Yes, I Am Having A Good Friday Barometer

I'm really going to be bringing the video content on this one since KRS-One needs it for oh so very many things. Seriously, though, you 56k-using dial-up AOL.com e-mail having pranksters may want to join us in the 21st century and skip this go-round. As for the rest of y'all--

REGULAAAAAAATORS! Mount up!

ALBA: Mmm-MMM, this week has been freedomtastic. With the rest of the family going to the chick ball final four I have had the house to myself. You'd be surprised to find this out, but it turns out my family and the lack of money are the cause of all the lack-of-female stress in my life. Give me my tax return at the speed of light and autonomy? It turns out I can get around 30, almost 60, and sometimes 90 minutes of writing done a day while buffering it with practicing poker, keeping up on podcasts, wallowing in my own crapulence, and laughing as the creditors dial the house phone as the same time as my cell and I ignore both. I'll be broke by Monday giving them a little cash and paying off old rent, but that should settle my equilibrium.

Cheney: Why do I have to write the Friday Barometer with Firefox every week? It's like Opera has a thing against the content I bring specificially for FBs. Some Ghost in the Machine shit going on, I swears.

Cheney: And how the hell did I get a cold in this, the best of all possible times?

ALBA: Quality speakers for $20. First time I have the new tower alongside actual audio. Life is good.

ALBA: BundchenBundchenBundchen! It's fun to say and a million more times more fun to look at. Of course, thinking about things has sent me down a Lewis Black path that should be killing me in the course of the next week, but it's a fine way to go. Questions that need to be answered, if you ask me--how does she have 3 other sisters with no brothers, b) how is the Victoria's Secret supermodel not automatically the hottie of the family, c) what are the odds of having 6 girls, c.5) let alone six hawwwwwwwwwwwt ones, 4) how much of your soul would you give up to walk in that house with your best friend, look around at the Bundchens at the pool, poke him in the shoulder and go "I'll dive on the grenade here"?, e) is this the first time in recorded history you would push your family in traffic to dive on the grenade?

And right before I passed out in a pool of my own DNA and sweat, I remember thinking "If it weren't for my horse..."

Cheney: Tom Brady. Seriously, motherFUCK him.

ALBA: "So, about 10 years ago we're in London riding in an original Edsel, and then we got to go all the way to the left side of the road. We're in Great England, is why! And all of a sudden Brasky goes, 'Did that rich bitch in the limo just cut us off?!' and I look ahead and I see this logo for the royal family, so I say to Brasky, 'Bill! It's Princess Diana!' And Brasky stares a hole from me--which healed in 4 months--and he says to me, 'You mean was Princess Diana.' The next thing I know I'm flying through a windshield wondering if my passport just fell out my pants. I can tell that story now because the statue of limitations has expired."

ALBA: Grindhouse. Just assuming. Now if there was only a way they could get cheap, awesome publicity and blow KMB's heart out his chest...naaaaaaaaaaah...

ALBA: In one of the greatest parodies of all time, Alanis will have you spending all your money on her, and spending time on her--her jiggling...it's oddly hypnotic...like a lava lamp...



ALBA: As the alleged table-setter the rest of the world takes their cues from, why the hell does our TV suck so much? Mexican TV owns us, and Brazilian TV owns everybody. Exhibit A.



And the defense motherfucking rests, because it's feeling oddly sleepy now.

ALBA: For everybody I'm dragging into the mashup world, Ramdom Thoughts brings an hour of bastard pop sweetness a week. And they shout me out in episode #50, which in no way, shape, or form influenced their position in this site. *cough*

ALBA: Girl Talk may not be the best DJ alive, but nobody's better. Almost an hour of phenaweomnal goddamn Gregg Gillis power, from his live New Year's Eve show in Chicago. There are singalongs from Tom Petty AND Tag Team. Paula Cole makes a 12-second appearance. Even the lowlight with the drunken moron screaming "GROOVE IS IN THE HEART" for the minute it's on is immediately assuaged with Jermaine Stewart. You read me right, Aaron. Jermaine Stewart. Anyhow, if I got to sell you on him after this, find yourself a new friend.



ALBA: San Diego's new mashup night is tomorrow night and thanks to his tireless grassroots promotional efforts certain people you know, love--well, tolerate and even take blog ideas from is getting a half-hour of requests to make heads turn, necks bruise, ears perks, and booties to decrease in horizontalality as if the surface is heated. I've been saying for months I'm going to throw it all away to become a DJ...and I might.

Cheney: Trying to narrow it down to 8 songs and a half-hour's worth of stuff when I have 200 songs and 12.4 hours worth.

ALBA: Libby had a few suggestions as I dropped a few of my favorites--stuff in the final pile of 30 that may make the cut and she's a fan of the Montell Jordan/GnR headbanger "This Is How We Do It In The Jungle" and the Most Evil And Wrong Song In the History Of Mankind That's Still Listenable, nin and Ace of Base bring together a rape baby in "She Wants Animals". I'm going with the fine folks at Uncast so you should have some pictures and I'll let y'all know how it goes.