Dropped From Rankings: "Star", 7
(10) Ciara feat. Petey Pablo --> Goodies (9)
(09) Terror Squad --> Lean Back (3)
(08) Destiny's Child --> Lose My Breath (debut)*
(07) Jimmy Eat World --> Pain (8)*
(06) Green Day --> American Idiot (5)
(05) Jay-Z & Linkin Park --> Encore vs. Numb (10)*
(04) Trick Daddy feat. Lil' Jon & Twista --> Let's Go (4)*
(03) U2 --> Vertigo (6)*
(02) Gwen Stefani --> What You Waiting For? (2)*
(01) Snoop Dogg feat. Pharrell --> Drop It Like It's Hot (1) [6w]
Ambient music: Hootie & the Blowfish - Time
11/27/04
11/25/04
You Gots To Give It Up Now
Now begins my one-month of all altruistic purchase. December 25th. You're thinking "What can I get the man who has not much besides the restraining order Jessica Alba has on him lifted?"
Glad you asked!
DESIRED OBJECT: Jessica Alba
ACCEPTABLE SUBSTITUTE: Eva Longoria
DESIRED OBJECT: Psychosis mask
ACCEPTABLE SUBSTITUTE: Rey Mysterio mask
DESIRED OBJECT: mini-fridge I can stow in my room
ACCEPTABLE SUBSTITUTE: new dresser because this thing is racing Tara Reid's implants in the Broken Down 500
ACCEPTABLE SUBSTITUTE: NO SUBSTITUTE FOR YOU!
DESIRED OBJECT: Artest jersey
ACCEPTABLE SUBSTITUTE: Free Artest shirt
DESIRED OBJECT: a pair or two of 32 x 32 khakis to get into the club. Blue, maybe.
ACCEPTABLE SUBSTITUTE: pair of jeans, similar
DESIRED OBJECT: Brooke Burke calendar
ACCEPTABLE SUBSTITUTE: Vida Guerra calendar
DESIRED OBJECT: Kellen Winslow powder blue Bolts throwback
ACCEPTABLE SUBSTITUTE: an above average throwback (NO FUCKING LIME GREEN HAWKS)
DESIRED OBJECT: 20 gig IPod (check the side panel! It's a doable thing, people!)
ACCEPTABLE SUBSTITUTE: a new CD player that shut all the way
DESIRED OBJECT: a committed relationship with a beautiful, smart woman
ACCEPTABLE SUBSTITUTE: freaky one-night stand with some hot piece of ass who's name I barely remember and never see again after breakfast
DESIRED OBJECT: freaky one-night stand with some hot piece of ass who's name I barely remember and never see again after breakfast
ACCEPTABLE SUBSTITUTE: a committed relationship with a beautiful, smart woman
As I think of more things (and, for you cheap bastids, more subs), I'll pile on this like a Dogwood samich. All right, now that you have an idea, get out there! Get working, 'cause you got a month. And remember--when the B man is happy, you get better posts.
SO MOVE YA ASS!
Ambient music: Aaliyah - Try Again
Glad you asked!
DESIRED OBJECT: Jessica Alba
ACCEPTABLE SUBSTITUTE: Eva Longoria
DESIRED OBJECT: Psychosis mask
ACCEPTABLE SUBSTITUTE: Rey Mysterio mask
DESIRED OBJECT: mini-fridge I can stow in my room
ACCEPTABLE SUBSTITUTE: new dresser because this thing is racing Tara Reid's implants in the Broken Down 500
ACCEPTABLE SUBSTITUTE: NO SUBSTITUTE FOR YOU!
DESIRED OBJECT: Artest jersey
ACCEPTABLE SUBSTITUTE: Free Artest shirt
DESIRED OBJECT: a pair or two of 32 x 32 khakis to get into the club. Blue, maybe.
ACCEPTABLE SUBSTITUTE: pair of jeans, similar
DESIRED OBJECT: Brooke Burke calendar
ACCEPTABLE SUBSTITUTE: Vida Guerra calendar
DESIRED OBJECT: Kellen Winslow powder blue Bolts throwback
ACCEPTABLE SUBSTITUTE: an above average throwback (NO FUCKING LIME GREEN HAWKS)
DESIRED OBJECT: 20 gig IPod (check the side panel! It's a doable thing, people!)
