I can see it before the summer really even gets going: that "Culo"/"Move Ya Body" beat is going to become my If it weren't for my horse.... Oh, sure, I THINK I'm tapping out a blog entry but in my mind it's DUN dundun DUN dundun DUN dundun (optional drunken yell of CULO!)
Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh.
Ambient music: the Jets' "You Got It All"
7/5/04
7/3/04
A Brief Demonstration Of Why Everyone Should Buy Glued to the Set
I am watching a bit of the Wimbledon this morning. Maria Sharapova hits a shot that may or may not be legal. Instant replay comes up. Who do I have to thank for this? Some button-pusher in New York? A camerman in London?
Of course not.
It's all thanks to JFK getting his head put in El Paso.
Let me explain.
JFK gets shot. Putting aside the conspiracy theories and all of that, Lee Harvey Oswald shoots him. LHO gets to be a celebrity, in much the way I get to use "to impress Jodie Foster" as a running joke for why I do things. So the media would like an explanation, even when Oswald doesn't say anything. It's pre-CNN--a lot of buildup waiting for actual news.
And then they make actual news (inadvertantly (?)) happen.
Enough pressure is put on the now-harried Dallas P.D. to let them have more access to cover Oswald, in the hopes he'll say something. So they change the time of his being moved. It's in a hallway. All three networks are covering it, though only NBC is doing so live.
Now check this shit: because all this craziness happens, it allows some guy, and since this is America we'll give him a homogonous name like Jack--to shoot Oswald. LIVE. ON NATIONAL TELEVISION. Needless to say...well, hell, and I quote:
Thus television changed history twice on that day--first by literally setting up Ruby with his opportunity, and then providing America with its first dramatic, watch-it-as-it-happens national news event. From Ruby's bullet, to CNN in Baghdad, to O.J.'s Bronco case, the news would never be the same as it sought to capture--and sometimes create--similar events.
SO, once that happens, NBC & CBS have fucked up. Can't interview Oswald--dead. Can't interview Ruby--interrogated. So you know what they did, since all the networks were enjoying rare incest due to the assassination?
They got copies of the shooting from NBC.
And ran them for hours straight. With people to comment on it, and observe from the outside despite having not been there. Sound familiar?
That's about a chapter out of 60 in GttS. And seeing as we all watch TV like good consumerist Americans, you need to read this book. Why should we credit Rod Serling to be the first man to "keep it real"? How the hell did Bob Newhart stay on the air seemingly forever? How come the Cosby Show seems played and yet episodes of Mary Tyler Moore and Dick Van Dyke seem to have that burp that locked in freshness? GttS knows, and it's worth whatever Amazon'll dock you to find out.
Ambient music: Ozzy's "Crazy Train"
Of course not.
It's all thanks to JFK getting his head put in El Paso.
Let me explain.
JFK gets shot. Putting aside the conspiracy theories and all of that, Lee Harvey Oswald shoots him. LHO gets to be a celebrity, in much the way I get to use "to impress Jodie Foster" as a running joke for why I do things. So the media would like an explanation, even when Oswald doesn't say anything. It's pre-CNN--a lot of buildup waiting for actual news.
And then they make actual news (inadvertantly (?)) happen.
Enough pressure is put on the now-harried Dallas P.D. to let them have more access to cover Oswald, in the hopes he'll say something. So they change the time of his being moved. It's in a hallway. All three networks are covering it, though only NBC is doing so live.
Now check this shit: because all this craziness happens, it allows some guy, and since this is America we'll give him a homogonous name like Jack--to shoot Oswald. LIVE. ON NATIONAL TELEVISION. Needless to say...well, hell, and I quote:
Thus television changed history twice on that day--first by literally setting up Ruby with his opportunity, and then providing America with its first dramatic, watch-it-as-it-happens national news event. From Ruby's bullet, to CNN in Baghdad, to O.J.'s Bronco case, the news would never be the same as it sought to capture--and sometimes create--similar events.
SO, once that happens, NBC & CBS have fucked up. Can't interview Oswald--dead. Can't interview Ruby--interrogated. So you know what they did, since all the networks were enjoying rare incest due to the assassination?
They got copies of the shooting from NBC.
And ran them for hours straight. With people to comment on it, and observe from the outside despite having not been there. Sound familiar?
That's about a chapter out of 60 in GttS. And seeing as we all watch TV like good consumerist Americans, you need to read this book. Why should we credit Rod Serling to be the first man to "keep it real"? How the hell did Bob Newhart stay on the air seemingly forever? How come the Cosby Show seems played and yet episodes of Mary Tyler Moore and Dick Van Dyke seem to have that burp that locked in freshness? GttS knows, and it's worth whatever Amazon'll dock you to find out.
Ambient music: Ozzy's "Crazy Train"
7/2/04
What Is Bad-Ass Motherfucker For $737,000?
So I finally saw this Ken dude on the Jeopardy tonight and he is what they in the hood (where I'm from) call THE TRUTH, SON.
He got $10k in the opening round. IN THE OPENING ROUND! If Jesus came back to Earth and got on Jeopardy He would be lucky if he came out with $7,500. He blew a couple and when a woman closed within 4g he got the last 11 to close out Double Jeopardy. The board, if memory serves me correctly, holds only 30 spaces.
22 DAYS IN A ROW. I want to see some blood come out of him. I think he's a cyborg. Can we just lock him in a room and make him some sort of oracle who solves all our Pressing Issues and whatnot? Can he be our new Jebus? I bet he'd only take 3 days.
Seriously, if it comes on Monday, invest half an hour in Jeopardy and watch him work. It's like some Jordan jumper Biggie rhyming Picasso painting shit when he's on. To quote a wise Sicilian, inconCEIVable!
Ambient music: the Mighty Mighty Bosstones' "Someday I Suppose"
He got $10k in the opening round. IN THE OPENING ROUND! If Jesus came back to Earth and got on Jeopardy He would be lucky if he came out with $7,500. He blew a couple and when a woman closed within 4g he got the last 11 to close out Double Jeopardy. The board, if memory serves me correctly, holds only 30 spaces.
22 DAYS IN A ROW. I want to see some blood come out of him. I think he's a cyborg. Can we just lock him in a room and make him some sort of oracle who solves all our Pressing Issues and whatnot? Can he be our new Jebus? I bet he'd only take 3 days.
Seriously, if it comes on Monday, invest half an hour in Jeopardy and watch him work. It's like some Jordan jumper Biggie rhyming Picasso painting shit when he's on. To quote a wise Sicilian, inconCEIVable!
Ambient music: the Mighty Mighty Bosstones' "Someday I Suppose"
7/1/04
Starfuckers, Inc: July '04
This Is Gonna Hurt Me More Than It Hurts You:
Britney Spears (20), Monica Bellucci (22), Rachel Bilson (24), Gabrielle Union (25)
25. Halle Berry (18, p18)
24. Cameron Diaz (21, p9)
23. Victoria (7, p7)
22. Rebecca Romijn (debut)
21. Heidi Klum (17, p10)
20. Kim Smith (re-entry, p20)
19. Alyssa Milano (23, p12)
18. Gail Kim (18, p18)
17. Carmen Electra (19, p5)
16. Josie Maran (14, p13)
15. Kristanna Loken (16, p11)
14. Vida Guerra (re-entry, p6)
13. Christina Aguilera (15, p6)
12. Anna Kournikova (12, p7)
11. Beyonce Knowles (8, p4)
10. Sofia Vergara (10, p8)
09. Eliza Dushku (9, p3)
08. Maria Menounos (13, p8)
07. Jamie Pressly (11, p7)
06. Adriana Lima (5, p5)
05. Angelina Jolie (3, p3)
04. Trish Stratus (4, p1)
03. Lindsay Lohan (6, p3)
02. Brooke Burke (1, p1)
01. Jessica Alba (2)
Ambient music: the Flaming Lips' "Do You Realize?"
Britney Spears (20), Monica Bellucci (22), Rachel Bilson (24), Gabrielle Union (25)
25. Halle Berry (18, p18)
24. Cameron Diaz (21, p9)
23. Victoria (7, p7)
22. Rebecca Romijn (debut)
21. Heidi Klum (17, p10)
20. Kim Smith (re-entry, p20)
19. Alyssa Milano (23, p12)
18. Gail Kim (18, p18)
17. Carmen Electra (19, p5)
16. Josie Maran (14, p13)
15. Kristanna Loken (16, p11)
14. Vida Guerra (re-entry, p6)
13. Christina Aguilera (15, p6)
12. Anna Kournikova (12, p7)
11. Beyonce Knowles (8, p4)
10. Sofia Vergara (10, p8)
09. Eliza Dushku (9, p3)
08. Maria Menounos (13, p8)
07. Jamie Pressly (11, p7)
06. Adriana Lima (5, p5)
05. Angelina Jolie (3, p3)
04. Trish Stratus (4, p1)
03. Lindsay Lohan (6, p3)
02. Brooke Burke (1, p1)
01. Jessica Alba (2)
Ambient music: the Flaming Lips' "Do You Realize?"
6/30/04
State of Disorientation Address
WHOO I GOTS A WEEK OFF! Last year, I was working the 40th anniversary Narcotics Anonymous from 5 pm to 2 am so I'm damn grateful for this. I do believe a partAy or 3 is imminent.
You know what? Something ASCTR just...isn't doing it for me no more. Should I change the name? And to what?
(Already rejected: Rosserheit 2/79)
Ambient music: Bush's "Testosterone"
You know what? Something ASCTR just...isn't doing it for me no more. Should I change the name? And to what?
(Already rejected: Rosserheit 2/79)
Ambient music: Bush's "Testosterone"
6/25/04
From the Home Office In Two Months And We're Outta Here
Second verse, same as the first...
[10] D12 => My Band (7)
[09] Kanye West => All Falls Down (5)
[08] Joss Stone => Super Duper Love (8)*
[07] Ludacris => Blow It Out Your Ass (6)
[06] the Darkness => Growing On Me (10)*
[05] Outkast => Roses (4)
[04] Yellowcard => Ocean Avenue (3)
[03] Franz Ferdinand => Take Me Out (9)**
[02] Beastie Boys => Ch-Check It Out (2)*
[01] Jay-Z => 99 Problems (1) [1m]
Ambient music: the Wallflowers' "Sixth Avenue Heartache"
[10] D12 => My Band (7)
[09] Kanye West => All Falls Down (5)
[08] Joss Stone => Super Duper Love (8)*
[07] Ludacris => Blow It Out Your Ass (6)
[06] the Darkness => Growing On Me (10)*
[05] Outkast => Roses (4)
[04] Yellowcard => Ocean Avenue (3)
[03] Franz Ferdinand => Take Me Out (9)**
[02] Beastie Boys => Ch-Check It Out (2)*
[01] Jay-Z => 99 Problems (1) [1m]
Ambient music: the Wallflowers' "Sixth Avenue Heartache"
6/21/04
Catch You On The Flip Side, Dudemeisters
They're fumigating the joint, which means I won't be back until Thursday night.
The Palahaniuk book was ****, Bochco was the full monty. It's hard to read something really good while you try to do a novel of your own, but I think you need to get knocked on your ass by the goodness of something in order to fuel your desire to do something whatever percentile as good as that.
Jesus Smirked is back from the 30-day DL and huntpecking along towards the big reveal press conference, at which point I stupidly expect the thing to half-write itself.
Changed the countdown accordingly.
Tip your veal, try your waitress, and when I leave come together like buttcheeks.
Ambient music: Sex Pistols' "God Save The Queen"
The Palahaniuk book was ****, Bochco was the full monty. It's hard to read something really good while you try to do a novel of your own, but I think you need to get knocked on your ass by the goodness of something in order to fuel your desire to do something whatever percentile as good as that.
Jesus Smirked is back from the 30-day DL and huntpecking along towards the big reveal press conference, at which point I stupidly expect the thing to half-write itself.
Changed the countdown accordingly.
Tip your veal, try your waitress, and when I leave come together like buttcheeks.
Ambient music: Sex Pistols' "God Save The Queen"
6/15/04
This Is the Running First Anniversary Noise That Keeps Me Awake
==> Goddamn, I hate me some computer right now. Ever since late last week, every time I've been on this thing has been an experience of building character. That's adult for fucking sucks. Riddled with problems, shit just quitting on me in mid-use. I've ran Spybot but that doesn't seem to be stopping things from sneaking into Program Files and whatnot. All the stuff in the CTL+ALT+DEL menu hasn't responded since 2002 right now. *sigh*
=> Nothing says a year of work like five straight days off.
=> Screw you, Randy Orton! I had that same front on my Keith Scott Zimmerman MARK ADVISORY EXPLICIT WORKRATE shirt last summer! On the other hand, I am all about the newest installment of shirt-wearing Mattitude.
=> Evolution was hilarious last night. Batista giving Eugene the thumbs-up just killed me for some reason. Ric Flair greets new friends the way I greet new friends! The Pedigree tease was perfectly done, too.
=> How come one of the major networks (by which I mean whoever's in 3rd) hasn't adopted the "start part of the new season in the summer" tactic to get new viewers?
=> The passing of Ralph Wiley was highly depressing, as I looked up to him as a unique voice with his own style who was knowledgeable about a subject but in a way you didn't have to be a diehard to follow along. Maybe just because I wanted to do what he did, but still. Condolences to all affected by him and especially his family.
=> This half-segues into my hatred for the healthy lifestyle. He ran a lot, seemed to be in perfect shape, had been on a radio show a day earlier, boom! Heart attack! And he was 53. Look, not to get too exisistential in what has become the playground of my mind, but if you're going to die, you're going to die, and getting bread-less hamburgers and half-assed Ben & Jerry's isn't going to do shit to stop it. Like Emeril says, "Life's too short to drink bad wine."
=> Kate Beckinsale is SO underrated.
---------------------------------------
=> I think we just had an earthquake. Everything was moving around a little for 15 seconds and then just stopped. Weird. First quake I haven't slept through and I've been out here since I was forming coherent thought.
=> The Reno 911 commericals own you, and you motherbitches know the ones I'm talking about.
=> Nobody else'll say it? I will: "I'm Rick James, bitch.": The Movie has the potential to be this generation's This Is Spinal Tap.
=> If you don't like the big-ass peanut butter cups, I don't know ya.
---------------------------------------
=> Watching Season 7 Buffy, I can only think one thing: heh, Kennedy smells like tangerines.
=> And I'm off to Tijuana! If the Lakers win, a fesitve sombrero. Should they lose, my body weight in Corona. Back later, vatos...
----------------------------------------
=> Damn, Mexico rules.
=> I took a few pictures and now hopefully I can upload the digicam software properly. Just a few boring shots of Yes The Border Is 10 Minutes From Home. But still!
=> Let me tell you what rules about Mexico: the conversion rate. 11 pesos to the buck. So I got to see Harry Potter for $5 at 7:30 at night. It ruled. (Innovative deux ex machina that actually made sense. Plus, Hermoine is going to be the New Hotness in '08. Ya heard.) I got popcorn for $2.50--a big ass thing I couldn't even finish--and the guy working the counter wanted to know where I got my bomb-ass Stewie Griffin VICTORY IS MINE jacket. Then, I got 12 bottles of the sweet nectar known as a bottled Mexican Coca-Cola...
...for $4.32. THIRTY FIVE DAMN CENTS A BOTTLE! I can't even buy a freaking newspaper anymore for 35 but I got sweet, sweet sodas! And they were selling rifles in the damn aisle! RIFLES! Unbelievable. Oh, and I got hassled coming back from the border, due to my notorious coyote days. But THIRTY FIVE CENTS! DAMN!
=> In regards to Game 5, :(
So, there it was, the anniversary. Later days.
Ambient music: Domino's "Sweet Potato Pie"
=> Nothing says a year of work like five straight days off.
=> Screw you, Randy Orton! I had that same front on my Keith Scott Zimmerman MARK ADVISORY EXPLICIT WORKRATE shirt last summer! On the other hand, I am all about the newest installment of shirt-wearing Mattitude.
=> Evolution was hilarious last night. Batista giving Eugene the thumbs-up just killed me for some reason. Ric Flair greets new friends the way I greet new friends! The Pedigree tease was perfectly done, too.
=> How come one of the major networks (by which I mean whoever's in 3rd) hasn't adopted the "start part of the new season in the summer" tactic to get new viewers?
=> The passing of Ralph Wiley was highly depressing, as I looked up to him as a unique voice with his own style who was knowledgeable about a subject but in a way you didn't have to be a diehard to follow along. Maybe just because I wanted to do what he did, but still. Condolences to all affected by him and especially his family.
=> This half-segues into my hatred for the healthy lifestyle. He ran a lot, seemed to be in perfect shape, had been on a radio show a day earlier, boom! Heart attack! And he was 53. Look, not to get too exisistential in what has become the playground of my mind, but if you're going to die, you're going to die, and getting bread-less hamburgers and half-assed Ben & Jerry's isn't going to do shit to stop it. Like Emeril says, "Life's too short to drink bad wine."
=> Kate Beckinsale is SO underrated.
---------------------------------------
=> I think we just had an earthquake. Everything was moving around a little for 15 seconds and then just stopped. Weird. First quake I haven't slept through and I've been out here since I was forming coherent thought.
=> The Reno 911 commericals own you, and you motherbitches know the ones I'm talking about.
=> Nobody else'll say it? I will: "I'm Rick James, bitch.": The Movie has the potential to be this generation's This Is Spinal Tap.
=> If you don't like the big-ass peanut butter cups, I don't know ya.
---------------------------------------
=> Watching Season 7 Buffy, I can only think one thing: heh, Kennedy smells like tangerines.
=> And I'm off to Tijuana! If the Lakers win, a fesitve sombrero. Should they lose, my body weight in Corona. Back later, vatos...
----------------------------------------
=> Damn, Mexico rules.
=> I took a few pictures and now hopefully I can upload the digicam software properly. Just a few boring shots of Yes The Border Is 10 Minutes From Home. But still!
=> Let me tell you what rules about Mexico: the conversion rate. 11 pesos to the buck. So I got to see Harry Potter for $5 at 7:30 at night. It ruled. (Innovative deux ex machina that actually made sense. Plus, Hermoine is going to be the New Hotness in '08. Ya heard.) I got popcorn for $2.50--a big ass thing I couldn't even finish--and the guy working the counter wanted to know where I got my bomb-ass Stewie Griffin VICTORY IS MINE jacket. Then, I got 12 bottles of the sweet nectar known as a bottled Mexican Coca-Cola...
...for $4.32. THIRTY FIVE DAMN CENTS A BOTTLE! I can't even buy a freaking newspaper anymore for 35 but I got sweet, sweet sodas! And they were selling rifles in the damn aisle! RIFLES! Unbelievable. Oh, and I got hassled coming back from the border, due to my notorious coyote days. But THIRTY FIVE CENTS! DAMN!
=> In regards to Game 5, :(
So, there it was, the anniversary. Later days.
Ambient music: Domino's "Sweet Potato Pie"
6/13/04
Bill Murray would be proud. Kingpin Bill, not Garfield Bill.
That's right, motherbitches, another bowling update du jour:
106, 138, 107, 101.
The roll is still on, but let me delve into that opening 106 a little more.
I went with a couple friends from work, and it's the tenth frame and I'm down almost 20. I've had a bad game by the new standards and my friend Aaron's up. So, I go through my routine (which will stay TOP SECRET without payment), and fire.
Strike.
I feel good.
I lock the gun up again, aim, fire.
And suddenly I feel a wave of something that's not nausea, right as the pins at the end of the lane go down in a heap as if struck by a sky blue wrecking ball. And the girls are hooting, and he's looking nervous, and Oliver Sudden I know I have his lunch money. "Are you ready?" I ask him. "Are you ready to call me Vin Diesel?" He's shaking his head.
Back at it.
Release.
Rotation.
Splash.
X.
X.
X.
That's right, your friendly local neighborhood Negro came from behind to win a game with three strikes in the 10th. Bow. HARD.
Ambient music: Green Day's cover of "Tired Of Waiting For You"
106, 138, 107, 101.
The roll is still on, but let me delve into that opening 106 a little more.
I went with a couple friends from work, and it's the tenth frame and I'm down almost 20. I've had a bad game by the new standards and my friend Aaron's up. So, I go through my routine (which will stay TOP SECRET without payment), and fire.
Strike.
I feel good.
I lock the gun up again, aim, fire.
