Neither Party Is Mine, Not The Jackass Or The Elephant
The march on Washington with the Rosser '04 campaign continues coming at ya like the Dragon Whip. Thanks to Rob Harris for hosting the Morrow produced advertisements. We takin' over this b i itch.
the Mission Statement of the Wave of the Future
Consider Yourself Warned, Kucinich!
A Chicken In Every Pot And A Clone Of Angelina Jolie (Or Your Babe Of Choice) In Every Lap
The Offical Rosser '04 Campaign Theme, Sans Breaks and the lyrics.
theprecedingpaidforbytherosser2004campaign
Currently playing: Blink 182's "All The Small Things"
3/30/04
3/28/04
The Big Questions For This Administration
Who will fit our platform and provide a quality Vice President, yet also is hated enough to the point where I won't be assassinated?
What is the campaign's one big theme?
What's a good idea for "Why do I want to be president?" besides "It's the quickest way to take over the world and make all those motherfuckers pay, plus I'd get more pussy than an animal shelter"?
List of platforms to date:
*abolishment of the penny
*re-establishment of the guillotine as capital punishment, and the catapult because...well...it's cool.
*kill everyone in jails; redecorate jails, rename, and house homeless
*the first week of inauguration everything in the country is 10% off as a thank you/economic stimulus
*state contraction--do we need BOTH Dakotas?
*scrapping NASA and using 70% of the money to start cloning hot babes and reprogram the clones for freaky sex and chore-doing, thus at least halving crime in the country. Other 25% goes to schools. And the other 5% to me.
*the legalization of marijuana, taxed, and packaged with snack chips
*the legalization of gay marriage, because it's 2004. Get the fuck over it already.
*non-retarded adults must have at least an IQ of 80. Alternatives: flee country. die.
*the noise for the monthly television tests will be replaced by the riff from AC/DC's "Thunderstruck"
*Lewis Black will proffered a job as press secretary
*annexation of Canada with plans for global health care
*a new National Anthem, which may or may not be the theme from the Jeffersons
theprecedingpaidbytherosser2004campaign
Currently playing: my current #1, G-Unit & Joe's "Wanna Get To Know Ya"
Who will fit our platform and provide a quality Vice President, yet also is hated enough to the point where I won't be assassinated?
What is the campaign's one big theme?
What's a good idea for "Why do I want to be president?" besides "It's the quickest way to take over the world and make all those motherfuckers pay, plus I'd get more pussy than an animal shelter"?
List of platforms to date:
*abolishment of the penny
*re-establishment of the guillotine as capital punishment, and the catapult because...well...it's cool.
*kill everyone in jails; redecorate jails, rename, and house homeless
*the first week of inauguration everything in the country is 10% off as a thank you/economic stimulus
*state contraction--do we need BOTH Dakotas?
*scrapping NASA and using 70% of the money to start cloning hot babes and reprogram the clones for freaky sex and chore-doing, thus at least halving crime in the country. Other 25% goes to schools. And the other 5% to me.
*the legalization of marijuana, taxed, and packaged with snack chips
*the legalization of gay marriage, because it's 2004. Get the fuck over it already.
*non-retarded adults must have at least an IQ of 80. Alternatives: flee country. die.
*the noise for the monthly television tests will be replaced by the riff from AC/DC's "Thunderstruck"
*Lewis Black will proffered a job as press secretary
*annexation of Canada with plans for global health care
*a new National Anthem, which may or may not be the theme from the Jeffersons
theprecedingpaidbytherosser2004campaign
Currently playing: my current #1, G-Unit & Joe's "Wanna Get To Know Ya"
3/27/04
"The best argument against democracy is the average voter."--Bertrand Russell
ROSSER IN NOVEMBER!
All right. Here's the deal.
Most of you know that since 1999, I have said one day, I would do this. I would take this challenge and face it in the eyes.
I would run for President.
Today...is that day. If Showtime's foolish enough to run a reality show where the winner gets some air time, I am crazy enough to enter. My voice will be heard.
What do I need from you? Not much. Your continued love and support, the occassional campaign donation, and of course to visit the blog and make the hit numbers look good for the press. I'm not going to lie and say this'll be easy and that I'll always be at my best, but c'mon. It'd be worth it to see your boy in a T-Mac throwback arguing for the abolition of the penny and the resurrection of guillotine as capital punishment.
Let the march to Washington begin with this, my mission statement in 400 characters or less (you can hit me up for the mp3 if you so desire):
It is clear that the rich old white guys in suits have failed. A new leader is needed: a young minority with radically liberal ideas who's indiscretions and corruption will be right out on the table for all to see. And people will realize at the end of the day that while they disagree with it sometimes, they can live a good life.
Plus, this will finally impress Jessica Alba.
Currently playing: the Rosser campaign theme, Public Enemy's "Rebel Without A Pause"
ROSSER IN NOVEMBER!
All right. Here's the deal.
Most of you know that since 1999, I have said one day, I would do this. I would take this challenge and face it in the eyes.
I would run for President.
