I've come to the decision.
In September, to quote a wise African-American philosopher, I'm going to Miami. (And probably solo, though as with boxing, Card Subject To Change)
There really isn't another way out of this: I need to take a vacation because it's been too long, and even my hearty steel-working parentals get a couple weekends off every year. I've gotten outside of work exactly once in about two years. Before that it was either school and/or the Great Depression. Honestly, the last vacation I took was with the fam in Vegas back in Clinton/Dole. Vegas underage! Hell, why don't I go to Paris' condo for Bible study?
I'm really looking forward to going, as I've never even gotten within shouting distance of the place. And I figure, how can I go wrong? Just got the Flash jersey, great weather, beaches, bikinis, pressed Cuban sandwiches, models, Ocean Drive, hot & cold running chicks, finding out what hot & cold running chicks means, going around town and every so often going "That's okay. Anot'er quaalude, she'll love me again!"--how can I lose?
Besides, any town that Jessica Alba & Eva Longoria party in together for New Year's has got to have something going for it.
So, anyways, if any of you have been to Miami (bienvenido a Miami) and have some tips for locales to hit up and some clubs to get thrown out of get at me about that. I'm going to start looking into places & flights.
¡Adios!
Ambient music: LL Cool J - Around The Way Girl
3/29/05
3/27/05
To-Do List: Saturday
- Watch best day of comebacks in NCAA Tourney history and exult as Illinois just barely manages to save what's left of your bracket/ass.
- In between games, get Chappelle's Show shirt for half price.
- Go low key to the club tonight and leave the chalice. Opt for shirt you bought day previous at a clearance sale for $10 worth $35.
- Freak out when you hear Kris Kross' "Jump" for the first time since you hit puberty.
- Watch the most awe-inspiring ass-shaking you've seen outside of the uncut video for "Disco Inferno".
- Mack chick.
- Diffuse potential awkwardness of recreating Next's "Too Close" with ™ humor and charm.
- Slow dance/grind for "Lovers And Friends".
- Get digits.
- Go to favorite hookah bar.
- Manage to only think and not scream "SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET!" as favorite hot, blonde stacked waitresss is rocking a jean skirt and glasses.
- Relax by listening to a great chillax mix with "Adam's Song", "The Hardest Button To Button", and especially "There There" while smoking so much premium orange that to quote a wise man you met once, they can perform a coup de gras on your head with a rock when you're done.
- Shoutout your peeps (less the new father) via texting and voicemail. Fuck it, you're still technically faced.
- Put on Al Green's Greatest Hits and fuck Jessica Alba until she needs a handicapped placard to get around.
You know, no matter how good a day goes, it's always that last one...
Ambient music: the Cardigans - Erase/Rewind
3/23/05
Gray Wednesday
Parents are going on vacation next week for the Chick Final Four. I get to make sure my Grandma & brother stay alive in their absence.
Friends are going to Palm Springs, New York, LA, Hawaii. Seeing loved ones. I'm staying here to serve jury duty and "read" the new GQ.
People are going to run to church as if they can no longer repent on their deathbeds. I'm...doing something.
At a moment like this I recognize the need for steady companionship, and I also realize I need to take a vacation this year for the first time in about a decade. (Can't go to Vegas, at least not solo. That's just asking for trouble.)
People are off living lives, and I'm learning how to drive a cart on my day off.
Less Norton.
More Pitt.
I am Butch's wasted life (?)
Ambient music: Pete Rock & CL Smooth - T.R.O.Y. (They Reminisce Over You)
Friends are going to Palm Springs, New York, LA, Hawaii. Seeing loved ones. I'm staying here to serve jury duty and "read" the new GQ.
People are going to run to church as if they can no longer repent on their deathbeds. I'm...doing something.
At a moment like this I recognize the need for steady companionship, and I also realize I need to take a vacation this year for the first time in about a decade. (Can't go to Vegas, at least not solo. That's just asking for trouble.)
People are off living lives, and I'm learning how to drive a cart on my day off.
Less Norton.
More Pitt.
I am Butch's wasted life (?)