And suddenly I feel a wave of something that's not nausea, right as the pins at the end of the lane go down in a heap as if struck by a sky blue wrecking ball. And the girls are hooting, and he's looking nervous, and Oliver Sudden I know I have his lunch money. "Are you ready?" I ask him. "Are you ready to call me Vin Diesel?" He's shaking his head.
Back at it.
Release.
Rotation.
Splash.
X.
X.
X.
That's right, your friendly local neighborhood Negro came from behind to win a game with three strikes in the 10th. Bow. HARD.
Ambient music: Green Day's cover of "Tired Of Waiting For You"
6/11/04
From the Secret Office A Court-Ordered 51 Feet Away At All Times (bastards)
Past tense: "Naughty Girl", 8; "Leave (Get Out)", 10
[10] the Darkness => Growing On Me (debut)*
[09] Franz Ferdinand => Take Me Out (debut)*
[08] Joss Stone => Super Duper Love (9)*
[07] D12 => My Band (5)
[06] Ludacris => Blow It Out Your Ass (7)*
[05] Kanye West => All Falls Down (4)
[04] Outkast => Roses (1)
[03] Yellowcard => Ocean Avenue (3)
[02] Beastie Boys => Ch-Check It Out (6)*
[01] Jay-Z => 99 Problems (2) [2w]
Ambient music: Forest for the Trees' "Dream"
[10] the Darkness => Growing On Me (debut)*
[09] Franz Ferdinand => Take Me Out (debut)*
[08] Joss Stone => Super Duper Love (9)*
[07] D12 => My Band (5)
[06] Ludacris => Blow It Out Your Ass (7)*
[05] Kanye West => All Falls Down (4)
[04] Outkast => Roses (1)
[03] Yellowcard => Ocean Avenue (3)
[02] Beastie Boys => Ch-Check It Out (6)*
[01] Jay-Z => 99 Problems (2) [2w]
Ambient music: Forest for the Trees' "Dream"
6/6/04
Best. MTV. Movie Awards. Ever.
I'm assuming, from a few pictures that've leaked. 'Cause great googily MOOGILY. Sneakers, athletic socks, the shorty short shorts...no wonder I love watching that number up there drop.
Nice to have SOMETHING I liked about today.
Ambient music: Bush's "Testosterone"
Nice to have SOMETHING I liked about today.
Ambient music: Bush's "Testosterone"
6/5/04
"I'm not crying! It's dusty in here! Damn...locksmith!"
Jon Stewart's William & Mary commencement address speech:
Thank you Mr. President, I had forgotten how crushingly dull these ceremonies are. Thank you.
My best to the choir. I have to say, that song never grows old for me. Whenever I hear that song, it reminds me of nothing.
I am honored to be here, I do have a confession to make before we get going that I should explain very quickly. When I am not on television, this is actually how I dress. I apologize, but there’s something very freeing about it. I congratulate the students for being able to walk even a half a mile in this non-breathable fabric in the Williamsburg heat. I am sure the environment that now exists under your robes, are the same conditions that primordial life began on this earth.
I know there were some parents that were concerned about my speech here tonight, and I want to assure you that you will not hear any language that is not common at, say, a dock workers union meeting, or Tourrett’s convention, or profanity seminar. Rest assured.
I am honored to be here and to receive this honorary doctorate. When I think back to the people that have been in this position before me from Benjamin Franklin to Queen Noor of Jordan, I can’t help but wonder what has happened to this place. Seriously, it saddens me. As a person, I am honored to get it; as an alumnus, I have to say I believe we can do better. And I believe we should. But it has always been a dream of mine to receive a doctorate and to know that today, without putting in any effort, I will. It’s incredibly gratifying. Thank you. That’s very nice of you, I appreciate it.
I’m sure my fellow doctoral graduates—who have spent so long toiling in academia, sinking into debt, sacrificing God knows how many years of what, in truth, is a piece of parchment that in truth has been so devalued by our instant gratification culture as to have been rendered meaningless—will join in congratulating me. Thank you.
But today isn’t about how my presence here devalues this fine institution. It is about you, the graduates. I’m honored to be here to congratulate you today. Today is the day you enter into the real world, and I should give you a few pointers on what it is. It’s actually not that different from the environment here. The biggest difference is you will now be paying for things, and the real world is not surrounded by three-foot brick wall. And the real world is not a restoration. If you see people in the real world making bricks out of straw and water, those people are not colonial re-enactors—they are poor. Help them. And in the real world, there is not as much candle lighting. I don’t really know what it is about this campus and candle lighting, but I wish it would stop. We only have so much wax, people.
Lets talk about the real world for a moment. We had been discussing it earlier, and I…I wanted to bring this up to you earlier about the real world, and this is I guess as good a time as any. I don’t really know to put this, so I’ll be blunt. We broke it.
Please don’t be mad. I know we were supposed to bequeath to the next generation a world better than the one we were handed. So, sorry.
I don’t know if you’ve been following the news lately, but it just kinda got away from us. Somewhere between the gold rush of easy internet profits and an arrogant sense of endless empire, we heard kind of a pinging noise, and uh, then the damn thing just died on us. So I apologize.
But here’s the good news. You fix this thing, you’re the next greatest generation, people. You do this—and I believe you can—you win this war on terror, and Tom Brokaw’s kissing your ass from here to Tikrit, let me tell ya. And even if you don’t, you’re not gonna have much trouble surpassing my generation. If you end up getting your picture taken next to a naked guy pile of enemy prisoners and don’t give the thumbs up you’ve outdid us.
We declared war on terror. We declared war on terror—it’s not even a noun, so, good luck. After we defeat it, I’m sure we’ll take on that bastard ennui.
But obviously that’s the world. What about your lives? What piece of wisdom can I impart to you about my journey that will somehow ease your transition from college back to your parents' basement?
I know some of you are nostalgic today and filled with excitement and perhaps uncertainty at what the future holds. I know six of you are trying to figure out how to make a bong out of your caps. I believe you are members of Psi U. Hey that did work, thank you for the reference.
So I thought I’d talk a little bit about my experience here at William and Mary. It was very long ago, and if you had been to William and Mary while I was here and found out that I would be the commencement speaker 20 years later, you would be somewhat surprised, and probably somewhat angry. I came to William and Mary because as a Jewish person I wanted to explore the rich tapestry of Judaica that is Southern Virginia. Imagine my surprise when I realized “The Tribe” was not what I thought it meant.
In 1980 I was 17 years old. When I moved to Williamsburg, my hall was in the basement of Yates, which combined the cheerfulness of a bomb shelter with the prison-like comfort of the group shower. As a freshman I was quite a catch. Less than five feet tall, yet my head is the same size it is now. Didn’t even really look like a head, it looked more like a container for a head. I looked like a Peanuts character. Peanuts characters had terrible acne. But what I lacked in looks I made up for with a repugnant personality.
In 1981 I lost my virginity, only to gain it back again on appeal in 1983. You could say that my one saving grace was academics where I excelled, but I did not.
And yet now I live in the rarified air of celebrity, of mega stardom. My life a series of Hollywood orgies and Kabala center brunches with the cast of Friends. At least that’s what my handlers tell me. I’m actually too valuable to live my own life and spend most of my days in a vegetable crisper to remain fake news anchor fresh.
So I know that the decisions that I made after college worked out. But at the time I didn’t know that they would. See college is not necessarily predictive of your future success. And it’s the kind of thing where the path that I chose obviously wouldn’t work for you. For one, you’re not very funny.
So how do you know what is the right path to choose to get the result that you desire? And the honest answer is this. You won’t. And accepting that greatly eases the anxiety of your life experience.
I was not exceptional here, and am not now. I was mediocre here. And I’m not saying aim low. Not everybody can wander around in an alcoholic haze and then at 40 just, you know, decide to be president. You’ve got to really work hard to try to…I was actually referring to my father.
When I left William and Mary I was shell-shocked. Because when you’re in college it’s very clear what you have to do to succeed. And I imagine here everybody knows exactly the number of credits they needed to graduate, where they had to buckle down, which introductory psychology class would pad out the schedule. You knew what you had to do to get to this college and to graduate from it. But the unfortunate, yet truly exciting thing about your life, is that there is no core curriculum. The entire place is an elective. The paths are infinite and the results uncertain. And it can be maddening to those that go here, especially here, because your strength has always been achievement. So if there’s any real advice I can give you it’s this.
College is something you complete. Life is something you experience. So don’t worry about your grade, or the results or success. Success is defined in myriad ways, and you will find it, and people will no longer be grading you, but it will come from your own internal sense of decency which I imagine, after going through the program here, is quite strong…although I’m sure downloading illegal files…but, nah, that’s a different story.
Love what you do. Get good at it. Competence is a rare commodity in this day and age. And let the chips fall where they may.
And the last thing I want to address is the idea that somehow this new generation is not as prepared for the sacrifice and the tenacity that will be needed in the difficult times ahead. I have not found this generation to be cynical or apathetic or selfish. They are as strong and as decent as any people that I have met. And I will say this, on my way down here I stopped at Bethesda Naval, and when you talk to the young kids that are there that have just been back from Iraq and Afghanistan, you don’t have the worry about the future that you hear from so many that are not a part of this generation but judging it from above.
And the other thing….that I will say is, when I spoke earlier about the world being broke, I was somewhat being facetious, because every generation has their challenge. And things change rapidly, and life gets better in an instant.
I was in New York on 9-11 when the towers came down. I lived 14 blocks from the twin towers. And when they came down, I thought that the world had ended. And I remember walking around in a daze for weeks. And Mayor Giuliani had said to the city, “You’ve got to get back to normal. We’ve got to show that things can change and get back to what they were.”
And one day I was coming out of my building, and on my stoop, was a man who was crouched over, and he appeared to be in deep thought. And as I got closer to him I realized, he was playing with himself. And that’s when I thought, “You know what, we’re gonna be OK.”
Thank you. Congratulations. I honor you. Good Night."
Thank you Mr. President, I had forgotten how crushingly dull these ceremonies are. Thank you.
My best to the choir. I have to say, that song never grows old for me. Whenever I hear that song, it reminds me of nothing.
I am honored to be here, I do have a confession to make before we get going that I should explain very quickly. When I am not on television, this is actually how I dress. I apologize, but there’s something very freeing about it. I congratulate the students for being able to walk even a half a mile in this non-breathable fabric in the Williamsburg heat. I am sure the environment that now exists under your robes, are the same conditions that primordial life began on this earth.
I know there were some parents that were concerned about my speech here tonight, and I want to assure you that you will not hear any language that is not common at, say, a dock workers union meeting, or Tourrett’s convention, or profanity seminar. Rest assured.
I am honored to be here and to receive this honorary doctorate. When I think back to the people that have been in this position before me from Benjamin Franklin to Queen Noor of Jordan, I can’t help but wonder what has happened to this place. Seriously, it saddens me. As a person, I am honored to get it; as an alumnus, I have to say I believe we can do better. And I believe we should. But it has always been a dream of mine to receive a doctorate and to know that today, without putting in any effort, I will. It’s incredibly gratifying. Thank you. That’s very nice of you, I appreciate it.
I’m sure my fellow doctoral graduates—who have spent so long toiling in academia, sinking into debt, sacrificing God knows how many years of what, in truth, is a piece of parchment that in truth has been so devalued by our instant gratification culture as to have been rendered meaningless—will join in congratulating me. Thank you.
But today isn’t about how my presence here devalues this fine institution. It is about you, the graduates. I’m honored to be here to congratulate you today. Today is the day you enter into the real world, and I should give you a few pointers on what it is. It’s actually not that different from the environment here. The biggest difference is you will now be paying for things, and the real world is not surrounded by three-foot brick wall. And the real world is not a restoration. If you see people in the real world making bricks out of straw and water, those people are not colonial re-enactors—they are poor. Help them. And in the real world, there is not as much candle lighting. I don’t really know what it is about this campus and candle lighting, but I wish it would stop. We only have so much wax, people.
Lets talk about the real world for a moment. We had been discussing it earlier, and I…I wanted to bring this up to you earlier about the real world, and this is I guess as good a time as any. I don’t really know to put this, so I’ll be blunt. We broke it.
Please don’t be mad. I know we were supposed to bequeath to the next generation a world better than the one we were handed. So, sorry.
I don’t know if you’ve been following the news lately, but it just kinda got away from us. Somewhere between the gold rush of easy internet profits and an arrogant sense of endless empire, we heard kind of a pinging noise, and uh, then the damn thing just died on us. So I apologize.
But here’s the good news. You fix this thing, you’re the next greatest generation, people. You do this—and I believe you can—you win this war on terror, and Tom Brokaw’s kissing your ass from here to Tikrit, let me tell ya. And even if you don’t, you’re not gonna have much trouble surpassing my generation. If you end up getting your picture taken next to a naked guy pile of enemy prisoners and don’t give the thumbs up you’ve outdid us.
We declared war on terror. We declared war on terror—it’s not even a noun, so, good luck. After we defeat it, I’m sure we’ll take on that bastard ennui.
But obviously that’s the world. What about your lives? What piece of wisdom can I impart to you about my journey that will somehow ease your transition from college back to your parents' basement?
I know some of you are nostalgic today and filled with excitement and perhaps uncertainty at what the future holds. I know six of you are trying to figure out how to make a bong out of your caps. I believe you are members of Psi U. Hey that did work, thank you for the reference.
So I thought I’d talk a little bit about my experience here at William and Mary. It was very long ago, and if you had been to William and Mary while I was here and found out that I would be the commencement speaker 20 years later, you would be somewhat surprised, and probably somewhat angry. I came to William and Mary because as a Jewish person I wanted to explore the rich tapestry of Judaica that is Southern Virginia. Imagine my surprise when I realized “The Tribe” was not what I thought it meant.
In 1980 I was 17 years old. When I moved to Williamsburg, my hall was in the basement of Yates, which combined the cheerfulness of a bomb shelter with the prison-like comfort of the group shower. As a freshman I was quite a catch. Less than five feet tall, yet my head is the same size it is now. Didn’t even really look like a head, it looked more like a container for a head. I looked like a Peanuts character. Peanuts characters had terrible acne. But what I lacked in looks I made up for with a repugnant personality.
In 1981 I lost my virginity, only to gain it back again on appeal in 1983. You could say that my one saving grace was academics where I excelled, but I did not.
And yet now I live in the rarified air of celebrity, of mega stardom. My life a series of Hollywood orgies and Kabala center brunches with the cast of Friends. At least that’s what my handlers tell me. I’m actually too valuable to live my own life and spend most of my days in a vegetable crisper to remain fake news anchor fresh.
So I know that the decisions that I made after college worked out. But at the time I didn’t know that they would. See college is not necessarily predictive of your future success. And it’s the kind of thing where the path that I chose obviously wouldn’t work for you. For one, you’re not very funny.
So how do you know what is the right path to choose to get the result that you desire? And the honest answer is this. You won’t. And accepting that greatly eases the anxiety of your life experience.
I was not exceptional here, and am not now. I was mediocre here. And I’m not saying aim low. Not everybody can wander around in an alcoholic haze and then at 40 just, you know, decide to be president. You’ve got to really work hard to try to…I was actually referring to my father.
When I left William and Mary I was shell-shocked. Because when you’re in college it’s very clear what you have to do to succeed. And I imagine here everybody knows exactly the number of credits they needed to graduate, where they had to buckle down, which introductory psychology class would pad out the schedule. You knew what you had to do to get to this college and to graduate from it. But the unfortunate, yet truly exciting thing about your life, is that there is no core curriculum. The entire place is an elective. The paths are infinite and the results uncertain. And it can be maddening to those that go here, especially here, because your strength has always been achievement. So if there’s any real advice I can give you it’s this.
College is something you complete. Life is something you experience. So don’t worry about your grade, or the results or success. Success is defined in myriad ways, and you will find it, and people will no longer be grading you, but it will come from your own internal sense of decency which I imagine, after going through the program here, is quite strong…although I’m sure downloading illegal files…but, nah, that’s a different story.
Love what you do. Get good at it. Competence is a rare commodity in this day and age. And let the chips fall where they may.
And the last thing I want to address is the idea that somehow this new generation is not as prepared for the sacrifice and the tenacity that will be needed in the difficult times ahead. I have not found this generation to be cynical or apathetic or selfish. They are as strong and as decent as any people that I have met. And I will say this, on my way down here I stopped at Bethesda Naval, and when you talk to the young kids that are there that have just been back from Iraq and Afghanistan, you don’t have the worry about the future that you hear from so many that are not a part of this generation but judging it from above.
And the other thing….that I will say is, when I spoke earlier about the world being broke, I was somewhat being facetious, because every generation has their challenge. And things change rapidly, and life gets better in an instant.
I was in New York on 9-11 when the towers came down. I lived 14 blocks from the twin towers. And when they came down, I thought that the world had ended. And I remember walking around in a daze for weeks. And Mayor Giuliani had said to the city, “You’ve got to get back to normal. We’ve got to show that things can change and get back to what they were.”
And one day I was coming out of my building, and on my stoop, was a man who was crouched over, and he appeared to be in deep thought. And as I got closer to him I realized, he was playing with himself. And that’s when I thought, “You know what, we’re gonna be OK.”
Thank you. Congratulations. I honor you. Good Night."
6/2/04
Gimme the Countdown
10 bands you've been listening to a lot lately:
Massive Attack
N.E.R.D.
Elvis Costello & the Attractions
Led Zeppelin
R.E.M.
Linkin Park
Notorious B.I.G.
the Clash
AC/DC
Nirvana
9 things you look forward to:
tomorrow, when I'm off
the NBA Finals
going to Vegas in August
the annual summer bonfire
seeing the new Harry Potter
the throwback Erving jersey in the mail
the Fourth of July, assuming I'm not working again
finishing the novel
moving out
8 things you like to wear:
black Stewie Griffin "VICTORY IS MINE" jacket
this bucket Lakers cap I got on sale for $6
jeans
Office Space shirt--"excuse me...I believe you have my stapler..."
throwback Jordan Bullets/Wizards jersey
throwback Braves cap
Guess watch
los lentes de sol
7 things that annoy you:
shifts where I get the same question or two over and over
getting interrupted by my mom when I'm talking to a friend or doing something fun and never when I'm like listening to the radio or reading
working on a nice day
Bush
my annual week-after-school's-over cold
people all happy and dating and crap
6 things you say most days:
"Aren't I just the luckiest Who in Whoville?"
"Six of one, a dozen of the other."
"Nuttin. Just chillin'."
"Black delegation requests Eminem."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, in a minute."
"The word of the day is...(sequoia or bookkeeper, followed with why)"
5 things you do every day:
read something
write something
leave the house, even if it's just to the store up the block
text message friends
shower
4 people you want to spend more time with:
Cristal, even though we broke up, I know the end of the school year's driving her nuts
Nate Dogg, who in a perfect world would be the wingman in the Summer of Butch
Dustin, who's whole married with children thing has ruined his life (heh heh heh)
Jessica Alba, for obvious reasons
3 movies you could watch over and over again:
Shawshank Redemption
Office Space
Scrooged
2 of your favorite songs at the moment:
Jay-Z's "99 Problems"
Led Zeppelin's "Travelling Riverside Blues"
1 person you could spend the rest of your life:
If I knew that, I'd be a lot happier...
Ambient music: 2Pac's "All About U"
Massive Attack
N.E.R.D.
Elvis Costello & the Attractions
Led Zeppelin
R.E.M.
Linkin Park
Notorious B.I.G.
the Clash
AC/DC
Nirvana
9 things you look forward to:
tomorrow, when I'm off
the NBA Finals
going to Vegas in August
the annual summer bonfire
seeing the new Harry Potter
the throwback Erving jersey in the mail
the Fourth of July, assuming I'm not working again
finishing the novel
moving out
8 things you like to wear:
black Stewie Griffin "VICTORY IS MINE" jacket
this bucket Lakers cap I got on sale for $6
jeans
Office Space shirt--"excuse me...I believe you have my stapler..."
throwback Jordan Bullets/Wizards jersey
throwback Braves cap
Guess watch
los lentes de sol
7 things that annoy you:
shifts where I get the same question or two over and over
getting interrupted by my mom when I'm talking to a friend or doing something fun and never when I'm like listening to the radio or reading
working on a nice day
Bush
my annual week-after-school's-over cold
people all happy and dating and crap
6 things you say most days:
"Aren't I just the luckiest Who in Whoville?"
"Six of one, a dozen of the other."