Today...is that day. If Showtime's foolish enough to run a reality show where the winner gets some air time, I am crazy enough to enter. My voice will be heard.
What do I need from you? Not much. Your continued love and support, the occassional campaign donation, and of course to visit the blog and make the hit numbers look good for the press. I'm not going to lie and say this'll be easy and that I'll always be at my best, but c'mon. It'd be worth it to see your boy in a T-Mac throwback arguing for the abolition of the penny and the resurrection of guillotine as capital punishment.
Let the march to Washington begin with this, my mission statement in 400 characters or less (you can hit me up for the mp3 if you so desire):
It is clear that the rich old white guys in suits have failed. A new leader is needed: a young minority with radically liberal ideas who's indiscretions and corruption will be right out on the table for all to see. And people will realize at the end of the day that while they disagree with it sometimes, they can live a good life.
Plus, this will finally impress Jessica Alba.
Currently playing: the Rosser campaign theme, Public Enemy's "Rebel Without A Pause"
3/23/04
Monday, Back From The Dead
How did I end up doing on accident exactly what I wanted to do on purpose?
I dunno, maybe me piecing it together in my mind's eye again'll help shed some light on it.
I meant to get attention, but I was doing it in a low-key way. All subtle and cat like, like in nature programs where you see a young deer frolicking and three seconds later a bush rustles and six seconds later a jaguar is on top of it like they're about to hump and eleven seconds later the jaguar has ripped open their neck and is feasting on their small intestine. Subtle like that. So I put on my new Ralph Wiggum "I Dress Myself" shirt [he looks like a hobo, is wearing cord for a belt Jimbo-style, and his finger's in his nose] and put a jacket on over it before I go to school.
I do homework on the way because LEARNDING IS FUNDAMENTAL.
So I sit down and talk to some of my other friends in the class as we sit around and shoot the shit and she comes over and says hi and I take her in and say hi but really I'm rocking out to "Frances Farmer Will Have Her Revenge On Seattle" as much as one can and still be the straw that stirs a conversation drink.
Then she reaches for me.
The possibility I was sleeping had occured to me, yes, it had. But the eyes are open, because...she wants to see the whole shirt. I was expecting that to come at a later point, but that'll teach me to rock out so fiercely to In Utero in mixed company.
Then after class, I sidestepped some girl, moved back to where I was walking, and nearly bowled her over. We had a good five-minute convo conversation.
Now then.
How long am I supposed to grieve here? Can I just move on like this? Do I start chasing New Girl? Do I try to get together with her, and does doing so make me a)codependent, b) an asshole, c) a codependent asshole, or d) other?
She's 19! 19! I'm a robust 22(and 37 months)! Is she just appealing to my intellect, or do the huge tracts of land have my groin cashing checks my heart can't cash? Or the freckles--freckles are criminally underrated.
In a completely unrelated note I'm half-debating whether to enter the school's (and my first) freestyle contest on Thursday. Money prizes if you finish top 3. Ve shall see.
Until the next...KUSIZZLE IN THE HIZZLE!
Currently playing: Fleetwood Mac's "Don't Stop" (really)
How did I end up doing on accident exactly what I wanted to do on purpose?
I dunno, maybe me piecing it together in my mind's eye again'll help shed some light on it.
I meant to get attention, but I was doing it in a low-key way. All subtle and cat like, like in nature programs where you see a young deer frolicking and three seconds later a bush rustles and six seconds later a jaguar is on top of it like they're about to hump and eleven seconds later the jaguar has ripped open their neck and is feasting on their small intestine. Subtle like that. So I put on my new Ralph Wiggum "I Dress Myself" shirt [he looks like a hobo, is wearing cord for a belt Jimbo-style, and his finger's in his nose] and put a jacket on over it before I go to school.
I do homework on the way because LEARNDING IS FUNDAMENTAL.
So I sit down and talk to some of my other friends in the class as we sit around and shoot the shit and she comes over and says hi and I take her in and say hi but really I'm rocking out to "Frances Farmer Will Have Her Revenge On Seattle" as much as one can and still be the straw that stirs a conversation drink.
Then she reaches for me.
The possibility I was sleeping had occured to me, yes, it had. But the eyes are open, because...she wants to see the whole shirt. I was expecting that to come at a later point, but that'll teach me to rock out so fiercely to In Utero in mixed company.
Then after class, I sidestepped some girl, moved back to where I was walking, and nearly bowled her over. We had a good five-minute convo conversation.
Now then.
How long am I supposed to grieve here? Can I just move on like this? Do I start chasing New Girl? Do I try to get together with her, and does doing so make me a)codependent, b) an asshole, c) a codependent asshole, or d) other?
She's 19! 19! I'm a robust 22(and 37 months)! Is she just appealing to my intellect, or do the huge tracts of land have my groin cashing checks my heart can't cash? Or the freckles--freckles are criminally underrated.
In a completely unrelated note I'm half-debating whether to enter the school's (and my first) freestyle contest on Thursday. Money prizes if you finish top 3. Ve shall see.
