This Is For Me And I Know Everyone Knows

This is on a side of me, and all this I know to be true: I have a job that allows me to live about as reasonably as possible. Coworkers I get along with, some better than others. The class I pay for and am learning a foreign language in is going beyond all expectations, so much so that I'm in the uppermost echelon of the class. I have great friends, however scattered and scatterbrained, that've hung with me through the valleys and are helping me hoist the flags at the peaks.

And I have the first girlfriend of my life, which is everything I ever wanted or dreamed, physically and mentally. Through sheer force of will she's made me a better person, got through all the millions of walls I'd put up and gotten into my heart. She has me in a sea of cliches but when I see her smile and I make her laugh I know people have more than I do but none of them anywhere is living better than I am at that time.

And yet.

This is on the other side of me, and all this I know to be true: we're going to have to move before the summer because the rent's going up and we have no idea where to move to. They're closing my dad's work and it is not a sure thing that he'll be able to get a job with the Center. My mom's fighting off diabetes, a shoulder that is periously close to being a glorified change purse, and who knows what else. My grandmother's hitting the end of the road, if no one else will say it, and is getting increasingly blind and dependent by the day. My aunt's arthritis is beginning to come in on her too.

So what do you do? You live in joy forever and the first shot of darkness is perennial eclipse. You worry and you fret and at the end of the metaphorical day you're dead anyways and what few moments of joy you could've had went by in sneezes.

What do you do?

Swim.

Learn to swim.

Learn to swim.

Learn to swim.

Currently playing: Ben Folds Five's "Don't Change Your Plans"

As A Fat Man Once Taught Me...

The more I know, the less I understand. All the things I thought I knew, I'm learning again.

So I'm fucking giddy over talking to Cristal for about 40 minutes, so much so I go on a "Heaven Is A Place On Earth" bender. Seriously. And I'm flipping the dial, and all of a sudden I see one of my 43 bosses Anthony.

Not because he's stalking me, not because he's blown up the Center, but because he's on Blind Date.

That's TWO people I've seen on this show now. They're really going after him, the poor bastard. Hey, there's where I didn't go to prom!

May you be cursed to live in interesting times, kids!

The February Starfuckers, Inc. Top 25

Fell from my good grace: Victoria Silvstedt, 16; Tyra Banks, 19; Stacy Keibler, 20; Michelle Branch, 21; Leeann Tweeden, 22; Lucy Liu, 23; Jennifer Love Hewitt, 24

LM TM Object Of Lust Peak
25 = 25 Kristanna Loken 25
NR ^ 24 Christina Aguilera 6
NR ^ 23 Kim Smith 23
NR ^ 22 Dawn Marie 22
07 v 21 Jaime Pressly 7
NR ^ 20 Halle Berry 20
17 v 19 Ana Beatriz Barros 17
NR ^ 18 Victoria 18
11 v 17 Heidi Klum 10
09 v 16 Alyson Hannigan 6
08 v 15 Sofia Vergara 8
18 ^ 14 Britney Spears 14
15 ^ 13 Adriana Lima 13
NR ^ 12 Alyssa Milano 12
13 ^ 11 Michelle Trachtenberg 9

NR ^ 10 Rachel Bilson 10
06 v 09 Vida Guerra 6
12 ^ 08 Anna Kournikova 8
14 ^ 07 Angelina Jolie 7
10 ^ 06 Beyonce Knowles 6

05 = 05 Carmen Electra 5
03 v 04 Eliza Dushku 3
02 v 03 Brooke Burke 2
01 v 02 Trish Stratus 1
04 ^ 01 Jessica Alba 1

Still also receiving votes: Josie Maran, Elisha Cuthbert, Vanessa Kay

New flava: Kitana Baker, Cameron Diaz, Shakira

That's it! THAT'S the list!

Currently playing: Jimmy Eat World's "The Middle"

A KWBR Sampling, And It's Been One Week...

So it turns out since we're on an equal level, the Corporation has blessed our union--though two of my bosses have said (hopefully joking) that if I break her heart they will fire me.

I finally bought a cell phone.

Watch me become everything I've ever hated. December Me's looking at Today Me and going "Nigga, what happened to you? You P. Diddy?" In A Completely Unrelated Note, you know what's an awesome sentence prefix is my girlfriend. My girlfriend teaches kids. My girlfriend's bilingual. My girlfriend's an older woman. My girlfriend MY GIRLFRIEND MY MOTHERFUCKING GIRLFRIEND!

