Pam Anderson, do not pass go. Do not collect $200.
Scarlett Johansson, don't let the title fool you. I am extremely gay and thus am very available to lovingly squeeze, caress, suckle, nuzzle, lick and otherwise fondle your jugs. You get a gold star which may or may not be in my pants.
In the It Looks All Nice Together But I'm Just Not Feeling It Dept.: Jamie Pressly.
Teri Hatcher, you rock. Nicolette Sheridan, you're committing a crime against everything that is good and holy. You'd be better off with Tom Cruise. But as is my way when it comes to Wisteria Lane, Eva Longoria wins everything and she DAMN sure wins tonight. Ye gods.
Natalie Portman--looking great. Don't visit San Francisco for another couple weeks, though. Keira Knightley--and now I need some form of heart meds. While on the subject of fiiiine Britsh imports I'd say the same for Kate Beckinsale, but ruffles belong on chips and that's it. Katherine Heigl, my friend works for Disney, who owns your show-showing station. I'm coming to LA next month for my birthday, I've had a crush on you since Roswell, and the first 12 drinks at my party are on me. Whaddya say?
And finally, Queen Jessica, I could go for the rest of the month and not do your beauty enough justice for words. Also, my dry cleaner says I owe him $5.80 as a result of the previous. Thank you. While you're at it, could you save Ferris?
np: "Murder (Or A Heart Attack)" by the Old 97s
1/17/06
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
5 comments:
I can only agree with you about Jaime Pressly. Consistently outbabed on TV in particular, first by Amanda Peet and now Nadine Velazquez.
I said this on IDontLikeYouInThatWay.com and I'm saying it here; if it had been Jessica Alba feeling Scarlett Johansson we would have all spontaneously combusted.
Oh yeah, and the other picture just begs for the caption "Damn, I married the wrong Jessica."
Butch, you my friend, are the straight man's Cajo, or whatever People's fashion columnist's name is.
Jessica Alba's dress: $50,000.
Jessica Alba's shoes: $10,000.
Jessica Alba's jewelry: $100,000.
The look on Matthew Broderick's face as he's checking out Jessica Alba: Priceless.
There's some things money can't buy. For everything else, there's Jessica Alba.
Steve Carrell's wife ain't too shabby. How'd he bag her? OH Yeah...$$$$$$
Oh and you can always count on Drew Barrymore to show why not wearing a bra isn't always a good thing.
Oh wait. Yes it is.
Post a Comment