Until the next...KUSIZZLE IN THE HIZZLE!
Currently playing: Fleetwood Mac's "Don't Stop" (really)
3/20/04
From The Home Office In The Corner Of The Polyphonic Spree
Dropped: "You Don't Know My Name", 4; "Are You Gonna Be My Girl", 7; "Weak And Powerless", 10
[10] Switchfoot => Meant To Live (N)
[09] Norah Jones => Sunrise (9)
[08] Kanye West => Through The Wire (3)
[07] the Darkness => I Believe In A Thing Called Love (1)
[06] Joss Stone => Fell In Love With A Boy (8)
[05] N.E.R.D. => She Wants To Move (5)
[04] Incubus => Megalomaniac (6)
[03] Kanye West => All Falls Down (N)
[02] Yellowcard => Ocean Avenue (N)
[01] G-Unit feat. Joe => Wanna Get To Know Ya (2)[2w]
Currently playing: Tonic's "You Wanted More"
Dropped: "You Don't Know My Name", 4; "Are You Gonna Be My Girl", 7; "Weak And Powerless", 10
[10] Switchfoot => Meant To Live (N)
[09] Norah Jones => Sunrise (9)
[08] Kanye West => Through The Wire (3)
[07] the Darkness => I Believe In A Thing Called Love (1)
[06] Joss Stone => Fell In Love With A Boy (8)
[05] N.E.R.D. => She Wants To Move (5)
[04] Incubus => Megalomaniac (6)
[03] Kanye West => All Falls Down (N)
[02] Yellowcard => Ocean Avenue (N)
[01] G-Unit feat. Joe => Wanna Get To Know Ya (2)[2w]
Currently playing: Tonic's "You Wanted More"
3/19/04
Awkward Much?
What a rousing start to the Friendship Era: 4 minutes, 3 awkward pauses and gaps. I don't know what to do with myself. Limbo S U C K S. I guess I am going through the five stages because right now I'm pretty firmly ensconced in anger. And I'm probably going to see her face-to-face for the first time since tomorrow. Ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh. Stop this world, I want to get off.
Currently playing: Rammstein's "Engel"
What a rousing start to the Friendship Era: 4 minutes, 3 awkward pauses and gaps. I don't know what to do with myself. Limbo S U C K S. I guess I am going through the five stages because right now I'm pretty firmly ensconced in anger. And I'm probably going to see her face-to-face for the first time since tomorrow. Ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh. Stop this world, I want to get off.
Currently playing: Rammstein's "Engel"
3/14/04
Can You See Me? Because I Was Under The Assumption That, In Fact, You Were Unable To
the running WrestleMania XX diary
What a confluence of events. It's pretty close to the time I met Iyari Limon and Kevin Smith within 24 hours of each other. Except in a funhouse mirror. In the Twilight Zone.
I dunno, first girlfriend breaks up with me--we'll see how that subplot plays out later--so my first response is mild confusion and the second is seeing my first live legal WWE/F pay-per-view [and WrestleF'nMania XX, at that] at Hooters. Hooters serves beer and has attractive women. This is either going to work out spectacularly or blow up horribly in my face before Triple H goes over, mark my words before the fact. (This blowing up, I mean, not the second. Unless it comes true.)
I'm looking forward to all the non-tag-title bouts, and the Jericho/Christian conclusion. By the way: THERE IS ONLY ONE WAY THIS CAN END. I will NOT argue this.
3:30 p.m. -- I am locked in, overlooking the ocean and boardwalk. So far I'm the only person here specifically for XX but it's the Hooters overlooking the ocean. The waitress looks like Topanga with a rack and is actually named Danielle. I smell trouble later. I've finally hit all the Hooters in the county; you may anoint me.
3:34 -- The UT/Kane package gets the next table's attention...
3:44 -- ...because I'm sitting next to the OTHER black smark in attendance. Sometimes truth is stranger than fiction, am I right, Pugsley?!
3:48 -- Fellow fans start coming in. I am staring at Danielle's legs as if I can ascertain the meaning of life in them. Perhaps I can. I shall ruminate over this with a beer.
4:00 -- Hell yes, you are looking LIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE at the Pacific Beach Hooters! Heineken #1 is ready! ¡Un rey mundial actitud! Me & Other Me have a Lesnar/Kane debate on who should come on out and wipe out the Harlem Boys Choir. I got 6:49 in the Spanish Announce Table destruction pool, by the way.
4:10 -- Double horns, bitch! Me & my Word Life throwback (hi, Johnny) pop up out the seat and do our mandatory duty only to see about 10 others follow suit. The crowd changed faster than a Tara Reid boyfriend.
4:18 -- Holy hell, the cobra clutch! More importantly, I have disposed of this beer. Serving wench, fetch me another!
4:22 -- WHOO Cena wins the belt. That false finish scared the hell out of me, thus serving its purpose. It's a shame Matt Hardy jumped, he would've made excellent opening Thuganomics fodder. Whatever happened TO Matt, anyway, I think he poured that second Heineken...
