The Life of the New Apocalyptic Mind

Butch 0wns j00: You seem like you would know, so I have some questions
LegendaryRook: okiedokie
LegendaryRook: i will provide to the best of my ability
Butch 0wns j00: 1) This is the Apocalypse, right?
LegendaryRook: because not only am i a magnanimous human beig
LegendaryRook: being
LegendaryRook: but i am also your good friend
Butch 0wns j00: ^
LegendaryRook: this is not the apocalypse. by karmic standards, boston has been entitled to celebration of this magnitude for quite some time. many old men will die happy tonight, and their souls will be at rest.
LegendaryRook: overcoming the yankees, those dirty fuckers, has granted that team of Boston what could only be described as devine grace, making that team from St. Louis unable to compete effectively.
LegendaryRook: God has chosen the red sox for this year.
Butch 0wns j00: 2) Did they win because of the midget?
LegendaryRook: the team from boston won by the grace of god. karmically, the citizens of boston are entitled to respite from agony. they have adequately atoned for Babe Ruth. through this, and with great assistance from the talent of their players, god bless you Ramirez, they have succeeded. However. The midget helped, as well as every other private superstition initiated among fans of baseball. Wearing a certain shirt or a certain hat, ordering a certain drink each inning. This superstition is not inconseqential, though is hit has naver saved a a lost cause, every little bit helps. So the midget is responsible for helping Boston to win, yes.
Butch 0wns j00: 3) How many Sox fans died due to shock-induced heart attacks? Guesstimate.
LegendaryRook: Mani sox fans were at the brink of death. But before said death took place, they turned to their friends and loved ones and embraced them. This moment of delight and love saved them from certain death, of this I am certain. It is not just the shock of victory that happens, but also the delight of celebration among friends and supporters. Further, even the old men awaiting death's grasp have pushed aside the bony hands reaching for them. They will live at least until morning, taking time to reflect and give forth great joy in victory. No Sox fans have died.
Butch 0wns j00: 4) Is New England closed until next year?
LegendaryRook: New England will be closed tonight and perhaps tomorrow. Normal life will resume. This is also a factor of joy. Many would be rioters and revelers anticipate approaching their normal lives with renewed spirit, delighting in that their city has given them victory. The cause of celebration will allow those to approach normal activities with greater joy and gusto, and many will have a delightful time in their normal life activities strewn with joy over the curse's reversal.
Butch 0wns j00: 5a) How many white kids named Ortiz do you think are getting birthed in the New England area in the next calendar year, especially nine months from tonight?
Butch 0wns j00: 5b) How many women are getting first-time anal as a direct result of the Sox actually winning the Series?
LegendaryRook: Nine children will be bamed Ortiz. This is at best an aproximation, stemming from the fact that Cleveland's attempt against the marlins produced one newborn child named "Thome" which is far more rediculous than the proud name of Ortiz.

739 women will give anal unto their husbands tonight, not only in New England but also among the many Bostonites who retain their heritage and accent after moving from their homeland. 727 will never allow Anal again.
Butch 0wns j00: 5c) How many of the man engaging in 5b will make the partner refer to them as Papi?
LegendaryRook: 9.
Butch 0wns j00: 6) It would totally be worth getting fired if you could print a couple thousand copies of a paper who's front page was WW2-style white font on black background that said
Butch 0wns j00: HOLY SHIT
Butch 0wns j00: RED SOX WIN WORLD FUCKING SERIES
Butch 0wns j00: wouldn't it?
LegendaryRook: no
LegendaryRook: it would not.
LegendaryRook: convince someone else to do it
LegendaryRook: and then let them take the risk
Butch 0wns j00: 7) It would be acceptable for Boston newscasters & newspapers to loosen their ties for one night and be unabashedly biased, yes?
LegendaryRook: yes.
LegendaryRook: journalistic integrity is overated since what passes for journalism in this day and age is absolute shit. they should give love to their fans and to the team.
LegendaryRook: they would be forgiven
LegendaryRook: abusing office resources will not.

Ambient music: Gorillaz - 19-2000 (Soulchild remix)