ACCEPTABLE SUBSTITUTE: a new CD player that shut all the way
DESIRED OBJECT: a committed relationship with a beautiful, smart woman
ACCEPTABLE SUBSTITUTE: freaky one-night stand with some hot piece of ass who's name I barely remember and never see again after breakfast
DESIRED OBJECT: freaky one-night stand with some hot piece of ass who's name I barely remember and never see again after breakfast
ACCEPTABLE SUBSTITUTE: a committed relationship with a beautiful, smart woman
As I think of more things (and, for you cheap bastids, more subs), I'll pile on this like a Dogwood samich. All right, now that you have an idea, get out there! Get working, 'cause you got a month. And remember--when the B man is happy, you get better posts.
SO MOVE YA ASS!
Ambient music: Aaliyah - Try Again
11/19/04
Some Poor Busboy Just Got Waylaid
Had an odd, very late shift tonight. It was due to me being the Human Swiss Army Knife for what turned out to be the Padres Awards Banquent Slash Cerebral Palsy Fundraiser.
A hell of a lot of fun was had.
THINGS I LEARNED:
Ballplayers, past, present, or future, draw more dimes than a bank in a small town. It was like a All-Blonde-You-Can-Eat buffet with a few exceptions.
Dave Winfield? GOOD PEOPLE. That's right, motherbitches.
Cute girls can be hot wearing baseball uniforms. I don't know why, exactly, that's just how it is.
Doing the Christian pound-your-chest-and-point-at-random-"homie" to a mascot dressed up in a suit is comedy gold.
One of the local TV newscasters who's been on seemingly since before I was born is MAYBE five feet. When I dwarf somebody, to quote Sir Lewis of Black, thaaaaat's....fucked up.
Jeanne Zelasko cleans up nice.
Khalid Greene looks like Spicoli and is nowhere near as verbose.
But the highlight of the night...
Towards the end, Brian Giles gets an award. The man is a defensive wizard, in the running or perhaps has won the Gold Glove. An exceptional player on a good team. He grabs the award and goes to do the victory pose photo op.
It slips from his hands.
It is a big ass glass home plate.
*KEERASH*
I had the best vantage point, at the doorway looking dead center at the podium where the speeches and auction (surprisingly fun to watch) were held. Everybody in the room does the horrified gasp, which is the first time I can remember hearing that and not seeing it as a cliche in a flick or show. Ten seconds later, everybody from Tim Flannery to Randy Jones is laughing their ass off. I laughed so hard, the door I was leaning against went from autolock to self serve because I leaned against it so hard. Two minutes straight. From security to the cameramen from the local networks, just practically dying. It doesn't matter what Brian Giles does the rest of his life; hell, he could save Jessica Alba from a new millennium Armageddon, and every time I see him from now on it's going to be *KEERASH* *KEERASH* *KEERASH*
I say to the event manger afterwards "We need to pick up the shards and sell them on eBay"; sadly, she thought I was kidding.
And then, to conclude the night, in front of my boss I say to departing manager Bruce Bochy and general manager Kevin Towers, "I don't mean to tell you how to run your franchise or anything, but you might want to switch Giles to DH."
Towers was not amused. Everybody else thought it was hilarious, though.
I'm almost psyched for baseball season again. Who would thunk it?
Ambient music: Lisa Lisa & Cult Jam feat. Full Force - I Wonder If I Take You Home
A hell of a lot of fun was had.
THINGS I LEARNED:
Ballplayers, past, present, or future, draw more dimes than a bank in a small town. It was like a All-Blonde-You-Can-Eat buffet with a few exceptions.
Dave Winfield? GOOD PEOPLE. That's right, motherbitches.
Cute girls can be hot wearing baseball uniforms. I don't know why, exactly, that's just how it is.
Doing the Christian pound-your-chest-and-point-at-random-"homie" to a mascot dressed up in a suit is comedy gold.
One of the local TV newscasters who's been on seemingly since before I was born is MAYBE five feet. When I dwarf somebody, to quote Sir Lewis of Black, thaaaaat's....fucked up.
Jeanne Zelasko cleans up nice.