4:25 -- Randy Orton cuts the Evolution promo so of course talk shifts to Flair being awesome. Other me, re: Orton spitting on Mick: "I've seen people get shot for less."
4:29 -- The RAW tag team fourway; I'd take a piss but there's only one beer in me. Man, the set is pimped out. Somewhere to the north of me, Snoop & Don Magic Juan are saying "Preach."
4:33 -- Topanga goes on her break and gets replaced with one that looks like Emily from the Dixie Chicks. How big a downgrade this is is the sort of thing one can settle over a cold adult beverage.
4:35 -- Uh, someone want to tell Batista those punk kids Cade & Jindrak took his trunks?
4:38 -- First en masse OOHs come over RVD's Five Star bump and the Cinco Estrellas for him proper.
4:41 -- Big pop for Gene, even bigger one for We--Heenan, and disgust over Mae & Moolah. So THIS is where they've been holding the local smark meetings! Thanks for the heads up, fuckers!
4:44 -- Did I just walk in the crib got two kids and my ex-baby mama late 'cause UH-OH UH-OH UH-OH. Y2J/Christian this early with faces going over in the first two matches? On the one hand I don't think they should but on the other claw-like deformity the possibility of Evil Brunette Trish would give me wrist fuel for months. As usual, I have no point. Except Christian's been SUCH an excellent James Spader in "Pretty In Pink".
4:59 -- Christian busting out the tornado reverse DDT! RULES! Flashback! RULES! TEJAS MUTHAFUCKIN CLOVERLEAF! HELLA Rules!
5:01 -- Who had first blown spot in the pool? Shane? EDGECUTION FROM CHRISTIAN. This match rules all.
5:06 -- Aw, maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!
5:08 -- I ain't gonna say nuthin' but that ain't right.
5:10 -- Big in-house pop for Snuka. Mmm...imported beer. Mmm...breasts.
5:20 -- Everyone gets a good laugh from Flair going up top. To quote Rob's reaction to "Baby I Love Your Way" in High Fidelity: Why? Batista shows up, thus being the sign to hit the can.
5:21 -- The can rules, they took the sports apart page by page and hung it up on clamps right above the stalls.
5:23 -- Man did that Foley bump over the stairs get everyone's attention.
5:28 -- The Flair/Rock Dueling People's Elbow segment debuts in Hooters at #4 on the Things That Are Too Goddamn Awesome Whether You Follow Wrestling Or Not chart.
5:31 -- RKf'nO! Who told ya?! I told ya! (I said Rock, but still...)
5:40 -- What the hell, Kane didn't come out and kill Pete? What the fuck is up with that?
5:41 -- Only in the E could woofing constitute condolences and well-wishes.
5:44 -- While I'm here, let me pick a bone with Jake for counting this as a match. WHO. CARES. Side note to uppity smarts: these sorts of "matches" are much easier to take when you've got booze in you.
5:48 -- Blur. It's all a blur.
5:59 -- I need the Eddie Scarface ripoff N O O O O O W W W W W W.
6:00 -- and all is well! Big pop for Rey. Buzz.
6:05 -- Who had it in the First Holy Shit pool?
6:12 -- People are jacked for Brock/Goldberg. I'm still pissed about them jobbing Funaki out like that. Bastards. Well, THIS oughta be interesting.
6:25 -- "They're both big. They're both strong. We get the message."
6:32 -- Man is New York taking a shit on this. Not that I blame them.
6:33 -- "OH!"
6:34 -- "OH!"
6:35 -- "YEAH!"
6:37 -- "ahahahahahahaha!" "OH!" "YEAH!" That's right, the final five minutes of Goldberg/Lesnar and the ensuing aftermath were brought to you by Lil' Jon.
6:41 -- Big pop for XXI being in Staples up the road. What the hell, I might try to go.
6:42 -- Is this my fifth beer or did Vince not get Stunned? Both? Oh.
6:57 -- Team Angle got PRISONRAPED.
7:00 -- Molly IS the new age Malenko. (Thought brought to you by Tanvir Raquib.)
7:07 -- Eddy/Kurt video package sends about 10 guys into the can since we all saw it in the Free For All. Team Angle, anyone?
7:13 -- Hell. Yes.
7:29 -- Tazz: Sometimes you gotta punch a guy in the face. Preach.
7:34 -- Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa?! Kurt kicked out?!
7:36 -- Motherfucking Eddie~! I guess Big Nose is going over.
7:43 -- HUGE pop for Bearer. "This is like every horror movie EVER."
7:44 -- *BONG*
7:44:01 -- YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
7:53 -- Okay, someone clarify something for me: is that still Old School? Is it now New School? Is it Throwback School, and if so doesn't that infringe on Cena's gimmick? H B O help a brother out.
8:06 -- Hefner's reffing and I got 8:21 in the bump pool. I can't believe the SAT is still standing. It's not quite Hankless Loyola Marymount making the 16 but it's right up there.
8:08 -- HA ha this cost me at least $30 less plus Hooters. I know where I'm coming for SummerSlam.