*deep inhale* Life is goooooooooooooooood.

And now, inspired by Mr. Dupin, 20 consecutive random songs that came up on my Winamp

(01) Tantric >>> Breakdown
(02) Richard Cheese & Lounge Against the Machine >>> Closer (live)
(03) Stone Temple Pilots >>> Big Bang Baby
(04) Janet Jackson (hey, MY GIRLFRIEND'S favorite artist) >>> Escapade
(05) Kenny Wayne Shepherd >>> Blue On Black
(06) Prodigy >>> Firestarter (heh)
(07) Nirvana >>> Jesus Don't Want Me For A Sunbeam (unplugged)
(08) Jimmy Clift >>> I Can See Clearly Now
(09) Run-DMC >>> The Kings [for DX back when]
(10) David Gray >>> Babylon
(11) Dave Chappelle >>> HBO hour long comedy special, Killin' 'Em Softly
(12) Sex Pistols >>> God Save The Queen
(13) Tracy Chapman >>> Fast Car
(14) Alanis Morrissette >>> Your House [hidden track off Jagged Little Pill]
(15) The Roots & Mos Def >>> Double Trouble
(16) Semisonic >>> Closing Time
(17) Roy Orbison >>> Only The Lonely
(18) Blues Traveler >>> Hook
(19) Rob Base & DJ Ez Rock >>> It Takes Two
(20) Pete Yorn >>> Life On A Chain

I will give any radio station alive my kidney to do 7 into 8, 12 into 13, 14 into 15. 10 & 20 are on MTV2's Handpicked, which you should get on general principles.

Who wants to read a funny work story about the best 168 hours of my life? That's right, you do. "Dance, puppets, DANCE!"--Stewie Griffin, Family Guy

Butch 0wns j00: No, me being the master of subtlety, I brought up intraoffice dating to my bosses during ticket counting today
Butch 0wns j00: So one was like "Who're you dating?" and I was all "Oh, it's not me." Very convincingly. And she was like "no one asks unless they are already."
Grand Theft Rob: they're not total Boffos! Geez. That's like that "well, I have a friend who has this hypothethical problem" speech
Grand Theft Rob: they know you're talking about yourself
Butch 0wns j00: And I allowed it might could be me, and then they asked for an initial. They knew off of that. That's OK, but I can't date supervisors cause of the feudal capitalist system, and she turned to the other female supervisor and went, "I'm sorry, Karyn, you're going to have to break up with him."
Butch 0wns j00: She turned red a little. I was practically baying at the moon.
Grand Theft Rob: hahah
Grand Theft Rob: awesome
Butch 0wns j00: Karyn's very, very quiet. Very cool, but very quiet.
Butch 0wns j00: Then I was informed they really like her so if I break her heart I'm fired
Grand Theft Rob: at Jack, it was kinda informal. Except if people started dating, inevitably it became a problem putting them on the same shift
Grand Theft Rob: because you know how it goes - one calls in, both call in. And the matter of actually working assuming they both show up....
Butch 0wns j00: Yeah
Butch 0wns j00: But she only works weekends so it shouldn't be a thing
Butch 0wns j00: But Karyn was nodding her head when I said C, because the other one--Caroline--had heard such things to that effect
Grand Theft Rob: I remember one time Rhonda and I were up in the office. I was doing the schedule and she was doing paperwork and this dumb girl named Amanda called it for like the third time that week - and she was nailing this other guy who had already no-called no showed
Grand Theft Rob: that day and I asked her what was wrong (Very dubiously...I knew what was up) and she said she had the flu
Grand Theft Rob: and I repeated it out loud so Rhonda could hear
Grand Theft Rob: and Rhonda snaps, "she must have the FUCKING flu", emphasizing the f-word
Grand Theft Rob: and I hung up and both of us just cracked up.
Butch 0wns j00: Heh
Grand Theft Rob: the FUCKING flu. That became a running gag for a while.
Grand Theft Rob: "I'm going home, I have the FUCKING flu." "Rob, you ain't got nobody to fuck." ":-("
Butch 0wns j00: Karyn goes, "Oh, so it's offical. You know, I caught them." Not insinuating anything, but Caroline loses her humor like that. "You caught them?" and I'm like (what could she have caught us doing, we're still kiss--VALENTIN--) "Oh, yeah, she did catch us."
Butch 0wns j00: And then we had to explain.
Butch 0wns j00: But see? Funny.
Grand Theft Rob: heh
Grand Theft Rob: you got caught!
Butch 0wns j00: So we can't screw on the premises during our shift.
Butch 0wns j00: But other than that, full speed ahead.
Butch 0wns j00: In A Hilarious Sidenote, I'm missing the sexual harassment seminar Thursday to get my ID renewed
Butch 0wns j00: And she's not going because she's teaching
Butch 0wns j00: >>>insert eyebrow raise heah<<<
Grand Theft Rob: hehehe
Grand Theft Rob: we had a sexual harassment tape
Butch 0wns j00: See, I wanted to go! I was hoping I was going to get to be the disgusting guy in charge with a fake porn mustache and stuff
Butch 0wns j00: But noooooooooooooo