Khalid Greene looks like Spicoli and is nowhere near as verbose.
But the highlight of the night...
Towards the end, Brian Giles gets an award. The man is a defensive wizard, in the running or perhaps has won the Gold Glove. An exceptional player on a good team. He grabs the award and goes to do the victory pose photo op.
It slips from his hands.
It is a big ass glass home plate.
*KEERASH*
I had the best vantage point, at the doorway looking dead center at the podium where the speeches and auction (surprisingly fun to watch) were held. Everybody in the room does the horrified gasp, which is the first time I can remember hearing that and not seeing it as a cliche in a flick or show. Ten seconds later, everybody from Tim Flannery to Randy Jones is laughing their ass off. I laughed so hard, the door I was leaning against went from autolock to self serve because I leaned against it so hard. Two minutes straight. From security to the cameramen from the local networks, just practically dying. It doesn't matter what Brian Giles does the rest of his life; hell, he could save Jessica Alba from a new millennium Armageddon, and every time I see him from now on it's going to be *KEERASH* *KEERASH* *KEERASH*
I say to the event manger afterwards "We need to pick up the shards and sell them on eBay"; sadly, she thought I was kidding.
And then, to conclude the night, in front of my boss I say to departing manager Bruce Bochy and general manager Kevin Towers, "I don't mean to tell you how to run your franchise or anything, but you might want to switch Giles to DH."
Towers was not amused. Everybody else thought it was hilarious, though.
I'm almost psyched for baseball season again. Who would thunk it?
Ambient music: Lisa Lisa & Cult Jam feat. Full Force - I Wonder If I Take You Home
11/15/04
"It Is Time We Face Up To The Unfaceuptoable!"
Fucking hell, I'm going to have to get a new job. The torrent of hours at the SDCC have slowed to a trickle. And telling people I made a donation in their name to the Human Fund after me kicking out the jams for Christmas isn't going to cut it, I fear.
It's really a shame, too. Despite all the boredom that sometimes came along with it, I really had a lot of fun with it some of the time. Met my first girl there, heard some of the dumbest things I've ever heard in my life, made good and great friends, and, of course, the money. Maaaaaaan, I'm going to miss that.
Of course, I started this here deal because I figured with the job I'd have something to talk about, rather than this being one big nonstop "This Is The Noise That Keeps Me Awake". But now, it looks like my days of looking like a train conductor for the sake of others is winding down.
Train kept a-rollin'....
Ambient music: the Hives - A Little More For Little You
It's really a shame, too. Despite all the boredom that sometimes came along with it, I really had a lot of fun with it some of the time. Met my first girl there, heard some of the dumbest things I've ever heard in my life, made good and great friends, and, of course, the money. Maaaaaaan, I'm going to miss that.
Of course, I started this here deal because I figured with the job I'd have something to talk about, rather than this being one big nonstop "This Is The Noise That Keeps Me Awake". But now, it looks like my days of looking like a train conductor for the sake of others is winding down.
Train kept a-rollin'....
Ambient music: the Hives - A Little More For Little You
11/14/04
Consistency Now
Pointless Bowling Update:
So a game 35 above my average gets immediately bookended by a game 35 below, and since the number above the average in the first game is lower than the total number of games, there's no average change.
Simple math is fun.
Ambient music: Blondie - One Way Or Another
- 137.
- 152.
- 82. No, really.
So a game 35 above my average gets immediately bookended by a game 35 below, and since the number above the average in the first game is lower than the total number of games, there's no average change.
Simple math is fun.