Ambient music: Pete Rock & CL Smooth - T.R.O.Y. (They Reminisce Over You)
3/22/05
Gold Tuesday
Today was my day off. And today was my return to the stage.
As my rehearsals went on I could see Aaron slowly resigning himself to the fact that his Spielbergesque career was going to be replaced by whoever-it-is what wrote the Fletch series. I couldn't emote enough, and I sort of downtalked. I didn't care, really. Never been a practice player. Didn't write that winning speech until hours before cutoff.
And today, my last words before the Clerks scene: to paraphrase a wise African-American philosopher, I got 99 problems but this scene ain't one, hit me!
Had it not been for two pros doing the opening scene of the Producers it would've been--and I say this with no ego--well, some--the scene of the day. As it was, I had to settle for stealing the show. I just have never been able to muster the necessary emotion in practice that I can do in front of people. That's pretty fucking backwards but that's how I roll.
Then, we hung out with Merilynn, followed by Jen & Alyssa and saw the video I made last Saturday. Well, acted in. And very convincingly, I might add. Just someday it will cost me my bid for President. That's it.
So now with that good deed done, I can now refocus on Priority One: finding the real stealers and bring them to justice.
Ambient music: Limp Bizkit - Crushed
As my rehearsals went on I could see Aaron slowly resigning himself to the fact that his Spielbergesque career was going to be replaced by whoever-it-is what wrote the Fletch series. I couldn't emote enough, and I sort of downtalked. I didn't care, really. Never been a practice player. Didn't write that winning speech until hours before cutoff.
And today, my last words before the Clerks scene: to paraphrase a wise African-American philosopher, I got 99 problems but this scene ain't one, hit me!
Had it not been for two pros doing the opening scene of the Producers it would've been--and I say this with no ego--well, some--the scene of the day. As it was, I had to settle for stealing the show. I just have never been able to muster the necessary emotion in practice that I can do in front of people. That's pretty fucking backwards but that's how I roll.
Then, we hung out with Merilynn, followed by Jen & Alyssa and saw the video I made last Saturday. Well, acted in. And very convincingly, I might add. Just someday it will cost me my bid for President. That's it.
So now with that good deed done, I can now refocus on Priority One: finding the real stealers and bring them to justice.
Ambient music: Limp Bizkit - Crushed
3/21/05
Black Monday
For the first time all year I wasn't in the train conductor outfit. Black slacks, black shirt, black shoes.
And now I have the mood to match.
Let us ignore the fact the elevator ate my pen, and let us ignore that something else happened that angered me to the point where I threw my bag and shattered my headphones in the process...
After a weekend cloistered inside watching the Tournament, I was off to work today. The GQ had finally arrived. I took a picture with Natalie for prosperity to set the cover as my wallpaper. So I get off my shift with my hat and my jacket, my wallet, Natalie in the pocket, and it's all good.
Except.
Except for the part where someone stole Jessica right off of my bag.
No, I don't suddenly find it somewhere else. No, no one's seen it in a few hours. No, no one was playing a prank on me.
Someone bypassed my wallet, my $100+ worth of CDs, and the new Maxim, and took the GQ.
And someone--anyone--whoever--better hope and pray to their motherfucking God I don't find them out. Because I don't tend to get angry very often; but those who've seen my fury in those moments know I'm a different person.
And considering the circumstances...it would be a different person looking for any cheap excuse to bust somebody's motherfucking ass.
And now I have the mood to match.
Let us ignore the fact the elevator ate my pen, and let us ignore that something else happened that angered me to the point where I threw my bag and shattered my headphones in the process...
After a weekend cloistered inside watching the Tournament, I was off to work today. The GQ had finally arrived. I took a picture with Natalie for prosperity to set the cover as my wallpaper. So I get off my shift with my hat and my jacket, my wallet, Natalie in the pocket, and it's all good.
Except.
Except for the part where someone stole Jessica right off of my bag.
No, I don't suddenly find it somewhere else. No, no one's seen it in a few hours. No, no one was playing a prank on me.
Someone bypassed my wallet, my $100+ worth of CDs, and the new Maxim, and took the GQ.
