¡Buen trabajo para mi!

So, I did burn my first day off this week studying 5 hours for today's final. And got up at 6 after getting home at 11 last night, and studying some more.

Today, right before the test starts, it's announced 6 students have A'd the class enough to not take the final.

And you're looking at 17% of that group.

¡SACAR BUENAS NOTAS, PINCHE CABRONS! I really felt that outside circumstances (read: 26-year-old farmers daughter teaching me with perpetual Aniston syndrome) caused me to fail last time, but this time I took beginning Spanish to the kitchen and had it make me a samich. Two pissant shifts to close out the week, Friday it's time to get paid blow up like the World Trade, and then I get a 3-day weekend like a normal person, Sunday night which will be spent in the dopest club in town getting down like lithium.

Things're looking up.

(beat)

Cue the paranoia. Heh.

Ambient music: Red Hot Chili Peppers' "Aeroplane"

*annoyed grunt*

Any digerati out there know why the text on some things in the course of my net travels, including this page, has suddenly gone Large Print on me?

Friday Five: Fact Or Fiction

Thanks to the obvious sources. I'll try to have, y'know, a constant theme next week. Suggestions shall be taken.

1. The Lakers will sweep the Timberwolves.
FICTION. Spree, Cassell, and ol what's-his-name have really totalled up into an elite unit, and the confidence is getting to Hefnerian levels after dispatching of the Queens. They will win.

One. LA in five, beating the East in the same, kiss the rings, bitch.

2. "Stairway To Heaven" is the best Led Zeppelin song.
FICTION. It's not even the best long Zep song; lemme tell you a little story called "When The Levee Breaks". For my money, it's "Hey Hey What Can I Do" though sometimes I can make a compelling argument for "Whole Lotta Love" and/or "Rock And Roll", depending on mood.

3. If George Bush fails to get re-elected he should be put on trial for war crimes.
FICTION. He should be NOW. I mean, I appreciate the fact that the cabinent knows enough to have him avoid the Clinton perjury trap, but it's obvious things have gone from saving people to meet the new boss same as the old boss but we're white so it's OKAY! (This was the subtle underlying theme of my presidential run; you're just a figurehead at the end of the day--surrounded by others who usually make the decisions with having to have the last word as your ace in the hole.) So, really, FACT.

4. This summer's big movie is going to be Spiderman 2.
FICTION. I'm not a big cinephile like Harris is, but I'm really into seeing Harry Potter and the Hair In New Places or whatever it is--even if Lindsay Lohan isn't going to be playing Hermoine. :( Actually, it's all about Garden State in August, thanks to Zach Braff and Natalie Portman. The indies like it and it's important to support all-Scrubs related activites.

5. The summer is the best time of the year.
FACT, but with a caveat: it's more important to have free time and a good one than the specific time. If a bikini top falls on the beach but you're inside workig, does it really exist? HMMM? Provocative!

Ambient music: R.E.M.'s "Revolution"

*sigh*

82 and 138 for those keeping up on the bowling.

There's a cute girl playing pool, and I lose because I suck. So my friend gets to go, and I figure even though he's off the market, he knows enough to get close and then bomb the game.

WRONG.

How the hell do you get a UC degree and not know this? It's basic common sense, for crying out flayven! You don't give the cute girl playing pool an out, you buy her drinks and make her play until they shut the bar down or the comet strikes. Geez!

Into every rain a little life must fall...

Ambient music: Cypress Hill's "What's Your Number?"

Oh, Baby, I Like It RAAAAAAAAAAW (I Would've Liked It More If I Was THERE...)

All right all right all right all right all right.

Things sucked before, yes. I knew this.

But I got up early this morning to learn preterites in a foreign language a Ryan Leaf throw away from a girl who had an intermediary blow me off and then turned around to work a seven-hour shift and I miss the MOTHERFUCKING ROCK?! Bad enough I miss pulling off the SmackDown/RAW Daily Double, even worse I miss Evil Trish, a damn good Tag Title match, outside of this year's Rumble the best battle royal in the last five years with some supoib booking (turning Kane face in my eyes)...but missing the Rock is just the roofie colada in the shit milkshake buffet.

Continuing the suck parade is my schedule:
Sunday--full shift, off at 10:30
Monday--studying for my final on Wednesday because
Tuesday--see Sunday, home just in time to sleep because
Wednesday--FINAL! 8 AM! UP AT 6! FEEL THE JOY!
Thursday--More Work
Friday--MORE WORK

Oh, and I have a report to do (with visual aids) this Wednesday and a match to write, too.

I had to ask for next Wednesday off, too because this Microsoft thing is going wall to wall for a few days and everyone's on the hook for at least 25. Shiva H. Vishnu I wouldn't wish that to whoever's booking SmackDown.

If I could take the vacation earlier at the loss of 5 years of my life at this point it's a trade I would make.

Pwamp.

Ambient music: De La Soul's "Me, Myself & I"

A One Act Play About Something Vaguely Relevant

TIME: 168 hours ago


SCENE

EXT.: graveyard, late at night. Full moon. Some fog.

V/O: It's done, right?

(Cut to, a bunch of people in fedoras, some in silver and black, all with shovels, digging furiously. Behind them a purple and gold casket manages to gleam a little in the darkness.)

Voice #2: Oh, yeah, it's done. They're dead.

Voice #3: Thank goodness. Sick of them. Sick, sick, SICK!

Voice #1: We about done here?

Voice #4: Yeah, it's all a matter of...

(uneasy pause)

Voice #2: What? (wipes sweat off brow)

Voice #4: Nothing. It's just...nah.

(digging resumes. stops.)

Voice #4: It's just...did you hear a banging and scraping noise coming from the casket?

ALL: Nah...

(They turn. All eyes widen. Mass screaming. Sounds of carnage ensue. Blood gets on the tombstone. THE BEAST emerges...)

Derek Fisher: Hey, my first game-winner! How'd ya like that?

(Fisher walks off.)

AND SCENE!

Ambient music: Led Zeppelin's "D'yer Maker"

From the Home Office In That Fisher Replay Hasn't Gotten Old Yet

Past tense: "Reptilia", 7; "She Wants To Move", 8; "Megalomaniac", 10

[10] Joss Stone => Fell In Love With A Boy (9)
[09] Beastie Boys => Ch-Check It Out (debut)*
[08] G-Unit feat. Joe => Wanna Get To Know Ya (6)
[07] John Mayer & Brad Paisley => Why Georgia {live} (debut)*
[06] Beyonce => Naughty Girl (5)

[05] Kanye West => All Falls Down (3)
[04] D-12 => My Band (1)

[03] Jay-Z => 99 Problems (debut)*

[02] Yellowcard => Ocean Avenue (2)*

[01] Outkast => Roses (4) [2w]

Ambient music: eels' "Rags To Rags"

Hot 101

And with the extra link of the moment, I now have surpassed 100 pictures of the future Mrs. Which is either kinda stalky or really stalky.

