Best Move
2) S.A.T.'s Spanish Fly
1) Victoria's Widow's Peak
--> Double backflip off the top into a double Rock Bottom/uranage. The degree of difficulty alone demands respect, not to mention it looks awesome. Speaking of which, while Jazz has more of them, Victoria's finisher is the shit. Not just the most awesome period, but awesome period and has to be mentioned in the same sentence as the F5, Stunner, Pedigree et al.
Best Match
2) Jericho/Michaels, WrestleMania XIX
1) Benoit/Angle, WWE Title @ Royal Rumble
--> Why is Y2J/HBK, with the better story leading in and going longer, #2? 'Cause Michaels went over. Sure, it set up the first Jerichoholic return tease after, but since I'm biased if Chris wins this I'd put it at #1. Benoit/Angle went right after the worst match of the year and defined the term "from the ridiculous to the sublime". Benoit's DDT on the apron, Angle's face-first turnbuckle powerbomb setting up the second Angle Slam to the heel hook he had to debut to hang on--THIS is why I remain a fan in the face of wave after wave of bullshit. To quote Mike Lupica, both of these are GTHs: got to haves.
Best Feud
2) C.M. Punk/Raven
1) HBK/Y2J
--> Punk/Raven I find awesome because of the contrasting styles. You book this 20--maybe even 10 years earlier, Raven is Public Enemy #1. Now, he's the babyface. Their styles go well together, and the fact they've had to team in some places just adds to the goodness. HBK/Y2J was awesome, as we both knew they were going to cut great promos but they really put on great match after great match when there was large doubt as to if Michaels could keep it up with his back problem and Jericho had been largely downcast at the outset.
Worst Wrestler
2) Mark Henry
1) Nathan Jones
--> *cues up Angle's music* YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK! YOU'RE AUSTRALIAN AND SUCK! YOU MAKE THE KLAN LOOK LIKE A VIABLE IDEA AGAIN! YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK!
Worst Tag Team
2) Mark Henry & Rodney Mack
1) 3 Minute Warning
--> When somebody really really really really re he he he he he eaaaaaaly sucks putting them with someone fresh off the farm league is A Bad Idea. If 3MW had remained Bischoff's hired goons they would've been in consideration for Best Gimmick. Just like there was no Ronnie Lott playing for the Raiders, or the Lakers winning it all last year if Horry makes the Game 5 shot against the Spurs, I will not listen to arguments to the contrary.
Worst Heel
2) Eddy Guerrero
1) Gail Kim
--> Because I love both of them, but in very different ways.
Worst Babyface
2) Billy Gunn
1) Stephanie McMahon.
--> Ah, Billy Gunn, or as I liked to call him, "Scrubs is on, isn't it? I can watch that for 5 minutes now." And Steph Bear? Apu 3:16 says I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW YOU DON'T SHUT UP!
Worst Worker
2) Mark Henry
1) Kevin Nash
--> This is my "they COULD'VE pushed Stevie Night Heat or Lance Storm or Christian or Hurricane by himself but NOOOOOOOOOO it's you two tubby fucks who'd only get in an entertaining fight over who'd get the last drumstick at Thanksgiving dinner" smark mandatory vote.
TRIPLE H.
--> I assume when he dies they're still going to book him to go over Jericho.
Most Deteriorated
2) Jeff Hardy
1) Scott Steiner.
--> What happens when a highspot machine can no longer hit the highspots? You take it out back and shoot it. I'm perfectly willing to forgive Steiner if they change his music to D12's "Purple Pills" or he engineers a time machine and brings 1991 Scott Steiner in his place.
Most Underrated
2) Sean O'Haire
1) Matt Hardy VERSION FUCKING ONE
--> SOH was the one Natural Born Thriller I liked, with Inferior Hardy gone he was safe to use the senton bomb, he's big, crazy hops, and the devil's advocate was a cheap excuse to print money. But since we were all salivating for Sable/Cat and Vince/Steph part four billion and six you can catch him on Velocity every weekend. PUH. THETIC. If you don't get the Matt Hardy kick, you probably never will and should probably go back to not studying as your spot as Bovine University valedictorian may be in danger by that sandwich over there.
