While I'm Not R.Kelly, I Want 14 Badly

Let me explain.

12 series and two rounds of--let's face it--so far, the best postseason if not in NBA history, then at least the post-cable era. We've had Cinderella stories, we've had players who we already thought were great pushing for legendary in the Kiiiiiiiiing and Der Nowitzki, nut fondling, and, of course, my favorite memory so far, Raja Bell JBLifying Public Enemy #8 (next year #24--it don't matter, fuck him in the ass with a cancer-having bear).

Never mind, the Bell Clothesline From Hell is my second favorite memory so far.

My favorite is happening right now.

It's going 8-0 in the first round with my predictions, which has now been offically followed by 4-0 in the 2nd round. And predicting the correct amount of games in five of the twelve.

12-0 with 5 bonus points so far. MR. Dufresne, if you please.

So you can be assured, what I type next will soon become bible truth. Get yourself to your bettor.

EASTERN CONFERENCE FINALS
Heat/Pistons

This has been building up since last year. And ever since the summer, I've gotten the same feeling. You see, I got introduced to a friend of mine in September named Earl Hickey who put into my head the idea of karma. Reaping what one sows. All that sort of thing.

The Heat were about 3 minutes and one less injured Dwayne Wade from going to the Finals last year. And Pat Riley a) dismantled the team's core, the supporting cast for the Big 2 then b) pushed Ron Je--Stan Van Gundy into traffic to take the coaching gig himself. That's never sat right with me, even as I laugh at Shaq's interviews and marvel at D-Dub. And Detroit? They lost Game 7 in the Finals last year. And added a coach who somehow rattled off numerous 50-win seasons and got run out of Minnesota (which they don't regret at all, I bet). The widely-regarded best TEAM in the league. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't like Detroit. I grew up a Lakers fan, and last year's Finals put me to sleep in Game 1 and I didn't wake up until the Fourth of July. And even though Detroit got surprised by the Kiiiiiiiing and had to go all 7 while Walker got to fling daquiris on South Beach, I still think two things about this:

--the Cavs pushing the Pistons to the absolute limit has snapped their attention to full focus, with none of this we-can-just-show-up-and-win bullshit mentality that they slept through in the first two rounds leading them to get clowned in both Game 3s

--KARMA.

Pistons in 7.

WESTERN CONFERENCE FINALS
Mavericks/Suns

I'll be straight up and down like 6:00 about this.

I haven't been this excited for a basketball series since I figured out girls didn't have cooties.

I mean, my GOD. Phoenix is my favorite team to watch in the league with the way they remind me of Showtime and the Mavs aren't far behind. I've had Nash as my MVP as the past couple of years. Dirk has gone from "All-Star" to almost being D-Hova, that's how bad the Takeover's been happening in the first two rounds. The Suns have been spooky good from deep and Dallas' bootleg Phoenix supporting cast of Daniels, Terry and Howard has been running the floor like they see cops coming. Mark Cuban is insane, and Phoenix's female fans are the hottest in the league. (I should probably say LA, but all those fake tits...eh.) Both teams run supercharged offenses and you can expect 110 from the winners every game, easy. This is going to be great.

Gut feeling and mood when I look at the East--and honestly, it took Bron Bron ripping off his jersey to reveal the big giant S to make me pay deep attention to the East--that I summed up with the word karma. You know what my gut feels?

New coach.

Much better defense.

About the same level offense which would be getting Phoenix-level hype if it...you know, wasn't for Phoenix.

The Suns' Battles of Los Angeles going all 14 games just so they didn't sleep in the fire and go back to their new millennium homes.

And Dirk Nowitzki showing fire. Leading the team to the promised land. Draining 3s, setting the table for everybody else. And the supporting cast running and getting busy on the break. David Stern, you might want to brace yourself. I'm not saying it's a definite...but you might want to have the precautions ready just in case.

Mavs in 6.

Quote the Rosser...nevermore.

My Hood Young Jeezy