"Nuttin. Just chillin'."
"Black delegation requests Eminem."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, in a minute."
"The word of the day is...(sequoia or bookkeeper, followed with why)"
5 things you do every day:
read something
write something
leave the house, even if it's just to the store up the block
text message friends
shower
4 people you want to spend more time with:
Cristal, even though we broke up, I know the end of the school year's driving her nuts
Nate Dogg, who in a perfect world would be the wingman in the Summer of Butch
Dustin, who's whole married with children thing has ruined his life (heh heh heh)
Jessica Alba, for obvious reasons
3 movies you could watch over and over again:
Shawshank Redemption
Office Space
Scrooged
2 of your favorite songs at the moment:
Jay-Z's "99 Problems"
Led Zeppelin's "Travelling Riverside Blues"
1 person you could spend the rest of your life:
If I knew that, I'd be a lot happier...
Ambient music: 2Pac's "All About U"
6/1/04
Starfuckers Inc., June '04
Dropped: Vida Guerra (10), Lucy Liu (23), Halle Berry (24), Stacy Keibler (25)
25) Gabrielle Union (debut)
24) Rachel Bilson (19, peak 10)
23) Alyssa Milano (re-entry, p12)
22) Monica Bellucci (debut)
21) Cameron Diaz (15, p12)
20) Britney Spears (22, p14)
19) Carmen Electra (16, p5)
18) Gail Kim (18, p18)
17) Heidi Klum (17, p10)
16) Kristanna Loken (11, p11)
15) Christina Aguilera (20, p6)
14) Josie Maran (13, p13)
13) Maria Menounos (debut)
12) Anna Kournikova (8, p7)
11) Jamie Pressly (12, p7)
10) Sofia Vergara (22, p8)
09) Eliza Dushku (9, p3)
08) Beyonce Knowles (6, p4)
07) Victoria (7, p7)
06) Lindsay Lohan (14, p6)
05) Adriana Lima (5, p5)
04) Trish Stratus (2, p1)
03) Angelina Jolie (4, p3)
02) Jessica Alba (1, p1)
01) Brooke Burke (3)
Ambient music: Garbage's "When I Grow Up"
25) Gabrielle Union (debut)
24) Rachel Bilson (19, peak 10)
23) Alyssa Milano (re-entry, p12)
22) Monica Bellucci (debut)
21) Cameron Diaz (15, p12)
20) Britney Spears (22, p14)
19) Carmen Electra (16, p5)
18) Gail Kim (18, p18)
17) Heidi Klum (17, p10)
16) Kristanna Loken (11, p11)
15) Christina Aguilera (20, p6)
14) Josie Maran (13, p13)
13) Maria Menounos (debut)
12) Anna Kournikova (8, p7)
11) Jamie Pressly (12, p7)
10) Sofia Vergara (22, p8)
09) Eliza Dushku (9, p3)
08) Beyonce Knowles (6, p4)
07) Victoria (7, p7)
06) Lindsay Lohan (14, p6)
05) Adriana Lima (5, p5)
04) Trish Stratus (2, p1)
03) Angelina Jolie (4, p3)
02) Jessica Alba (1, p1)
01) Brooke Burke (3)
Ambient music: Garbage's "When I Grow Up"
We Can't Rewind, We've Gone Too Far...
Things like this get bizarre blogs their names:
Sunday, I went to the pimpest club downtown. It was either that or see Digital Underground (MOTHERFUCKING HUMPTY~~~~~~~~~~~~~~) and since DU didn't have a bikini show, they lost.
Anyway, as I'm working on my fifth Heineken, I come from the downstairs portion to the upstairs and the show begins. DJ's mixing, women who'd make me sell my family to the Klan to get them into bed doing their thing in bikinis, it's all crystal gravy in theory. But there's this noise, and I can't figure it out. I'm almost positive I'm not that drunk yet. It's not part of the songs, it's not the people up front cheering. So, when the fifth model comes out, I look around.
The sound I'm hearing is a low whoosh caused by 25-30 guys around me all putting their arms up in the air at once. And since this isn't an auction (sadly), their arms are all going up in the air at once because they're shooting their cell phones in the air, taking pictures, saving, repeat. It's a good thing it only went 20 minutes because otherwise the medical community probably would've had to invent Bikini Model Capture Elbow for these guys. Then again, it helped me realize why you lay out the extra cash for the camera option.
Ambient music: Sheryl Crow covering "D'yer Maker" unplugged
Sunday, I went to the pimpest club downtown. It was either that or see Digital Underground (MOTHERFUCKING HUMPTY~~~~~~~~~~~~~~) and since DU didn't have a bikini show, they lost.
Anyway, as I'm working on my fifth Heineken, I come from the downstairs portion to the upstairs and the show begins. DJ's mixing, women who'd make me sell my family to the Klan to get them into bed doing their thing in bikinis, it's all crystal gravy in theory. But there's this noise, and I can't figure it out. I'm almost positive I'm not that drunk yet. It's not part of the songs, it's not the people up front cheering. So, when the fifth model comes out, I look around.
The sound I'm hearing is a low whoosh caused by 25-30 guys around me all putting their arms up in the air at once. And since this isn't an auction (sadly), their arms are all going up in the air at once because they're shooting their cell phones in the air, taking pictures, saving, repeat. It's a good thing it only went 20 minutes because otherwise the medical community probably would've had to invent Bikini Model Capture Elbow for these guys. Then again, it helped me realize why you lay out the extra cash for the camera option.
Ambient music: Sheryl Crow covering "D'yer Maker" unplugged
5/29/04
From the Secret Home Office in the Back of the Barbershop
Past tense: "Why Georgia", 7; "Wanna Get To Know Ya", 8; "Fell In Love With A Boy", 10
[10] Jojo => Leave (Get Out) (debut)*
[09] Joss Stone => Super Duper Love (debut)*
[08] Beyonce => Naughty Girl (6)
[07] Ludacris => Blow It Out Your Ass (debut)*
[06] Beastie Boys => Ch-Check It Out (9)*
[05] D12 => My Band (4)
[04] Kanye West => All Falls Down (5)
[03] Yellowcard => Ocean Avenue (2)
[02] Jay-Z => 99 Problems (3)*
[01] Outkast => Roses (1) [1m]
Ambient music: Lisa Lisa & Cult Jam's "Head To Toe"
[10] Jojo => Leave (Get Out) (debut)*
[09] Joss Stone => Super Duper Love (debut)*
[08] Beyonce => Naughty Girl (6)
[07] Ludacris => Blow It Out Your Ass (debut)*
[06] Beastie Boys => Ch-Check It Out (9)*
[05] D12 => My Band (4)
[04] Kanye West => All Falls Down (5)
[03] Yellowcard => Ocean Avenue (2)
[02] Jay-Z => 99 Problems (3)*
[01] Outkast => Roses (1) [1m]
Ambient music: Lisa Lisa & Cult Jam's "Head To Toe"
5/27/04
If You Don't Know, Now You Know
Unbelievable book review...eventually
It's been seven years, and then some.
I got home, watched Derek Fisher and the Fishettes casually smack down the Wolves again, and decided once the game was in hand to open up my e-mail.
Nate sent me the one I cared about. Said to hit a link.
I'm going, going/back, back/to Cali, Cali
SEVEN YEARS. What really killed me about this, besides the tantalizing wingman prospects to say nothing of the Sunday night blowaway I'm trying to get my Scoobies to run with, is that I had literally finished Unbelievable: the Life, Death & Afterlife of the Notorious B.I.G.; closed the book, opened up Hotmail. Nate didn't know, unless he's one of the 3 who pays hardcore attention to the sidebar. Nate, to my knowledge, hasn't been east of Colorado.
Nate is JEWISH.
And yet, he sends me an e-mail and it's not "Swinging back through" or "I HATH RETURNED!" but Christopher Wallace trying to wake up to catch Flight 504 out here and the song he listened to in his dying days and maybe even seconds. It's entirely possible I'm throwing too much psychic thought behind this and my boy Nate Dogg just wants to hear from Liz "Natey, Natey, Natey, give me one more chance."
But those who talk to me via AIM know of my psychic Winamp picking a song out of 32g+ that seems to fit what I think or talk about at any given time, and this is one of those. See, the thing is, Biggie couldn't've conceived of a Nate. And the chance to meet him was a hiccup and won't happen now.
That's what Biggie did. That's what he meant. And you get that feeling right away and through the near 350 pages. It's a great autobiography by a Vibe writer, and it's practically comprehensive to the point where you expect to see meals. Everything's in it: how he started off a cherubic two-lifed wiseass, the dealing, the 'Pac friendship, and how the LAPD more or less killed him for the ones of you who didn't read any of the excellent Rolling Stone or Los Angeles Times articles about Russell Poole getting cockblocked by his bosses.
But anyway. Those who don't know, but are willing to be intrigued will find a story uplifting, then depressing, but oddly familiar. Those who know, need to make like Sugar Hill and jump on it. In fact, here:
No excuses. Fourteen bucks.
From foreword to video and audiobiography, this isn't just a superlative biography, it's a great book, period, even if you can't tell Faith Evans from Faith Hill. So go already. Me, I'm going to listen to the beginning minute of the "Flava In Ya Ear" remix, wait for my own Lil' Cease to shuffle down here to set it off Sunday, and remember.
Ambient music: see last sentence
It's been seven years, and then some.
I got home, watched Derek Fisher and the Fishettes casually smack down the Wolves again, and decided once the game was in hand to open up my e-mail.
Nate sent me the one I cared about. Said to hit a link.
I'm going, going/back, back/to Cali, Cali
SEVEN YEARS. What really killed me about this, besides the tantalizing wingman prospects to say nothing of the Sunday night blowaway I'm trying to get my Scoobies to run with, is that I had literally finished Unbelievable: the Life, Death & Afterlife of the Notorious B.I.G.; closed the book, opened up Hotmail. Nate didn't know, unless he's one of the 3 who pays hardcore attention to the sidebar. Nate, to my knowledge, hasn't been east of Colorado.
Nate is JEWISH.
And yet, he sends me an e-mail and it's not "Swinging back through" or "I HATH RETURNED!" but Christopher Wallace trying to wake up to catch Flight 504 out here and the song he listened to in his dying days and maybe even seconds. It's entirely possible I'm throwing too much psychic thought behind this and my boy Nate Dogg just wants to hear from Liz "Natey, Natey, Natey, give me one more chance."
But those who talk to me via AIM know of my psychic Winamp picking a song out of 32g+ that seems to fit what I think or talk about at any given time, and this is one of those. See, the thing is, Biggie couldn't've conceived of a Nate. And the chance to meet him was a hiccup and won't happen now.
That's what Biggie did. That's what he meant. And you get that feeling right away and through the near 350 pages. It's a great autobiography by a Vibe writer, and it's practically comprehensive to the point where you expect to see meals. Everything's in it: how he started off a cherubic two-lifed wiseass, the dealing, the 'Pac friendship, and how the LAPD more or less killed him for the ones of you who didn't read any of the excellent Rolling Stone or Los Angeles Times articles about Russell Poole getting cockblocked by his bosses.
But anyway. Those who don't know, but are willing to be intrigued will find a story uplifting, then depressing, but oddly familiar. Those who know, need to make like Sugar Hill and jump on it. In fact, here:
No excuses. Fourteen bucks.
From foreword to video and audiobiography, this isn't just a superlative biography, it's a great book, period, even if you can't tell Faith Evans from Faith Hill. So go already. Me, I'm going to listen to the beginning minute of the "Flava In Ya Ear" remix, wait for my own Lil' Cease to shuffle down here to set it off Sunday, and remember.
Ambient music: see last sentence
Lindsay Lohan from Mean Girls isn't Jewish...
..but yes, those boobs are real.
[Ted somebodyorother, E(h)!]:
I can't help it if women feel the impulse to discuss their breasts with me. I bumped into Lindsay Lohan at the Saved! premiere (more teen deets latuh), and like Kate Beckinsale at the Van Helsing hoedown a coupla weeks ago, L2 brought up the subject of her knockers herself. Not a peepin' request outta me--swear.
By now, boys in far-off Mongolia have heard the rumor that Ms. Lohan's rack is, well, silicone-based. Hadn't really thunk one way or another on the buoyant thangs--they don't exactly distract moi--until I asked L2 for her thoughts on being sexalicious. (Hmmm, maybe I am more interested in the gals' bods than I pretend to be.)
But back to the nipple--I mean point--at hand. In response to my, like, totally shallow inquiry, Ms. L. pooped:
"I'm kind of in a position where I don't want to be sexy right now, because [the gossip rags] were writing about my chest being fake. So, I'm afraid."
Damn, busted. 'Specially as she looked me in the hazel eye, diva to diva, and said, "They're real. I don't have implants. That's retarded. I'm 17."
[Ted somebodyorother, E(h)!]:
I can't help it if women feel the impulse to discuss their breasts with me. I bumped into Lindsay Lohan at the Saved! premiere (more teen deets latuh), and like Kate Beckinsale at the Van Helsing hoedown a coupla weeks ago, L2 brought up the subject of her knockers herself. Not a peepin' request outta me--swear.
By now, boys in far-off Mongolia have heard the rumor that Ms. Lohan's rack is, well, silicone-based. Hadn't really thunk one way or another on the buoyant thangs--they don't exactly distract moi--until I asked L2 for her thoughts on being sexalicious. (Hmmm, maybe I am more interested in the gals' bods than I pretend to be.)
But back to the nipple--I mean point--at hand. In response to my, like, totally shallow inquiry, Ms. L. pooped:
"I'm kind of in a position where I don't want to be sexy right now, because [the gossip rags] were writing about my chest being fake. So, I'm afraid."
Damn, busted. 'Specially as she looked me in the hazel eye, diva to diva, and said, "They're real. I don't have implants. That's retarded. I'm 17."
5/26/04
¡Buen trabajo para mi!
So, I did burn my first day off this week studying 5 hours for today's final. And got up at 6 after getting home at 11 last night, and studying some more.
Today, right before the test starts, it's announced 6 students have A'd the class enough to not take the final.
And you're looking at 17% of that group.
¡SACAR BUENAS NOTAS, PINCHE CABRONS! I really felt that outside circumstances (read: 26-year-old farmers daughter teaching me with perpetual Aniston syndrome) caused me to fail last time, but this time I took beginning Spanish to the kitchen and had it make me a samich. Two pissant shifts to close out the week, Friday it's time to get paid blow up like the World Trade, and then I get a 3-day weekend like a normal person, Sunday night which will be spent in the dopest club in town getting down like lithium.
Things're looking up.
(beat)
Cue the paranoia. Heh.
Ambient music: Red Hot Chili Peppers' "Aeroplane"
Today, right before the test starts, it's announced 6 students have A'd the class enough to not take the final.
And you're looking at 17% of that group.
¡SACAR BUENAS NOTAS, PINCHE CABRONS! I really felt that outside circumstances (read: 26-year-old farmers daughter teaching me with perpetual Aniston syndrome) caused me to fail last time, but this time I took beginning Spanish to the kitchen and had it make me a samich. Two pissant shifts to close out the week, Friday it's time to get paid blow up like the World Trade, and then I get a 3-day weekend like a normal person, Sunday night which will be spent in the dopest club in town getting down like lithium.
Things're looking up.
(beat)
Cue the paranoia. Heh.
Ambient music: Red Hot Chili Peppers' "Aeroplane"
*annoyed grunt*
Any digerati out there know why the text on some things in the course of my net travels, including this page, has suddenly gone Large Print on me?
5/21/04
Friday Five: Fact Or Fiction
Thanks to the obvious sources. I'll try to have, y'know, a constant theme next week. Suggestions shall be taken.
1. The Lakers will sweep the Timberwolves.
FICTION. Spree, Cassell, and ol what's-his-name have really totalled up into an elite unit, and the confidence is getting to Hefnerian levels after dispatching of the Queens. They will win.
One. LA in five, beating the East in the same, kiss the rings, bitch.
2. "Stairway To Heaven" is the best Led Zeppelin song.
FICTION. It's not even the best long Zep song; lemme tell you a little story called "When The Levee Breaks". For my money, it's "Hey Hey What Can I Do" though sometimes I can make a compelling argument for "Whole Lotta Love" and/or "Rock And Roll", depending on mood.
3. If George Bush fails to get re-elected he should be put on trial for war crimes.
FICTION. He should be NOW. I mean, I appreciate the fact that the cabinent knows enough to have him avoid the Clinton perjury trap, but it's obvious things have gone from saving people to meet the new boss same as the old boss but we're white so it's OKAY! (This was the subtle underlying theme of my presidential run; you're just a figurehead at the end of the day--surrounded by others who usually make the decisions with having to have the last word as your ace in the hole.) So, really, FACT.
4. This summer's big movie is going to be Spiderman 2.
FICTION. I'm not a big cinephile like Harris is, but I'm really into seeing Harry Potter and the Hair In New Places or whatever it is--even if Lindsay Lohan isn't going to be playing Hermoine. :( Actually, it's all about Garden State in August, thanks to Zach Braff and Natalie Portman. The indies like it and it's important to support all-Scrubs related activites.
5. The summer is the best time of the year.
FACT, but with a caveat: it's more important to have free time and a good one than the specific time. If a bikini top falls on the beach but you're inside workig, does it really exist? HMMM? Provocative!
Ambient music: R.E.M.'s "Revolution"
1. The Lakers will sweep the Timberwolves.
FICTION. Spree, Cassell, and ol what's-his-name have really totalled up into an elite unit, and the confidence is getting to Hefnerian levels after dispatching of the Queens. They will win.
One. LA in five, beating the East in the same, kiss the rings, bitch.
2. "Stairway To Heaven" is the best Led Zeppelin song.
FICTION. It's not even the best long Zep song; lemme tell you a little story called "When The Levee Breaks". For my money, it's "Hey Hey What Can I Do" though sometimes I can make a compelling argument for "Whole Lotta Love" and/or "Rock And Roll", depending on mood.
3. If George Bush fails to get re-elected he should be put on trial for war crimes.
FICTION. He should be NOW. I mean, I appreciate the fact that the cabinent knows enough to have him avoid the Clinton perjury trap, but it's obvious things have gone from saving people to meet the new boss same as the old boss but we're white so it's OKAY! (This was the subtle underlying theme of my presidential run; you're just a figurehead at the end of the day--surrounded by others who usually make the decisions with having to have the last word as your ace in the hole.) So, really, FACT.
4. This summer's big movie is going to be Spiderman 2.
FICTION. I'm not a big cinephile like Harris is, but I'm really into seeing Harry Potter and the Hair In New Places or whatever it is--even if Lindsay Lohan isn't going to be playing Hermoine. :( Actually, it's all about Garden State in August, thanks to Zach Braff and Natalie Portman. The indies like it and it's important to support all-Scrubs related activites.
5. The summer is the best time of the year.
FACT, but with a caveat: it's more important to have free time and a good one than the specific time. If a bikini top falls on the beach but you're inside workig, does it really exist? HMMM? Provocative!
Ambient music: R.E.M.'s "Revolution"
5/20/04
*sigh*
82 and 138 for those keeping up on the bowling.
There's a cute girl playing pool, and I lose because I suck. So my friend gets to go, and I figure even though he's off the market, he knows enough to get close and then bomb the game.
WRONG.
How the hell do you get a UC degree and not know this? It's basic common sense, for crying out flayven! You don't give the cute girl playing pool an out, you buy her drinks and make her play until they shut the bar down or the comet strikes. Geez!
Into every rain a little life must fall...
Ambient music: Cypress Hill's "What's Your Number?"
There's a cute girl playing pool, and I lose because I suck. So my friend gets to go, and I figure even though he's off the market, he knows enough to get close and then bomb the game.
WRONG.
How the hell do you get a UC degree and not know this? It's basic common sense, for crying out flayven! You don't give the cute girl playing pool an out, you buy her drinks and make her play until they shut the bar down or the comet strikes. Geez!
Into every rain a little life must fall...
Ambient music: Cypress Hill's "What's Your Number?"
5/17/04
Oh, Baby, I Like It RAAAAAAAAAAW (I Would've Liked It More If I Was THERE...)
All right all right all right all right all right.
Things sucked before, yes. I knew this.