Ambient music: Blondie - One Way Or Another
11/13/04
Rosser Top Ten
Kicking New Flava In Ya Ear: "Lose My Breath", What U Gon' Do", "Mosh"
Dropped From Rankings: "Somebody Told Me", 5; "She Will Be Loved" 7, "The New Workout Plan", 9; "Why", 10
(10) Jay-Z & Linkin Park --> Encore vs. Numb (debut)*
(09) Ciara feat. Petey Pablo --> Goodies (8)
(08) Jimmy Eat World --> Pain (debut)*
(07) the Roots --> Star (6)
(06) U2 --> Vertigo (debut)*
(05) Green Day --> American Idiot (3)
(04) Trick Daddy feat. Lil' Jon & Twista --> Let's Go (debut)*
(03) Terror Squad --> Lean Back (2)
(02) Gwen Stefani --> What You Waiting For? (4)*
(01) Snoop Dogg feat. Pharrell --> Drop It Like It's Hot (1) [1m]
Ambient music: Papa Roach - Between Angels And Insects
Dropped From Rankings: "Somebody Told Me", 5; "She Will Be Loved" 7, "The New Workout Plan", 9; "Why", 10
(10) Jay-Z & Linkin Park --> Encore vs. Numb (debut)*
(09) Ciara feat. Petey Pablo --> Goodies (8)
(08) Jimmy Eat World --> Pain (debut)*
(07) the Roots --> Star (6)
(06) U2 --> Vertigo (debut)*
(05) Green Day --> American Idiot (3)
(04) Trick Daddy feat. Lil' Jon & Twista --> Let's Go (debut)*
(03) Terror Squad --> Lean Back (2)
(02) Gwen Stefani --> What You Waiting For? (4)*
(01) Snoop Dogg feat. Pharrell --> Drop It Like It's Hot (1) [1m]
Ambient music: Papa Roach - Between Angels And Insects
11/6/04
Seeing Red
All right, let's see if we can get this here blog/life back on some less-controversial path, shall we? Can I kick it? The consensus seems to be "Yes, you can!"
So.
Aaron will understand when I say "I was wearing the mushroom 1-up cap". Basically since I bought that thing at Comic-Con it has always without fail ended up with me having a story to tell about my night out, whether it be drunken Michigan housewives trying to trade it for a map of their homestate or me randomly slapping the ass of of a birthday girl--the 1-up comes out, and the situations "1-up" from the normal.
Tonight, Ivan & I hit the club late. We didn't intend to, because my first caveat was "no clubbing tonight, I'm still recovering from Saturday". Of course, once I heard the beats everything changed. But we were slumming: jeans, me in my new "I'm Rick James--enjoy yo self" shirt. SLUMMING, ya understand. Eventually after walking around the Gaslamp we end up at Rock Bottom. $5 to get in, so what the hey. I'm dancing around, doing the scouting. Four girls in a group, all in love with each other and not in the fun way.
And a hyperactive redhead who keeps dancing and dancing and playing with her hair...
...neurons now moving...
...connections being made...
...it might be...could be...but naw...NA--really?
It's my life. So of course, it actually is Christy Hemme.
And then, a moment that goes down in the Rosser Canon. I think about it, and then I ask her if she's her. Which she is. But that's not the punchline.
SHE BLOWS ME OFF WHEN I ASK HER TO DANCE.
She walks out of the club, and I start cracking up. I don't know why that was my reaction, but even now I think it's one of the three funniest things to happen to me all year and might be the funniest. I stagger laughing like a maniac (in the middle of "Culo" no less) to Ivan, tell him that was worth $5, and go. So we spend the next hour and a half absolutely shredding Christy and going on what I can only describe as a "keeping it real" jihad. Current list of excuses I'm working on:
1) I still have the sniffles and she was afraid to catch something with the flu shot shortage.
2) She's gotten too Hollywood.
3) RACIST.
4) I was wearing my slumming clothes.
Please feel free to add on to that, by the way. So between shredding her--actually, I'm going to pause and keep doing it. Like she better than me. Paid the same $5 I did. Wasn't no magic $5. If she was really up on shit she'd be in On Broadway or E Street Alley at a place that cost $20. Like she better than me. PFFT!
So between that, we smoked premium orange hookah, flirted with the countergirl, and sent Amanda a myriad of dirty, filthy text messages that will be reproduced on request. Good times, good times.
First she got Gail Kim fired, and now this. Do anything for the fans MY BLACK ASS!
It's a good thing I found out now, because I didn't want to wake up in April hating myself for getting with someone so self-involved and living a shallow husk of a life. I wouldn't be able to live with myself! Why?
CAUSE I KEEPS IT REAL!
So shit on her, shit on Hollywood, shit on all you fake-ass C-list bitches, shit on the radio, shit on the Republicans, and if you don't like it you can get in line to suck my fucking cock; the line forms behind Trish and y'all can argue about the order after that.