Worst Gimmick
2) "Big Ass" Molly Holly
1) La Resistance
--> What really killed me about #2 (well, besides they thought that constituted a push of the division--JUST WRITE IT LIKE NORMAL YOU MONKEYS) is that Trish has a bigger ass than Molly. And big asses are IN. I'm supposed to hate a cute white girl with a big ass? You must have me confused with Parallel Universe Butch, a white female lesbian who's favorite band is 'NSync. And La Resistance took everything already moronic about a war and got propped out for cheap heat. Good for it working on the marks, it don't mean I got to like it. And you did the same boo USA angle with FOUR guys the year before that.
Worst Move
2) Cena's FU
1) the People's Elbow
--> Now that Cena's a hard rock with the ground & pound and the head-dropping exemptions have been up a couple years, they need to let him hit the full-on DVD and not that bastardized Falcon Arrow. And the People's Elbow is the greatext example of move gayness especially as a viable finisher to crowd overness. HATE loving these.
Worst Match
2) HeAT vs. RAW announcers
1) Steiner/Triple H, RAW Title @ the Rumble
--> Hey! You know who should wrestle? WRESTLERS! You know what announcers shouldn't be doing? WRESTLING! And while watching crippled guys on South Park is funny...
Worst Feud
2) Vince/Steph
1) Shane/Kane
--> Go fig, huh? Shane either needs to become a full-time highspot machine in the CW division or go back to banging his ludicrously hot wife.
Most Disappointing
2) World Champion Triple H
1) Death of Curt Hennig
--> I still can't believe he actually put Goldberg over that time. Hennig is pretty much the reason I'm a smark as he was the first heel I loved like a face, and he was kicking out the jams back when. My childhood is now property of the ground.
Most Obnoxious
2) the Cat
1) Stephanie McMahon
--> Can someone tell New Jack they're late on their mortgages and let the rest write itself?
Best Announer
2) Mike Tenay
1) Michael Cole
--> I think Tenay's actually the best but Cole gets better product. Cole actually being the best announcer isn't quite on the level of the Bucs winning the Super Bowl but it's damn close.
Best Color
2) Al Snow
1) Tazz
--> Al Snow will be at Tazz's level in a couple of years. He carried Coach like Kirsten Dunst carried "crazy/beautiful". He'll make that level assuming he doesn't try to reinforce I'm A Bad Guy too much; his knowledge of moves, psychology and occassional Babaganooch brother joke don't make me feel like such a dork for watching Stevie Night. Tazz had that problem, now he knows everything but isn't afraid to rip stuff he doesn't like. Keys To Victory & Tale of the Tape--FINALLY. His sell job of the 60 minute Angle/Lesnar would've won it alone, but doing so all year makes him far and away THE #2.
Best Interview
2) John Cena
1) Chris Jericho
--> I've already ridden Cena enough, so here's something interesting: Chris Jericho did one piece of commentary for six minutes a few months ago on a RAW. He placed SIXTH in the Best Color voting. While this says a lot about color commentary in the year 03 it says about five times as much about Jericho. I now realize he is the wrestling equivalent of LaDanian Tomlinson. If he was on a playoff team with a first-round bye, there would be a statue in his honor and it would eat pigeons. As it is, he's just the motherfucking man forever doomed by the no-talent assclowns around him.
Best Angle
2) the Rock Goes Hollywood
1b) Jericho grows up idolizing Shawn Michaels then sets out to destroy him
1a) KURT.
--> That Kurt joke is NEVER going to get old. Ya hear me? Never ever ever. the Rock took something that everyone was thinking, then did it. Not only did it, but proved why he's going to Hollywood in the process. I bet Hurricane misses him a lot. And Jericho/Michaels was built on some basic old-school booking, including a whomp-ass highlight package to show the similarities in style, and then kicked out the motherfucking jams in the ring to back all that chewy goodness up. It would've been nice for Jericho to have beaten HBK at SummerSlam and not on a RAW but that's what happens when you live under the shadow of The Nose.
