks having it so good here. The poor man needs to stay in his bottle or go to Betty Ford before someone beats his treasonous ass stupid. Islamofascism means what, now motherfucker? Shove Islamofascism up your well travelled ass. The most dangerous thing to average Americans is not some mullah in Iraq, not even Osama Bin Laden, but George Bush. If he doesn't get you killed in Iraq, he'll fuck up saving your city so it turns into Escape from New Orleans. Armed junkies roaming the streets, looking for a fix, robbing and looting like Serb paramilitaries and about as sober.
George Bush's ineptitude has killed far more Americans than Osama could have dreamed of.
Some of you still try to see the clothes on the Dauphin, but he's as naked as Peter North around Jenna Jameson. Bush fucked up so bad, FOX turned on him like a rabid dog.
You can't hide behind racism forever. Bush fucked up, Bush is a weak, callous leader and the world knows this like it knows few other things. And all the stolen TV's in the world cannot hide that.
This post is brought to you BAH: "Murder Incorporated" (go figure) by Bruce & the E Street Band
9/3/05
Los Aristocrates y KWBR: The Playlist
****.
Evil Bob Saget is the shit. We need to get Full House back on the air, but on HBO. Taylor Negron gets the line of the movie, and it's got nothing to do with the most horrifying joke ever told. Wendy Liebman's hot. Is she Sarah Silverman hot? Who can say? This movie's so funny, the following things are all funny: Andy Dick, Gilbert Gottfried, and a mime.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
QUALITY CONTROL:
"Go" (5)
"Futures" (6)
"Girl" (11)
15) Gwen Stefani, "Cool" (debut)
14) Gorillaz, "Feel Good Inc." (re-entry)
13) Nine Inch Nails, "Only" (14)
12) the White Stripes, "My Doorbell" (debut)
11) 50 Cent, "Disco Inferno" (15)
10) Ludacris feat. Bobby Valentino, "Pimpin All Over The World" (12)
09) Slim Thug feat. Pharrell, "I Ain't Heard Of That" (13)*
08) Ying Yang Twins feat. Pitbull, "Shake" (10)*
07) Fall Out Boy, "Sugar, We're Going Down" (8)*
06) the Killers, "All These Things That I've Done" (4)
05) 50 Cent feat. Mobb Deep, "Outta Control (remix)" (9)*
04) David Banner, "Play" (8)*
03) Pussycat Dolls feat. Busta Rhymes, "Don't Ya" (2)
02) Coldplay, "Fix You" (1)
01) Kanye West feat. Jamie Foxx, "Gold Digger" (3) [2w]
This post brought to you BAH: "Bound For The Floor" by Local H
Evil Bob Saget is the shit. We need to get Full House back on the air, but on HBO. Taylor Negron gets the line of the movie, and it's got nothing to do with the most horrifying joke ever told. Wendy Liebman's hot. Is she Sarah Silverman hot? Who can say? This movie's so funny, the following things are all funny: Andy Dick, Gilbert Gottfried, and a mime.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
QUALITY CONTROL:
"Go" (5)
"Futures" (6)
"Girl" (11)
15) Gwen Stefani, "Cool" (debut)
14) Gorillaz, "Feel Good Inc." (re-entry)
13) Nine Inch Nails, "Only" (14)
12) the White Stripes, "My Doorbell" (debut)
11) 50 Cent, "Disco Inferno" (15)
10) Ludacris feat. Bobby Valentino, "Pimpin All Over The World" (12)
09) Slim Thug feat. Pharrell, "I Ain't Heard Of That" (13)*
08) Ying Yang Twins feat. Pitbull, "Shake" (10)*
07) Fall Out Boy, "Sugar, We're Going Down" (8)*
06) the Killers, "All These Things That I've Done" (4)
05) 50 Cent feat. Mobb Deep, "Outta Control (remix)" (9)*
04) David Banner, "Play" (8)*
03) Pussycat Dolls feat. Busta Rhymes, "Don't Ya" (2)
02) Coldplay, "Fix You" (1)
01) Kanye West feat. Jamie Foxx, "Gold Digger" (3) [2w]
This post brought to you BAH: "Bound For The Floor" by Local H
9/2/05
The Friday State Of The Webmaster Address
I think all the obvious Katrina stuff's been said and by wiser folk than I. It's so Bushy I want to get in there with a Juan Deere and Brazilian that mother. So, let's put that horribleness aside for all both seconds possible...
ALBA: Payday.