Dig them links! Dig them other blogs! I don't care how fancy the exterior is, inside it's dirtier than a Jeffrey Ross Friar's toast!

Ambient music: Coldplay's "Moses (live)"

Doing The Evolution

Here it is, BAM! And you say godDAMN, this is the dope jam...

Anyways, with the new wave of templates up I'm changing it up. There should be comments and I need someone to help tell me how to include my little sidebar stuff, but the archives have it saved so once I get the HTML in that'll be back up.

Fan of this one? Or the old style? Or the OLD SCHOOL sienna and white? Holla at a playa.

ADDENDUM: Any friendly blogs I missed or links I had, help there, too.

But My Wings Have Been So Denied

A parable.

Once upon a time, there was a man with a dream. He spent hour after hour coddling it, thinking about it, reconfiguring it, for he knew that to only have a dream was futile.

You had to make the dream a reality.

His friends and family wrote him off as increasingly mad. There would be no deterrents. He perceived opportunity ahead and continued to plot.

One day he tested the specs and checked his resolve. Everyone stood by in bemusement as he tried.

And then stood shocked when he made it happen.

The sun warmed him for the first time in his life. Naysayers abounded, but where were they now? He had a dream, he made it happen. The world would change now thanks to his perceived madness.

A great thing, to dream, but to LIVE--ay, there's the rub.

For that dreamer's name was Icarus.

And he soon fell to Earth.

So did I.

Twice in two months.

Another name to put in the novel's "How Do You Like Me NOW?" section. Maybe I'll just put them on a shirt like Navarro did that pick.

*sigh* Someday.

"I never had the chance to show the world that I could love and could be loved because they ruled me out because I had a strange appetite for strange things."
--God

Ambient music: Johnny Cash's "A Satisfied Mind"

Suck me, beautiful!

FUCK Mary-Kate & Ashley, here's where the winning ticket is this summer: Hi, Lindsay!

Ching, ching, bling bling cut the chatter
You ain't talkin' money then your talkin' don't matter
Ching, ching, bling bling paddin' pockets
You make that dolla dolla can't a damn soul stop it
--Ancient Greenwich Proverb

State tax refund check. IRS tax check. My first ones.

Survey SEZ: $138.

I know this is only a Net connection, but can you smell that cologne? It's called BRAND NEW MONEY. This would be a lot more impressive if I hadn't just dropped $71 at Best Buy last night but que sera, sera and all of that.

Thoreau Says 'Simplify, Simplify"

Maybe I've just been overthinking things. I know I go through my emotional travails and wacky lists and calling Rob a dirty pigfucker and it's all well and good.

But recently--very recently--I had an epiphany. A breakthrough, if you will. A revelation occured to me and suddenly everything crystallized in my mind.

Purpose.

Direction.

The meaning of life.

And I get it now! It makes sense, I understand!

I absolutely MUST plow Lindsay Lohan like an unfarmed cornfield.

I mean godDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMN.

Anyway, if you don't hear from me for the next couple days, I'm taming the dragon.

Ambient music: the Vines' "Ride"

From the Home Office In The Box Where They Keep Aguilera's Voice

[10] Incubus => Megalomaniac (9)
[09] Joss Stone => Fell In Love With A Boy (10)
[08] N.E.R.D. => She Wants To Move (8)
[07] the Strokes => Reptilia (7)*
[06] G-Unit feat. Joe => Wanna Get To Know Ya (1)

[05] Beyonce => Naughty Girl (5)*
[04] Outkast => Roses (6)*

[03] Kanye West => All Falls Down (2)

[02] Yellowcard => Ocean Avenue (3)*

Ambient music: [01] D-12 => My Band (4) [2w]

Starfuckers Inc.: May 2004

Gone Daddy Gone: Elisha Cuthbert (16); Tyra Banks (20); Norah Jones (25)

She's On Fire: Shakira, Laetitia Casta, Monica Bellucci

LM TM In This Corner Wearing The Catholic Schoolgirl Outift Peak
NR ^ 25 Stacy Keibler 20
18 v 24 Halle Berry 18
24 ^ 23 Lucy Liu 23
15 v 22 Sofia Vergara 8
22 ^ 21 Britney Spears 14
21 ^ 20 Christina Aguilera 6
13 v 19 Rachel Bilson 10
NR ^ 18 Gail Kim 18
14 v 17 Heidi Klum 10
12 v 16 Carmen Electra 5
9 v 15 Cameron Diaz 9
NR ^ 14 Lindsay Lohan 14
23 ^ 13 Josie Maran 13
19 ^ 12 Jamie Pressly 7
17 ^ 11 Kristanna Loken 11

11 ^ 10 Vida Guerra 6
6 v 9 Eliza Dushku 3
7 v 8 Anna Kournikova 7
8 ^ 7 Victoria 7
4 v 6 Beyonce Knowles 4

10 ^ 5 Adriana Lima 5
5 ^ 4 Angelina Jolie 4
3 = 3 Brooke Burke 3
1 v 2 Trish Stratus 1
2 ^ 1 Jessica Alba 1

Ambient music: Love And Rockets' "So Alive"

I'm Sorry, Sir, This Trip To The Woodshed Is One-Way Only

Poor Dustin didn't believe the power of Grampa Style, and by the end he was longing for the relative comfort of soiled diapers, loud wives, and second-rate ice cream. After the end of the fourth game and my fourth W, I stepped in front of him and moved my arms slightly back and forth.

"What's that?" he asked me.

"Oh, nothin'." I tells him. "Just doing a little sweeping."

67% improvement--I am nearly MEDIOCRE! I could be a triple digit average by JUNE! Go me.

99, 133, 154 (9 X X / 8 8 8 X X 9) and 107.

As a wise man once said in a drunken stupor, back up in your ass with the ressurrection.

Ambient music: Pete Rock & C.L. Smooth's "T.R.O.Y. (They Reminisce Over You)"

Kingpin, Not A Pauper

A smile that said yes even when the words were unsure.

KBv2 times two. That's all you American women are good for, ordering in restaurants and spending men's money. Bitch, you don't have a future. Lay down honey, you're playing possum. Eyeball:Emilio::mother::daughter. Speak on it, my nigga QT, speak on it.

A subpar 80, and a 103 to run my sudden hot streak in bowling to 6 out of the last 7 games at the century mark. (Before this year, I roughly averaged 70 and that's probably being generous.)

And in the middle of that, a 1motherfucking55, outdoing my best by 20+.

The scorecard:
9 9 8 9 X X / / / / /7

Hot damn, the kid's catching fire like Richard Pyror.

Currently playing: Meth & Red's "Y.O.U."