8:20 -- The crowd is firmly behind Benoit.
8:22 -- Crowd loved the hHh interference spot where he kept Michaels from tapping out. That was pretty cool.
8:24 -- The Smack!Down table went before the Spanish? What is this, the Parallel Universe?
8:25 -- Huge pop for the cameramen bumps. It's not really a WrestleMania until someone who doesn't has to takes a huge bump. Whatever happened to that great WOW referee, he would've flown into Brooklyn.
8:28 -- Ross finally uses "crimson mask" and how well is it set up that no one really bled hard before this?
8:29 -- Sharpshooter spot. I scream RING THE FUCKING BELL. Everyone's yelling "TAP!" and pounding the tables. The waitresses are shocked and frightened--I'm almost positive they didn't stop stripping for this.
8:30 -- I remember yelling "TAP! TAP OUT! TAP THE FUCK OUT!" at the top of my lungs.
8:31 -- HELL. MOTHER. FUCKING. YES. Somewhere in the back Booker T and Van Dam share a good cry, but that doesn't change the fact: HELL. MOTHER. FUCKING. YES.
Look, as a Net fan I loved Eddie & Chris. But I was convinced they were going to be side dishes for life no matter how good they tasted to yes you me myself and I'n for various reasons (too small, Triple H, too ethnic, Triple H, can't cut a promo, Triple H, Triple H, Triple H). So you can imagine my giddy schoolboyish delight to see them be the litmus tests as the respective champions of the World. I followed Benoit since he started in WCW, Eddie right around the tail of the Art Barr tag team 10+ ago, so for them to be standing on the biggest stage in the world as The Men...maaaaaaaaan.
I tell you what, maybe it was the environment or getting a lot of what I want, but that four and a half flew by in a double horns throwup. I'd actually put this second to X7, and maybe first since I haven't seen X7 in quite some time. I'm excited for the future, hopeful to see them continue to back Benoit and Guerrero, psyched for US Champion Cena (even if he didn't hit the Joe Budden Elbow tongiht) and tomorrow night starts Jericho's Inigo Montoyaesque Path Of Rage. Plus, I bet Evil Trish is into anal and the Donkey Punch. That's right, I said it. I may have to co-#1 her with Alba.
SO fucking there.
Currently playing: Bob Marley & the Wailers' "Lively Up Yourself"
the running WrestleMania XX diary
What a confluence of events. It's pretty close to the time I met Iyari Limon and Kevin Smith within 24 hours of each other. Except in a funhouse mirror. In the Twilight Zone.
I dunno, first girlfriend breaks up with me--we'll see how that subplot plays out later--so my first response is mild confusion and the second is seeing my first live legal WWE/F pay-per-view [and WrestleF'nMania XX, at that] at Hooters. Hooters serves beer and has attractive women. This is either going to work out spectacularly or blow up horribly in my face before Triple H goes over, mark my words before the fact. (This blowing up, I mean, not the second. Unless it comes true.)
I'm looking forward to all the non-tag-title bouts, and the Jericho/Christian conclusion. By the way: THERE IS ONLY ONE WAY THIS CAN END. I will NOT argue this.
3:30 p.m. -- I am locked in, overlooking the ocean and boardwalk. So far I'm the only person here specifically for XX but it's the Hooters overlooking the ocean. The waitress looks like Topanga with a rack and is actually named Danielle. I smell trouble later. I've finally hit all the Hooters in the county; you may anoint me.
3:34 -- The UT/Kane package gets the next table's attention...
3:44 -- ...because I'm sitting next to the OTHER black smark in attendance. Sometimes truth is stranger than fiction, am I right, Pugsley?!
3:48 -- Fellow fans start coming in. I am staring at Danielle's legs as if I can ascertain the meaning of life in them. Perhaps I can. I shall ruminate over this with a beer.
4:00 -- Hell yes, you are looking LIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE at the Pacific Beach Hooters! Heineken #1 is ready! ¡Un rey mundial actitud! Me & Other Me have a Lesnar/Kane debate on who should come on out and wipe out the Harlem Boys Choir. I got 6:49 in the Spanish Announce Table destruction pool, by the way.
4:10 -- Double horns, bitch! Me & my Word Life throwback (hi, Johnny) pop up out the seat and do our mandatory duty only to see about 10 others follow suit. The crowd changed faster than a Tara Reid boyfriend.
4:18 -- Holy hell, the cobra clutch! More importantly, I have disposed of this beer. Serving wench, fetch me another!
4:22 -- WHOO Cena wins the belt. That false finish scared the hell out of me, thus serving its purpose. It's a shame Matt Hardy jumped, he would've made excellent opening Thuganomics fodder. Whatever happened TO Matt, anyway, I think he poured that second Heineken...
4:25 -- Randy Orton cuts the Evolution promo so of course talk shifts to Flair being awesome. Other me, re: Orton spitting on Mick: "I've seen people get shot for less."