But I got up early this morning to learn preterites in a foreign language a Ryan Leaf throw away from a girl who had an intermediary blow me off and then turned around to work a seven-hour shift and I miss the MOTHERFUCKING ROCK?! Bad enough I miss pulling off the SmackDown/RAW Daily Double, even worse I miss Evil Trish, a damn good Tag Title match, outside of this year's Rumble the best battle royal in the last five years with some supoib booking (turning Kane face in my eyes)...but missing the Rock is just the roofie colada in the shit milkshake buffet.
Continuing the suck parade is my schedule:
Sunday--full shift, off at 10:30
Monday--studying for my final on Wednesday because
Tuesday--see Sunday, home just in time to sleep because
Wednesday--FINAL! 8 AM! UP AT 6! FEEL THE JOY!
Thursday--More Work
Friday--MORE WORK
Oh, and I have a report to do (with visual aids) this Wednesday and a match to write, too.
I had to ask for next Wednesday off, too because this Microsoft thing is going wall to wall for a few days and everyone's on the hook for at least 25. Shiva H. Vishnu I wouldn't wish that to whoever's booking SmackDown.
If I could take the vacation earlier at the loss of 5 years of my life at this point it's a trade I would make.
Pwamp.
Ambient music: De La Soul's "Me, Myself & I"
Things sucked before, yes. I knew this.
But I got up early this morning to learn preterites in a foreign language a Ryan Leaf throw away from a girl who had an intermediary blow me off and then turned around to work a seven-hour shift and I miss the MOTHERFUCKING ROCK?! Bad enough I miss pulling off the SmackDown/RAW Daily Double, even worse I miss Evil Trish, a damn good Tag Title match, outside of this year's Rumble the best battle royal in the last five years with some supoib booking (turning Kane face in my eyes)...but missing the Rock is just the roofie colada in the shit milkshake buffet.
Continuing the suck parade is my schedule:
Sunday--full shift, off at 10:30
Monday--studying for my final on Wednesday because
Tuesday--see Sunday, home just in time to sleep because
Wednesday--FINAL! 8 AM! UP AT 6! FEEL THE JOY!
Thursday--More Work
Friday--MORE WORK
Oh, and I have a report to do (with visual aids) this Wednesday and a match to write, too.
I had to ask for next Wednesday off, too because this Microsoft thing is going wall to wall for a few days and everyone's on the hook for at least 25. Shiva H. Vishnu I wouldn't wish that to whoever's booking SmackDown.
If I could take the vacation earlier at the loss of 5 years of my life at this point it's a trade I would make.
Pwamp.
Ambient music: De La Soul's "Me, Myself & I"
5/15/04
A One Act Play About Something Vaguely Relevant
TIME: 168 hours ago
SCENE
EXT.: graveyard, late at night. Full moon. Some fog.
V/O: It's done, right?
(Cut to, a bunch of people in fedoras, some in silver and black, all with shovels, digging furiously. Behind them a purple and gold casket manages to gleam a little in the darkness.)
Voice #2: Oh, yeah, it's done. They're dead.
Voice #3: Thank goodness. Sick of them. Sick, sick, SICK!
Voice #1: We about done here?
Voice #4: Yeah, it's all a matter of...
(uneasy pause)
Voice #2: What? (wipes sweat off brow)
Voice #4: Nothing. It's just...nah.
(digging resumes. stops.)
Voice #4: It's just...did you hear a banging and scraping noise coming from the casket?
ALL: Nah...
(They turn. All eyes widen. Mass screaming. Sounds of carnage ensue. Blood gets on the tombstone. THE BEAST emerges...)
Derek Fisher: Hey, my first game-winner! How'd ya like that?
(Fisher walks off.)
AND SCENE!
Ambient music: Led Zeppelin's "D'yer Maker"
SCENE
EXT.: graveyard, late at night. Full moon. Some fog.
V/O: It's done, right?
(Cut to, a bunch of people in fedoras, some in silver and black, all with shovels, digging furiously. Behind them a purple and gold casket manages to gleam a little in the darkness.)
Voice #2: Oh, yeah, it's done. They're dead.
Voice #3: Thank goodness. Sick of them. Sick, sick, SICK!
Voice #1: We about done here?
Voice #4: Yeah, it's all a matter of...
(uneasy pause)
Voice #2: What? (wipes sweat off brow)
Voice #4: Nothing. It's just...nah.
(digging resumes. stops.)
Voice #4: It's just...did you hear a banging and scraping noise coming from the casket?
ALL: Nah...
(They turn. All eyes widen. Mass screaming. Sounds of carnage ensue. Blood gets on the tombstone. THE BEAST emerges...)
Derek Fisher: Hey, my first game-winner! How'd ya like that?
(Fisher walks off.)
AND SCENE!
Ambient music: Led Zeppelin's "D'yer Maker"
From the Home Office In That Fisher Replay Hasn't Gotten Old Yet
Past tense: "Reptilia", 7; "She Wants To Move", 8; "Megalomaniac", 10
[10] Joss Stone => Fell In Love With A Boy (9)
[09] Beastie Boys => Ch-Check It Out (debut)*
[08] G-Unit feat. Joe => Wanna Get To Know Ya (6)
[07] John Mayer & Brad Paisley => Why Georgia {live} (debut)*
[06] Beyonce => Naughty Girl (5)
[05] Kanye West => All Falls Down (3)
[04] D-12 => My Band (1)
[03] Jay-Z => 99 Problems (debut)*
[02] Yellowcard => Ocean Avenue (2)*
[01] Outkast => Roses (4) [2w]
Ambient music: eels' "Rags To Rags"
[10] Joss Stone => Fell In Love With A Boy (9)
[09] Beastie Boys => Ch-Check It Out (debut)*
[08] G-Unit feat. Joe => Wanna Get To Know Ya (6)
[07] John Mayer & Brad Paisley => Why Georgia {live} (debut)*
[06] Beyonce => Naughty Girl (5)
[05] Kanye West => All Falls Down (3)
[04] D-12 => My Band (1)
[03] Jay-Z => 99 Problems (debut)*
[02] Yellowcard => Ocean Avenue (2)*
[01] Outkast => Roses (4) [2w]
Ambient music: eels' "Rags To Rags"
5/12/04
Hot 101
And with the extra link of the moment, I now have surpassed 100 pictures of the future Mrs. Which is either kinda stalky or really stalky.
Dig them links! Dig them other blogs! I don't care how fancy the exterior is, inside it's dirtier than a Jeffrey Ross Friar's toast!
Ambient music: Coldplay's "Moses (live)"
Dig them links! Dig them other blogs! I don't care how fancy the exterior is, inside it's dirtier than a Jeffrey Ross Friar's toast!
Ambient music: Coldplay's "Moses (live)"
5/10/04
Doing The Evolution
Here it is, BAM! And you say godDAMN, this is the dope jam...
Anyways, with the new wave of templates up I'm changing it up. There should be comments and I need someone to help tell me how to include my little sidebar stuff, but the archives have it saved so once I get the HTML in that'll be back up.
Fan of this one? Or the old style? Or the OLD SCHOOL sienna and white? Holla at a playa.
ADDENDUM: Any friendly blogs I missed or links I had, help there, too.
Anyways, with the new wave of templates up I'm changing it up. There should be comments and I need someone to help tell me how to include my little sidebar stuff, but the archives have it saved so once I get the HTML in that'll be back up.
Fan of this one? Or the old style? Or the OLD SCHOOL sienna and white? Holla at a playa.
ADDENDUM: Any friendly blogs I missed or links I had, help there, too.
5/6/04
But My Wings Have Been So Denied
A parable.
Once upon a time, there was a man with a dream. He spent hour after hour coddling it, thinking about it, reconfiguring it, for he knew that to only have a dream was futile.
You had to make the dream a reality.
His friends and family wrote him off as increasingly mad. There would be no deterrents. He perceived opportunity ahead and continued to plot.
One day he tested the specs and checked his resolve. Everyone stood by in bemusement as he tried.
And then stood shocked when he made it happen.
The sun warmed him for the first time in his life. Naysayers abounded, but where were they now? He had a dream, he made it happen. The world would change now thanks to his perceived madness.
A great thing, to dream, but to LIVE--ay, there's the rub.
For that dreamer's name was Icarus.
And he soon fell to Earth.
So did I.
Twice in two months.
Another name to put in the novel's "How Do You Like Me NOW?" section. Maybe I'll just put them on a shirt like Navarro did that pick.
*sigh* Someday.
"I never had the chance to show the world that I could love and could be loved because they ruled me out because I had a strange appetite for strange things."
--God
Ambient music: Johnny Cash's "A Satisfied Mind"
A parable.
Once upon a time, there was a man with a dream. He spent hour after hour coddling it, thinking about it, reconfiguring it, for he knew that to only have a dream was futile.
You had to make the dream a reality.
His friends and family wrote him off as increasingly mad. There would be no deterrents. He perceived opportunity ahead and continued to plot.
One day he tested the specs and checked his resolve. Everyone stood by in bemusement as he tried.
And then stood shocked when he made it happen.
The sun warmed him for the first time in his life. Naysayers abounded, but where were they now? He had a dream, he made it happen. The world would change now thanks to his perceived madness.
A great thing, to dream, but to LIVE--ay, there's the rub.
For that dreamer's name was Icarus.
And he soon fell to Earth.
So did I.
Twice in two months.
Another name to put in the novel's "How Do You Like Me NOW?" section. Maybe I'll just put them on a shirt like Navarro did that pick.
*sigh* Someday.
"I never had the chance to show the world that I could love and could be loved because they ruled me out because I had a strange appetite for strange things."
--God
Ambient music: Johnny Cash's "A Satisfied Mind"
5/5/04
Suck me, beautiful!
FUCK Mary-Kate & Ashley, here's where the winning ticket is this summer: Hi, Lindsay!
FUCK Mary-Kate & Ashley, here's where the winning ticket is this summer: Hi, Lindsay!
5/4/04
Ching, ching, bling bling cut the chatter
You ain't talkin' money then your talkin' don't matter
Ching, ching, bling bling paddin' pockets
You make that dolla dolla can't a damn soul stop it
--Ancient Greenwich Proverb
State tax refund check. IRS tax check. My first ones.
Survey SEZ: $138.
I know this is only a Net connection, but can you smell that cologne? It's called BRAND NEW MONEY. This would be a lot more impressive if I hadn't just dropped $71 at Best Buy last night but que sera, sera and all of that.
You ain't talkin' money then your talkin' don't matter
Ching, ching, bling bling paddin' pockets
You make that dolla dolla can't a damn soul stop it
--Ancient Greenwich Proverb
State tax refund check. IRS tax check. My first ones.
Survey SEZ: $138.
I know this is only a Net connection, but can you smell that cologne? It's called BRAND NEW MONEY. This would be a lot more impressive if I hadn't just dropped $71 at Best Buy last night but que sera, sera and all of that.
5/2/04
Thoreau Says 'Simplify, Simplify"
Maybe I've just been overthinking things. I know I go through my emotional travails and wacky lists and calling Rob a dirty pigfucker and it's all well and good.
But recently--very recently--I had an epiphany. A breakthrough, if you will. A revelation occured to me and suddenly everything crystallized in my mind.
Purpose.
Direction.
The meaning of life.
And I get it now! It makes sense, I understand!
I absolutely MUST plow Lindsay Lohan like an unfarmed cornfield.
I mean godDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMN.
Anyway, if you don't hear from me for the next couple days, I'm taming the dragon.
Ambient music: the Vines' "Ride"
Maybe I've just been overthinking things. I know I go through my emotional travails and wacky lists and calling Rob a dirty pigfucker and it's all well and good.
But recently--very recently--I had an epiphany. A breakthrough, if you will. A revelation occured to me and suddenly everything crystallized in my mind.
Purpose.
Direction.
The meaning of life.
And I get it now! It makes sense, I understand!
I absolutely MUST plow Lindsay Lohan like an unfarmed cornfield.
I mean godDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMN.
Anyway, if you don't hear from me for the next couple days, I'm taming the dragon.
Ambient music: the Vines' "Ride"
5/1/04
From the Home Office In The Box Where They Keep Aguilera's Voice
[10] Incubus => Megalomaniac (9)
[09] Joss Stone => Fell In Love With A Boy (10)
[08] N.E.R.D. => She Wants To Move (8)
[07] the Strokes => Reptilia (7)*
[06] G-Unit feat. Joe => Wanna Get To Know Ya (1)
[05] Beyonce => Naughty Girl (5)*
[04] Outkast => Roses (6)*
[03] Kanye West => All Falls Down (2)
[02] Yellowcard => Ocean Avenue (3)*
Ambient music: [01] D-12 => My Band (4) [2w]
[10] Incubus => Megalomaniac (9)
[09] Joss Stone => Fell In Love With A Boy (10)
[08] N.E.R.D. => She Wants To Move (8)
[07] the Strokes => Reptilia (7)*
[06] G-Unit feat. Joe => Wanna Get To Know Ya (1)
[05] Beyonce => Naughty Girl (5)*
[04] Outkast => Roses (6)*
[03] Kanye West => All Falls Down (2)
[02] Yellowcard => Ocean Avenue (3)*
Ambient music: [01] D-12 => My Band (4) [2w]
Starfuckers Inc.: May 2004
Gone Daddy Gone: Elisha Cuthbert (16); Tyra Banks (20); Norah Jones (25)
She's On Fire: Shakira, Laetitia Casta, Monica Bellucci
LM TM In This Corner Wearing The Catholic Schoolgirl Outift Peak
NR ^ 25 Stacy Keibler 20
18 v 24 Halle Berry 18
24 ^ 23 Lucy Liu 23
15 v 22 Sofia Vergara 8
22 ^ 21 Britney Spears 14
21 ^ 20 Christina Aguilera 6
13 v 19 Rachel Bilson 10
NR ^ 18 Gail Kim 18
14 v 17 Heidi Klum 10
12 v 16 Carmen Electra 5
9 v 15 Cameron Diaz 9
NR ^ 14 Lindsay Lohan 14
23 ^ 13 Josie Maran 13
19 ^ 12 Jamie Pressly 7
17 ^ 11 Kristanna Loken 11
11 ^ 10 Vida Guerra 6
6 v 9 Eliza Dushku 3
7 v 8 Anna Kournikova 7
8 ^ 7 Victoria 7
4 v 6 Beyonce Knowles 4
10 ^ 5 Adriana Lima 5
5 ^ 4 Angelina Jolie 4
3 = 3 Brooke Burke 3
1 v 2 Trish Stratus 1
2 ^ 1 Jessica Alba 1
Ambient music: Love And Rockets' "So Alive"
Gone Daddy Gone: Elisha Cuthbert (16); Tyra Banks (20); Norah Jones (25)
She's On Fire: Shakira, Laetitia Casta, Monica Bellucci
LM TM In This Corner Wearing The Catholic Schoolgirl Outift Peak
NR ^ 25 Stacy Keibler 20
18 v 24 Halle Berry 18
24 ^ 23 Lucy Liu 23
15 v 22 Sofia Vergara 8
22 ^ 21 Britney Spears 14
21 ^ 20 Christina Aguilera 6
13 v 19 Rachel Bilson 10
NR ^ 18 Gail Kim 18
14 v 17 Heidi Klum 10
12 v 16 Carmen Electra 5
9 v 15 Cameron Diaz 9
NR ^ 14 Lindsay Lohan 14
23 ^ 13 Josie Maran 13
19 ^ 12 Jamie Pressly 7
17 ^ 11 Kristanna Loken 11
11 ^ 10 Vida Guerra 6
6 v 9 Eliza Dushku 3
7 v 8 Anna Kournikova 7
8 ^ 7 Victoria 7
4 v 6 Beyonce Knowles 4
10 ^ 5 Adriana Lima 5
5 ^ 4 Angelina Jolie 4
3 = 3 Brooke Burke 3
1 v 2 Trish Stratus 1
2 ^ 1 Jessica Alba 1
Ambient music: Love And Rockets' "So Alive"
4/24/04
I'm Sorry, Sir, This Trip To The Woodshed Is One-Way Only
Poor Dustin didn't believe the power of Grampa Style, and by the end he was longing for the relative comfort of soiled diapers, loud wives, and second-rate ice cream. After the end of the fourth game and my fourth W, I stepped in front of him and moved my arms slightly back and forth.
"What's that?" he asked me.
"Oh, nothin'." I tells him. "Just doing a little sweeping."
67% improvement--I am nearly MEDIOCRE! I could be a triple digit average by JUNE! Go me.
99, 133, 154 (9 X X / 8 8 8 X X 9) and 107.
As a wise man once said in a drunken stupor, back up in your ass with the ressurrection.
Ambient music: Pete Rock & C.L. Smooth's "T.R.O.Y. (They Reminisce Over You)"
Poor Dustin didn't believe the power of Grampa Style, and by the end he was longing for the relative comfort of soiled diapers, loud wives, and second-rate ice cream. After the end of the fourth game and my fourth W, I stepped in front of him and moved my arms slightly back and forth.
"What's that?" he asked me.
"Oh, nothin'." I tells him. "Just doing a little sweeping."
67% improvement--I am nearly MEDIOCRE! I could be a triple digit average by JUNE! Go me.
99, 133, 154 (9 X X / 8 8 8 X X 9) and 107.
As a wise man once said in a drunken stupor, back up in your ass with the ressurrection.
Ambient music: Pete Rock & C.L. Smooth's "T.R.O.Y. (They Reminisce Over You)"
4/22/04
Kingpin, Not A Pauper
A smile that said yes even when the words were unsure.
KBv2 times two. That's all you American women are good for, ordering in restaurants and spending men's money. Bitch, you don't have a future. Lay down honey, you're playing possum. Eyeball:Emilio::mother::daughter. Speak on it, my nigga QT, speak on it.
A subpar 80, and a 103 to run my sudden hot streak in bowling to 6 out of the last 7 games at the century mark. (Before this year, I roughly averaged 70 and that's probably being generous.)
And in the middle of that, a 1motherfucking55, outdoing my best by 20+.
The scorecard:
9 9 8 9 X X / / / / /7
Hot damn, the kid's catching fire like Richard Pyror.
Currently playing: Meth & Red's "Y.O.U."
A smile that said yes even when the words were unsure.
KBv2 times two. That's all you American women are good for, ordering in restaurants and spending men's money. Bitch, you don't have a future. Lay down honey, you're playing possum. Eyeball:Emilio::mother::daughter. Speak on it, my nigga QT, speak on it.
A subpar 80, and a 103 to run my sudden hot streak in bowling to 6 out of the last 7 games at the century mark. (Before this year, I roughly averaged 70 and that's probably being generous.)
And in the middle of that, a 1motherfucking55, outdoing my best by 20+.
The scorecard:
9 9 8 9 X X / / / / /7
Hot damn, the kid's catching fire like Richard Pyror.
Currently playing: Meth & Red's "Y.O.U."
4/20/04
Hey Yo
1) What time do you get up?
--> Depends on school and work. Anywhere from 4 (and boy do I not miss that aspect of working life) to noon.
2) If you could eat lunch with one person, who would it be?
--> The obvious answer is Jessica Alba. So I'll say that.
3) What was the last film you saw at the cinema?
--> Kill Motherfucking Bill volume motherfucking 2!
4) What is your favorite show?
--> Scrubs or 24.
5) What do you have for breakfast?
--> Nothing/cereal/muffins/toaster-based items
6) Who would you hate to be stuck in a room with?
--> Dubya.
7) What/who inspires you?
--> Random moments, my friends, music
8) What is your middle name?
--> Danger. No, Ruben.
9) Beach, city, or country?
--> Right near the beach. BOY!
10) Favorite ice cream?
--> Cookies n' Cream or Cookie Dough.
11) Butter, plain, or salted popcorn?
--> SALT.
12) Favorite color?
--> Orange. Teal. The blood of the innocent.
13) What kind of car do you drive?
--> BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA
14) Favorite sandwich?
--> Grab n' Go, sans tomatoes and onions with extra peppers (note: will find out the meats at a later point)
15) What characteristic do you despise the most?
--> Willful idiocy
16) Favorite flower?
--> The one in Bambi
17) If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would it be?
--> VEGAS, BABY! Vegas.
18) What color is your bathroom?
--> Whatever color the crap my brother left laying around is in any given day.
19) Favorite brand of clothing?
--> Pfft...uh...Hot Topic's not a brand, huh? Nike? I dunno.
20) Where would you retire to?
--> Monterrey, or maybe Malibu.
21) Favorite day of the week?
--> Whatever day I'm off
22) What did you do for your last birthday?