Hey Yo

1) What time do you get up?
--> Depends on school and work. Anywhere from 4 (and boy do I not miss that aspect of working life) to noon.

2) If you could eat lunch with one person, who would it be?
--> The obvious answer is Jessica Alba. So I'll say that.

3) What was the last film you saw at the cinema?
--> Kill Motherfucking Bill volume motherfucking 2!

4) What is your favorite show?
--> Scrubs or 24.

5) What do you have for breakfast?
--> Nothing/cereal/muffins/toaster-based items

6) Who would you hate to be stuck in a room with?
--> Dubya.

7) What/who inspires you?
--> Random moments, my friends, music

8) What is your middle name?
--> Danger. No, Ruben.

9) Beach, city, or country?
--> Right near the beach. BOY!

10) Favorite ice cream?
--> Cookies n' Cream or Cookie Dough.

11) Butter, plain, or salted popcorn?
--> SALT.

12) Favorite color?
--> Orange. Teal. The blood of the innocent.

13) What kind of car do you drive?
--> BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA

14) Favorite sandwich?
--> Grab n' Go, sans tomatoes and onions with extra peppers (note: will find out the meats at a later point)

15) What characteristic do you despise the most?
--> Willful idiocy

16) Favorite flower?
--> The one in Bambi

17) If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would it be?
--> VEGAS, BABY! Vegas.

18) What color is your bathroom?
--> Whatever color the crap my brother left laying around is in any given day.

19) Favorite brand of clothing?
--> Pfft...uh...Hot Topic's not a brand, huh? Nike? I dunno.

20) Where would you retire to?
--> Monterrey, or maybe Malibu.

21) Favorite day of the week?
--> Whatever day I'm off

22) What did you do for your last birthday?
--> Took a test, went to work, hated you all

23) Who was your first love?
--> Jenny Soto, 8th grade

24) Favorite sport to watch?
--> Football, basketball, a really good Iron Chef episode

25) Who do you least expect to send this back to you?
--> Ryan Chappelle.

26) Who'll send it back first?
--> bluh? Er...let's say...Rob.

27) What fabric detergent do you use?
--> Tide. I think.

28) Coke or Pepsi?
--> Pepsi in America, Coke in Mexico.

29) Are you a morning person or a night person?
--> I'm a free time person.

30) Do you have any pets?
--> I don't count, right? No.

Currently playing: Violent Femmes' "Kiss Off"

From the Home Office Next To Phil Mickelson's Old 500 Pound Gorilla

Past Tense: "Sunrise", 5; "Dirt Off Your Shoulder", 10

[10] Joss Stone => Fell In Love With A Boy (8)
[09] Incubus => Megalomaniac (6)
[08] N.E.R.D. => She Wants To Move (4)
[07] the Strokes => Reptilia (N)*
[06] Outkast => Roses (N)*

[05] Beyonce => Naughty Girl (9)*
[04] D-12 => My Band (7)*

[03] Yellowcard => Ocean Avenue (3)
[02] Kanye West => All Falls Down (1)

[01] G-Unit feat. Joe => Wanna Get To Know Ya (2) [4w, 2r]

Currently playing: Macy Gray's "Sweet Baby"

"I overreacted."

MAD SPOILERS WARNING, SON


Kill Bill volume 2 (a million trillion stars):
I loved v1 (AHH). I mean, outside of LotRotK it was the blow-away movie of the year in '03. Now, I don't get hyped up about the movies too much, not prone to hyperbole, so you can best believe when I say...

Volume 2 kicked Volume 1's ASS.

David Carradine, master of the flute, for Best Supporting Actor? Daaaaaaaamn straight! The Superman solioquy alone is the first time something in my mind about pop culture has been changed by a movie character's viewpoint since Hooper in Chasing Amy. You wants great reveals we gots your great reveals: Budd's sword and where he kept it, the Bride's name--what an eyeball popper that was for me since I avoided spoilers. GRRRRRRRRRRRREAT. The Pai Mei sequence on it's own is enough to get this thing Best Picture--mad dap for Gordon Liu even if I like Sonny Chiba better. How she got rid of Elle (especially after some Rock/Austin X7 buildup) and Bill--MWAH.

Tarantino playing Office Space in the titty bar damn near soiled my armor, as did the whole Sister Sledge scene after (strange eletronic noise--hey, I won't give that away) checked into her hotel.

There's your name. There was your name.

Congratulations.

Poor Emilio.

Mace or the flashlight.

I could keep going for days, you know. Rufus...he's the man. [Stay for the credits if you really want to know just how much the man he really is.]

Point is...oh, and Elle's "book report" before she got her money back. Yeah, that blew my hinges off too.

POINT IS FUCKDAMMIT you WILL see this, you will thank your deity of choice, and then you WILL see it again.

I bow before Quentin Tarantino. HARD.

Consider me bloody satisfied.

Currently playing: G-Unit's "Stunt 101"

Everything Old Is New Again

I just wasn't made for these times.

See, some guys are into it. The Hunt. The Chase. Some guys are like Steve Irwin and they just can do it. They look forward to the preamble and the setup and all that chewy goodness.

I am not one of those guys.

I hate this period, it drives me insane. It makes me wish I could go the Wizard of Oz and gets me some courage because...you know, it just drives me nuts. The whole stakeout thing and playing Do You Like Me Check Yes No Or Maybe. I know now that when it comes up to the actual dates and dating itself, I'm quite fine with those things. And some have told me I'm excellent.

But all the shit before it, just drives me nuts. I'm talking "if it weren't for my horse I wouldn't've spent that year in college". Women need to come with subtitles.

And Steve help me, I'm about yea away from asking her out next week.

The moral of the story, as usual, is I need professional help.

Oh, and motherfuck President Fuckface for cancelling 24 tonight. Fucking Eugene.

Currently playing: John Cougar Mellencamp Airplane Starship Enterprise's "Authority Song"

Another Broken Campaign Promise

This one is...that there is going to be one.

Well, I found out some relocation of the family is going on, since this is a high-rent district (possibly out of state--YIKES). Plus, the filiming would make miss Comic-Con, and I gotta hurry up this script to big Kev so he can make another money making move.

So I drop out of the race and throw my support behind Kerry.

Besides, 2016 is when it'll count.