And someone--anyone--whoever--better hope and pray to their motherfucking God I don't find them out. Because I don't tend to get angry very often; but those who've seen my fury in those moments know I'm a different person.
And considering the circumstances...it would be a different person looking for any cheap excuse to bust somebody's motherfucking ass.
3/19/05
Rosser Hot Fifteen
AIN'T NO SUNSHINE:
"Mira Mira", 14
15) the Alchemist feat. Nina Sky, Prodigy, & Illa Ghee, "Hold You Down" (11)
14) Ying Yang Twins, "Wait" (10)
13) Frankie J, "Obsession" (9)
12) Snoop Dogg feat. Pharrell, "Let's Get Blown" (12)
11) Nas feat. Quan, "Just A Moment" (13)*
10) John Legend, "Ordinary People" (debut)
09) Pitbull feat. Lil' Jon, "Toma" (6)
08) Jimmy Eat World, "Work" (15)*
07) T.I., "Bring Em Out" (7)
06) Mario, "Let Me Love You" (2)
05) Ludacris, "Number One Spot" (8)*
04) T.I., "You Don't Know Me" (5)*
03) Lil' Jon & the Eastside Boyz feat. Usher & Ludacris, "Lovers And Friends" (3)
02) 50 Cent, "Disco Inferno" (1)
01) the Game & 50 Cent, "Hate It Or Love It" (4) [2w]
Ambient music: Dre & Snoop - Dre Day
"Mira Mira", 14
15) the Alchemist feat. Nina Sky, Prodigy, & Illa Ghee, "Hold You Down" (11)
14) Ying Yang Twins, "Wait" (10)
13) Frankie J, "Obsession" (9)
12) Snoop Dogg feat. Pharrell, "Let's Get Blown" (12)
11) Nas feat. Quan, "Just A Moment" (13)*
10) John Legend, "Ordinary People" (debut)
09) Pitbull feat. Lil' Jon, "Toma" (6)
08) Jimmy Eat World, "Work" (15)*
07) T.I., "Bring Em Out" (7)
06) Mario, "Let Me Love You" (2)
05) Ludacris, "Number One Spot" (8)*
04) T.I., "You Don't Know Me" (5)*
03) Lil' Jon & the Eastside Boyz feat. Usher & Ludacris, "Lovers And Friends" (3)
02) 50 Cent, "Disco Inferno" (1)
01) the Game & 50 Cent, "Hate It Or Love It" (4) [2w]
Ambient music: Dre & Snoop - Dre Day
God Make Dirt & Dirt Bust Yo Ass
26-6 with the first round of the tournament games. Why, yes, I missed all the upsets and late nailbiters. Also, I'd like to send a big angry bear looking for a rectum to shove something into to Syracuse, Kansas, and New Mexico (I could get 15 fucking points in a half, you jackasses).
Hung out with Aaron to do my Clerks scene; I'm playing Randal to the surprise of...well, somebody. Got some of the county's finest pizza, then went over to his friends' poker game. Bought in for $10, came out with .10. And $23.
HIGHLIGHT of the NIGHT: Pocket hearts. Here's a flop. And I make like Eazy cause I flop DEEZ NUUUUUUUTS! Ace-fucking-high-flush and now is the time when I slowplay. One thing about watching poker on TV: it always drives me nuts when someone does flop the nuts and then immediately goes all in. Inevitably I end up screaming "GET SOME MONEY FIRST!" at the screen. So, yes, I slowplay. And Aaron walks right into it, making what ends up being a set of sailboats (4s) and follows me raising post-flop, post-turn, and post-river. Could he have gotten rid of me? God, no. Do I eventually push him to the point of all-in?
Oh, hell yes.
Pop & lock him, cause he just got served.
And yes, I expect to tell that story at work after I celebrate this unexpected, sudden, and welcome first weekend off of the year.
Ambient music: Nas - One Mic
Hung out with Aaron to do my Clerks scene; I'm playing Randal to the surprise of...well, somebody. Got some of the county's finest pizza, then went over to his friends' poker game. Bought in for $10, came out with .10. And $23.
