Time Capsule!

Best song I downloaded this year
Anything off of Night Ripper (no, I'm not even close to done pimping it out, why do you ask?) or Gnarls Barkley's "Crazy", natch

My favorite new toy
Blue Katana! The second-best looking Katana/eh I know.

Favorite word or phrase of 2006
C'mon. Say it with me, now:

That is IT! I have HAD IT with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane!

Honorable mention:
hahahahahahahahaWORD. -- Flav.

Today I'm a free man. Ladies look out. Fuck a wife. Give me my kids BITCH!--K-Fed

I'm 99% positive that Randolph & Mortimer Duke recently wagered $1 that they could turn the funniest, most successful stand-up comic into a disturbed bum on the street and turn a random unfunny guy off the street into the hottest comic in the land with TV specials and a feature film. How else can you explain the fall of Dave Chappelle and the rise of Dane Cook? It is the only answer. Looking good, Dane Cook! Feeling good, Dave Chappelle--Simmons reader

How do you always have 2 hot chicks who always want you? You're the ugliest fucking CHUD I've ever seen in my life and there are always two girls fighting over you!--Randal, Clerks II

Memo to John L. Smith: Learn the f'ing rules and realize your timeouts are not like cell-phone minutes--they do not carry over!!!--crazed MSU radio guy after they blew it against Notre Dame

"Because you all ignited it," he said to a small room of reporters. "You listen to eBay and e-mail and all that junk, and you all kept writing about it and that fans it and makes it grow and grow, and it becomes a cancer. That's why."--Bobby Bowden responding to FSU criticism

Debra Fordman says she likes shopping at Dollar Palace because it's cheap and convienent. "I don't have to get all dressed up like I'm going to Wal-Mart or something," she said. -- Letterman Small Town News segment

any Keith Olbermann special comment

Best James Brown song
"Sex Machine", even if I'm really partial to "It's A Man's Man's Man's World".

Best movie moment of the year
(tie) Borat and whispering to my friends during the end of Pirates 2 as they were floating downstream after they sent Sparrow off "How'd they end up in New Orleans?"

Saddest celebrity breakup
Miss Nevada and fun. I never thought I'd say this, but the no-goodniks run this country.

Man crush of the year
All the incoming members of the House and Congress waving the blue

Best sex I've had all year
A gentlemen doesn't kiss and tell, and neither do I.--Michael Scott

Obsession of the year
Finding employment.

Biggest disappointment of the year
Everything with my Grandma and throwing in 50 hours a week for seven months and not being able to make her better at all before she passed.

Best TV moment of the year
(tie) the Veronica Mars season finale, and Stephen Colbert's meltdown after the election

Trend I'm most sick of
See Obsession. So bad I cannot mount sufficient hate to everybody ugly bringing sexybackCHEAH. You need to invent your own catchphrases, same as nicknames. Dinkin flicka.

Rock star moment of the year
One time I stayed up all night with my Grandma and then went straight to work, pulled a 7-hour shift, and came home and made myself dinner. No, wait--
I still think it was worth it.

Britney, Paris, or Lindsay?
Zoinks, yo. Lindsay's winning by default, I suppose...

Biggest time-suck
MySpace, which is probably going to win this award for the next 15 years.

Favorite sign of the apocalypse
They gave me Time's Man of the Year award this year. Where were y'all the last three years? I was rolling like my name was Chong. I suppose some may argue my humanitarian if ultimately futile work with my grandmother counts, but c'mon. I don't think the Man of the Year is supposed to be jobless (frankly the fact that am I reeks of racism, that's right, I said it).

Most expensive purchase
You need money for those things is what they tell me.

Ambition for 2007
I think I have the same ones, more or less. Pretty flat year. Turn these 17,000 words into about 90,000 and get an agent for the publishing of Title TBD. Serious relationship with the right woman (also TBD). New job. Financial and self freedom. Getting gone. Going back to Vegas.

Save It For Later Harvey Danger cover