Currently playing: Love & Rockets' "So Alive"

We Await The Repsonses From Those Pussies Bush & Kerry

[Jewelry worn daily]: Maybe the Guess watch, but that about it.
[Pillow]: 3, one for loitering and two I sleep on top of stacked together like a soft little princess
[Shoes]: black Chuck Taylor in general, grungy white Pumas at work
[Favorite top]: Bullets Jordan throwback
[Favorite bottoms]: Jeans.
[Cologne/Perfume]: Cologne is a town in Germany to me.
[CD in stereo right now]: the Green Day Greatest Hits CD
[Piercings]: none
[Hair]: preferably none
[What you are wearing now]: plaid shorts, white T-shirt with "You Might Be A College Student If..." on the back
[In my mouth]: tongue, soon to be joined by Cookie Dough from B & J
[Inmyhead]: I should ask her. I should get some writing done while the house is quiet. I really should ask her.
[After this]: Enough porn to kill a elephant! And maybe writing. And sleep.
[Talking to]: Myself, per usual
[The last thing you ate?]: Mushroom & pepperoni pizza
[Some of your favorite movies]: Ferris Bueller's Day Off, the Shawshank Redemption, Office Space, Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back, High Fidelity
[Something that you are deathly afraid of]: dying alone
[Do you believe in love at first sight]: Not really.
[Do you belive in forgiveness]: Sort of?
[If you could have any animal for a pet]: SNAKE!
[What are 3 cities you wouldn't mind relocating to?]: Los Angeles, Miami, New York
[What's something you wish you could understand better?]: WOMEN.

[In the last 24 hours, have you]
01. Cried?: Nope
02. Bought something?: Food
03. Gotten sick?: No
04. Sang?: A few times
05. Eaten?: Doing so right now
07. Felt stupid?: Yeah
08. Wanted to tell someone you loved them, but didn't?: Nope. Wanted to tell someone ¿Quieres salir conmigo al cine?, but that's another thang entirely, innit?
09. Met someone new?: Kinda sorta.
10. Moved on?: Mostly. I guess.
11. Talked to an ex?: Nope.
12. Missed an ex?: A little.
13. Talked to someone you have a crush on?: Haven't.
14. Had a serious talk?: Seriously ODD.
15. Missed someone?: A little.
16. Hugged someone?: No.
17. Fought with your parent?: Uh-uh, they're away.
18. Dreamed about someone you can't be with?: Well, that all depends if she likes me or not, so...Incomplete.

[Who]
01. Have you known the longest?: Dustin.
02. Do you argue with the most with?: Myself.
03. Do you always get along with?: Ivan, because he's nondemonstrative.
04. Is the trustworthiest?: Ivan. Or Amanda.
05. Makes you laugh the most?: Stupid people.
06. Has been there through all the hard times?: Amanda.
07. Has the coolest parents?: Dustin.
08. Have the coolest siblings?: Dustin, because hot DAMN did Heidi grow up to be a piece of a...oh, that said coolest. Well, fuck it, reasoning still stands. *bangs gavel*
09. Is the most blunt?: That'd be me. Free your mind and your ass will follow.
10. Is the smartest?: Depends on the subject. If you needed like swiss army knife smarts I'd throw Amanda in there.

[Personal]
01. Who is your role model?: It's probably me, my dad, and Chris Rock, probably not in that order.
02. What is some of your pet peeves?: Stupidity, ignorance, stupidity, stupidity, not listening...
03. Have you ever liked someone you had no chance with?: Mariel Fernandez. I still think I could've, though, if I'd tried. This is the "up" period of my bipolarity.
04. Have you ever cried over the opposite sex?: Not in a few years, but yeah.
05. Do you have a "type" of person you always go after?: Brains, Sweetness, Looks. Other than those qualities if you lined up the girls of my past it'd be a virtual U.N. meeting.
06. Have you ever lied to your best friend(s)?: "Sure, you should get married." Try your waitress, tip the veal.
07. Ever wanted to get revenge on someone because they hurt you?: I want to get revenge on complete strangers for asking me retarded questions, are you kidding me?
08. Rather be dumper or dumped?: Dumper. Dumpee sucks.
09. Rather have a relationship or a "hookup"?: 52% love, 48% lust.
10. Want someone you don't have right now?: Hell yes. And it's like an itch I can't quite reach, which is all the more exacerbating. (You Might Be A Journalism Student If...during the course of a questionaire the first word you think of to accurately describe your plight is a word like exacerbating.)
11. Ever liked your best guy/girl friend?: You asked me this down the line, too. So go there.
12. Do you want to get married?: It depends. If it happens this decade expect the Apocalypse during the honeymoon.
13. Do you want kids?: Down the line. By which I mean 2016.
14. Do you believe in psychics?: Scam
15. Do you believe you know the person whom you will marry at this point in time?: Probably not. Everything is subject to change; you also have to allow for everything to not change.
16. What is your favorite part of your physical appearance?: All the walking I do at work has made my legs nice according to outside sources.
17. What is your favorite part of your emotional being?: Haven't given it much thought.
18. Are you happy with you?: Mostly.
19. Are you happy with your life?: Mostly.
20. If you could change something in your life right now, what would it be?: Either she'd be mine or I'd be living outside of the familial shadow.

Have you...

1. Fallen for your best friend?: I did, for a while. Only because of the understanding and caring and whatnot.
3. Been rejected?: More times than guacamole ice cream.
4. Been in love?: Yeah.
5. Used someone?: Friendships are just ways to use people, right? Right? I mean, when you get down to it, you don't want to be alone so you have this support group to take your mind off your own shit and have some fun activities and whatnot. Everybody uses everybody.
6. Been used?: Maybe mentally?
8. Done something you regret?: Yes.


Who was the last person..

9. You touched?: *points* *to* *self*
10. You talked to?: In person?: Ivan, in both instances, last night
12. You instant messaged?: Bluh...Rob?
14. You had sex with?: *points*...well, you get the point
15. You yelled at?: Me.
16. You laughed with?: Ivan.
17. Who broke your heart?: Elizabeth McMunn, two and a half years ago (*WOW*), through no fault of her own

Do you..
19. Color your hair?: I want to grow a Fro and dye it some ludicrous color.
20. Have tattoos?: Maybe someday.
21. Have piercings?: No.
22. Have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: I'm between things instead of legs at the moment, sure.
23. Own a webcam?: Negatory.
24. Own a thong?: No.
25. Ever get off the damn computer?: Sure.
27. Habla espanol?: Working on it, working on it.
28. Quack?: Only when the Mighty Ducks happens to be on and they hit the Flying V.

Have you / do you / are you...
29. Stolen anything?: My record has been clean for TWO DECADES.
30. Smoke?: Not cigarettes...
32. Obsessive?: Some.
33. Compulsive?: That would mean I'm clean, so no.
34. Obsessive compulsive?: Nah.
35. Panic?: Yeah, but only to protect myself.
36. Anxiety?: Only when I'm awake.
37. Depressed?: Depends on the moment.
38. Suicidal?: No.
39. Obsessed with hate?: Yeah. Sorry, too many idiots.
40. Dream of mutilated bodies, blood, death, and gore?: It has been known to happen, usually via me going on rampages with or without chainsaw. Favorite: stabbing my boss in the eye with a chainsaw after getting a verbal reprimand, and then as they screamed with the chainsaw sticking out of their socket I kicked him squah in the balls.