Best Wrestling Organization
2) Ring Of Honor
1) EMLL
--> I beg Ring of Honor. Get on TV. Have a one-cent pay-per-view. Do SOMETHING so I don't have to borrow off the Net and people can actually see the wonderous awesomicity that is Chris Daniels, that is American Dragon, that is Low Ki. DO IT! EMLL's #1 because lucha is awesome and because they have Dr. Wagner Jr.
Best Show
2) EMLL whenever the hell they have it on
1) SmackDown
--> This is it, in a nutshell: you have not lived until you see a 90-year-old woman stand up to the most badass heel you can find and attempt to beat him to death with her purse. NEVER seen it happen in North America, on EMLL I remember seeing it at least TWICE. Did I mention due to their wacky scheduling I haven't seen a drop of lucha since August? And gee, the One Big Promotion's show where they put the best technical wrestlers and the gimmicks of the year (and the well I don't have to consider the workrate while I check for testicular cancer hotties) is number one in my eyes. I Am In Shock.
Best Major Show
2) Royal Rumble
1) Vengeance
--> Solid Rumble, Match of the Year. I'm easy like that. And on the heels of the absolute Flair Flop that was the RAW only PPV the SmackDown only PPV, to the surprise of some idiot, started off kicking ass, continued to kick ass, built a shrine to its own bad ass, and then went back to kicking some motherfucking ass. Rey & Kidman vs. ex-Team Angle for the tag straps, Benoit/Guerrero for the back up in your ass with the resurrection US Title, and Angle/Lesnar/Show for the World Title. I mean, short of Torrie Wilson reaching through your screen and giving you a handjob, that's about as good as it gets.
Best Promotional Move
2) The women's division stops leaning on the T&A
1) Eddy push
--> The women went from "can I get off on this modified softcore porn in the minute and a half they're going to give it" to the #2 reason I watched RAW. Gimme Trish/Victoria, Ivory/Jazz and Victoria/Stacy over...well, let's just say everybody on RAW except seven guys. And finally they got behind Eddy and realized this guy's pretty good. It's like scratching a lottery ticket, putting it down and not looking at it for 3 weeks until you realize, hey, this thing's worth $62 million!
Worst Announcer
2) the Cat
1) Jerry Lawler
--> Lawler needs to have his throat box removed so I can watch Molly be the new age bizarro world Malenko without wanting to beat the shit out of my TV.
Worst Interview
2) Stephanie
1) Linda
--> Apu 3:16 & Mrs. Roboto. I shudder to think what's going to happen to the doctors' heads when Steph gives birth to the Antismark.
Worst Angle
2) Mr. America
1) La Resistance
--> THIS is what people always bring up after the disdainful "You like that crap?" and there is no answer for this. I mean, there is, but they don't want to sit through Angle/Benoit so you sit there quietly stewing at them waiting for an opportunity to procure the crossface chickenwing on their ass.
Worst Show
2) RAW
1) AAA
--> The competition has Angle/Show/Lesnar, exAngles v. Rey & Kidman, and Benoit/Guerrero. You counter with Triple H/Kevin Nash. DIE. If EMLL is the chick allowing my buddy to live the dream, AAA is the investment banker who won't talk about anything but herself.
Worst Show
2) Bad Blood
1) Judgment Day
--> Hey, I picked two RAW-only PPVs! I Am In Absolute And Complete Shock!
Worst Promotional Move
2) Burying Matt Hardy
1) Heyman demoted
--> Heyman turned SmackDown into must watch, for which it made him look better than Triple H's Show and thus had to be cut like wheat before the scythe. If I talk anymore about how Matt carried the undercard and his job was to lose to the one-legged freak show in his first PPV match I am going to cry, then get the chainsaw.
BONUS! Best Entrances!
3) OLD SCHOOL Christian with the golden shower of pyro
2) Christopher Daniels
1) Matt Motherfucking Hardy Version By God Motherfucking One
THERE YOU HAVE IT.
Currently playing: Grinspoon's "Snap Your Fingers, Snap Your Neck"
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