Being assisstant coach is awesome, by the way. I got to walk on the field pregame and say things like "There's no I in team, but there is one in victory" and "Let's go, let's see some action out there!", look worried, and then spit. Once the game starts, I get to do more fun stuff. I get to yell "Run like hell!" and then "STOP!" with my hand out like a traffic guard. I get fives and fistpounds, and tell them to hit the ball where they ain't, and yell "Heads up!"
And after they get the lead--blow it--get it back--go and blow it again--then regain it with gusto in an inning where their pitcher came apart faster than Judy Miller in the clink--I get to yell "Hey! We win with class around here, go shake their hands!"
18-13.
Number of wins without me: 0
Number of wins with me: 1
The numbers speak for themselves. Aaron triples my salary. We get pizza afterwards, and in some sort of weird commentary on the state of affairs all the minorities (Lizet, Omar & I) end up at one table with Aaron and all the white folk get the big table. Oh, sure, they got there earlier, but even so. So dinner's going fine, and then Leslie whips her shoe at Lizet and about causes me to Ike her. This sets the tone for the victory party.
- Many napkins, mostly wet, are winged between tables.
- And pizza crusts.
- I warn Andrew to keep his bitch in check unless he wants crosseyed kids.
- A truce.
- All the minorities breaking the truce by hitting Andrew Fredo-style with the aforementioned napkins.
- Peter makes racist comments and throws all the pepper in the shaker (the spicy pepper, the pimenta moida) at us.
- Lizet whips him in the kidneys with a piece of ice.
- And then, on the way out, Lizet hits Leslie on the arm so hard you can hear a palpable crack.
Party went on down the block to the Vivianbury, and I drank a bit of the vodka I denied myself last Saturday. The rap station was blaring, all the guys did a little bit of dancing, and Jen did the reel-em-in dance with me twice, which even now is making me laugh. I'm bringing back all the old dances, y'all. Amanda called a little south of sobriety, and hopefully she'll come back down next weekend.
Anyway, fun night.
And that was before Aaron left by virtually giving Leslie a lapdance. Apparently Kelli taught him the value of working the knee and foot area! Right next to Andrew, no less. Boy reminds me of me at that age. And this one. Soon he will be one with the Dark Side. MUAHAHAHAAHAHAHA!
And I now know which girl from the VBury I want backing me up in a fight. Ghetto peoples rep to the death, son!
Bah. Work in 10 hours.
This post brought to you BAH: Song of the Year contender "Wait" by the Ying Yang Twins
5 comments:
Aaron<----- This is one Honorary Mexican whose always got your back.
My 5 RBIs might have had something to do with our victory as well...-Aaron
There's no I in team remember.
But there is one in RBI and Aaron, you had 5 of them.
There's also one in LINEUP which Butch was so kind as to put your name on.
There is no I in Steve so the rest of the guys didn't help do anything but almost lose the game for you.
I make the line-up and get zero credit for my brilliance. Story of my life.-Aaron
Alrighty, for those of you who I talked to that night, I was NOT intoxicated. I was earlier that evening and was pretty tired so I probably sounded out of it. ;-) Good thing I only had to make it home 3 blocks away....
I was thinking about coming up... but we may host a thing at the house...hmmmm....
-Amanda
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