4:29 -- The RAW tag team fourway; I'd take a piss but there's only one beer in me. Man, the set is pimped out. Somewhere to the north of me, Snoop & Don Magic Juan are saying "Preach."
4:33 -- Topanga goes on her break and gets replaced with one that looks like Emily from the Dixie Chicks. How big a downgrade this is is the sort of thing one can settle over a cold adult beverage.
4:35 -- Uh, someone want to tell Batista those punk kids Cade & Jindrak took his trunks?
4:38 -- First en masse OOHs come over RVD's Five Star bump and the Cinco Estrellas for him proper.
4:41 -- Big pop for Gene, even bigger one for We--Heenan, and disgust over Mae & Moolah. So THIS is where they've been holding the local smark meetings! Thanks for the heads up, fuckers!
4:44 -- Did I just walk in the crib got two kids and my ex-baby mama late 'cause UH-OH UH-OH UH-OH. Y2J/Christian this early with faces going over in the first two matches? On the one hand I don't think they should but on the other claw-like deformity the possibility of Evil Brunette Trish would give me wrist fuel for months. As usual, I have no point. Except Christian's been SUCH an excellent James Spader in "Pretty In Pink".
4:59 -- Christian busting out the tornado reverse DDT! RULES! Flashback! RULES! TEJAS MUTHAFUCKIN CLOVERLEAF! HELLA Rules!
5:01 -- Who had first blown spot in the pool? Shane? EDGECUTION FROM CHRISTIAN. This match rules all.
5:06 -- Aw, maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!
5:08 -- I ain't gonna say nuthin' but that ain't right.
5:10 -- Big in-house pop for Snuka. Mmm...imported beer. Mmm...breasts.
5:20 -- Everyone gets a good laugh from Flair going up top. To quote Rob's reaction to "Baby I Love Your Way" in High Fidelity: Why? Batista shows up, thus being the sign to hit the can.
5:21 -- The can rules, they took the sports apart page by page and hung it up on clamps right above the stalls.
5:23 -- Man did that Foley bump over the stairs get everyone's attention.
5:28 -- The Flair/Rock Dueling People's Elbow segment debuts in Hooters at #4 on the Things That Are Too Goddamn Awesome Whether You Follow Wrestling Or Not chart.
5:31 -- RKf'nO! Who told ya?! I told ya! (I said Rock, but still...)
5:40 -- What the hell, Kane didn't come out and kill Pete? What the fuck is up with that?
5:41 -- Only in the E could woofing constitute condolences and well-wishes.
5:44 -- While I'm here, let me pick a bone with Jake for counting this as a match. WHO. CARES. Side note to uppity smarts: these sorts of "matches" are much easier to take when you've got booze in you.
5:48 -- Blur. It's all a blur.
5:59 -- I need the Eddie Scarface ripoff N O O O O O W W W W W W.
6:00 -- and all is well! Big pop for Rey. Buzz.
6:05 -- Who had it in the First Holy Shit pool?
6:12 -- People are jacked for Brock/Goldberg. I'm still pissed about them jobbing Funaki out like that. Bastards. Well, THIS oughta be interesting.
6:25 -- "They're both big. They're both strong. We get the message."
6:32 -- Man is New York taking a shit on this. Not that I blame them.
6:33 -- "OH!"
6:34 -- "OH!"
6:35 -- "YEAH!"
6:37 -- "ahahahahahahaha!" "OH!" "YEAH!" That's right, the final five minutes of Goldberg/Lesnar and the ensuing aftermath were brought to you by Lil' Jon.
6:41 -- Big pop for XXI being in Staples up the road. What the hell, I might try to go.
6:42 -- Is this my fifth beer or did Vince not get Stunned? Both? Oh.
6:57 -- Team Angle got PRISONRAPED.
7:00 -- Molly IS the new age Malenko. (Thought brought to you by Tanvir Raquib.)
7:07 -- Eddy/Kurt video package sends about 10 guys into the can since we all saw it in the Free For All. Team Angle, anyone?
7:13 -- Hell. Yes.
7:29 -- Tazz: Sometimes you gotta punch a guy in the face. Preach.
7:34 -- Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa?! Kurt kicked out?!
7:36 -- Motherfucking Eddie~! I guess Big Nose is going over.
7:43 -- HUGE pop for Bearer. "This is like every horror movie EVER."
7:44 -- *BONG*
7:44:01 -- YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
7:53 -- Okay, someone clarify something for me: is that still Old School? Is it now New School? Is it Throwback School, and if so doesn't that infringe on Cena's gimmick? H B O help a brother out.
8:06 -- Hefner's reffing and I got 8:21 in the bump pool. I can't believe the SAT is still standing. It's not quite Hankless Loyola Marymount making the 16 but it's right up there.
8:08 -- HA ha this cost me at least $30 less plus Hooters. I know where I'm coming for SummerSlam.
8:20 -- The crowd is firmly behind Benoit.
8:22 -- Crowd loved the hHh interference spot where he kept Michaels from tapping out. That was pretty cool.
