Constant refutation with myself
The victim of Catch-22
Green Day, "Walking Contradiction"
Good thing I'm not working a full shift tomorrow probably for some bullshit aryan youth church thing...wait...
Tell Me When To Go (remix) E-40 feat. Kanye West & Ice Cube
The victim of Catch-22
Green Day, "Walking Contradiction"
I've been holding this post in abeyance a day because I thought maybe if I gave it some time, that I'd be less the cauldron of emotions and could instead deliver a passionate but detached post on it at this point in time.
NOPE.
Grandma got here two days early and will be leaving never. I'm sorry, allegedly Thursday. I have never felt more distant from this family the more they are continuing to lean on me. My room was barely mine to begin with as my meager possessions began to get crowded out by my parents', but that was nothing. Grandma's discarded clothes on the floor (both soiled and unsoiled), runny Kleenexes (can't give her cold medicine, it might punchup with one of the 11 pills she takes a day), her pads, her Depends, and about a tenth of her closet. You may be wondering where that leaves me--attached at the wrist to the portable DVD player with my head down. I don't get sleep much, and if I do my body is sure to wake me up. My Grandma is like having a daughter I didn't want fathered by some other guy. Got to wake up at 4:30? That'll happen. Got to clean up after she misses the toilet? Wants coffee during a heat wave? And on, and on, and on.
This wasn't my place before, and it's really about to not be. The switch over to condos is on and we're out at the end of the month. Do we have a new place? No. A prospect? Nope. Am I going to have to move into a 2b and bunk with my brother for the first time since Bush the Elder? Looks like it. Am I going to have to help everyone else pack the other 92% of the house that isn't mine?
I'm shut-in into the corner of the apartment and even that's not far away enough. I'm really angry because I'm almost in a second personal Renaissance of pulling quality girls and getting interesting job offers, but I can't devote the full resources to them as I'd like even after the move to who-fucking-knows-where because I'm still on the hook for the Grandma thing until a home, a caretaker, or death. (Tempted as I am to walk at the end of the month, who does that to family?) And all I keep thinking is If my parents weren't so fucking incompetent, I wouldn't be spending the summer rooming with my brother. You cannot have brothers our ages room together in a best-case scenario, and you damn sure can't do it after giving them about 10 of the most formative years apart with their own personal space.
I have gotten to the heart of why this is pissing me off so royally. It's combining two things I really hate in being fake (in having to subliminate all this vitriol to where it should go and instead letting fly here and to my friends) and getting in the middle of drama, wrapped up in a family situation.
NOPE.
Grandma got here two days early and will be leaving never. I'm sorry, allegedly Thursday. I have never felt more distant from this family the more they are continuing to lean on me. My room was barely mine to begin with as my meager possessions began to get crowded out by my parents', but that was nothing. Grandma's discarded clothes on the floor (both soiled and unsoiled), runny Kleenexes (can't give her cold medicine, it might punchup with one of the 11 pills she takes a day), her pads, her Depends, and about a tenth of her closet. You may be wondering where that leaves me--attached at the wrist to the portable DVD player with my head down. I don't get sleep much, and if I do my body is sure to wake me up. My Grandma is like having a daughter I didn't want fathered by some other guy. Got to wake up at 4:30? That'll happen. Got to clean up after she misses the toilet? Wants coffee during a heat wave? And on, and on, and on.
This wasn't my place before, and it's really about to not be. The switch over to condos is on and we're out at the end of the month. Do we have a new place? No. A prospect? Nope. Am I going to have to move into a 2b and bunk with my brother for the first time since Bush the Elder? Looks like it. Am I going to have to help everyone else pack the other 92% of the house that isn't mine?
I'm shut-in into the corner of the apartment and even that's not far away enough. I'm really angry because I'm almost in a second personal Renaissance of pulling quality girls and getting interesting job offers, but I can't devote the full resources to them as I'd like even after the move to who-fucking-knows-where because I'm still on the hook for the Grandma thing until a home, a caretaker, or death. (Tempted as I am to walk at the end of the month, who does that to family?) And all I keep thinking is If my parents weren't so fucking incompetent, I wouldn't be spending the summer rooming with my brother. You cannot have brothers our ages room together in a best-case scenario, and you damn sure can't do it after giving them about 10 of the most formative years apart with their own personal space.
I have gotten to the heart of why this is pissing me off so royally. It's combining two things I really hate in being fake (in having to subliminate all this vitriol to where it should go and instead letting fly here and to my friends) and getting in the middle of drama, wrapped up in a family situation.
Good thing I'm not working a full shift tomorrow probably for some bullshit aryan youth church thing...wait...
Tell Me When To Go (remix) E-40 feat. Kanye West & Ice Cube
4 comments:
You cannot have brothers our ages room together in a best-case scenario.
No shit, Mr. Rosser. No shit.
Freedom can't come soon enough for any of us.
*sighs* I'm so sorry Butch that you are going through this. Has anyone talked to a nursing facility for your grandmother? Sometimes Social Services can help you. I don't know what state you are in, but here in Texas, they can help you in finding a place to help care for the elderly.
I'll pray for you. I know it may not mean much, but sometimes prayers can be helpful. *hugs*
Take care, and always feel free to vent to your friends. It's the best therapy I can think of.
I sure hope it all gets better soon for you.
Rosser's in the big Cali.
Family of four, crammed in a 2B? Welcome to my Sep-05 - Feb 06. :-)
You'll make it through. Hate to be the tough love one, but I did. Now the grandma thing - oof. How are they going to fit 5 people in a 2B apartment?
That's gonna be ugly.
(If it were me, I'd be calling caretakers or the state MYSELF. The parents don't seem to be in any hurry to do it. Just my .14 Mexican.)
Yes, Butch. If you're in California...I know they have lots of social services available. Check into it yourself. You should not have to shoulder the entire responsibility. There are plenty of people to help.
If your parents won't do it, then you do it. *hugs* Hang in there, bud.
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