HIGHLIGHT of the NIGHT: Pocket hearts. Here's a flop. And I make like Eazy cause I flop DEEZ NUUUUUUUTS! Ace-fucking-high-flush and now is the time when I slowplay. One thing about watching poker on TV: it always drives me nuts when someone does flop the nuts and then immediately goes all in. Inevitably I end up screaming "GET SOME MONEY FIRST!" at the screen. So, yes, I slowplay. And Aaron walks right into it, making what ends up being a set of sailboats (4s) and follows me raising post-flop, post-turn, and post-river. Could he have gotten rid of me? God, no. Do I eventually push him to the point of all-in?
Oh, hell yes.
Pop & lock him, cause he just got served.
And yes, I expect to tell that story at work after I celebrate this unexpected, sudden, and welcome first weekend off of the year.
Ambient music: Nas - One Mic
3/18/05
Maybe Emerson, Lake & Palmer Were Onto Something
There's a beautiful Latina in my room, and right now I'm trying to keep the typing clickety-clack down to a minimum even though I know she's out for the night. I look at her, right between the brokendown dresser and the TV.
And if you're expecting this to be a story about a one-night stand...you obviously don't know the propietor of this blog/life.
It is truly remarkable on a day that saw me run around with chicken quesadillacitos while bosses figuratively slept, dodged bullets about my personal life, only missed on two of the first day March Madness games (I knew I should've picked UAB, fuck the SEC less UK) and get thrown for a loop when the most attractive of my bosses said she might come to the birthday party (didn't) in which the guest of honor showed up for three seconds and up and vanished like a fart in the wind, that things would somehow get weirder.
This is the definition of my life...
After a slow start, things are turning around. The drink specials are working, the pimp cup has yet to slightly unalign, I still have my World Title. (There you go, Mattie.) And best of all, the pimp cup is working as automatic introduction and opening topic. So the past and the birthday boy is forgotten; in lieu of the actual celebration sometimes you have to party like they're there in the hopes they get there. I am fast becoming the dark meat in a brunette sandwich and the dominoes are falling right the pike like they should.
Let me give you a little inside information about God. God likes to watch. He's a prankster. Think about it. He gives man instincts. He gives you this extraordinary gift, and then what does He do, I swear for His own amusement, his own private, cosmic gag reel, He sets the rules in opposition. It's the goof of all time. Look but don't touch. Touch, but don't taste. Taste, don't swallow. Ahaha. And while you're jumpin' from one foot to the next, what is he doing? He's laughin' His sick, fuckin' ass off. He's a tight-ass. He's a sadist. He's an absentee landlord. Worship that? Never.
--Pacino, Devil's Advocate
So everything's dandy until one of my friends barrels down the stairs and nearly plows the fucking lot of us down. Oh, it's bad--she's supposed to drive home. And another one of my friends is gone already, left for quieter climes the commited folk seem to dig. So I drag her out of the club, and we have to go back to the car and he has to drive. I have gone from heaven to purgatory. Two hot brunettes to watching a bottle blonde spew three times, and roll out the guest comforters for the second time in my life. It shouldn't take 2 minutes to go up stairs.
Needless to say, some people are going to be brought to fucking justice. But right now, there's a thing to wait out and my favorite episode of Celebrity Poker Showdown to try and stay awake through.
Damn it all to blood-spewing, pus-gutted hell.
Ambient music: Peter Gabriel - Digging in the Dirt
And if you're expecting this to be a story about a one-night stand...you obviously don't know the propietor of this blog/life.
It is truly remarkable on a day that saw me run around with chicken quesadillacitos while bosses figuratively slept, dodged bullets about my personal life, only missed on two of the first day March Madness games (I knew I should've picked UAB, fuck the SEC less UK) and get thrown for a loop when the most attractive of my bosses said she might come to the birthday party (didn't) in which the guest of honor showed up for three seconds and up and vanished like a fart in the wind, that things would somehow get weirder.
This is the definition of my life...
After a slow start, things are turning around. The drink specials are working, the pimp cup has yet to slightly unalign, I still have my World Title. (There you go, Mattie.) And best of all, the pimp cup is working as automatic introduction and opening topic. So the past and the birthday boy is forgotten; in lieu of the actual celebration sometimes you have to party like they're there in the hopes they get there. I am fast becoming the dark meat in a brunette sandwich and the dominoes are falling right the pike like they should.
