How I Roll, By The Numbers

How's my February? Glad you asked!

8: days total (taking out Valentine's Day)
4: total parties
2: towns partied in (Burbank, San Diego)
1¼: number of lapdances received
3: old friends rolled with
about 100: stars seen on the Walk Of fame
2: number of stars I "defaced"
1: blonde waitresses who had to straddle me to deliver my shots
7: rough number of drinks had two Saturdays ago
0: number of hangovers the next morning
1: number of ludicrously hot women who've won Vegas tournaments I've played with
1: number of ludicrously hot women who've won Vegas tournaments I've lost to
1: number of times I wished Certain People would've told me the Vegas thing before I started playing
1: snap decisions made last Friday to go to Stingaree, the hot new club in town
0: number of times I regretted it
90, roughly: number of seconds between me thinking "I'm going to run into someone I know here tonight." and then actually doing so almost literally
5: number of minutes between us hanging out again and him introducing me to some girls
2: number of girls
1: number of girls I'd never seen before, but found cute
1: number of girls I'd seen before, because they were the first girl in high school I'd ever had a crush on
9: number of years since I'd seen said crush
30: number of consecutive seconds I actually was so awed I shut up
1: in the conversation between the Crush and I, number of nurses involved
45: number of minutes I danced with Crush
10: number of minutes for her to back it up after I gave her room
.37: number of milliseconds for me to think "HOLY SHIT"
1: number of out-of-body experiences
1: number of times I busted out the Running Man
1: number of times Crush laughed and started yelling out "Go! Go! Go! Go!"
about 20: number of people who took up the chant
4: number of times I had to think of a downer
1: number of "perfect games" thrown by yours truly
2: number of times I went to Stingaree in 20 hours
3: number of Screaming Orgasms I had down the block to "warm up"
0: number of times I paid double to rush through the "express lane"
1: number of jaws dropped telling the story about Friday night Saturday night
$200: estimated cost of suit drunken white guy who talked to me Saturday night leading with "Where are all the sisters at?"
7: number of times he brought up VIP in 2 minutes
40%: my odds he actually had it
3: number of times he got shot down on the way upstairs
1: number of VIP areas the man with jungle fever had at his disposal
2: number of Grey Goose bottles he had on ice
1: number of whole glasses I poured, at his insistence
5 to 7: estimated number of shots' worth I poured into said glass
$40 to $100: estimated value of alcohol poured
1: number of times I thanked him for his largesse
0: number of times I looked back when I left right afterwards
$0: amount it cost me
4: number of jaws that dropped when I told that story
1: best club EVER. EVER ever.
1: number of fancy hotel rooms I can't even remember fully
1: number of delicious burritos at 2:30 in the morning in said fancy hotel room
16: number of shoutouts I'd like to put here: Aaron, Ivan, Amanda, Erin, Jo, Omar, Danny, Marcos, Chris, the Crush, the three guys from Texas I met in line, Geneva, her boyfriend who's name I can't pronounce, and Barlow, who's drink he bought me was doomed to be overshadowed
off the board: chances I have kavorka

np: "Sympathy For The Devil" by the Stones