Boy, you just wait until Iyari hears about this next year, she's going to fuck her up...
THE PUNCHLINE: Had to work a biker convention today (Saturday) and guess who got her own introduction?
Small world.
Ambient music:the sobs of regret on the pillow of remorse English Beat - Tears Of A Clown
So.
Aaron will understand when I say "I was wearing the mushroom 1-up cap". Basically since I bought that thing at Comic-Con it has always without fail ended up with me having a story to tell about my night out, whether it be drunken Michigan housewives trying to trade it for a map of their homestate or me randomly slapping the ass of of a birthday girl--the 1-up comes out, and the situations "1-up" from the normal.
Tonight, Ivan & I hit the club late. We didn't intend to, because my first caveat was "no clubbing tonight, I'm still recovering from Saturday". Of course, once I heard the beats everything changed. But we were slumming: jeans, me in my new "I'm Rick James--enjoy yo self" shirt. SLUMMING, ya understand. Eventually after walking around the Gaslamp we end up at Rock Bottom. $5 to get in, so what the hey. I'm dancing around, doing the scouting. Four girls in a group, all in love with each other and not in the fun way.
And a hyperactive redhead who keeps dancing and dancing and playing with her hair...
...neurons now moving...
...connections being made...
...it might be...could be...but naw...NA--really?
It's my life. So of course, it actually is Christy Hemme.
And then, a moment that goes down in the Rosser Canon. I think about it, and then I ask her if she's her. Which she is. But that's not the punchline.
SHE BLOWS ME OFF WHEN I ASK HER TO DANCE.
She walks out of the club, and I start cracking up. I don't know why that was my reaction, but even now I think it's one of the three funniest things to happen to me all year and might be the funniest. I stagger laughing like a maniac (in the middle of "Culo" no less) to Ivan, tell him that was worth $5, and go. So we spend the next hour and a half absolutely shredding Christy and going on what I can only describe as a "keeping it real" jihad. Current list of excuses I'm working on:
1) I still have the sniffles and she was afraid to catch something with the flu shot shortage.
2) She's gotten too Hollywood.
3) RACIST.
4) I was wearing my slumming clothes.
Please feel free to add on to that, by the way. So between shredding her--actually, I'm going to pause and keep doing it. Like she better than me. Paid the same $5 I did. Wasn't no magic $5. If she was really up on shit she'd be in On Broadway or E Street Alley at a place that cost $20. Like she better than me. PFFT!
So between that, we smoked premium orange hookah, flirted with the countergirl, and sent Amanda a myriad of dirty, filthy text messages that will be reproduced on request. Good times, good times.
First she got Gail Kim fired, and now this. Do anything for the fans MY BLACK ASS!
It's a good thing I found out now, because I didn't want to wake up in April hating myself for getting with someone so self-involved and living a shallow husk of a life. I wouldn't be able to live with myself! Why?
CAUSE I KEEPS IT REAL!
So shit on her, shit on Hollywood, shit on all you fake-ass C-list bitches, shit on the radio, shit on the Republicans, and if you don't like it you can get in line to suck my fucking cock; the line forms behind Trish and y'all can argue about the order after that.
Boy, you just wait until Iyari hears about this next year, she's going to fuck her up...
THE PUNCHLINE: Had to work a biker convention today (Saturday) and guess who got her own introduction?
Small world.
Ambient music:
11/3/04
VANCOUVER Ho
Unbefuckinglievable.
Is there any way I can get this side of the country to secede from the union? I mean, I realized I lived in the most liberal place this side of Amsterdam where boys kiss boys and nobody freaks out, but watching the absolute avalanche of red states is just depressing. After all that work trying to get new people to vote, all the ones who went for Kerry must really be having a crisis of faith about just how much their vote is actually worth.
The Dems are deader than Dale Earnhart. Their biggest charisma draws are a woman (Hillary) and a black man (Obama) and apparently the majority of the country is stuck back in the forties so you've got a better chance of seeing me escort Jessica Alba to the Fantastic 4 premiere than either of them drawing enough to win. No Senate, no House, do not pass go, do not collect 270 votes.
It's not a secret I don't have anything resembling love or even respect for President Squinty. (See?) And I can't imagine something's going to happen before 2008 that'll make me change my mind--assuming I haven't been killed for various thoughtcrime by then.