*Questions*
41. If you could be anywhere, where would you be?: Vegas. Puerto. An actual spring break instead of this.
42. Can you do anything freakish with your body?: Yes, and one day I want a woman to be present to cause them.
43. What facial feature do you find the most attractive on others?: Eyes.
44. Would you vote for a woman candidate for president?: Depends on her platform and not against me this year, bitch! Get in the kitchen! SAMICH! MAU! DIDI MAU!
45. Would you marry for money?: Marrying for money is wrong unless it's like Paris Hilton money. You marry when you're horribly, horribly trapped.
46. Have you had braces?: Nope.
47. Do you pluck your eyebrows?: I keep meaning to do it, right after I get the rest of the sex change done. *smack*
48. Do you like hairy backs?: Not as much as Erica does, apparently. *snort*
50. Could you live without a computer?: Not anymore I couldn't. Lousy free porn. Oh, who'm I kidding? I love you, free porn! *dryhumps*
51. Do you use ICQ, AOL Buddy list etc?: AIM.
52. If so, how many people are on your list(s)?: 24, roughly.
53. If you could live in any past, where would it be?: the good old days, the same old ways that kept us dying/yes you, me myself and I'n
54. Do you wear white socks?: Yes.
55. Do you wear shoes in the house or take them off?: Depends where I'm walking.
56. Your favorite fruit?: Oranges.
57. Do you eat wheat bread or white?: Wheat bread is for dirty, dirty hippies.
58. What is your favorite place to visit?: Vegas, baby, Vegas.
59. What is the last movie you saw?: Starsky & Hutch.
61. Are you photogenic?: As long as I don't show my teeth when I smile.
62. Do you dream in color or black and white?: Color, though sometimes during flashback sequences (don't get me started) it goes to black and white. Another thing I want to blame on the Wonder Years.
63. Are you wearing fingernail polish?: Not right now.
64. Is it chipped or fresh?: It's fresh. EXCIIIIIIIITING!
65. Do you have any dimples?: Do black people get dimples? Can someone look into this?
66. Do you remember being born?: No.
67. Why do you take surveys?: Boredom.
68. Do you drink alcohol?: Not in the last 26 hours!
69. Did you like or do you like high school?: High school, with the exception of the friends I made and about 4 events, blew like a porn marathon.
70. What is the best accent?: British on a woman. Giggidy giggidy giggidy.
71. Who do you want to kiss?: Stephanie the aforementioned Her.
72. Do you like sunrises or sunsets the most?: Sunrise is really overrated. Sunsets is only good when you got a SO. So give me 1:30 in the afternoon on a day off with a cold beverage and a good time instead.
73. Do you want to live to be 100?: Only because dying scares the shit out of me.
74. Is a flat stomach important to you?: On a girl it would be nice but I don't think it's mandatory.
75. Do you or have you played with a ouija board?: No.
76. Are you loyal?: Fiercely. Mostly because no one's come up with the good money to bribe me yet.
77. Are you tolerant of other peoples beliefs?: As long as they don't beat me over the head with it or fuck up my fun.
78. When you watch movies at home, do you like the lights on or off?: Off. What sort of cultish weirdo watches with the lights on? You're going for a movie experience!
79. Do you like your nose?: I like it more without boogers in it.
80. Do you think you can draw well?: Drawing sucks.
81. At what age did you find out that Santa Claus wasn't real?: Probably in elementary school. End result was the same so what sort of fuck did I give?
82. How many pairs of shoes do have in your closet?: 0 (four scattered about the floor)
83. Do you like to wear the same shoes everyday or do you like a variety?: I'd wear my Chucks all the time if I could.
84. Do you write poetry?: Not anymore.
85. Snore?: I've heard I do.
86. Do you sleep more on your back, front, or sides?: Sides.
87. Cats/Dogs?: DOGS.
88. Do you lick stamps?: Yeah, disgusting as that is.
89. Do you use an electric can opener?: Hell yes.
90. Have you ridden in a hotair balloon?: No.

here we go...

Like your name?: My name f'n rocks.
Were you named after anyone?: My dad and the bully on the Little Rascals
Do you wish on stars?: Nope.
Which finger is your favorite?: The middle (probably because I make it work so much).
When did you last cry?: It's been a few years. I'll say 9/11, but even that seems off and wrong to me.
Do you like your handwriting?: I have no strong feelings about my cursive script.
Who do you admire?: Seth Green.
What is your favorite animal?: Piranha.
If you were another person, would you be friends with yourself?: Probably not.
Are you a daredevil?: Not until I get some medical insurance I ain't.
Have you ever told a secret you swore not to tell?: Probably. Arsed if I know.
Have you ever stolen anything?: A toy car when I was 5.
Do looks matter?: Football analogy: looks are the offense, personality & brains are the defense. There've been plenty of legendary high-scoring offenses that were awesome and put butts in the seats, but defense wins championships.
Have you ever miss used a word and it sounded absolutely stupid?: Heh, miss used. YOU DID!
Do you think there is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow?: Don't believe the hype, it's a sequel/as an equal can I get this through to you?
Are you trendy?: I want to say no but in some circles anti-trendy is trendy so I don't know.
How do you release anger?: Cursing. Rock music. Punching shit. Cursing.
Do you trust others easily?: Not really.
What was your favorite toy as a child?: Playdoh
Do you like sappy love songs?: I do when I'm crushing or in love. Then when I'm not I say "fuck this shit" and reach for some Slipknot.
Have you ever been on radio or television?: For a couple seconds: I was at a girls basketball playoff game with my friends, we were all wearing face paint, and I was teaching them the Train dance during a timeout.
Do you have a journal?: What do you think this is?
Do you use sarcasm a lot?: Only the times when I open my mouth.
Have you ever been in another country?: Sadly, no.
What is your nickname?: I don't have one outside the obvious.
Would you bungee jump?: The crazy thing is I want to but I'm acrophobic.
Do you untie your shoes every time you take them off?: Sometimes.
What are you worried about right now?: Her.
Do you ever wear overalls?: Sorry, I live west of the Mississippi and don't fuck pigs, despite what Harris may've told you.
Do you think you are strong?: Nah. I don't think I am mentally either though I've been told otherwise.

Currently playing: Fat Joe, Ashanti & her little dog, too's "What's Luv?"