8:24 -- The Smack!Down table went before the Spanish? What is this, the Parallel Universe?
8:25 -- Huge pop for the cameramen bumps. It's not really a WrestleMania until someone who doesn't has to takes a huge bump. Whatever happened to that great WOW referee, he would've flown into Brooklyn.
8:28 -- Ross finally uses "crimson mask" and how well is it set up that no one really bled hard before this?
8:29 -- Sharpshooter spot. I scream RING THE FUCKING BELL. Everyone's yelling "TAP!" and pounding the tables. The waitresses are shocked and frightened--I'm almost positive they didn't stop stripping for this.
8:30 -- I remember yelling "TAP! TAP OUT! TAP THE FUCK OUT!" at the top of my lungs.
8:31 -- HELL. MOTHER. FUCKING. YES. Somewhere in the back Booker T and Van Dam share a good cry, but that doesn't change the fact: HELL. MOTHER. FUCKING. YES.
Look, as a Net fan I loved Eddie & Chris. But I was convinced they were going to be side dishes for life no matter how good they tasted to yes you me myself and I'n for various reasons (too small, Triple H, too ethnic, Triple H, can't cut a promo, Triple H, Triple H, Triple H). So you can imagine my giddy schoolboyish delight to see them be the litmus tests as the respective champions of the World. I followed Benoit since he started in WCW, Eddie right around the tail of the Art Barr tag team 10+ ago, so for them to be standing on the biggest stage in the world as The Men...maaaaaaaaan.
I tell you what, maybe it was the environment or getting a lot of what I want, but that four and a half flew by in a double horns throwup. I'd actually put this second to X7, and maybe first since I haven't seen X7 in quite some time. I'm excited for the future, hopeful to see them continue to back Benoit and Guerrero, psyched for US Champion Cena (even if he didn't hit the Joe Budden Elbow tongiht) and tomorrow night starts Jericho's Inigo Montoyaesque Path Of Rage. Plus, I bet Evil Trish is into anal and the Donkey Punch. That's right, I said it. I may have to co-#1 her with Alba.
SO fucking there.
Currently playing: Bob Marley & the Wailers' "Lively Up Yourself"
I Mean It Was A REALLY Bad Shift
Currently playing: Jeff Buckley's "Last Goodbye", a lot
Didn't even make it to a month.
She broke up with me. And we're still going to be friends.
And it hurts, but...
...I'm not crying. (At least YET.) She has a lot of intrafamiliar drama, and she's sort of depressed about facing adulthood, and it wasn't like we got to spend a multitude of time together.
I get the feeling I should be feeling something more, or feeling something besides slight disorientation. Maybe because she was first. Maybe because the lechery part of the frontal lobe is already eyeing the twinkie in Spanish.
I don't know, I just...
I think I'm still partially deluding myself into this being a temporary thing and once she has her head on straight we'll be back together.
I just couldn't make her stay knowing things bigger than me are on her horizon. Is this something deficient in me? Should I have made her? Should I have pulled a Natalie and just not recognized it? Or is the fact she still likes me a lot and still wants me in her life...
...10 weeks into the year, met, fell, dated, broke up. Wow.
Tomorrow's either WrestleMania and/or getting drunk (possibly with friends), I know that much.
Man, you wake up one day and everything's great, you go to sleep and there's...this.
this is our last goodbye
I hate to feel the love between us die
but it's over
just do this and then I'll go
you gave me more to live for
more than you'll ever know
Currently playing: Jeff Buckley's "Last Goodbye", a lot
Didn't even make it to a month.
She broke up with me. And we're still going to be friends.
And it hurts, but...
...I'm not crying. (At least YET.) She has a lot of intrafamiliar drama, and she's sort of depressed about facing adulthood, and it wasn't like we got to spend a multitude of time together.
I get the feeling I should be feeling something more, or feeling something besides slight disorientation. Maybe because she was first. Maybe because the lechery part of the frontal lobe is already eyeing the twinkie in Spanish.
I don't know, I just...
I think I'm still partially deluding myself into this being a temporary thing and once she has her head on straight we'll be back together.
I just couldn't make her stay knowing things bigger than me are on her horizon. Is this something deficient in me? Should I have made her? Should I have pulled a Natalie and just not recognized it? Or is the fact she still likes me a lot and still wants me in her life...
...10 weeks into the year, met, fell, dated, broke up. Wow.
Tomorrow's either WrestleMania and/or getting drunk (possibly with friends), I know that much.
Man, you wake up one day and everything's great, you go to sleep and there's...this.
this is our last goodbye
I hate to feel the love between us die
but it's over
just do this and then I'll go
you gave me more to live for
more than you'll ever know
3/7/04
The French Term Is Shitfuck
Well, I did the nice guerrilla thing today. But we couldn't catch a flick or go to eat. We talked again for about another two hours, and I moved in for the kill, and
I shit you not, folks
this is the exact moment my dad pulls into the drive.
Goodbye, beautiful moment. Maybe we can do something next Saturday night or Sunday.
To quote our movie, this--this is a FUCK!