Let me give you a little inside information about God. God likes to watch. He's a prankster. Think about it. He gives man instincts. He gives you this extraordinary gift, and then what does He do, I swear for His own amusement, his own private, cosmic gag reel, He sets the rules in opposition. It's the goof of all time. Look but don't touch. Touch, but don't taste. Taste, don't swallow. Ahaha. And while you're jumpin' from one foot to the next, what is he doing? He's laughin' His sick, fuckin' ass off. He's a tight-ass. He's a sadist. He's an absentee landlord. Worship that? Never.
--Pacino, Devil's Advocate
So everything's dandy until one of my friends barrels down the stairs and nearly plows the fucking lot of us down. Oh, it's bad--she's supposed to drive home. And another one of my friends is gone already, left for quieter climes the commited folk seem to dig. So I drag her out of the club, and we have to go back to the car and he has to drive. I have gone from heaven to purgatory. Two hot brunettes to watching a bottle blonde spew three times, and roll out the guest comforters for the second time in my life. It shouldn't take 2 minutes to go up stairs.
Needless to say, some people are going to be brought to fucking justice. But right now, there's a thing to wait out and my favorite episode of Celebrity Poker Showdown to try and stay awake through.
Damn it all to blood-spewing, pus-gutted hell.
Ambient music: Peter Gabriel - Digging in the Dirt
3/15/05
You Guys Are My Peeps, Right?
So--and I'm not saying it's Definitely Going To Happen--but in case it does...when the new GQ comes out, I may just fall to my knees crying in the store and I need somebody to stick up for me and say "He's not crazy. Much."
That all...for now.
ADDENDUM. If you haven't the heart medication or the strength, go no further! Heaven awaits you with a pear-shaped ass.
That all...for now.
ADDENDUM. If you haven't the heart medication or the strength, go no further! Heaven awaits you with a pear-shaped ass.
I like it like thatAmbient music: EPMD, Meth & Red - Symphony 2000
She working that back
I don't know how to act
Slow motion for me, slow motion for me
Slow motion for me, move in slow motion for me
3/14/05
S-M-R-T
| Advanced You scored 93% Beginner, 93% Intermediate, 81% Advanced, and 72% Expert! |
You have an extremely good understanding of beginner, intermediate, and advanced level commonly confused English words, getting at least 75% of each of these three levels' questions correct. This is an exceptional score. Remember, these are commonly confused English words, which means most people don't use them properly. You got an extremely respectable score.
For the complete Answer Key, visit my blog: http://shortredhead78.blogspot.com/. |
| |
My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:
|
Link: The Commonly Confused Words Test written by shortredhead78 on Ok Cupid |
3/13/05
Like Calling In A Bomb Threat To the Special Olympics
For all y'all sucker MCs working on your BsD--your Butch-hating degrees--y'all want to hate on me, be my guest. But I sugggest it not be today.
Up at 7 in the a.m. for my first Saturday off all year to help a friend's photo project, a 10-hour shoot during which I warded off temptation and survived nipple clamps, a two-hour changeover, followed by hitting the clubs downtown, finding a hot brunette who could go toe to toe with me on "O.P.P.", and getting her number.
To quote a woman wiser and smaller than I, if I was you I'd hate me too...
Ambient music: Weezer - Undone (the Sweater Song)
Up at 7 in the a.m. for my first Saturday off all year to help a friend's photo project, a 10-hour shoot during which I warded off temptation and survived nipple clamps, a two-hour changeover, followed by hitting the clubs downtown, finding a hot brunette who could go toe to toe with me on "O.P.P.", and getting her number.
To quote a woman wiser and smaller than I, if I was you I'd hate me too...
Ambient music: Weezer - Undone (the Sweater Song)
3/12/05
Deep Thoughts with Jack Handey
- Chaps are okay so long as no one can see your bare ass.
- Nipple clamps are EVIL.
- Boobies.
G'night, everybody!