--> Took a test, went to work, hated you all
23) Who was your first love?
--> Jenny Soto, 8th grade
24) Favorite sport to watch?
--> Football, basketball, a really good Iron Chef episode
25) Who do you least expect to send this back to you?
--> Ryan Chappelle.
26) Who'll send it back first?
--> bluh? Er...let's say...Rob.
27) What fabric detergent do you use?
--> Tide. I think.
28) Coke or Pepsi?
--> Pepsi in America, Coke in Mexico.
29) Are you a morning person or a night person?
--> I'm a free time person.
30) Do you have any pets?
--> I don't count, right? No.
Currently playing: Violent Femmes' "Kiss Off"
1) What time do you get up?
--> Depends on school and work. Anywhere from 4 (and boy do I not miss that aspect of working life) to noon.
2) If you could eat lunch with one person, who would it be?
--> The obvious answer is Jessica Alba. So I'll say that.
3) What was the last film you saw at the cinema?
--> Kill Motherfucking Bill volume motherfucking 2!
4) What is your favorite show?
--> Scrubs or 24.
5) What do you have for breakfast?
--> Nothing/cereal/muffins/toaster-based items
6) Who would you hate to be stuck in a room with?
--> Dubya.
7) What/who inspires you?
--> Random moments, my friends, music
8) What is your middle name?
--> Danger. No, Ruben.
9) Beach, city, or country?
--> Right near the beach. BOY!
10) Favorite ice cream?
--> Cookies n' Cream or Cookie Dough.
11) Butter, plain, or salted popcorn?
--> SALT.
12) Favorite color?
--> Orange. Teal. The blood of the innocent.
13) What kind of car do you drive?
--> BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA
14) Favorite sandwich?
--> Grab n' Go, sans tomatoes and onions with extra peppers (note: will find out the meats at a later point)
15) What characteristic do you despise the most?
--> Willful idiocy
16) Favorite flower?
--> The one in Bambi
17) If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would it be?
--> VEGAS, BABY! Vegas.
18) What color is your bathroom?
--> Whatever color the crap my brother left laying around is in any given day.
19) Favorite brand of clothing?
--> Pfft...uh...Hot Topic's not a brand, huh? Nike? I dunno.
20) Where would you retire to?
--> Monterrey, or maybe Malibu.
21) Favorite day of the week?
--> Whatever day I'm off
22) What did you do for your last birthday?
--> Took a test, went to work, hated you all
23) Who was your first love?
--> Jenny Soto, 8th grade
24) Favorite sport to watch?
--> Football, basketball, a really good Iron Chef episode
25) Who do you least expect to send this back to you?
--> Ryan Chappelle.
26) Who'll send it back first?
--> bluh? Er...let's say...Rob.
27) What fabric detergent do you use?
--> Tide. I think.
28) Coke or Pepsi?
--> Pepsi in America, Coke in Mexico.
29) Are you a morning person or a night person?
--> I'm a free time person.
30) Do you have any pets?
--> I don't count, right? No.
Currently playing: Violent Femmes' "Kiss Off"
4/17/04
From the Home Office Next To Phil Mickelson's Old 500 Pound Gorilla
Past Tense: "Sunrise", 5; "Dirt Off Your Shoulder", 10
[10] Joss Stone => Fell In Love With A Boy (8)
[09] Incubus => Megalomaniac (6)
[08] N.E.R.D. => She Wants To Move (4)
[07] the Strokes => Reptilia (N)*
[06] Outkast => Roses (N)*
[05] Beyonce => Naughty Girl (9)*
[04] D-12 => My Band (7)*
[03] Yellowcard => Ocean Avenue (3)
[02] Kanye West => All Falls Down (1)
[01] G-Unit feat. Joe => Wanna Get To Know Ya (2) [4w, 2r]
Currently playing: Macy Gray's "Sweet Baby"
Past Tense: "Sunrise", 5; "Dirt Off Your Shoulder", 10
[10] Joss Stone => Fell In Love With A Boy (8)
[09] Incubus => Megalomaniac (6)
[08] N.E.R.D. => She Wants To Move (4)
[07] the Strokes => Reptilia (N)*
[06] Outkast => Roses (N)*
[05] Beyonce => Naughty Girl (9)*
[04] D-12 => My Band (7)*
[03] Yellowcard => Ocean Avenue (3)
[02] Kanye West => All Falls Down (1)
[01] G-Unit feat. Joe => Wanna Get To Know Ya (2) [4w, 2r]
Currently playing: Macy Gray's "Sweet Baby"
4/16/04
"I overreacted."
MAD SPOILERS WARNING, SON
Kill Bill volume 2 (a million trillion stars):
I loved v1 (AHH). I mean, outside of LotRotK it was the blow-away movie of the year in '03. Now, I don't get hyped up about the movies too much, not prone to hyperbole, so you can best believe when I say...
Volume 2 kicked Volume 1's ASS.
David Carradine, master of the flute, for Best Supporting Actor? Daaaaaaaamn straight! The Superman solioquy alone is the first time something in my mind about pop culture has been changed by a movie character's viewpoint since Hooper in Chasing Amy. You wants great reveals we gots your great reveals: Budd's sword and where he kept it, the Bride's name--what an eyeball popper that was for me since I avoided spoilers. GRRRRRRRRRRRREAT. The Pai Mei sequence on it's own is enough to get this thing Best Picture--mad dap for Gordon Liu even if I like Sonny Chiba better. How she got rid of Elle (especially after some Rock/Austin X7 buildup) and Bill--MWAH.
Tarantino playing Office Space in the titty bar damn near soiled my armor, as did the whole Sister Sledge scene after (strange eletronic noise--hey, I won't give that away) checked into her hotel.
There's your name. There was your name.
Congratulations.
Poor Emilio.
Mace or the flashlight.
I could keep going for days, you know. Rufus...he's the man. [Stay for the credits if you really want to know just how much the man he really is.]
Point is...oh, and Elle's "book report" before she got her money back. Yeah, that blew my hinges off too.
POINT IS FUCKDAMMIT you WILL see this, you will thank your deity of choice, and then you WILL see it again.
I bow before Quentin Tarantino. HARD.
Consider me bloody satisfied.
Currently playing: G-Unit's "Stunt 101"
MAD SPOILERS WARNING, SON
Kill Bill volume 2 (a million trillion stars):
I loved v1 (AHH). I mean, outside of LotRotK it was the blow-away movie of the year in '03. Now, I don't get hyped up about the movies too much, not prone to hyperbole, so you can best believe when I say...
Volume 2 kicked Volume 1's ASS.
David Carradine, master of the flute, for Best Supporting Actor? Daaaaaaaamn straight! The Superman solioquy alone is the first time something in my mind about pop culture has been changed by a movie character's viewpoint since Hooper in Chasing Amy. You wants great reveals we gots your great reveals: Budd's sword and where he kept it, the Bride's name--what an eyeball popper that was for me since I avoided spoilers. GRRRRRRRRRRRREAT. The Pai Mei sequence on it's own is enough to get this thing Best Picture--mad dap for Gordon Liu even if I like Sonny Chiba better. How she got rid of Elle (especially after some Rock/Austin X7 buildup) and Bill--MWAH.
Tarantino playing Office Space in the titty bar damn near soiled my armor, as did the whole Sister Sledge scene after (strange eletronic noise--hey, I won't give that away) checked into her hotel.
There's your name. There was your name.
Congratulations.
Poor Emilio.
Mace or the flashlight.
I could keep going for days, you know. Rufus...he's the man. [Stay for the credits if you really want to know just how much the man he really is.]
Point is...oh, and Elle's "book report" before she got her money back. Yeah, that blew my hinges off too.
POINT IS FUCKDAMMIT you WILL see this, you will thank your deity of choice, and then you WILL see it again.
I bow before Quentin Tarantino. HARD.
Consider me bloody satisfied.
Currently playing: G-Unit's "Stunt 101"
4/13/04
Everything Old Is New Again
I just wasn't made for these times.
See, some guys are into it. The Hunt. The Chase. Some guys are like Steve Irwin and they just can do it. They look forward to the preamble and the setup and all that chewy goodness.
I am not one of those guys.
I hate this period, it drives me insane. It makes me wish I could go the Wizard of Oz and gets me some courage because...you know, it just drives me nuts. The whole stakeout thing and playing Do You Like Me Check Yes No Or Maybe. I know now that when it comes up to the actual dates and dating itself, I'm quite fine with those things. And some have told me I'm excellent.
But all the shit before it, just drives me nuts. I'm talking "if it weren't for my horse I wouldn't've spent that year in college". Women need to come with subtitles.
And Steve help me, I'm about yea away from asking her out next week.
The moral of the story, as usual, is I need professional help.
Oh, and motherfuck President Fuckface for cancelling 24 tonight. Fucking Eugene.
Currently playing: John Cougar Mellencamp Airplane Starship Enterprise's "Authority Song"
I just wasn't made for these times.
See, some guys are into it. The Hunt. The Chase. Some guys are like Steve Irwin and they just can do it. They look forward to the preamble and the setup and all that chewy goodness.
I am not one of those guys.
I hate this period, it drives me insane. It makes me wish I could go the Wizard of Oz and gets me some courage because...you know, it just drives me nuts. The whole stakeout thing and playing Do You Like Me Check Yes No Or Maybe. I know now that when it comes up to the actual dates and dating itself, I'm quite fine with those things. And some have told me I'm excellent.
But all the shit before it, just drives me nuts. I'm talking "if it weren't for my horse I wouldn't've spent that year in college". Women need to come with subtitles.
And Steve help me, I'm about yea away from asking her out next week.
The moral of the story, as usual, is I need professional help.
Oh, and motherfuck President Fuckface for cancelling 24 tonight. Fucking Eugene.
Currently playing: John Cougar Mellencamp Airplane Starship Enterprise's "Authority Song"
4/9/04
Another Broken Campaign Promise
This one is...that there is going to be one.
Well, I found out some relocation of the family is going on, since this is a high-rent district (possibly out of state--YIKES). Plus, the filiming would make miss Comic-Con, and I gotta hurry up this script to big Kev so he can make another money making move.
So I drop out of the race and throw my support behind Kerry.
Besides, 2016 is when it'll count.
Currently playing: Love & Rockets' "So Alive"
This one is...that there is going to be one.
Well, I found out some relocation of the family is going on, since this is a high-rent district (possibly out of state--YIKES). Plus, the filiming would make miss Comic-Con, and I gotta hurry up this script to big Kev so he can make another money making move.
So I drop out of the race and throw my support behind Kerry.
Besides, 2016 is when it'll count.
Currently playing: Love & Rockets' "So Alive"
4/4/04
We Await The Repsonses From Those Pussies Bush & Kerry
[Jewelry worn daily]: Maybe the Guess watch, but that about it.
[Pillow]: 3, one for loitering and two I sleep on top of stacked together like a soft little princess
[Shoes]: black Chuck Taylor in general, grungy white Pumas at work
[Favorite top]: Bullets Jordan throwback
[Favorite bottoms]: Jeans.
[Cologne/Perfume]: Cologne is a town in Germany to me.
[CD in stereo right now]: the Green Day Greatest Hits CD
[Piercings]: none
[Hair]: preferably none
[What you are wearing now]: plaid shorts, white T-shirt with "You Might Be A College Student If..." on the back
[In my mouth]: tongue, soon to be joined by Cookie Dough from B & J
[Inmyhead]: I should ask her. I should get some writing done while the house is quiet. I really should ask her.
[After this]: Enough porn to kill a elephant! And maybe writing. And sleep.
[Talking to]: Myself, per usual
[The last thing you ate?]: Mushroom & pepperoni pizza
[Some of your favorite movies]: Ferris Bueller's Day Off, the Shawshank Redemption, Office Space, Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back, High Fidelity
[Something that you are deathly afraid of]: dying alone
[Do you believe in love at first sight]: Not really.
[Do you belive in forgiveness]: Sort of?
[If you could have any animal for a pet]: SNAKE!
[What are 3 cities you wouldn't mind relocating to?]: Los Angeles, Miami, New York
[What's something you wish you could understand better?]: WOMEN.
[In the last 24 hours, have you]
01. Cried?: Nope
02. Bought something?: Food
03. Gotten sick?: No
04. Sang?: A few times
05. Eaten?: Doing so right now
07. Felt stupid?: Yeah
08. Wanted to tell someone you loved them, but didn't?: Nope. Wanted to tell someone ¿Quieres salir conmigo al cine?, but that's another thang entirely, innit?
09. Met someone new?: Kinda sorta.
10. Moved on?: Mostly. I guess.
11. Talked to an ex?: Nope.
12. Missed an ex?: A little.
13. Talked to someone you have a crush on?: Haven't.
14. Had a serious talk?: Seriously ODD.
15. Missed someone?: A little.
16. Hugged someone?: No.
17. Fought with your parent?: Uh-uh, they're away.
18. Dreamed about someone you can't be with?: Well, that all depends if she likes me or not, so...Incomplete.
[Who]
01. Have you known the longest?: Dustin.
02. Do you argue with the most with?: Myself.
03. Do you always get along with?: Ivan, because he's nondemonstrative.
04. Is the trustworthiest?: Ivan. Or Amanda.
05. Makes you laugh the most?: Stupid people.
06. Has been there through all the hard times?: Amanda.
07. Has the coolest parents?: Dustin.
08. Have the coolest siblings?: Dustin, because hot DAMN did Heidi grow up to be a piece of a...oh, that said coolest. Well, fuck it, reasoning still stands. *bangs gavel*
09. Is the most blunt?: That'd be me. Free your mind and your ass will follow.
10. Is the smartest?: Depends on the subject. If you needed like swiss army knife smarts I'd throw Amanda in there.
[Personal]
01. Who is your role model?: It's probably me, my dad, and Chris Rock, probably not in that order.
02. What is some of your pet peeves?: Stupidity, ignorance, stupidity, stupidity, not listening...
03. Have you ever liked someone you had no chance with?: Mariel Fernandez. I still think I could've, though, if I'd tried. This is the "up" period of my bipolarity.
04. Have you ever cried over the opposite sex?: Not in a few years, but yeah.
05. Do you have a "type" of person you always go after?: Brains, Sweetness, Looks. Other than those qualities if you lined up the girls of my past it'd be a virtual U.N. meeting.
06. Have you ever lied to your best friend(s)?: "Sure, you should get married." Try your waitress, tip the veal.
07. Ever wanted to get revenge on someone because they hurt you?: I want to get revenge on complete strangers for asking me retarded questions, are you kidding me?
08. Rather be dumper or dumped?: Dumper. Dumpee sucks.
09. Rather have a relationship or a "hookup"?: 52% love, 48% lust.
10. Want someone you don't have right now?: Hell yes. And it's like an itch I can't quite reach, which is all the more exacerbating. (You Might Be A Journalism Student If...during the course of a questionaire the first word you think of to accurately describe your plight is a word like exacerbating.)
11. Ever liked your best guy/girl friend?: You asked me this down the line, too. So go there.
12. Do you want to get married?: It depends. If it happens this decade expect the Apocalypse during the honeymoon.
13. Do you want kids?: Down the line. By which I mean 2016.
14. Do you believe in psychics?: Scam
15. Do you believe you know the person whom you will marry at this point in time?: Probably not. Everything is subject to change; you also have to allow for everything to not change.
16. What is your favorite part of your physical appearance?: All the walking I do at work has made my legs nice according to outside sources.
17. What is your favorite part of your emotional being?: Haven't given it much thought.
18. Are you happy with you?: Mostly.
19. Are you happy with your life?: Mostly.
20. If you could change something in your life right now, what would it be?: Either she'd be mine or I'd be living outside of the familial shadow.
Have you...
1. Fallen for your best friend?: I did, for a while. Only because of the understanding and caring and whatnot.
3. Been rejected?: More times than guacamole ice cream.
4. Been in love?: Yeah.
5. Used someone?: Friendships are just ways to use people, right? Right? I mean, when you get down to it, you don't want to be alone so you have this support group to take your mind off your own shit and have some fun activities and whatnot. Everybody uses everybody.
6. Been used?: Maybe mentally?
8. Done something you regret?: Yes.
Who was the last person..
9. You touched?: *points* *to* *self*
10. You talked to?: In person?: Ivan, in both instances, last night
12. You instant messaged?: Bluh...Rob?
14. You had sex with?: *points*...well, you get the point
15. You yelled at?: Me.
16. You laughed with?: Ivan.
17. Who broke your heart?: Elizabeth McMunn, two and a half years ago (*WOW*), through no fault of her own
Do you..
19. Color your hair?: I want to grow a Fro and dye it some ludicrous color.
20. Have tattoos?: Maybe someday.
21. Have piercings?: No.
22. Have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: I'm between things instead of legs at the moment, sure.
23. Own a webcam?: Negatory.
24. Own a thong?: No.
25. Ever get off the damn computer?: Sure.
27. Habla espanol?: Working on it, working on it.
28. Quack?: Only when the Mighty Ducks happens to be on and they hit the Flying V.
Have you / do you / are you...
29. Stolen anything?: My record has been clean for TWO DECADES.
30. Smoke?: Not cigarettes...
32. Obsessive?: Some.
33. Compulsive?: That would mean I'm clean, so no.
34. Obsessive compulsive?: Nah.
35. Panic?: Yeah, but only to protect myself.
36. Anxiety?: Only when I'm awake.
37. Depressed?: Depends on the moment.
38. Suicidal?: No.
39. Obsessed with hate?: Yeah. Sorry, too many idiots.
40. Dream of mutilated bodies, blood, death, and gore?: It has been known to happen, usually via me going on rampages with or without chainsaw. Favorite: stabbing my boss in the eye with a chainsaw after getting a verbal reprimand, and then as they screamed with the chainsaw sticking out of their socket I kicked him squah in the balls.
*Questions*
41. If you could be anywhere, where would you be?: Vegas. Puerto. An actual spring break instead of this.
42. Can you do anything freakish with your body?: Yes, and one day I want a woman to be present to cause them.
43. What facial feature do you find the most attractive on others?: Eyes.
44. Would you vote for a woman candidate for president?: Depends on her platform and not against me this year, bitch! Get in the kitchen! SAMICH! MAU! DIDI MAU!
45. Would you marry for money?: Marrying for money is wrong unless it's like Paris Hilton money. You marry when you're horribly, horribly trapped.
46. Have you had braces?: Nope.
47. Do you pluck your eyebrows?: I keep meaning to do it, right after I get the rest of the sex change done. *smack*
48. Do you like hairy backs?: Not as much as Erica does, apparently. *snort*
50. Could you live without a computer?: Not anymore I couldn't. Lousy free porn. Oh, who'm I kidding? I love you, free porn! *dryhumps*
51. Do you use ICQ, AOL Buddy list etc?: AIM.
52. If so, how many people are on your list(s)?: 24, roughly.
53. If you could live in any past, where would it be?: the good old days, the same old ways that kept us dying/yes you, me myself and I'n
54. Do you wear white socks?: Yes.
55. Do you wear shoes in the house or take them off?: Depends where I'm walking.
56. Your favorite fruit?: Oranges.
57. Do you eat wheat bread or white?: Wheat bread is for dirty, dirty hippies.
58. What is your favorite place to visit?: Vegas, baby, Vegas.
59. What is the last movie you saw?: Starsky & Hutch.
61. Are you photogenic?: As long as I don't show my teeth when I smile.
62. Do you dream in color or black and white?: Color, though sometimes during flashback sequences (don't get me started) it goes to black and white. Another thing I want to blame on the Wonder Years.
63. Are you wearing fingernail polish?: Not right now.
64. Is it chipped or fresh?: It's fresh. EXCIIIIIIIITING!
65. Do you have any dimples?: Do black people get dimples? Can someone look into this?
66. Do you remember being born?: No.
67. Why do you take surveys?: Boredom.
68. Do you drink alcohol?: Not in the last 26 hours!
69. Did you like or do you like high school?: High school, with the exception of the friends I made and about 4 events, blew like a porn marathon.
70. What is the best accent?: British on a woman. Giggidy giggidy giggidy.
71. Who do you want to kiss?: Stephanie the aforementioned Her.
72. Do you like sunrises or sunsets the most?: Sunrise is really overrated. Sunsets is only good when you got a SO. So give me 1:30 in the afternoon on a day off with a cold beverage and a good time instead.