From the Home Office In The Buried 9/11 Reports

Make Like A Bad Check: "I Believe In A Thing Called Love", 7; "Through The Wire", 8; "Meant To Live", 10

[10] Jay-Z => Dirt Off Your Shoulder (N)*
[09] Beyonce => Naughty Girl (N)*
[08] Joss Stone => Fell In Love With A Boy (6)
[07] D-12 => My Band (N)*
[06] Incubus => Megalomaniac (4)

[05] Norah Jones => Sunrise (9)*
[04] N.E.R.D.=> She Wants To Move (5)*

[03] Yellowcard => Ocean Avenue (2)

[02] G-Unit feat. Joe => Wanna Get To Know Ya (1)

[01] Kanye West => All Falls Down (3) [2w]

Currently playing: Diddy, Ginuwine, Mario Winans & Loon's "I Need A Girl (pt.2)"

In The Event That The Chick From Spanish Class Should For Some Reason NOT Find Me Attractive, The Following Celebrity Runners-Up Will Be YOUR Next First Lady (Barring Cristal Coming Back To Me, not valid in Puerto Rico, etc...)

Let The Beat Drop: Michelle Trachtenberg (11), Alyssa Milano (12), Alyson Hannigan (16), Ana Beatriz Barros (19), Dawn Marie (22), Kim Smith (23)

Five Feet High And Rising: Sarah Chalke, Jennifer Garner, Shakira

LM TM Wrist Fuel Peak
NR ^ 25 Norah Jones 25
NR ^ 24-R Lucy Liu 23
NR ^ 23 Josie Maran 23
14 v 22 Britney Spears 22
24 ^ 21 Christina Aguilera 6
NR ^ 20-R Tyra Banks 19
21 ^ 19 Jaime Pressly 7
20 ^ 18 Halle Berry 18
25 ^ 17 Kristanna Loken 17
NR ^ 16 Elisha Cuthbert 16
15 = 15 Sofia Vergara 8
17 ^ 14 Heidi Klum 10
10 v 13 Rachel Bilson 10
5 v 12 Carmen Electra 5
9 v 11 Vida Guerra 6

13 ^ 10 Adriana Lima 10
NR ^ 09 Cameron Diaz 9
18 ^ 08 Victoria 8
8 ^ 07 Anna Kournikova 7
4 v 06 Eliza Dushku 3

7 ^ 05 Angelina Jolie 5
6 ^ 04 Beyonce Knowles 4
3 = 03 Brooke Burke 3
1 v 02 Jessica Alba 1
2 ^ 01 Trish Stratus 1

Currently playing: Pat Benatar's "Love Is A Battlefield"

Neither Party Is Mine, Not The Jackass Or The Elephant

The march on Washington with the Rosser '04 campaign continues coming at ya like the Dragon Whip. Thanks to Rob Harris for hosting the Morrow produced advertisements. We takin' over this b i itch.

the Mission Statement of the Wave of the Future

Consider Yourself Warned, Kucinich!

A Chicken In Every Pot And A Clone Of Angelina Jolie (Or Your Babe Of Choice) In Every Lap

The Offical Rosser '04 Campaign Theme, Sans Breaks and the lyrics.

theprecedingpaidforbytherosser2004campaign

Currently playing: Blink 182's "All The Small Things"

The Big Questions For This Administration

Who will fit our platform and provide a quality Vice President, yet also is hated enough to the point where I won't be assassinated?

What is the campaign's one big theme?

What's a good idea for "Why do I want to be president?" besides "It's the quickest way to take over the world and make all those motherfuckers pay, plus I'd get more pussy than an animal shelter"?

List of platforms to date:
*abolishment of the penny
*re-establishment of the guillotine as capital punishment, and the catapult because...well...it's cool.
*kill everyone in jails; redecorate jails, rename, and house homeless
*the first week of inauguration everything in the country is 10% off as a thank you/economic stimulus
*state contraction--do we need BOTH Dakotas?
*scrapping NASA and using 70% of the money to start cloning hot babes and reprogram the clones for freaky sex and chore-doing, thus at least halving crime in the country. Other 25% goes to schools. And the other 5% to me.
*the legalization of marijuana, taxed, and packaged with snack chips
*the legalization of gay marriage, because it's 2004. Get the fuck over it already.
*non-retarded adults must have at least an IQ of 80. Alternatives: flee country. die.
*the noise for the monthly television tests will be replaced by the riff from AC/DC's "Thunderstruck"
*Lewis Black will proffered a job as press secretary
*annexation of Canada with plans for global health care
*a new National Anthem, which may or may not be the theme from the Jeffersons

theprecedingpaidbytherosser2004campaign

Currently playing: my current #1, G-Unit & Joe's "Wanna Get To Know Ya"

"The best argument against democracy is the average voter."--Bertrand Russell

ROSSER IN NOVEMBER!

All right. Here's the deal.

Most of you know that since 1999, I have said one day, I would do this. I would take this challenge and face it in the eyes.

I would run for President.

Today...is that day. If Showtime's foolish enough to run a reality show where the winner gets some air time, I am crazy enough to enter. My voice will be heard.

What do I need from you? Not much. Your continued love and support, the occassional campaign donation, and of course to visit the blog and make the hit numbers look good for the press. I'm not going to lie and say this'll be easy and that I'll always be at my best, but c'mon. It'd be worth it to see your boy in a T-Mac throwback arguing for the abolition of the penny and the resurrection of guillotine as capital punishment.

Let the march to Washington begin with this, my mission statement in 400 characters or less (you can hit me up for the mp3 if you so desire):

It is clear that the rich old white guys in suits have failed. A new leader is needed: a young minority with radically liberal ideas who's indiscretions and corruption will be right out on the table for all to see. And people will realize at the end of the day that while they disagree with it sometimes, they can live a good life.

Plus, this will finally impress Jessica Alba.

Currently playing: the Rosser campaign theme, Public Enemy's "Rebel Without A Pause"

Monday, Back From The Dead

How did I end up doing on accident exactly what I wanted to do on purpose?

I dunno, maybe me piecing it together in my mind's eye again'll help shed some light on it.

I meant to get attention, but I was doing it in a low-key way. All subtle and cat like, like in nature programs where you see a young deer frolicking and three seconds later a bush rustles and six seconds later a jaguar is on top of it like they're about to hump and eleven seconds later the jaguar has ripped open their neck and is feasting on their small intestine. Subtle like that. So I put on my new Ralph Wiggum "I Dress Myself" shirt [he looks like a hobo, is wearing cord for a belt Jimbo-style, and his finger's in his nose] and put a jacket on over it before I go to school.

I do homework on the way because LEARNDING IS FUNDAMENTAL.

So I sit down and talk to some of my other friends in the class as we sit around and shoot the shit and she comes over and says hi and I take her in and say hi but really I'm rocking out to "Frances Farmer Will Have Her Revenge On Seattle" as much as one can and still be the straw that stirs a conversation drink.

Then she reaches for me.

The possibility I was sleeping had occured to me, yes, it had. But the eyes are open, because...she wants to see the whole shirt. I was expecting that to come at a later point, but that'll teach me to rock out so fiercely to In Utero in mixed company.