But, if there's anything I hope happens in the next four years, I hope Iraq doesn't become the new millennium Vietnam. The nearly 52/48 vote in this country (and I'm convinced 5 of that is 'Well, we're still in the war, we should let him finish') should show him that there is a large amount of the sect he still has to win over. Maybe he can do it.
Do I think he's going to?
Well...
Ambient music: Gwen Stefani - What You Waiting For?
Is there any way I can get this side of the country to secede from the union? I mean, I realized I lived in the most liberal place this side of Amsterdam where boys kiss boys and nobody freaks out, but watching the absolute avalanche of red states is just depressing. After all that work trying to get new people to vote, all the ones who went for Kerry must really be having a crisis of faith about just how much their vote is actually worth.
The Dems are deader than Dale Earnhart. Their biggest charisma draws are a woman (Hillary) and a black man (Obama) and apparently the majority of the country is stuck back in the forties so you've got a better chance of seeing me escort Jessica Alba to the Fantastic 4 premiere than either of them drawing enough to win. No Senate, no House, do not pass go, do not collect 270 votes.
It's not a secret I don't have anything resembling love or even respect for President Squinty. (See?) And I can't imagine something's going to happen before 2008 that'll make me change my mind--assuming I haven't been killed for various thoughtcrime by then.
But, if there's anything I hope happens in the next four years, I hope Iraq doesn't become the new millennium Vietnam. The nearly 52/48 vote in this country (and I'm convinced 5 of that is 'Well, we're still in the war, we should let him finish') should show him that there is a large amount of the sect he still has to win over. Maybe he can do it.
Do I think he's going to?
Well...
Ambient music: Gwen Stefani - What You Waiting For?
11/1/04
Starfuckers Inc.: November '04
Here's Some Bus Fare:
Natalie Portman, 18; Sarah Chalke, 20; Victoria Silvstedt, 24; Jennifer Garner, 25
25) Christina Aguilera (re-entry, peak 6)
24) Rachel Bilson (re-entry, 10)
23) Dawn Marie (re-entry, 22)
22) Rebecca Romijn (both 15)
21) Eva Longoria (debut)
20) Heidi Klum (22/10)
19) Jamie Pressly (17/7)
18) Jennifer Walcott (both 11)
17) Halle Berry (19/17)
16) Beyonce Knowles (23/4)
15) Kitana Baker (both 14)
14) Gloria Velez (both 21)
13) Carmen Electra (16/5)
12) Pam Anderson (both 12)
11) Kristanna Loken (both 8)
10) Josie Maran (both 10)
09) Vida Guerra (9/6)
08) Gail Kim (13/8)
07) Eliza Dushku (7/3)
06) Adriana Lima (6/3)
05) Lindsay Lohan (5/3)
04) Jessica Alba (2/1)
03) Angelina Jolie (4/1)
02) Brooke Burke (3/1)
01) Trish Stratus (both 1)
Ambient music: Franz Ferdinand - This Fire
Natalie Portman, 18; Sarah Chalke, 20; Victoria Silvstedt, 24; Jennifer Garner, 25
25) Christina Aguilera (re-entry, peak 6)
24) Rachel Bilson (re-entry, 10)
23) Dawn Marie (re-entry, 22)
22) Rebecca Romijn (both 15)
21) Eva Longoria (debut)
20) Heidi Klum (22/10)
19) Jamie Pressly (17/7)
18) Jennifer Walcott (both 11)
17) Halle Berry (19/17)
16) Beyonce Knowles (23/4)
15) Kitana Baker (both 14)
14) Gloria Velez (both 21)
13) Carmen Electra (16/5)
12) Pam Anderson (both 12)
11) Kristanna Loken (both 8)
10) Josie Maran (both 10)
09) Vida Guerra (9/6)
08) Gail Kim (13/8)
07) Eliza Dushku (7/3)
06) Adriana Lima (6/3)
05) Lindsay Lohan (5/3)
04) Jessica Alba (2/1)
03) Angelina Jolie (4/1)
02) Brooke Burke (3/1)
01) Trish Stratus (both 1)
Ambient music: Franz Ferdinand - This Fire
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