blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah HAIL EASTLAKE HIGH!

Copped it from the Court Jester.

YEAR YOU GRADUATED HIGH SCHOOL...

What year was it?
9d7 represent!

What were your favorite bands?
R.E.M. and Nirvana. What the hell was I thinking?! (sarchasm)

What was your favorite outfit?
I didn't have one, since this was the pre-throwback era for yours truly. Always about jeans, though. I don't know, I had a wide assortment of shorts I just gave to Goodwill last year so it's one of those.

What was up with your hair?
If it was there, it was short. Just the way I likes it now with the exception of the winter months.

Who were your best friends?
Same squad I roll with now: Amanda, Ivan, Dustin, Jeremy, Cecelia, Michelle, Joe, Brian, Greg, Jason, Diane, all them...MIKE! Holy shit. Is Mike still alive?!

What did you do after school?
Went home and did my homework. Sometimes I busted out to go the girls ball or the football games but for the most part I was a good boy. Didn't do shit to help my math grades, but I tried.

Did you take the bus?
Hell, yes! Ran in a pack with Jeremy, Amanda & the Bouchers and a bunch of people I forgot, told dirty jokes, talked shit about teachers, put "WE'VE BEEN KIDNAPPED!" signs against the window and practically cried every time it was next to another car at a red light. Good thing I did it before cell phones took over 'cause somebody would've sued my ass for hitting the 911 on their speed dial.

Who did you have a crush on?
Annie Morrissey, and Mariel Fernandez. I think every guy who went to Eastlake in that four-to-six year period is gonna be telling Mariel Fernandez stories until Alzheimer's takes the memories away. Christo With The Orange Drapes, I had a thing back then for short and stacked. AND younger, wow. Didn't anyone in the senior class do something for me?

[yes, this is the one thing I'm going to look up courtesy of the yearbook]

And I just ran into Sophia for the first time in a month thanks to this...we weren't even on each other's radars...and with a shake of his head, he goes further down the rabbit hole...

Not a single senior. UNbelievable.

Did you fight with your parents?
Not until May, at which point began my "downward spiral" into the cursing, selfthestic schitzophrenic you read before you today. It was mostly my mother, per usual.

Who did you have a CELEBRITY crush on?
So about the Love Hewitt love it wasn't funny. Who the hell knew freaking Claudia was going to grow up to be a Regulation Hottie?

Did you smoke cigarettes?
Couldn't. Assmar.

Did you lug all of your books around in your backpack all day because you were too nervous to find your locker?
Nigga, I lugged all of my books around in my backpack all day because we HAD NO lockers. And boy, did it piss off my parents when for the Teacher Night I made them carry out over hill and dale across campus. I think my dad had basic training flashbacks.

Did you have a clique?
Hell, yes. We all hung out by the library like the Island of Misfit Toys. We all could've been in other cliques, and sometimes were, but like every episodic TV we usually ended up with each other. Maybe that's why we're still more or less together even now.

Did you have "The Max" like Zach, Kelly & Slater?
It had to have been somebody's house because the development hadn't happened yet. They were building it but it was nowhere near done. Now the school is bracketed on all sides by big-ass malls and six figure homes. A good thing, too, because with a Krispy Kreme down the hill I would've been pushing 4 bills for graduation.

Who did you want to be just like?
Mr. Knox, my social sciences teacher who combined a deft mind with a sharp wit and was still extremely well-liked. (The fact we were all cheating behind his back in circles on tests due to his obsessive work with women's volleyball ain't hurt nuthin', either.)

What did you want to be when you grew up?
Same thing I want now: fucking somebody out of my league in a house I shouldn't be able to afford.

Where did you think you'd be at the age you are now?
I didn't have a clue then, and maybe it shows.

What classes did you take?
Holy shit, this'll be interesting.

I took Drama and loved the shit out of it. Honors English, mos def. Maybe it was AP English--yeah, AP English, honors Social Studies, economics, algebra (that I technically got a 58 in but MRS. RUST~! let me slide into graduation with a D-), typing, I think...I know library aide was in there--is that 7? It is!

Music I happened to see in the vicinity and switched it to for symmetry: Wheatus - Teenage Dirtbag