Currently playing (21?): holy SHIT, Stevie Wonder's "Superstition"

From The Home Office In Rasheed Wallace's "Travel Case"

Dropped: "Fortune Faded", 5; "In My Life", 8, "Milkshake", 9

[10] Norah Jones --> Sunrise (N)*
[09] Big Boi feat. Sleepy Brown --> The Way You Move (6)
[08] Joss Stone --> Fell In Love With A Boy (N)*
[07] Coldplay --> Moses (live) (3)
[06] A Perfect Circle --> Weak And Powerless (7)*

[05] N.E.R.D. --> She Wants To Move (N)*
[04] Kanye West --> Through The Wire (10)*

[03] Jet --> Are You Gonna Be My Girl (2)

[02] Alicia Keys --> You Don't Know My Name (4)*

[01] the Darkness --> I Believe In A Thing Called Love (1) [1m]

Currently playing: Soundgarden's "My Wave"

Call Mel Kiper Jr.

Because as of 8:37 p.m. Pacific Standard Time, February 15th, 2004...

Butch Rosser is finally--FINALLY--off the draft board.

Currently playing: Outkast's "Rosa Parks" and plenty ofs it

Train Keeps A-Rollin'

Two roses: $8

Box of premium chocolate hearts: $12

The look on her face: priceless. (She was just thinking of me, and how nice it'd be if someone showed up and gave her some V-Day stuff.)

Now the second date tomorrow and the meeting of my friends...that's gonna cost me. But fuck it.

It's so fucking WEIRD to be on this side of Valentine's Day--all happy and into somebody and joyous and...well, not me.

Two down.

Currently playing: the Motherfucking Chappelle Trio's Diff'rent Strokes cover

Clearer

So no Roots and I don't care.

She got a new job (something akin to permasubstitute and don't think about that term too long or blood'll shoot out your nose) the day after our...thing, that makes her get up at 5 weekdays. I have been there and it suuuuuuuucks. That explains Friday, as she got in around 4, crashed around 4:05, and woke up at quarter until midnight. Oh, and hey, guess which dumbass forgot to give her his phone number and still kept calling every few days?

I blame the Republicans.

But anyway, we had a good talk again today. I've determined the longer I stay on a phone with a girl is in direct proportion to my interest. 50 minutes means great interest. 5 minutes means friends. 20 seconds means telemarketer.

I'll bring her some stuff Saturday as I come off and she comes on. Nothing too fancy. Couple roses, peanut butter cup hearts, Al Green's Greatest Hits. I guess I can chase those N*E*R*D/Black Eyed Peas tix next month in earnest now. ($23?! Yeah, I'm in for sure now) I think I'm getting a thing for Fergie, too. Anyways, we're both off Sunday & Monday so maybe I'll coerce her into doing something and going somewhere then.

So what the hell am I gonna do V-Day? I can't do the "get drunk pig out and watch High Fidelity" gloom and doom but I also can't quite negotiate the "wookin por nub", either. Hm.

Currently playing: the Propellerheads feat. Shirley Bassey's "History Repeating"

Celebrating A Quarter Century Of...Well, Something Or Other...