Ambient music: Reel Big Fish covering "Hungry Like The Wolf"
3/5/05
Rosser Hot Fifteen
MOVE BITCH:
"Karma", 4; "Get Back", 6; "Get Right", 13; "All Because Of You", 15
15) Jimmy Eat World, "Work" (debut)
14) T-Weaponz feat. Notch & Pitbull, "Mira Mira" (8)
13) Nas feat. Quan, "Just A Moment" (debut)
12) Snoop Dogg feat. Pharrell, "Let's Get Blown" (11)
11) the Alchemist feat. Nina Sky, Prodigy, & Illa Ghee, "Hold You Down" (12)*
10) Ying Yang Twins, "Wait" (debut)
09) Frankie J, "Obsession" (7)
08) Ludacris, "Number One Spot" (debut)
07) T.I., "Bring Em Out" (5)
06) Pitbull feat. Lil' Jon, "Toma" (9)*
05) T.I., "You Don't Know Me" (14)*
04) the Game feat. 50 Cent, "Hate It Or Love It" (10)*
03) Lil' Jon & the Eastside Boyz feat. Usher & Ludacris, "Lovers & Friends" (3)
02) Mario, "Let Me Love You" (2)*
01) 50 Cent, "Disco Inferno" (1) [1m]
Ambient music: Salt N' Pepa - Let's Talk About Sex
"Karma", 4; "Get Back", 6; "Get Right", 13; "All Because Of You", 15
15) Jimmy Eat World, "Work" (debut)
14) T-Weaponz feat. Notch & Pitbull, "Mira Mira" (8)
13) Nas feat. Quan, "Just A Moment" (debut)
12) Snoop Dogg feat. Pharrell, "Let's Get Blown" (11)
11) the Alchemist feat. Nina Sky, Prodigy, & Illa Ghee, "Hold You Down" (12)*
10) Ying Yang Twins, "Wait" (debut)
09) Frankie J, "Obsession" (7)
08) Ludacris, "Number One Spot" (debut)
07) T.I., "Bring Em Out" (5)
06) Pitbull feat. Lil' Jon, "Toma" (9)*
05) T.I., "You Don't Know Me" (14)*
04) the Game feat. 50 Cent, "Hate It Or Love It" (10)*
03) Lil' Jon & the Eastside Boyz feat. Usher & Ludacris, "Lovers & Friends" (3)
02) Mario, "Let Me Love You" (2)*
01) 50 Cent, "Disco Inferno" (1) [1m]
Ambient music: Salt N' Pepa - Let's Talk About Sex
Looking For Highway 120
123, 86 (six fucking nines!), and a closing 142. First game was for the five bucks in change and the third game the girl next to me had the Fucking Cheek to call me out. I merely looked at my ball and said "We don't take that shit, I don't care if we did just put up an 86." Started off with a strike, and then the bass was runnin' runnin' and runnin' runnin'...
ADDENDUM: The new awesome cell phone with 200 picture/500 number capacity will now be called Natalie in honor of Jester and more importantly my Garden State kick. Willie hears ya. Willie don't care.
Ambient music: Sublime - Caress Me Down
ADDENDUM: The new awesome cell phone with 200 picture/500 number capacity will now be called Natalie in honor of Jester and more importantly my Garden State kick. Willie hears ya. Willie don't care.
Ambient music: Sublime - Caress Me Down
3/1/05
* (---)< ers Inc., March '05
The title is the link and the bass is the treble. Or something.
Beard, Bellucci, Minogue, Chabert, Vergara, Dushku, Velez, Baxter, Keibler, Berry, Baker, Electra, Pressly, Knowles, Portman.
Lima, Bilson, Burke, Hayek, Jolie, Maran, Guerra, Longoria, Stratus, ALBA.
Ambient music: Prince - Let's Go Crazy
Beard, Bellucci, Minogue, Chabert, Vergara, Dushku, Velez, Baxter, Keibler, Berry, Baker, Electra, Pressly, Knowles, Portman.
Lima, Bilson, Burke, Hayek, Jolie, Maran, Guerra, Longoria, Stratus, ALBA.
Ambient music: Prince - Let's Go Crazy
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