73. Do you want to live to be 100?: Only because dying scares the shit out of me.
74. Is a flat stomach important to you?: On a girl it would be nice but I don't think it's mandatory.
75. Do you or have you played with a ouija board?: No.
76. Are you loyal?: Fiercely. Mostly because no one's come up with the good money to bribe me yet.
77. Are you tolerant of other peoples beliefs?: As long as they don't beat me over the head with it or fuck up my fun.
78. When you watch movies at home, do you like the lights on or off?: Off. What sort of cultish weirdo watches with the lights on? You're going for a movie experience!
79. Do you like your nose?: I like it more without boogers in it.
80. Do you think you can draw well?: Drawing sucks.
81. At what age did you find out that Santa Claus wasn't real?: Probably in elementary school. End result was the same so what sort of fuck did I give?
82. How many pairs of shoes do have in your closet?: 0 (four scattered about the floor)
83. Do you like to wear the same shoes everyday or do you like a variety?: I'd wear my Chucks all the time if I could.
84. Do you write poetry?: Not anymore.
85. Snore?: I've heard I do.
86. Do you sleep more on your back, front, or sides?: Sides.
87. Cats/Dogs?: DOGS.
88. Do you lick stamps?: Yeah, disgusting as that is.
89. Do you use an electric can opener?: Hell yes.
90. Have you ridden in a hotair balloon?: No.
here we go...
Like your name?: My name f'n rocks.
Were you named after anyone?: My dad and the bully on the Little Rascals
Do you wish on stars?: Nope.
Which finger is your favorite?: The middle (probably because I make it work so much).
When did you last cry?: It's been a few years. I'll say 9/11, but even that seems off and wrong to me.
Do you like your handwriting?: I have no strong feelings about my cursive script.
Who do you admire?: Seth Green.
What is your favorite animal?: Piranha.
If you were another person, would you be friends with yourself?: Probably not.
Are you a daredevil?: Not until I get some medical insurance I ain't.
Have you ever told a secret you swore not to tell?: Probably. Arsed if I know.
Have you ever stolen anything?: A toy car when I was 5.
Do looks matter?: Football analogy: looks are the offense, personality & brains are the defense. There've been plenty of legendary high-scoring offenses that were awesome and put butts in the seats, but defense wins championships.
Have you ever miss used a word and it sounded absolutely stupid?: Heh, miss used. YOU DID!
Do you think there is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow?: Don't believe the hype, it's a sequel/as an equal can I get this through to you?
Are you trendy?: I want to say no but in some circles anti-trendy is trendy so I don't know.
How do you release anger?: Cursing. Rock music. Punching shit. Cursing.
Do you trust others easily?: Not really.
What was your favorite toy as a child?: Playdoh
Do you like sappy love songs?: I do when I'm crushing or in love. Then when I'm not I say "fuck this shit" and reach for some Slipknot.
Have you ever been on radio or television?: For a couple seconds: I was at a girls basketball playoff game with my friends, we were all wearing face paint, and I was teaching them the Train dance during a timeout.
Do you have a journal?: What do you think this is?
Do you use sarcasm a lot?: Only the times when I open my mouth.
Have you ever been in another country?: Sadly, no.
What is your nickname?: I don't have one outside the obvious.
Would you bungee jump?: The crazy thing is I want to but I'm acrophobic.
Do you untie your shoes every time you take them off?: Sometimes.
What are you worried about right now?: Her.
Do you ever wear overalls?: Sorry, I live west of the Mississippi and don't fuck pigs, despite what Harris may've told you.
Do you think you are strong?: Nah. I don't think I am mentally either though I've been told otherwise.
Currently playing: Fat Joe, Ashanti & her little dog, too's "What's Luv?"
[Jewelry worn daily]: Maybe the Guess watch, but that about it.
[Pillow]: 3, one for loitering and two I sleep on top of stacked together like a soft little princess
[Shoes]: black Chuck Taylor in general, grungy white Pumas at work
[Favorite top]: Bullets Jordan throwback
[Favorite bottoms]: Jeans.
[Cologne/Perfume]: Cologne is a town in Germany to me.
[CD in stereo right now]: the Green Day Greatest Hits CD
[Piercings]: none
[Hair]: preferably none
[What you are wearing now]: plaid shorts, white T-shirt with "You Might Be A College Student If..." on the back
[In my mouth]: tongue, soon to be joined by Cookie Dough from B & J
[Inmyhead]: I should ask her. I should get some writing done while the house is quiet. I really should ask her.
[After this]: Enough porn to kill a elephant! And maybe writing. And sleep.
[Talking to]: Myself, per usual
[The last thing you ate?]: Mushroom & pepperoni pizza
[Some of your favorite movies]: Ferris Bueller's Day Off, the Shawshank Redemption, Office Space, Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back, High Fidelity
[Something that you are deathly afraid of]: dying alone
[Do you believe in love at first sight]: Not really.
[Do you belive in forgiveness]: Sort of?
[If you could have any animal for a pet]: SNAKE!
[What are 3 cities you wouldn't mind relocating to?]: Los Angeles, Miami, New York
[What's something you wish you could understand better?]: WOMEN.
[In the last 24 hours, have you]
01. Cried?: Nope
02. Bought something?: Food
03. Gotten sick?: No
04. Sang?: A few times
05. Eaten?: Doing so right now
07. Felt stupid?: Yeah
08. Wanted to tell someone you loved them, but didn't?: Nope. Wanted to tell someone ¿Quieres salir conmigo al cine?, but that's another thang entirely, innit?
09. Met someone new?: Kinda sorta.
10. Moved on?: Mostly. I guess.
11. Talked to an ex?: Nope.
12. Missed an ex?: A little.
13. Talked to someone you have a crush on?: Haven't.
14. Had a serious talk?: Seriously ODD.
15. Missed someone?: A little.
16. Hugged someone?: No.
17. Fought with your parent?: Uh-uh, they're away.
18. Dreamed about someone you can't be with?: Well, that all depends if she likes me or not, so...Incomplete.
[Who]
01. Have you known the longest?: Dustin.
02. Do you argue with the most with?: Myself.
03. Do you always get along with?: Ivan, because he's nondemonstrative.
04. Is the trustworthiest?: Ivan. Or Amanda.
05. Makes you laugh the most?: Stupid people.
06. Has been there through all the hard times?: Amanda.
07. Has the coolest parents?: Dustin.
08. Have the coolest siblings?: Dustin, because hot DAMN did Heidi grow up to be a piece of a...oh, that said coolest. Well, fuck it, reasoning still stands. *bangs gavel*
09. Is the most blunt?: That'd be me. Free your mind and your ass will follow.
10. Is the smartest?: Depends on the subject. If you needed like swiss army knife smarts I'd throw Amanda in there.
[Personal]
01. Who is your role model?: It's probably me, my dad, and Chris Rock, probably not in that order.
02. What is some of your pet peeves?: Stupidity, ignorance, stupidity, stupidity, not listening...
03. Have you ever liked someone you had no chance with?: Mariel Fernandez. I still think I could've, though, if I'd tried. This is the "up" period of my bipolarity.
04. Have you ever cried over the opposite sex?: Not in a few years, but yeah.
05. Do you have a "type" of person you always go after?: Brains, Sweetness, Looks. Other than those qualities if you lined up the girls of my past it'd be a virtual U.N. meeting.
06. Have you ever lied to your best friend(s)?: "Sure, you should get married." Try your waitress, tip the veal.
07. Ever wanted to get revenge on someone because they hurt you?: I want to get revenge on complete strangers for asking me retarded questions, are you kidding me?
08. Rather be dumper or dumped?: Dumper. Dumpee sucks.
09. Rather have a relationship or a "hookup"?: 52% love, 48% lust.
10. Want someone you don't have right now?: Hell yes. And it's like an itch I can't quite reach, which is all the more exacerbating. (You Might Be A Journalism Student If...during the course of a questionaire the first word you think of to accurately describe your plight is a word like exacerbating.)
11. Ever liked your best guy/girl friend?: You asked me this down the line, too. So go there.
12. Do you want to get married?: It depends. If it happens this decade expect the Apocalypse during the honeymoon.
13. Do you want kids?: Down the line. By which I mean 2016.
14. Do you believe in psychics?: Scam
15. Do you believe you know the person whom you will marry at this point in time?: Probably not. Everything is subject to change; you also have to allow for everything to not change.
16. What is your favorite part of your physical appearance?: All the walking I do at work has made my legs nice according to outside sources.
17. What is your favorite part of your emotional being?: Haven't given it much thought.
18. Are you happy with you?: Mostly.
19. Are you happy with your life?: Mostly.
20. If you could change something in your life right now, what would it be?: Either she'd be mine or I'd be living outside of the familial shadow.
Have you...
1. Fallen for your best friend?: I did, for a while. Only because of the understanding and caring and whatnot.
3. Been rejected?: More times than guacamole ice cream.
4. Been in love?: Yeah.
5. Used someone?: Friendships are just ways to use people, right? Right? I mean, when you get down to it, you don't want to be alone so you have this support group to take your mind off your own shit and have some fun activities and whatnot. Everybody uses everybody.
6. Been used?: Maybe mentally?
8. Done something you regret?: Yes.
Who was the last person..
9. You touched?: *points* *to* *self*
10. You talked to?: In person?: Ivan, in both instances, last night
12. You instant messaged?: Bluh...Rob?
14. You had sex with?: *points*...well, you get the point
15. You yelled at?: Me.
16. You laughed with?: Ivan.
17. Who broke your heart?: Elizabeth McMunn, two and a half years ago (*WOW*), through no fault of her own
Do you..
19. Color your hair?: I want to grow a Fro and dye it some ludicrous color.
20. Have tattoos?: Maybe someday.
21. Have piercings?: No.
22. Have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: I'm between things instead of legs at the moment, sure.
23. Own a webcam?: Negatory.
24. Own a thong?: No.
25. Ever get off the damn computer?: Sure.
27. Habla espanol?: Working on it, working on it.
28. Quack?: Only when the Mighty Ducks happens to be on and they hit the Flying V.
Have you / do you / are you...
29. Stolen anything?: My record has been clean for TWO DECADES.
30. Smoke?: Not cigarettes...
32. Obsessive?: Some.
33. Compulsive?: That would mean I'm clean, so no.
34. Obsessive compulsive?: Nah.
35. Panic?: Yeah, but only to protect myself.
36. Anxiety?: Only when I'm awake.
37. Depressed?: Depends on the moment.
38. Suicidal?: No.
39. Obsessed with hate?: Yeah. Sorry, too many idiots.
40. Dream of mutilated bodies, blood, death, and gore?: It has been known to happen, usually via me going on rampages with or without chainsaw. Favorite: stabbing my boss in the eye with a chainsaw after getting a verbal reprimand, and then as they screamed with the chainsaw sticking out of their socket I kicked him squah in the balls.
*Questions*
41. If you could be anywhere, where would you be?: Vegas. Puerto. An actual spring break instead of this.
42. Can you do anything freakish with your body?: Yes, and one day I want a woman to be present to cause them.
43. What facial feature do you find the most attractive on others?: Eyes.
44. Would you vote for a woman candidate for president?: Depends on her platform and not against me this year, bitch! Get in the kitchen! SAMICH! MAU! DIDI MAU!
45. Would you marry for money?: Marrying for money is wrong unless it's like Paris Hilton money. You marry when you're horribly, horribly trapped.
46. Have you had braces?: Nope.
47. Do you pluck your eyebrows?: I keep meaning to do it, right after I get the rest of the sex change done. *smack*
48. Do you like hairy backs?: Not as much as Erica does, apparently. *snort*
50. Could you live without a computer?: Not anymore I couldn't. Lousy free porn. Oh, who'm I kidding? I love you, free porn! *dryhumps*
51. Do you use ICQ, AOL Buddy list etc?: AIM.
52. If so, how many people are on your list(s)?: 24, roughly.
53. If you could live in any past, where would it be?: the good old days, the same old ways that kept us dying/yes you, me myself and I'n
54. Do you wear white socks?: Yes.
55. Do you wear shoes in the house or take them off?: Depends where I'm walking.
56. Your favorite fruit?: Oranges.
57. Do you eat wheat bread or white?: Wheat bread is for dirty, dirty hippies.
58. What is your favorite place to visit?: Vegas, baby, Vegas.
59. What is the last movie you saw?: Starsky & Hutch.
61. Are you photogenic?: As long as I don't show my teeth when I smile.
62. Do you dream in color or black and white?: Color, though sometimes during flashback sequences (don't get me started) it goes to black and white. Another thing I want to blame on the Wonder Years.
63. Are you wearing fingernail polish?: Not right now.
64. Is it chipped or fresh?: It's fresh. EXCIIIIIIIITING!
65. Do you have any dimples?: Do black people get dimples? Can someone look into this?
66. Do you remember being born?: No.
67. Why do you take surveys?: Boredom.
68. Do you drink alcohol?: Not in the last 26 hours!
69. Did you like or do you like high school?: High school, with the exception of the friends I made and about 4 events, blew like a porn marathon.
70. What is the best accent?: British on a woman. Giggidy giggidy giggidy.
71. Who do you want to kiss?: Stephanie the aforementioned Her.
72. Do you like sunrises or sunsets the most?: Sunrise is really overrated. Sunsets is only good when you got a SO. So give me 1:30 in the afternoon on a day off with a cold beverage and a good time instead.
73. Do you want to live to be 100?: Only because dying scares the shit out of me.
74. Is a flat stomach important to you?: On a girl it would be nice but I don't think it's mandatory.
75. Do you or have you played with a ouija board?: No.
76. Are you loyal?: Fiercely. Mostly because no one's come up with the good money to bribe me yet.
77. Are you tolerant of other peoples beliefs?: As long as they don't beat me over the head with it or fuck up my fun.
78. When you watch movies at home, do you like the lights on or off?: Off. What sort of cultish weirdo watches with the lights on? You're going for a movie experience!
79. Do you like your nose?: I like it more without boogers in it.
80. Do you think you can draw well?: Drawing sucks.
81. At what age did you find out that Santa Claus wasn't real?: Probably in elementary school. End result was the same so what sort of fuck did I give?
82. How many pairs of shoes do have in your closet?: 0 (four scattered about the floor)
83. Do you like to wear the same shoes everyday or do you like a variety?: I'd wear my Chucks all the time if I could.
84. Do you write poetry?: Not anymore.
85. Snore?: I've heard I do.
86. Do you sleep more on your back, front, or sides?: Sides.
87. Cats/Dogs?: DOGS.
88. Do you lick stamps?: Yeah, disgusting as that is.
89. Do you use an electric can opener?: Hell yes.
90. Have you ridden in a hotair balloon?: No.
here we go...
Like your name?: My name f'n rocks.
Were you named after anyone?: My dad and the bully on the Little Rascals
Do you wish on stars?: Nope.
Which finger is your favorite?: The middle (probably because I make it work so much).
When did you last cry?: It's been a few years. I'll say 9/11, but even that seems off and wrong to me.
Do you like your handwriting?: I have no strong feelings about my cursive script.
Who do you admire?: Seth Green.
What is your favorite animal?: Piranha.
If you were another person, would you be friends with yourself?: Probably not.
Are you a daredevil?: Not until I get some medical insurance I ain't.
Have you ever told a secret you swore not to tell?: Probably. Arsed if I know.
Have you ever stolen anything?: A toy car when I was 5.
Do looks matter?: Football analogy: looks are the offense, personality & brains are the defense. There've been plenty of legendary high-scoring offenses that were awesome and put butts in the seats, but defense wins championships.
Have you ever miss used a word and it sounded absolutely stupid?: Heh, miss used. YOU DID!
Do you think there is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow?: Don't believe the hype, it's a sequel/as an equal can I get this through to you?
Are you trendy?: I want to say no but in some circles anti-trendy is trendy so I don't know.
How do you release anger?: Cursing. Rock music. Punching shit. Cursing.
Do you trust others easily?: Not really.
What was your favorite toy as a child?: Playdoh
Do you like sappy love songs?: I do when I'm crushing or in love. Then when I'm not I say "fuck this shit" and reach for some Slipknot.
Have you ever been on radio or television?: For a couple seconds: I was at a girls basketball playoff game with my friends, we were all wearing face paint, and I was teaching them the Train dance during a timeout.
Do you have a journal?: What do you think this is?
Do you use sarcasm a lot?: Only the times when I open my mouth.
Have you ever been in another country?: Sadly, no.
What is your nickname?: I don't have one outside the obvious.
Would you bungee jump?: The crazy thing is I want to but I'm acrophobic.
Do you untie your shoes every time you take them off?: Sometimes.
What are you worried about right now?: Her.
Do you ever wear overalls?: Sorry, I live west of the Mississippi and don't fuck pigs, despite what Harris may've told you.
Do you think you are strong?: Nah. I don't think I am mentally either though I've been told otherwise.
Currently playing: Fat Joe, Ashanti & her little dog, too's "What's Luv?"
4/3/04
From the Home Office In The Buried 9/11 Reports
Make Like A Bad Check: "I Believe In A Thing Called Love", 7; "Through The Wire", 8; "Meant To Live", 10
[10] Jay-Z => Dirt Off Your Shoulder (N)*
[09] Beyonce => Naughty Girl (N)*
[08] Joss Stone => Fell In Love With A Boy (6)
[07] D-12 => My Band (N)*
[06] Incubus => Megalomaniac (4)
[05] Norah Jones => Sunrise (9)*
[04] N.E.R.D.=> She Wants To Move (5)*
[03] Yellowcard => Ocean Avenue (2)
[02] G-Unit feat. Joe => Wanna Get To Know Ya (1)
[01] Kanye West => All Falls Down (3) [2w]
Currently playing: Diddy, Ginuwine, Mario Winans & Loon's "I Need A Girl (pt.2)"
Make Like A Bad Check: "I Believe In A Thing Called Love", 7; "Through The Wire", 8; "Meant To Live", 10
[10] Jay-Z => Dirt Off Your Shoulder (N)*
[09] Beyonce => Naughty Girl (N)*
[08] Joss Stone => Fell In Love With A Boy (6)
[07] D-12 => My Band (N)*
[06] Incubus => Megalomaniac (4)
[05] Norah Jones => Sunrise (9)*
[04] N.E.R.D.=> She Wants To Move (5)*
[03] Yellowcard => Ocean Avenue (2)
[02] G-Unit feat. Joe => Wanna Get To Know Ya (1)
[01] Kanye West => All Falls Down (3) [2w]
Currently playing: Diddy, Ginuwine, Mario Winans & Loon's "I Need A Girl (pt.2)"
4/1/04
In The Event That The Chick From Spanish Class Should For Some Reason NOT Find Me Attractive, The Following Celebrity Runners-Up Will Be YOUR Next First Lady (Barring Cristal Coming Back To Me, not valid in Puerto Rico, etc...)
Let The Beat Drop: Michelle Trachtenberg (11), Alyssa Milano (12), Alyson Hannigan (16), Ana Beatriz Barros (19), Dawn Marie (22), Kim Smith (23)
Five Feet High And Rising: Sarah Chalke, Jennifer Garner, Shakira
LM TM Wrist Fuel Peak
NR ^ 25 Norah Jones 25
NR ^ 24-R Lucy Liu 23
NR ^ 23 Josie Maran 23
14 v 22 Britney Spears 22
24 ^ 21 Christina Aguilera 6
NR ^ 20-R Tyra Banks 19
21 ^ 19 Jaime Pressly 7
20 ^ 18 Halle Berry 18
25 ^ 17 Kristanna Loken 17
NR ^ 16 Elisha Cuthbert 16
15 = 15 Sofia Vergara 8
17 ^ 14 Heidi Klum 10
10 v 13 Rachel Bilson 10
5 v 12 Carmen Electra 5
9 v 11 Vida Guerra 6
13 ^ 10 Adriana Lima 10
NR ^ 09 Cameron Diaz 9
18 ^ 08 Victoria 8
8 ^ 07 Anna Kournikova 7
4 v 06 Eliza Dushku 3
7 ^ 05 Angelina Jolie 5
6 ^ 04 Beyonce Knowles 4
3 = 03 Brooke Burke 3
1 v 02 Jessica Alba 1
2 ^ 01 Trish Stratus 1
Currently playing: Pat Benatar's "Love Is A Battlefield"
Let The Beat Drop: Michelle Trachtenberg (11), Alyssa Milano (12), Alyson Hannigan (16), Ana Beatriz Barros (19), Dawn Marie (22), Kim Smith (23)
Five Feet High And Rising: Sarah Chalke, Jennifer Garner, Shakira
LM TM Wrist Fuel Peak
NR ^ 25 Norah Jones 25
NR ^ 24-R Lucy Liu 23
NR ^ 23 Josie Maran 23
14 v 22 Britney Spears 22
24 ^ 21 Christina Aguilera 6
NR ^ 20-R Tyra Banks 19
21 ^ 19 Jaime Pressly 7
20 ^ 18 Halle Berry 18
25 ^ 17 Kristanna Loken 17
NR ^ 16 Elisha Cuthbert 16
15 = 15 Sofia Vergara 8
17 ^ 14 Heidi Klum 10
10 v 13 Rachel Bilson 10
5 v 12 Carmen Electra 5
9 v 11 Vida Guerra 6
13 ^ 10 Adriana Lima 10
NR ^ 09 Cameron Diaz 9
18 ^ 08 Victoria 8
8 ^ 07 Anna Kournikova 7
4 v 06 Eliza Dushku 3
7 ^ 05 Angelina Jolie 5
6 ^ 04 Beyonce Knowles 4
3 = 03 Brooke Burke 3
1 v 02 Jessica Alba 1
2 ^ 01 Trish Stratus 1
Currently playing: Pat Benatar's "Love Is A Battlefield"
3/30/04
Neither Party Is Mine, Not The Jackass Or The Elephant
The march on Washington with the Rosser '04 campaign continues coming at ya like the Dragon Whip. Thanks to Rob Harris for hosting the Morrow produced advertisements. We takin' over this b i itch.
the Mission Statement of the Wave of the Future
Consider Yourself Warned, Kucinich!