Currently playing: Switchfoot's "Meant To Live"
Well, I did the nice guerrilla thing today. But we couldn't catch a flick or go to eat. We talked again for about another two hours, and I moved in for the kill, and
I shit you not, folks
this is the exact moment my dad pulls into the drive.
Goodbye, beautiful moment. Maybe we can do something next Saturday night or Sunday.
To quote our movie, this--this is a FUCK!
Currently playing: Switchfoot's "Meant To Live"
3/6/04
From The Home Office In The Championship Vinyl Storeroom
Dropped: "Moses (live)", 7; "The Way You Move", 9
[10] A Perfect Circle => Weak And Powerless (6)
[09] Norah Jones => Sunrise (10)*
[08] Joss Stone feat. the Roots => Fell In Love With A Boy (8)*
[07] Jet => Are You Gonna Be My Girl (3)
[06] Incubus => Megalomaniac (N)*
[05] N.E.R.D. => She Wants To Move (5)*
[04] Alicia Keys => You Don't Know My Name (2)
[03] Kanye West => Through The Wire (4)*
[02] G-Unit feat. Joe => Wanna Get To Know Ya (N)*
[01] the Darkness => I Believe In A Thing Called Love (1) [6w]
Currently playing: Denis Leary's "Asshole"
Dropped: "Moses (live)", 7; "The Way You Move", 9
[10] A Perfect Circle => Weak And Powerless (6)
[09] Norah Jones => Sunrise (10)*
[08] Joss Stone feat. the Roots => Fell In Love With A Boy (8)*
[07] Jet => Are You Gonna Be My Girl (3)
[06] Incubus => Megalomaniac (N)*
[05] N.E.R.D. => She Wants To Move (5)*
[04] Alicia Keys => You Don't Know My Name (2)
[03] Kanye West => Through The Wire (4)*
[02] G-Unit feat. Joe => Wanna Get To Know Ya (N)*
[01] the Darkness => I Believe In A Thing Called Love (1) [6w]
Currently playing: Denis Leary's "Asshole"
3/2/04
"Why'd I Put That? Because I Couldn't Figure Out How To Translate 'Pimp Needs Gangsta Biatch'."
I love my Spanish class.
Well, we're learning adjectives so yesterday's hom--tarea--was to write a personal ad. Oh, sure, two weeks AFTER the first girlfriend, yeah, let's do that. Even though I have severe misgivings about doing such a goofy-assed thing and minimally debate whether or not I want to catch the 24-hour flu, I decide to go today.
I, of course, have a plan.
And my profesora, Steve bless her, is just crazy enough to acquiesce.
So we spent the majority of class today looking over each other's personal ads and playing as background music was "Call Me", "I'm Still In Love With You", "Tired Of Being Alone" (my personal favorite heh heh heh) and "Let's Stay Together". Side note: if people really want to tighten up immigration laws, have the oral section be "do a verse and the chorus of "Let's Stay Together"" because even though the class' median age is maybe 21, everyone was bobbing their heads, synching, and in the case of mi profe, singing along. It's a shame we didn't get to "Here I Am (Come And Take Me)", "Love And Happiness" or the criminally underrated "Look What You Done For Me", but ah well. Only an hour class.
And this cute little Twinkie Stephanie and I had a fun little discussion about me being highly entertaining for doing things like this. What a shame. But, as I likes to say now, THE BANDWAGON DONE LEFT, baby.
Moral of the story: best. professor. E V A H. C'mon, do you ever get to play Al Green's Greatest Hits because it'll add to the ambiance?
Currently playing: matchbox twenty's "If You're Gone"
I love my Spanish class.
Well, we're learning adjectives so yesterday's hom--tarea--was to write a personal ad. Oh, sure, two weeks AFTER the first girlfriend, yeah, let's do that. Even though I have severe misgivings about doing such a goofy-assed thing and minimally debate whether or not I want to catch the 24-hour flu, I decide to go today.
I, of course, have a plan.
And my profesora, Steve bless her, is just crazy enough to acquiesce.
So we spent the majority of class today looking over each other's personal ads and playing as background music was "Call Me", "I'm Still In Love With You", "Tired Of Being Alone" (my personal favorite heh heh heh) and "Let's Stay Together". Side note: if people really want to tighten up immigration laws, have the oral section be "do a verse and the chorus of "Let's Stay Together"" because even though the class' median age is maybe 21, everyone was bobbing their heads, synching, and in the case of mi profe, singing along. It's a shame we didn't get to "Here I Am (Come And Take Me)", "Love And Happiness" or the criminally underrated "Look What You Done For Me", but ah well. Only an hour class.
And this cute little Twinkie Stephanie and I had a fun little discussion about me being highly entertaining for doing things like this. What a shame. But, as I likes to say now, THE BANDWAGON DONE LEFT, baby.
Moral of the story: best. professor. E V A H. C'mon, do you ever get to play Al Green's Greatest Hits because it'll add to the ambiance?
Currently playing: matchbox twenty's "If You're Gone"
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