BUSH: Smallest one ever. Ever ever. I just made my first down payment on a latte.
ALBA: Paying off most of the bank debt incurred from the Best Restaurant EVER.
BUSH: What I owe is mostly their service charges.
ALBA: Paying off the cell bill, the vast majority of it, tomorrow. It's a wonder they haven't cut me off. Or my thumbs, for that matter.
BUSH: Late with the rent.
ALBA: With two actual checks this month, by the time of the first I should be six-o-clock straight.
BUSH: Working only twice in three weeks, not entirely by choice.
ALBA: The good people at Borders. Unless they don't hire me. In which case they're dirty pigfucking finks. Finks, the lot of them!
ALBA: Back to school party at the Bitter End Sunday night. What do I like most? No charge? Schoolgirl outfits? Cheerleader outfits? It's a virtual tie and DOWN the stretch they come!
ALBA: ASR coming back to town this month, which'll be fun and might provide me with hook-up opportunities. 2 years, and still I have the SDCC Dream of hooking up with a hot girl who has to fly out the next night. Somehow...somewhere...somedaaaaayyyyyy...
ALBA: Possibly blending the tradition of Labor Day barbecueing with some TNL. I see your hamburger and raise you a Corona!
ALBA: From The Only Blog That Matters right now: Bush is here, bless his squirrely heart. I know, I promised I was going to bypass it. Sorry.
BUSH: It's September already?! Labor Day is MONDAY?! What the fuck happened?!
ALBA: Say Anything, even if it did almost make me cry for the first time in four years three times. I don't care, I've said it before, will do so again: only terrorists don't get at least a little choked up when Lloyd puts the radio over his head with "In Your Eyes". Are you a terrorist? Don't you have a heart?! All right then, stop mocking me. I'm not even really wanting to cry, it's dusty in here. Fucking...miniature ruler!
BUSH: Who's booking Celebrity Poker Showdown? That title is a third misleading; I'm getting excited by the preacher dad from 7th Heaven, for crying out Jessica Marie? You mean to tell me after Stealth went straight to airlines Jessica Biel's schedule was packed to the brim? H B O help a brother out.
This post is brought to you BAH: "Talking In Your Sleep" by the Romantics
ALBA: Payday.
BUSH: Smallest one ever. Ever ever. I just made my first down payment on a latte.
ALBA: Paying off most of the bank debt incurred from the Best Restaurant EVER.
BUSH: What I owe is mostly their service charges.
ALBA: Paying off the cell bill, the vast majority of it, tomorrow. It's a wonder they haven't cut me off. Or my thumbs, for that matter.
BUSH: Late with the rent.
ALBA: With two actual checks this month, by the time of the first I should be six-o-clock straight.
BUSH: Working only twice in three weeks, not entirely by choice.
ALBA: The good people at Borders. Unless they don't hire me. In which case they're dirty pigfucking finks. Finks, the lot of them!
ALBA: Back to school party at the Bitter End Sunday night. What do I like most? No charge? Schoolgirl outfits? Cheerleader outfits? It's a virtual tie and DOWN the stretch they come!
ALBA: ASR coming back to town this month, which'll be fun and might provide me with hook-up opportunities. 2 years, and still I have the SDCC Dream of hooking up with a hot girl who has to fly out the next night. Somehow...somewhere...somedaaaaayyyyyy...
ALBA: Possibly blending the tradition of Labor Day barbecueing with some TNL. I see your hamburger and raise you a Corona!
ALBA: From The Only Blog That Matters right now: Bush is here, bless his squirrely heart. I know, I promised I was going to bypass it. Sorry.
BUSH: It's September already?! Labor Day is MONDAY?! What the fuck happened?!
ALBA: Say Anything, even if it did almost make me cry for the first time in four years three times. I don't care, I've said it before, will do so again: only terrorists don't get at least a little choked up when Lloyd puts the radio over his head with "In Your Eyes". Are you a terrorist? Don't you have a heart?! All right then, stop mocking me. I'm not even really wanting to cry, it's dusty in here. Fucking...miniature ruler!
BUSH: Who's booking Celebrity Poker Showdown? That title is a third misleading; I'm getting excited by the preacher dad from 7th Heaven, for crying out Jessica Marie? You mean to tell me after Stealth went straight to airlines Jessica Biel's schedule was packed to the brim? H B O help a brother out.
This post is brought to you BAH: "Talking In Your Sleep" by the Romantics
9/1/05
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