A Chicken In Every Pot And A Clone Of Angelina Jolie (Or Your Babe Of Choice) In Every Lap
The Offical Rosser '04 Campaign Theme, Sans Breaks and the lyrics.
theprecedingpaidforbytherosser2004campaign
Currently playing: Blink 182's "All The Small Things"
The march on Washington with the Rosser '04 campaign continues coming at ya like the Dragon Whip. Thanks to Rob Harris for hosting the Morrow produced advertisements. We takin' over this b i itch.
the Mission Statement of the Wave of the Future
Consider Yourself Warned, Kucinich!
A Chicken In Every Pot And A Clone Of Angelina Jolie (Or Your Babe Of Choice) In Every Lap
The Offical Rosser '04 Campaign Theme, Sans Breaks and the lyrics.
theprecedingpaidforbytherosser2004campaign
Currently playing: Blink 182's "All The Small Things"
3/28/04
The Big Questions For This Administration
Who will fit our platform and provide a quality Vice President, yet also is hated enough to the point where I won't be assassinated?
What is the campaign's one big theme?
What's a good idea for "Why do I want to be president?" besides "It's the quickest way to take over the world and make all those motherfuckers pay, plus I'd get more pussy than an animal shelter"?
List of platforms to date:
*abolishment of the penny
*re-establishment of the guillotine as capital punishment, and the catapult because...well...it's cool.
*kill everyone in jails; redecorate jails, rename, and house homeless
*the first week of inauguration everything in the country is 10% off as a thank you/economic stimulus
*state contraction--do we need BOTH Dakotas?
*scrapping NASA and using 70% of the money to start cloning hot babes and reprogram the clones for freaky sex and chore-doing, thus at least halving crime in the country. Other 25% goes to schools. And the other 5% to me.
*the legalization of marijuana, taxed, and packaged with snack chips
*the legalization of gay marriage, because it's 2004. Get the fuck over it already.
*non-retarded adults must have at least an IQ of 80. Alternatives: flee country. die.
*the noise for the monthly television tests will be replaced by the riff from AC/DC's "Thunderstruck"
*Lewis Black will proffered a job as press secretary
*annexation of Canada with plans for global health care
*a new National Anthem, which may or may not be the theme from the Jeffersons
theprecedingpaidbytherosser2004campaign
Currently playing: my current #1, G-Unit & Joe's "Wanna Get To Know Ya"
Who will fit our platform and provide a quality Vice President, yet also is hated enough to the point where I won't be assassinated?
What is the campaign's one big theme?
What's a good idea for "Why do I want to be president?" besides "It's the quickest way to take over the world and make all those motherfuckers pay, plus I'd get more pussy than an animal shelter"?
List of platforms to date:
*abolishment of the penny
*re-establishment of the guillotine as capital punishment, and the catapult because...well...it's cool.
*kill everyone in jails; redecorate jails, rename, and house homeless
*the first week of inauguration everything in the country is 10% off as a thank you/economic stimulus
*state contraction--do we need BOTH Dakotas?
*scrapping NASA and using 70% of the money to start cloning hot babes and reprogram the clones for freaky sex and chore-doing, thus at least halving crime in the country. Other 25% goes to schools. And the other 5% to me.
*the legalization of marijuana, taxed, and packaged with snack chips
*the legalization of gay marriage, because it's 2004. Get the fuck over it already.
*non-retarded adults must have at least an IQ of 80. Alternatives: flee country. die.
*the noise for the monthly television tests will be replaced by the riff from AC/DC's "Thunderstruck"
*Lewis Black will proffered a job as press secretary
*annexation of Canada with plans for global health care
*a new National Anthem, which may or may not be the theme from the Jeffersons
theprecedingpaidbytherosser2004campaign
Currently playing: my current #1, G-Unit & Joe's "Wanna Get To Know Ya"
3/27/04
"The best argument against democracy is the average voter."--Bertrand Russell
ROSSER IN NOVEMBER!
All right. Here's the deal.
Most of you know that since 1999, I have said one day, I would do this. I would take this challenge and face it in the eyes.
I would run for President.
Today...is that day. If Showtime's foolish enough to run a reality show where the winner gets some air time, I am crazy enough to enter. My voice will be heard.
What do I need from you? Not much. Your continued love and support, the occassional campaign donation, and of course to visit the blog and make the hit numbers look good for the press. I'm not going to lie and say this'll be easy and that I'll always be at my best, but c'mon. It'd be worth it to see your boy in a T-Mac throwback arguing for the abolition of the penny and the resurrection of guillotine as capital punishment.
Let the march to Washington begin with this, my mission statement in 400 characters or less (you can hit me up for the mp3 if you so desire):
It is clear that the rich old white guys in suits have failed. A new leader is needed: a young minority with radically liberal ideas who's indiscretions and corruption will be right out on the table for all to see. And people will realize at the end of the day that while they disagree with it sometimes, they can live a good life.
Plus, this will finally impress Jessica Alba.
Currently playing: the Rosser campaign theme, Public Enemy's "Rebel Without A Pause"
ROSSER IN NOVEMBER!
All right. Here's the deal.
Most of you know that since 1999, I have said one day, I would do this. I would take this challenge and face it in the eyes.
I would run for President.
Today...is that day. If Showtime's foolish enough to run a reality show where the winner gets some air time, I am crazy enough to enter. My voice will be heard.
What do I need from you? Not much. Your continued love and support, the occassional campaign donation, and of course to visit the blog and make the hit numbers look good for the press. I'm not going to lie and say this'll be easy and that I'll always be at my best, but c'mon. It'd be worth it to see your boy in a T-Mac throwback arguing for the abolition of the penny and the resurrection of guillotine as capital punishment.
Let the march to Washington begin with this, my mission statement in 400 characters or less (you can hit me up for the mp3 if you so desire):
It is clear that the rich old white guys in suits have failed. A new leader is needed: a young minority with radically liberal ideas who's indiscretions and corruption will be right out on the table for all to see. And people will realize at the end of the day that while they disagree with it sometimes, they can live a good life.
Plus, this will finally impress Jessica Alba.
Currently playing: the Rosser campaign theme, Public Enemy's "Rebel Without A Pause"
3/23/04
Monday, Back From The Dead
How did I end up doing on accident exactly what I wanted to do on purpose?
I dunno, maybe me piecing it together in my mind's eye again'll help shed some light on it.
I meant to get attention, but I was doing it in a low-key way. All subtle and cat like, like in nature programs where you see a young deer frolicking and three seconds later a bush rustles and six seconds later a jaguar is on top of it like they're about to hump and eleven seconds later the jaguar has ripped open their neck and is feasting on their small intestine. Subtle like that. So I put on my new Ralph Wiggum "I Dress Myself" shirt [he looks like a hobo, is wearing cord for a belt Jimbo-style, and his finger's in his nose] and put a jacket on over it before I go to school.
I do homework on the way because LEARNDING IS FUNDAMENTAL.
So I sit down and talk to some of my other friends in the class as we sit around and shoot the shit and she comes over and says hi and I take her in and say hi but really I'm rocking out to "Frances Farmer Will Have Her Revenge On Seattle" as much as one can and still be the straw that stirs a conversation drink.
Then she reaches for me.
The possibility I was sleeping had occured to me, yes, it had. But the eyes are open, because...she wants to see the whole shirt. I was expecting that to come at a later point, but that'll teach me to rock out so fiercely to In Utero in mixed company.
Then after class, I sidestepped some girl, moved back to where I was walking, and nearly bowled her over. We had a good five-minute convo conversation.
Now then.
How long am I supposed to grieve here? Can I just move on like this? Do I start chasing New Girl? Do I try to get together with her, and does doing so make me a)codependent, b) an asshole, c) a codependent asshole, or d) other?
She's 19! 19! I'm a robust 22(and 37 months)! Is she just appealing to my intellect, or do the huge tracts of land have my groin cashing checks my heart can't cash? Or the freckles--freckles are criminally underrated.
In a completely unrelated note I'm half-debating whether to enter the school's (and my first) freestyle contest on Thursday. Money prizes if you finish top 3. Ve shall see.
Until the next...KUSIZZLE IN THE HIZZLE!
Currently playing: Fleetwood Mac's "Don't Stop" (really)
How did I end up doing on accident exactly what I wanted to do on purpose?
I dunno, maybe me piecing it together in my mind's eye again'll help shed some light on it.
I meant to get attention, but I was doing it in a low-key way. All subtle and cat like, like in nature programs where you see a young deer frolicking and three seconds later a bush rustles and six seconds later a jaguar is on top of it like they're about to hump and eleven seconds later the jaguar has ripped open their neck and is feasting on their small intestine. Subtle like that. So I put on my new Ralph Wiggum "I Dress Myself" shirt [he looks like a hobo, is wearing cord for a belt Jimbo-style, and his finger's in his nose] and put a jacket on over it before I go to school.
I do homework on the way because LEARNDING IS FUNDAMENTAL.
So I sit down and talk to some of my other friends in the class as we sit around and shoot the shit and she comes over and says hi and I take her in and say hi but really I'm rocking out to "Frances Farmer Will Have Her Revenge On Seattle" as much as one can and still be the straw that stirs a conversation drink.
Then she reaches for me.
The possibility I was sleeping had occured to me, yes, it had. But the eyes are open, because...she wants to see the whole shirt. I was expecting that to come at a later point, but that'll teach me to rock out so fiercely to In Utero in mixed company.
Then after class, I sidestepped some girl, moved back to where I was walking, and nearly bowled her over. We had a good five-minute convo conversation.
Now then.
How long am I supposed to grieve here? Can I just move on like this? Do I start chasing New Girl? Do I try to get together with her, and does doing so make me a)codependent, b) an asshole, c) a codependent asshole, or d) other?
She's 19! 19! I'm a robust 22(and 37 months)! Is she just appealing to my intellect, or do the huge tracts of land have my groin cashing checks my heart can't cash? Or the freckles--freckles are criminally underrated.
In a completely unrelated note I'm half-debating whether to enter the school's (and my first) freestyle contest on Thursday. Money prizes if you finish top 3. Ve shall see.
Until the next...KUSIZZLE IN THE HIZZLE!
Currently playing: Fleetwood Mac's "Don't Stop" (really)
3/20/04
From The Home Office In The Corner Of The Polyphonic Spree
Dropped: "You Don't Know My Name", 4; "Are You Gonna Be My Girl", 7; "Weak And Powerless", 10
[10] Switchfoot => Meant To Live (N)
[09] Norah Jones => Sunrise (9)
[08] Kanye West => Through The Wire (3)
[07] the Darkness => I Believe In A Thing Called Love (1)
[06] Joss Stone => Fell In Love With A Boy (8)
[05] N.E.R.D. => She Wants To Move (5)
[04] Incubus => Megalomaniac (6)
[03] Kanye West => All Falls Down (N)
[02] Yellowcard => Ocean Avenue (N)
[01] G-Unit feat. Joe => Wanna Get To Know Ya (2)[2w]
Currently playing: Tonic's "You Wanted More"
Dropped: "You Don't Know My Name", 4; "Are You Gonna Be My Girl", 7; "Weak And Powerless", 10
[10] Switchfoot => Meant To Live (N)
[09] Norah Jones => Sunrise (9)
[08] Kanye West => Through The Wire (3)
[07] the Darkness => I Believe In A Thing Called Love (1)
[06] Joss Stone => Fell In Love With A Boy (8)
[05] N.E.R.D. => She Wants To Move (5)
[04] Incubus => Megalomaniac (6)
[03] Kanye West => All Falls Down (N)
[02] Yellowcard => Ocean Avenue (N)
[01] G-Unit feat. Joe => Wanna Get To Know Ya (2)[2w]
Currently playing: Tonic's "You Wanted More"
3/19/04
Awkward Much?
What a rousing start to the Friendship Era: 4 minutes, 3 awkward pauses and gaps. I don't know what to do with myself. Limbo S U C K S. I guess I am going through the five stages because right now I'm pretty firmly ensconced in anger. And I'm probably going to see her face-to-face for the first time since tomorrow. Ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh. Stop this world, I want to get off.
Currently playing: Rammstein's "Engel"
What a rousing start to the Friendship Era: 4 minutes, 3 awkward pauses and gaps. I don't know what to do with myself. Limbo S U C K S. I guess I am going through the five stages because right now I'm pretty firmly ensconced in anger. And I'm probably going to see her face-to-face for the first time since tomorrow. Ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh. Stop this world, I want to get off.
Currently playing: Rammstein's "Engel"
3/14/04
Can You See Me? Because I Was Under The Assumption That, In Fact, You Were Unable To
the running WrestleMania XX diary
What a confluence of events. It's pretty close to the time I met Iyari Limon and Kevin Smith within 24 hours of each other. Except in a funhouse mirror. In the Twilight Zone.
I dunno, first girlfriend breaks up with me--we'll see how that subplot plays out later--so my first response is mild confusion and the second is seeing my first live legal WWE/F pay-per-view [and WrestleF'nMania XX, at that] at Hooters. Hooters serves beer and has attractive women. This is either going to work out spectacularly or blow up horribly in my face before Triple H goes over, mark my words before the fact. (This blowing up, I mean, not the second. Unless it comes true.)
I'm looking forward to all the non-tag-title bouts, and the Jericho/Christian conclusion. By the way: THERE IS ONLY ONE WAY THIS CAN END. I will NOT argue this.
3:30 p.m. -- I am locked in, overlooking the ocean and boardwalk. So far I'm the only person here specifically for XX but it's the Hooters overlooking the ocean. The waitress looks like Topanga with a rack and is actually named Danielle. I smell trouble later. I've finally hit all the Hooters in the county; you may anoint me.
3:34 -- The UT/Kane package gets the next table's attention...
3:44 -- ...because I'm sitting next to the OTHER black smark in attendance. Sometimes truth is stranger than fiction, am I right, Pugsley?!
3:48 -- Fellow fans start coming in. I am staring at Danielle's legs as if I can ascertain the meaning of life in them. Perhaps I can. I shall ruminate over this with a beer.
4:00 -- Hell yes, you are looking LIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE at the Pacific Beach Hooters! Heineken #1 is ready! ¡Un rey mundial actitud! Me & Other Me have a Lesnar/Kane debate on who should come on out and wipe out the Harlem Boys Choir. I got 6:49 in the Spanish Announce Table destruction pool, by the way.
4:10 -- Double horns, bitch! Me & my Word Life throwback (hi, Johnny) pop up out the seat and do our mandatory duty only to see about 10 others follow suit. The crowd changed faster than a Tara Reid boyfriend.
4:18 -- Holy hell, the cobra clutch! More importantly, I have disposed of this beer. Serving wench, fetch me another!
4:22 -- WHOO Cena wins the belt. That false finish scared the hell out of me, thus serving its purpose. It's a shame Matt Hardy jumped, he would've made excellent opening Thuganomics fodder. Whatever happened TO Matt, anyway, I think he poured that second Heineken...
4:25 -- Randy Orton cuts the Evolution promo so of course talk shifts to Flair being awesome. Other me, re: Orton spitting on Mick: "I've seen people get shot for less."
4:29 -- The RAW tag team fourway; I'd take a piss but there's only one beer in me. Man, the set is pimped out. Somewhere to the north of me, Snoop & Don Magic Juan are saying "Preach."
4:33 -- Topanga goes on her break and gets replaced with one that looks like Emily from the Dixie Chicks. How big a downgrade this is is the sort of thing one can settle over a cold adult beverage.
4:35 -- Uh, someone want to tell Batista those punk kids Cade & Jindrak took his trunks?
4:38 -- First en masse OOHs come over RVD's Five Star bump and the Cinco Estrellas for him proper.
4:41 -- Big pop for Gene, even bigger one for We--Heenan, and disgust over Mae & Moolah. So THIS is where they've been holding the local smark meetings! Thanks for the heads up, fuckers!
4:44 -- Did I just walk in the crib got two kids and my ex-baby mama late 'cause UH-OH UH-OH UH-OH. Y2J/Christian this early with faces going over in the first two matches? On the one hand I don't think they should but on the other claw-like deformity the possibility of Evil Brunette Trish would give me wrist fuel for months. As usual, I have no point. Except Christian's been SUCH an excellent James Spader in "Pretty In Pink".
4:59 -- Christian busting out the tornado reverse DDT! RULES! Flashback! RULES! TEJAS MUTHAFUCKIN CLOVERLEAF! HELLA Rules!
5:01 -- Who had first blown spot in the pool? Shane? EDGECUTION FROM CHRISTIAN. This match rules all.
5:06 -- Aw, maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!
5:08 -- I ain't gonna say nuthin' but that ain't right.
5:10 -- Big in-house pop for Snuka. Mmm...imported beer. Mmm...breasts.
5:20 -- Everyone gets a good laugh from Flair going up top. To quote Rob's reaction to "Baby I Love Your Way" in High Fidelity: Why? Batista shows up, thus being the sign to hit the can.
5:21 -- The can rules, they took the sports apart page by page and hung it up on clamps right above the stalls.
5:23 -- Man did that Foley bump over the stairs get everyone's attention.
5:28 -- The Flair/Rock Dueling People's Elbow segment debuts in Hooters at #4 on the Things That Are Too Goddamn Awesome Whether You Follow Wrestling Or Not chart.
5:31 -- RKf'nO! Who told ya?! I told ya! (I said Rock, but still...)
5:40 -- What the hell, Kane didn't come out and kill Pete? What the fuck is up with that?
5:41 -- Only in the E could woofing constitute condolences and well-wishes.
5:44 -- While I'm here, let me pick a bone with Jake for counting this as a match. WHO. CARES. Side note to uppity smarts: these sorts of "matches" are much easier to take when you've got booze in you.
5:48 -- Blur. It's all a blur.
5:59 -- I need the Eddie Scarface ripoff N O O O O O W W W W W W.
6:00 -- and all is well! Big pop for Rey. Buzz.
6:05 -- Who had it in the First Holy Shit pool?
6:12 -- People are jacked for Brock/Goldberg. I'm still pissed about them jobbing Funaki out like that. Bastards. Well, THIS oughta be interesting.
6:25 -- "They're both big. They're both strong. We get the message."
6:32 -- Man is New York taking a shit on this. Not that I blame them.
6:33 -- "OH!"
6:34 -- "OH!"
6:35 -- "YEAH!"
6:37 -- "ahahahahahahaha!" "OH!" "YEAH!" That's right, the final five minutes of Goldberg/Lesnar and the ensuing aftermath were brought to you by Lil' Jon.
6:41 -- Big pop for XXI being in Staples up the road. What the hell, I might try to go.
6:42 -- Is this my fifth beer or did Vince not get Stunned? Both? Oh.
6:57 -- Team Angle got PRISONRAPED.
7:00 -- Molly IS the new age Malenko. (Thought brought to you by Tanvir Raquib.)
