The Albas

Props to Victor:

For everybody who kept me from getting "on the cover of Newsweek" in a bad way in 2004, non-relative division:

Jon Stewart: For the news that didn't matter, and pretty much kicked TV's ass. Oh, and for telling those fucks on Crossfire to check a loaded gun with their mouth.

Keith Olbermann: For ACTUAL news. I can now once again be horrified at the world.

Zach Braff: One of the four comedies on network TV that doesn't suck, and a debut movie that almost made me cry like a bitch. Ignore me. I'm drunk off cheese.

Roberto Harris: For helping me figure out the funny little muddle that is Butch.

The Red Sox: Force-feeding the Best Choke Ever to the Yankmes. That's going to be funny forever.

The ex: It didn't work out, but it still was some of the best times of my life.

Brian Giles: For giving me the funniest moment at work of the year.

The cast of Arrested Development: Just the continual hilarity all around. Keep it up!

Ken Jennings: Who would've won the "HOLY FUCKING SHIT!" had it not been for the Sawx.

My friends in and out of Blog Nation: There's a thin wall between sanity and killing spree; you guys kept it up. Whether it was horrifying links, pointless surveys, rides, jokes, sodas...you guys are the most important thing in my life outside of staying alive to keep it. If I could have everyone at my NYE party getting drunk off their ass, I would. But thanks either way.

And to the random girls at the club, Kitana Baker, Iyari Limon, Robia LaMorte, the girls from Halloween Eve, Internet sluts of all shapes, sizes, and ethnicities, Amanda when I'm drunk, Aaron's friend Marilyn, One Date Maria, DAMN SURE NOT CHRISTY HEMME, and the poster for Sin City: Did you ever know that you're my heeeeeeeeeroooooooooooooeesssssssssss...

Ambient music: the Offspring - Defy You