Then after class, I sidestepped some girl, moved back to where I was walking, and nearly bowled her over. We had a good five-minute convo conversation.

Now then.

How long am I supposed to grieve here? Can I just move on like this? Do I start chasing New Girl? Do I try to get together with her, and does doing so make me a)codependent, b) an asshole, c) a codependent asshole, or d) other?

She's 19! 19! I'm a robust 22(and 37 months)! Is she just appealing to my intellect, or do the huge tracts of land have my groin cashing checks my heart can't cash? Or the freckles--freckles are criminally underrated.

In a completely unrelated note I'm half-debating whether to enter the school's (and my first) freestyle contest on Thursday. Money prizes if you finish top 3. Ve shall see.

Until the next...KUSIZZLE IN THE HIZZLE!

Currently playing: Fleetwood Mac's "Don't Stop" (really)

From The Home Office In The Corner Of The Polyphonic Spree

Dropped: "You Don't Know My Name", 4; "Are You Gonna Be My Girl", 7; "Weak And Powerless", 10

[10] Switchfoot => Meant To Live (N)
[09] Norah Jones => Sunrise (9)
[08] Kanye West => Through The Wire (3)
[07] the Darkness => I Believe In A Thing Called Love (1)
[06] Joss Stone => Fell In Love With A Boy (8)

[05] N.E.R.D. => She Wants To Move (5)
[04] Incubus => Megalomaniac (6)

[03] Kanye West => All Falls Down (N)

[02] Yellowcard => Ocean Avenue (N)

[01] G-Unit feat. Joe => Wanna Get To Know Ya (2)[2w]

Currently playing: Tonic's "You Wanted More"

Awkward Much?

What a rousing start to the Friendship Era: 4 minutes, 3 awkward pauses and gaps. I don't know what to do with myself. Limbo S U C K S. I guess I am going through the five stages because right now I'm pretty firmly ensconced in anger. And I'm probably going to see her face-to-face for the first time since tomorrow. Ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh. Stop this world, I want to get off.

Currently playing: Rammstein's "Engel"

Can You See Me? Because I Was Under The Assumption That, In Fact, You Were Unable To
the running WrestleMania XX diary

What a confluence of events. It's pretty close to the time I met Iyari Limon and Kevin Smith within 24 hours of each other. Except in a funhouse mirror. In the Twilight Zone.

I dunno, first girlfriend breaks up with me--we'll see how that subplot plays out later--so my first response is mild confusion and the second is seeing my first live legal WWE/F pay-per-view [and WrestleF'nMania XX, at that] at Hooters. Hooters serves beer and has attractive women. This is either going to work out spectacularly or blow up horribly in my face before Triple H goes over, mark my words before the fact. (This blowing up, I mean, not the second. Unless it comes true.)

I'm looking forward to all the non-tag-title bouts, and the Jericho/Christian conclusion. By the way: THERE IS ONLY ONE WAY THIS CAN END. I will NOT argue this.

3:30 p.m. -- I am locked in, overlooking the ocean and boardwalk. So far I'm the only person here specifically for XX but it's the Hooters overlooking the ocean. The waitress looks like Topanga with a rack and is actually named Danielle. I smell trouble later. I've finally hit all the Hooters in the county; you may anoint me.

3:34 -- The UT/Kane package gets the next table's attention...

3:44 -- ...because I'm sitting next to the OTHER black smark in attendance. Sometimes truth is stranger than fiction, am I right, Pugsley?!

3:48 -- Fellow fans start coming in. I am staring at Danielle's legs as if I can ascertain the meaning of life in them. Perhaps I can. I shall ruminate over this with a beer.

4:00 -- Hell yes, you are looking LIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE at the Pacific Beach Hooters! Heineken #1 is ready! ¡Un rey mundial actitud! Me & Other Me have a Lesnar/Kane debate on who should come on out and wipe out the Harlem Boys Choir. I got 6:49 in the Spanish Announce Table destruction pool, by the way.

4:10 -- Double horns, bitch! Me & my Word Life throwback (hi, Johnny) pop up out the seat and do our mandatory duty only to see about 10 others follow suit. The crowd changed faster than a Tara Reid boyfriend.

4:18 -- Holy hell, the cobra clutch! More importantly, I have disposed of this beer. Serving wench, fetch me another!

4:22 -- WHOO Cena wins the belt. That false finish scared the hell out of me, thus serving its purpose. It's a shame Matt Hardy jumped, he would've made excellent opening Thuganomics fodder. Whatever happened TO Matt, anyway, I think he poured that second Heineken...

4:25 -- Randy Orton cuts the Evolution promo so of course talk shifts to Flair being awesome. Other me, re: Orton spitting on Mick: "I've seen people get shot for less."

4:29 -- The RAW tag team fourway; I'd take a piss but there's only one beer in me. Man, the set is pimped out. Somewhere to the north of me, Snoop & Don Magic Juan are saying "Preach."

4:33 -- Topanga goes on her break and gets replaced with one that looks like Emily from the Dixie Chicks. How big a downgrade this is is the sort of thing one can settle over a cold adult beverage.

4:35 -- Uh, someone want to tell Batista those punk kids Cade & Jindrak took his trunks?

4:38 -- First en masse OOHs come over RVD's Five Star bump and the Cinco Estrellas for him proper.

4:41 -- Big pop for Gene, even bigger one for We--Heenan, and disgust over Mae & Moolah. So THIS is where they've been holding the local smark meetings! Thanks for the heads up, fuckers!

4:44 -- Did I just walk in the crib got two kids and my ex-baby mama late 'cause UH-OH UH-OH UH-OH. Y2J/Christian this early with faces going over in the first two matches? On the one hand I don't think they should but on the other claw-like deformity the possibility of Evil Brunette Trish would give me wrist fuel for months. As usual, I have no point. Except Christian's been SUCH an excellent James Spader in "Pretty In Pink".

4:59 -- Christian busting out the tornado reverse DDT! RULES! Flashback! RULES! TEJAS MUTHAFUCKIN CLOVERLEAF! HELLA Rules!

5:01 -- Who had first blown spot in the pool? Shane? EDGECUTION FROM CHRISTIAN. This match rules all.

5:06 -- Aw, maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!

5:08 -- I ain't gonna say nuthin' but that ain't right.

5:10 -- Big in-house pop for Snuka. Mmm...imported beer. Mmm...breasts.

5:20 -- Everyone gets a good laugh from Flair going up top. To quote Rob's reaction to "Baby I Love Your Way" in High Fidelity: Why? Batista shows up, thus being the sign to hit the can.

5:21 -- The can rules, they took the sports apart page by page and hung it up on clamps right above the stalls.

5:23 -- Man did that Foley bump over the stairs get everyone's attention.