7:07 -- Eddy/Kurt video package sends about 10 guys into the can since we all saw it in the Free For All. Team Angle, anyone?
7:13 -- Hell. Yes.
7:29 -- Tazz: Sometimes you gotta punch a guy in the face. Preach.
7:34 -- Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa?! Kurt kicked out?!
7:36 -- Motherfucking Eddie~! I guess Big Nose is going over.
7:43 -- HUGE pop for Bearer. "This is like every horror movie EVER."
7:44 -- *BONG*
7:44:01 -- YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
7:53 -- Okay, someone clarify something for me: is that still Old School? Is it now New School? Is it Throwback School, and if so doesn't that infringe on Cena's gimmick? H B O help a brother out.
8:06 -- Hefner's reffing and I got 8:21 in the bump pool. I can't believe the SAT is still standing. It's not quite Hankless Loyola Marymount making the 16 but it's right up there.
8:08 -- HA ha this cost me at least $30 less plus Hooters. I know where I'm coming for SummerSlam.
8:20 -- The crowd is firmly behind Benoit.
8:22 -- Crowd loved the hHh interference spot where he kept Michaels from tapping out. That was pretty cool.
8:24 -- The Smack!Down table went before the Spanish? What is this, the Parallel Universe?
8:25 -- Huge pop for the cameramen bumps. It's not really a WrestleMania until someone who doesn't has to takes a huge bump. Whatever happened to that great WOW referee, he would've flown into Brooklyn.
8:28 -- Ross finally uses "crimson mask" and how well is it set up that no one really bled hard before this?
8:29 -- Sharpshooter spot. I scream RING THE FUCKING BELL. Everyone's yelling "TAP!" and pounding the tables. The waitresses are shocked and frightened--I'm almost positive they didn't stop stripping for this.
8:30 -- I remember yelling "TAP! TAP OUT! TAP THE FUCK OUT!" at the top of my lungs.
8:31 -- HELL. MOTHER. FUCKING. YES. Somewhere in the back Booker T and Van Dam share a good cry, but that doesn't change the fact: HELL. MOTHER. FUCKING. YES.
Look, as a Net fan I loved Eddie & Chris. But I was convinced they were going to be side dishes for life no matter how good they tasted to yes you me myself and I'n for various reasons (too small, Triple H, too ethnic, Triple H, can't cut a promo, Triple H, Triple H, Triple H). So you can imagine my giddy schoolboyish delight to see them be the litmus tests as the respective champions of the World. I followed Benoit since he started in WCW, Eddie right around the tail of the Art Barr tag team 10+ ago, so for them to be standing on the biggest stage in the world as The Men...maaaaaaaaan.
I tell you what, maybe it was the environment or getting a lot of what I want, but that four and a half flew by in a double horns throwup. I'd actually put this second to X7, and maybe first since I haven't seen X7 in quite some time. I'm excited for the future, hopeful to see them continue to back Benoit and Guerrero, psyched for US Champion Cena (even if he didn't hit the Joe Budden Elbow tongiht) and tomorrow night starts Jericho's Inigo Montoyaesque Path Of Rage. Plus, I bet Evil Trish is into anal and the Donkey Punch. That's right, I said it. I may have to co-#1 her with Alba.
SO fucking there.
Currently playing: Bob Marley & the Wailers' "Lively Up Yourself"
the running WrestleMania XX diary
What a confluence of events. It's pretty close to the time I met Iyari Limon and Kevin Smith within 24 hours of each other. Except in a funhouse mirror. In the Twilight Zone.
I dunno, first girlfriend breaks up with me--we'll see how that subplot plays out later--so my first response is mild confusion and the second is seeing my first live legal WWE/F pay-per-view [and WrestleF'nMania XX, at that] at Hooters. Hooters serves beer and has attractive women. This is either going to work out spectacularly or blow up horribly in my face before Triple H goes over, mark my words before the fact. (This blowing up, I mean, not the second. Unless it comes true.)
I'm looking forward to all the non-tag-title bouts, and the Jericho/Christian conclusion. By the way: THERE IS ONLY ONE WAY THIS CAN END. I will NOT argue this.
3:30 p.m. -- I am locked in, overlooking the ocean and boardwalk. So far I'm the only person here specifically for XX but it's the Hooters overlooking the ocean. The waitress looks like Topanga with a rack and is actually named Danielle. I smell trouble later. I've finally hit all the Hooters in the county; you may anoint me.
3:34 -- The UT/Kane package gets the next table's attention...
3:44 -- ...because I'm sitting next to the OTHER black smark in attendance. Sometimes truth is stranger than fiction, am I right, Pugsley?!
3:48 -- Fellow fans start coming in. I am staring at Danielle's legs as if I can ascertain the meaning of life in them. Perhaps I can. I shall ruminate over this with a beer.
4:00 -- Hell yes, you are looking LIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE at the Pacific Beach Hooters! Heineken #1 is ready! ¡Un rey mundial actitud! Me & Other Me have a Lesnar/Kane debate on who should come on out and wipe out the Harlem Boys Choir. I got 6:49 in the Spanish Announce Table destruction pool, by the way.
4:10 -- Double horns, bitch! Me & my Word Life throwback (hi, Johnny) pop up out the seat and do our mandatory duty only to see about 10 others follow suit. The crowd changed faster than a Tara Reid boyfriend.
4:18 -- Holy hell, the cobra clutch! More importantly, I have disposed of this beer. Serving wench, fetch me another!
4:22 -- WHOO Cena wins the belt. That false finish scared the hell out of me, thus serving its purpose. It's a shame Matt Hardy jumped, he would've made excellent opening Thuganomics fodder. Whatever happened TO Matt, anyway, I think he poured that second Heineken...
4:25 -- Randy Orton cuts the Evolution promo so of course talk shifts to Flair being awesome. Other me, re: Orton spitting on Mick: "I've seen people get shot for less."
4:29 -- The RAW tag team fourway; I'd take a piss but there's only one beer in me. Man, the set is pimped out. Somewhere to the north of me, Snoop & Don Magic Juan are saying "Preach."
4:33 -- Topanga goes on her break and gets replaced with one that looks like Emily from the Dixie Chicks. How big a downgrade this is is the sort of thing one can settle over a cold adult beverage.
4:35 -- Uh, someone want to tell Batista those punk kids Cade & Jindrak took his trunks?
4:38 -- First en masse OOHs come over RVD's Five Star bump and the Cinco Estrellas for him proper.
4:41 -- Big pop for Gene, even bigger one for We--Heenan, and disgust over Mae & Moolah. So THIS is where they've been holding the local smark meetings! Thanks for the heads up, fuckers!
4:44 -- Did I just walk in the crib got two kids and my ex-baby mama late 'cause UH-OH UH-OH UH-OH. Y2J/Christian this early with faces going over in the first two matches? On the one hand I don't think they should but on the other claw-like deformity the possibility of Evil Brunette Trish would give me wrist fuel for months. As usual, I have no point. Except Christian's been SUCH an excellent James Spader in "Pretty In Pink".
4:59 -- Christian busting out the tornado reverse DDT! RULES! Flashback! RULES! TEJAS MUTHAFUCKIN CLOVERLEAF! HELLA Rules!
5:01 -- Who had first blown spot in the pool? Shane? EDGECUTION FROM CHRISTIAN. This match rules all.
5:06 -- Aw, maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!
5:08 -- I ain't gonna say nuthin' but that ain't right.
5:10 -- Big in-house pop for Snuka. Mmm...imported beer. Mmm...breasts.
5:20 -- Everyone gets a good laugh from Flair going up top. To quote Rob's reaction to "Baby I Love Your Way" in High Fidelity: Why? Batista shows up, thus being the sign to hit the can.
5:21 -- The can rules, they took the sports apart page by page and hung it up on clamps right above the stalls.
5:23 -- Man did that Foley bump over the stairs get everyone's attention.
5:28 -- The Flair/Rock Dueling People's Elbow segment debuts in Hooters at #4 on the Things That Are Too Goddamn Awesome Whether You Follow Wrestling Or Not chart.
5:31 -- RKf'nO! Who told ya?! I told ya! (I said Rock, but still...)
5:40 -- What the hell, Kane didn't come out and kill Pete? What the fuck is up with that?
5:41 -- Only in the E could woofing constitute condolences and well-wishes.
5:44 -- While I'm here, let me pick a bone with Jake for counting this as a match. WHO. CARES. Side note to uppity smarts: these sorts of "matches" are much easier to take when you've got booze in you.
5:48 -- Blur. It's all a blur.
5:59 -- I need the Eddie Scarface ripoff N O O O O O W W W W W W.
6:00 -- and all is well! Big pop for Rey. Buzz.
6:05 -- Who had it in the First Holy Shit pool?
6:12 -- People are jacked for Brock/Goldberg. I'm still pissed about them jobbing Funaki out like that. Bastards. Well, THIS oughta be interesting.
6:25 -- "They're both big. They're both strong. We get the message."
6:32 -- Man is New York taking a shit on this. Not that I blame them.
6:33 -- "OH!"
6:34 -- "OH!"
6:35 -- "YEAH!"
6:37 -- "ahahahahahahaha!" "OH!" "YEAH!" That's right, the final five minutes of Goldberg/Lesnar and the ensuing aftermath were brought to you by Lil' Jon.
6:41 -- Big pop for XXI being in Staples up the road. What the hell, I might try to go.
6:42 -- Is this my fifth beer or did Vince not get Stunned? Both? Oh.
6:57 -- Team Angle got PRISONRAPED.
7:00 -- Molly IS the new age Malenko. (Thought brought to you by Tanvir Raquib.)
7:07 -- Eddy/Kurt video package sends about 10 guys into the can since we all saw it in the Free For All. Team Angle, anyone?
7:13 -- Hell. Yes.
7:29 -- Tazz: Sometimes you gotta punch a guy in the face. Preach.
7:34 -- Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa?! Kurt kicked out?!
7:36 -- Motherfucking Eddie~! I guess Big Nose is going over.
7:43 -- HUGE pop for Bearer. "This is like every horror movie EVER."
7:44 -- *BONG*
7:44:01 -- YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
7:53 -- Okay, someone clarify something for me: is that still Old School? Is it now New School? Is it Throwback School, and if so doesn't that infringe on Cena's gimmick? H B O help a brother out.
8:06 -- Hefner's reffing and I got 8:21 in the bump pool. I can't believe the SAT is still standing. It's not quite Hankless Loyola Marymount making the 16 but it's right up there.
8:08 -- HA ha this cost me at least $30 less plus Hooters. I know where I'm coming for SummerSlam.
8:20 -- The crowd is firmly behind Benoit.
8:22 -- Crowd loved the hHh interference spot where he kept Michaels from tapping out. That was pretty cool.
8:24 -- The Smack!Down table went before the Spanish? What is this, the Parallel Universe?
8:25 -- Huge pop for the cameramen bumps. It's not really a WrestleMania until someone who doesn't has to takes a huge bump. Whatever happened to that great WOW referee, he would've flown into Brooklyn.
8:28 -- Ross finally uses "crimson mask" and how well is it set up that no one really bled hard before this?
8:29 -- Sharpshooter spot. I scream RING THE FUCKING BELL. Everyone's yelling "TAP!" and pounding the tables. The waitresses are shocked and frightened--I'm almost positive they didn't stop stripping for this.
8:30 -- I remember yelling "TAP! TAP OUT! TAP THE FUCK OUT!" at the top of my lungs.
8:31 -- HELL. MOTHER. FUCKING. YES. Somewhere in the back Booker T and Van Dam share a good cry, but that doesn't change the fact: HELL. MOTHER. FUCKING. YES.
Look, as a Net fan I loved Eddie & Chris. But I was convinced they were going to be side dishes for life no matter how good they tasted to yes you me myself and I'n for various reasons (too small, Triple H, too ethnic, Triple H, can't cut a promo, Triple H, Triple H, Triple H). So you can imagine my giddy schoolboyish delight to see them be the litmus tests as the respective champions of the World. I followed Benoit since he started in WCW, Eddie right around the tail of the Art Barr tag team 10+ ago, so for them to be standing on the biggest stage in the world as The Men...maaaaaaaaan.
I tell you what, maybe it was the environment or getting a lot of what I want, but that four and a half flew by in a double horns throwup. I'd actually put this second to X7, and maybe first since I haven't seen X7 in quite some time. I'm excited for the future, hopeful to see them continue to back Benoit and Guerrero, psyched for US Champion Cena (even if he didn't hit the Joe Budden Elbow tongiht) and tomorrow night starts Jericho's Inigo Montoyaesque Path Of Rage. Plus, I bet Evil Trish is into anal and the Donkey Punch. That's right, I said it. I may have to co-#1 her with Alba.
SO fucking there.
Currently playing: Bob Marley & the Wailers' "Lively Up Yourself"
I Mean It Was A REALLY Bad Shift
Currently playing: Jeff Buckley's "Last Goodbye", a lot
Didn't even make it to a month.
She broke up with me. And we're still going to be friends.
And it hurts, but...
...I'm not crying. (At least YET.) She has a lot of intrafamiliar drama, and she's sort of depressed about facing adulthood, and it wasn't like we got to spend a multitude of time together.
I get the feeling I should be feeling something more, or feeling something besides slight disorientation. Maybe because she was first. Maybe because the lechery part of the frontal lobe is already eyeing the twinkie in Spanish.
I don't know, I just...
I think I'm still partially deluding myself into this being a temporary thing and once she has her head on straight we'll be back together.
I just couldn't make her stay knowing things bigger than me are on her horizon. Is this something deficient in me? Should I have made her? Should I have pulled a Natalie and just not recognized it? Or is the fact she still likes me a lot and still wants me in her life...
...10 weeks into the year, met, fell, dated, broke up. Wow.
Tomorrow's either WrestleMania and/or getting drunk (possibly with friends), I know that much.
Man, you wake up one day and everything's great, you go to sleep and there's...this.
this is our last goodbye
I hate to feel the love between us die
but it's over
just do this and then I'll go
you gave me more to live for
more than you'll ever know
Currently playing: Jeff Buckley's "Last Goodbye", a lot
Didn't even make it to a month.
She broke up with me. And we're still going to be friends.
And it hurts, but...
...I'm not crying. (At least YET.) She has a lot of intrafamiliar drama, and she's sort of depressed about facing adulthood, and it wasn't like we got to spend a multitude of time together.
I get the feeling I should be feeling something more, or feeling something besides slight disorientation. Maybe because she was first. Maybe because the lechery part of the frontal lobe is already eyeing the twinkie in Spanish.
I don't know, I just...
I think I'm still partially deluding myself into this being a temporary thing and once she has her head on straight we'll be back together.
I just couldn't make her stay knowing things bigger than me are on her horizon. Is this something deficient in me? Should I have made her? Should I have pulled a Natalie and just not recognized it? Or is the fact she still likes me a lot and still wants me in her life...
...10 weeks into the year, met, fell, dated, broke up. Wow.
Tomorrow's either WrestleMania and/or getting drunk (possibly with friends), I know that much.
Man, you wake up one day and everything's great, you go to sleep and there's...this.
this is our last goodbye
I hate to feel the love between us die
but it's over
just do this and then I'll go
you gave me more to live for
more than you'll ever know
3/7/04
The French Term Is Shitfuck
Well, I did the nice guerrilla thing today. But we couldn't catch a flick or go to eat. We talked again for about another two hours, and I moved in for the kill, and
I shit you not, folks
this is the exact moment my dad pulls into the drive.
Goodbye, beautiful moment. Maybe we can do something next Saturday night or Sunday.
To quote our movie, this--this is a FUCK!
Currently playing: Switchfoot's "Meant To Live"
Well, I did the nice guerrilla thing today. But we couldn't catch a flick or go to eat. We talked again for about another two hours, and I moved in for the kill, and
I shit you not, folks
this is the exact moment my dad pulls into the drive.
Goodbye, beautiful moment. Maybe we can do something next Saturday night or Sunday.
To quote our movie, this--this is a FUCK!
Currently playing: Switchfoot's "Meant To Live"
3/6/04
From The Home Office In The Championship Vinyl Storeroom
Dropped: "Moses (live)", 7; "The Way You Move", 9
[10] A Perfect Circle => Weak And Powerless (6)
[09] Norah Jones => Sunrise (10)*
[08] Joss Stone feat. the Roots => Fell In Love With A Boy (8)*
[07] Jet => Are You Gonna Be My Girl (3)
[06] Incubus => Megalomaniac (N)*
[05] N.E.R.D. => She Wants To Move (5)*
[04] Alicia Keys => You Don't Know My Name (2)
[03] Kanye West => Through The Wire (4)*
[02] G-Unit feat. Joe => Wanna Get To Know Ya (N)*
[01] the Darkness => I Believe In A Thing Called Love (1) [6w]
Currently playing: Denis Leary's "Asshole"
Dropped: "Moses (live)", 7; "The Way You Move", 9
[10] A Perfect Circle => Weak And Powerless (6)
[09] Norah Jones => Sunrise (10)*
[08] Joss Stone feat. the Roots => Fell In Love With A Boy (8)*
[07] Jet => Are You Gonna Be My Girl (3)
[06] Incubus => Megalomaniac (N)*
[05] N.E.R.D. => She Wants To Move (5)*
[04] Alicia Keys => You Don't Know My Name (2)
[03] Kanye West => Through The Wire (4)*
[02] G-Unit feat. Joe => Wanna Get To Know Ya (N)*
[01] the Darkness => I Believe In A Thing Called Love (1) [6w]
Currently playing: Denis Leary's "Asshole"
3/2/04
"Why'd I Put That? Because I Couldn't Figure Out How To Translate 'Pimp Needs Gangsta Biatch'."
I love my Spanish class.
Well, we're learning adjectives so yesterday's hom--tarea--was to write a personal ad. Oh, sure, two weeks AFTER the first girlfriend, yeah, let's do that. Even though I have severe misgivings about doing such a goofy-assed thing and minimally debate whether or not I want to catch the 24-hour flu, I decide to go today.
I, of course, have a plan.
And my profesora, Steve bless her, is just crazy enough to acquiesce.
So we spent the majority of class today looking over each other's personal ads and playing as background music was "Call Me", "I'm Still In Love With You", "Tired Of Being Alone" (my personal favorite heh heh heh) and "Let's Stay Together". Side note: if people really want to tighten up immigration laws, have the oral section be "do a verse and the chorus of "Let's Stay Together"" because even though the class' median age is maybe 21, everyone was bobbing their heads, synching, and in the case of mi profe, singing along. It's a shame we didn't get to "Here I Am (Come And Take Me)", "Love And Happiness" or the criminally underrated "Look What You Done For Me", but ah well. Only an hour class.
And this cute little Twinkie Stephanie and I had a fun little discussion about me being highly entertaining for doing things like this. What a shame. But, as I likes to say now, THE BANDWAGON DONE LEFT, baby.
Moral of the story: best. professor. E V A H. C'mon, do you ever get to play Al Green's Greatest Hits because it'll add to the ambiance?
Currently playing: matchbox twenty's "If You're Gone"
I love my Spanish class.
Well, we're learning adjectives so yesterday's hom--tarea--was to write a personal ad. Oh, sure, two weeks AFTER the first girlfriend, yeah, let's do that. Even though I have severe misgivings about doing such a goofy-assed thing and minimally debate whether or not I want to catch the 24-hour flu, I decide to go today.
I, of course, have a plan.
And my profesora, Steve bless her, is just crazy enough to acquiesce.
So we spent the majority of class today looking over each other's personal ads and playing as background music was "Call Me", "I'm Still In Love With You", "Tired Of Being Alone" (my personal favorite heh heh heh) and "Let's Stay Together". Side note: if people really want to tighten up immigration laws, have the oral section be "do a verse and the chorus of "Let's Stay Together"" because even though the class' median age is maybe 21, everyone was bobbing their heads, synching, and in the case of mi profe, singing along. It's a shame we didn't get to "Here I Am (Come And Take Me)", "Love And Happiness" or the criminally underrated "Look What You Done For Me", but ah well. Only an hour class.
And this cute little Twinkie Stephanie and I had a fun little discussion about me being highly entertaining for doing things like this. What a shame. But, as I likes to say now, THE BANDWAGON DONE LEFT, baby.
Moral of the story: best. professor. E V A H. C'mon, do you ever get to play Al Green's Greatest Hits because it'll add to the ambiance?
Currently playing: matchbox twenty's "If You're Gone"
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