"Starbucks COFFEE?", You Have Been Replaced

So the last two days have been hassle-ridden, but not enough for me to blow up. And I'm working the next 3 days (added a short run Monday because the week after is so piss-poor I'm gonna end up with a WHOLE F'N WEEK off). And today was Boring with a capital English movie.

But on the way out.

Me & Ben are clocking out early because the home show is such a bomb scare, so as we head out suddenly this hot blonde pops up Oliver Sudden and starts talking about Vegas and four days free if we go to this spa and whatnot. I was prepared to Chris Rock yes-no-really-get outta here-I don't believe it-I tol you that bitch crazy my way through because she's hot and all. She finds out he's 19, and I'm 24. Suddenly the focus shifts to me.

Now imagine the glory days of the 80s, and more specifically the best game show in the history of existence Press Your Luck. Imagine I have 7 turns.

Her: "You married?"

Me: "No."

($4,000 and a spin. $2,000. trip to Cancun.)

Her: "You DATING anybody?"

($5,000 and a spin. Everyone in the free world is yelling PASS. Fuck em. NOWHAMMYNOWHAMMYBIGMONEYC'MONSTOP $500.)

Me (slightly befuddled): "Nooo..."

[Is it the goofy-ass nautical uniforms? We all seem to hate them and yet people who DON'T have to wear them for a living love the things; maybe the combination of my baby face and the uni has set off an alarm in her heart that must be obeyed lest she miss out on true love. Or a five-hour romp through a sexual playground that was once just rumor. Either/or.]

And then, like that, the BRAND NEW LINE OF THE YEAR.

"Do you make more than $100,000 a year before taxes?"

In retrospect, I should've lied.

"No."

(AND IT'S A WHAAAAAAAAAAAAMYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY.)

And the wheels come off the bread truck and there went Vegas and there went the blonde. *sigh* I can't believe I came up with the "Dammit, prom night flashback! (longtime BR fans will know why THAT'S fucking hilarious)" line comeback that fast. Everyone at work heard the story, because dammit, that was some comedy. The guys wery very commiserative and it wasn't until the second time I asked for my $100,000 raise my boss laughed, so you never know.