Well we know where we're goin'
But we don't know where we've been
And we know what we're knowing
But we can't say what we've seen
And we're not little children
And we know what we want
And the future is certain
Give us time to work it out

We're on a road to nowhere
Come on inside
Takin' that ride to nowhere
We'll take that ride

Feelin' okay this mornin'
And you know,
We're on the road to paradise
Here we go, here we go

We're on a ride to nowhere
Come on inside
Takin' that ride to nowhere
We'll take that ride

Maybe you wonder where you are
I don't care
Here is where time is on our side
Take you there...take you there

We're on a road to nowhere
We're on a road to nowhere
We're on a road to nowhere

There's a city in my mind
Come along and take that ride
and it's all right, baby, it's all right

And it's very far away
But it's growing day by day
And it's all right, baby, it's all right

Would you like to come along
and you could help me sing this song?
And it's all right, baby, it's all right

They can tell you what to do
But they'll make a fool of you
And it's all right, baby, it's all right
[x2]

We're on a road to nowhere...
--Talking Heads, "Road To Nowhere"

the Most Recent In A Series Of High Fidelity Moments

The ends of my mustache are getting away from me, and that's not good. The bridge between mustache and beard have not quite fully formed Goatee Road, though the concrete is being layed for such, and it's not good because it makes the chaos theory at the ends stand out.

Why the hell don't I get rid of it, you ask, and well you should.

I dunno--the last couple days I've been all up in a heavel. Friday fizzled out, haven't spoken to her since Wednesday. She told me something was going down Thursday and New Butch wants to go down to work and Rational Don't Blow This You Idjit Butch is saying I should stay here and study for my Spanish test. [How fucked is THAT, by the by? That's what I always wanted for my birthday--a quiz. And work. Huzzah.] I just wish I knew, dammit, 'cause being on the edge of this is driving me nuts.

The party went...meh. I think I thought it was more spectacular than it was due to my inebriation. And I took some pics--if only I could find out how to upload them. Plus I got my goblet. My friend Ivan bought me a beer mug/crystal goblet looking deal that has Pimp Legion of Doom: Honorary Member on it so all's I need is a new hat and a cane.

But that's not the point.

I just wish I knew. And I wish she'd say yes. I perceived something. I thought I did. There's this person clawing inside of me that doesn't greet the day with a groan and smiles not just because he's at work and it's his job and is becoming, while not exactly a saint, something closer to the productive member of society.

And as she started fishing him out of me, the crazy thing was I wanted that guy free. He was me in my youth, before I found out the truth and let it build a wall on me. I laughed, and not in a figures-that'd-happen way, and then thing after thing after FUCKING THING happened--you ever see a karate exhibition on ESPN2 and one guy's pressing the other and the other guy's backing up, swinging and kicking, trying to come out of the corner and realizing it's probably futile because he should've gotten the jump?

If not, sorry. If you do, you understand.

I can't keep living like this.

25 shouldn't be like the other 24.

Currently playing: the Flaming Lips' "Do You Realize?"

From the Home Office In Under 19 Hours...

Dropped: "Hey Ya", 8; "It's My Life", 9

[10] Kanye West --> Through The Wire (N)*
[09] Kelis --> Milkshake (7)
[08] Juvenile f. Mannie Fresh --> In My Life (N)*
[07] A Perfect Circle --> Weak And Powerless (10)*
[06] Big Boi f. Sleepy Brown --> The Way You Move (5)

[05] Red Hot Chili Peppers --> Fortune Faded (6)
[04] Alicia Keys --> You Don't Know My Name (3)

[03] Coldplay --> Moses (live) (4)*

[02] Jet --> Are You Gonna Be My Girl (1)

[01] the Darkness --> I Believe In A Thing Called Love (2) [2w]

Currently playing: Smashing Pumpkins' "The End Is The Beginning Is The End"

GIRLZ = RATINGZ!~~!0101010101100

Oh, yeah, the news you've all been waiting to hear: I ACED MY FIRST SPANISH QUIZ!

Sorry.

The news you've REALLY all been waiting to hear: I BOUGHT A DIGITAL CAMERA!

I'll stop that right now.

So, I'm making her a CD. And we're going to spend the next two Fridays together, Valentine's Day Eve with the Roots. AND guests.

She sadly can't make the party Saturday, but ah well.

Ew...I feel all happy and stuff.

Currently playing: Q-Tip's "Vivrant Thing"