5:28 -- The Flair/Rock Dueling People's Elbow segment debuts in Hooters at #4 on the Things That Are Too Goddamn Awesome Whether You Follow Wrestling Or Not chart.

5:31 -- RKf'nO! Who told ya?! I told ya! (I said Rock, but still...)

5:40 -- What the hell, Kane didn't come out and kill Pete? What the fuck is up with that?

5:41 -- Only in the E could woofing constitute condolences and well-wishes.

5:44 -- While I'm here, let me pick a bone with Jake for counting this as a match. WHO. CARES. Side note to uppity smarts: these sorts of "matches" are much easier to take when you've got booze in you.

5:48 -- Blur. It's all a blur.

5:59 -- I need the Eddie Scarface ripoff N O O O O O W W W W W W.

6:00 -- and all is well! Big pop for Rey. Buzz.

6:05 -- Who had it in the First Holy Shit pool?

6:12 -- People are jacked for Brock/Goldberg. I'm still pissed about them jobbing Funaki out like that. Bastards. Well, THIS oughta be interesting.

6:25 -- "They're both big. They're both strong. We get the message."

6:32 -- Man is New York taking a shit on this. Not that I blame them.

6:33 -- "OH!"

6:34 -- "OH!"

6:35 -- "YEAH!"

6:37 -- "ahahahahahahaha!" "OH!" "YEAH!" That's right, the final five minutes of Goldberg/Lesnar and the ensuing aftermath were brought to you by Lil' Jon.

6:41 -- Big pop for XXI being in Staples up the road. What the hell, I might try to go.

6:42 -- Is this my fifth beer or did Vince not get Stunned? Both? Oh.

6:57 -- Team Angle got PRISONRAPED.

7:00 -- Molly IS the new age Malenko. (Thought brought to you by Tanvir Raquib.)

7:07 -- Eddy/Kurt video package sends about 10 guys into the can since we all saw it in the Free For All. Team Angle, anyone?

7:13 -- Hell. Yes.

7:29 -- Tazz: Sometimes you gotta punch a guy in the face. Preach.

7:34 -- Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa?! Kurt kicked out?!

7:36 -- Motherfucking Eddie~! I guess Big Nose is going over.

7:43 -- HUGE pop for Bearer. "This is like every horror movie EVER."

7:44 -- *BONG*

7:44:01 -- YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

7:53 -- Okay, someone clarify something for me: is that still Old School? Is it now New School? Is it Throwback School, and if so doesn't that infringe on Cena's gimmick? H B O help a brother out.

8:06 -- Hefner's reffing and I got 8:21 in the bump pool. I can't believe the SAT is still standing. It's not quite Hankless Loyola Marymount making the 16 but it's right up there.

8:08 -- HA ha this cost me at least $30 less plus Hooters. I know where I'm coming for SummerSlam.

8:20 -- The crowd is firmly behind Benoit.

8:22 -- Crowd loved the hHh interference spot where he kept Michaels from tapping out. That was pretty cool.

8:24 -- The Smack!Down table went before the Spanish? What is this, the Parallel Universe?

8:25 -- Huge pop for the cameramen bumps. It's not really a WrestleMania until someone who doesn't has to takes a huge bump. Whatever happened to that great WOW referee, he would've flown into Brooklyn.

8:28 -- Ross finally uses "crimson mask" and how well is it set up that no one really bled hard before this?

8:29 -- Sharpshooter spot. I scream RING THE FUCKING BELL. Everyone's yelling "TAP!" and pounding the tables. The waitresses are shocked and frightened--I'm almost positive they didn't stop stripping for this.

8:30 -- I remember yelling "TAP! TAP OUT! TAP THE FUCK OUT!" at the top of my lungs.

8:31 -- HELL. MOTHER. FUCKING. YES. Somewhere in the back Booker T and Van Dam share a good cry, but that doesn't change the fact: HELL. MOTHER. FUCKING. YES.

Look, as a Net fan I loved Eddie & Chris. But I was convinced they were going to be side dishes for life no matter how good they tasted to yes you me myself and I'n for various reasons (too small, Triple H, too ethnic, Triple H, can't cut a promo, Triple H, Triple H, Triple H). So you can imagine my giddy schoolboyish delight to see them be the litmus tests as the respective champions of the World. I followed Benoit since he started in WCW, Eddie right around the tail of the Art Barr tag team 10+ ago, so for them to be standing on the biggest stage in the world as The Men...maaaaaaaaan.

I tell you what, maybe it was the environment or getting a lot of what I want, but that four and a half flew by in a double horns throwup. I'd actually put this second to X7, and maybe first since I haven't seen X7 in quite some time. I'm excited for the future, hopeful to see them continue to back Benoit and Guerrero, psyched for US Champion Cena (even if he didn't hit the Joe Budden Elbow tongiht) and tomorrow night starts Jericho's Inigo Montoyaesque Path Of Rage. Plus, I bet Evil Trish is into anal and the Donkey Punch. That's right, I said it. I may have to co-#1 her with Alba.

SO fucking there.

Currently playing: Bob Marley & the Wailers' "Lively Up Yourself"

I Mean It Was A REALLY Bad Shift

Currently playing: Jeff Buckley's "Last Goodbye", a lot

Didn't even make it to a month.

She broke up with me. And we're still going to be friends.

And it hurts, but...

...I'm not crying. (At least YET.) She has a lot of intrafamiliar drama, and she's sort of depressed about facing adulthood, and it wasn't like we got to spend a multitude of time together.

I get the feeling I should be feeling something more, or feeling something besides slight disorientation. Maybe because she was first. Maybe because the lechery part of the frontal lobe is already eyeing the twinkie in Spanish.

I don't know, I just...

I think I'm still partially deluding myself into this being a temporary thing and once she has her head on straight we'll be back together.

I just couldn't make her stay knowing things bigger than me are on her horizon. Is this something deficient in me? Should I have made her? Should I have pulled a Natalie and just not recognized it? Or is the fact she still likes me a lot and still wants me in her life...

...10 weeks into the year, met, fell, dated, broke up. Wow.

Tomorrow's either WrestleMania and/or getting drunk (possibly with friends), I know that much.

Man, you wake up one day and everything's great, you go to sleep and there's...this.

this is our last goodbye
I hate to feel the love between us die
but it's over
just do this and then I'll go
you gave me more to live for
more than you'll ever know

The French Term Is Shitfuck

Well, I did the nice guerrilla thing today. But we couldn't catch a flick or go to eat. We talked again for about another two hours, and I moved in for the kill, and

I shit you not, folks

this is the exact moment my dad pulls into the drive.

Goodbye, beautiful moment. Maybe we can do something next Saturday night or Sunday.

To quote our movie, this--this is a FUCK!

Currently playing: Switchfoot's "Meant To Live"

From The Home Office In The Championship Vinyl Storeroom

Dropped: "Moses (live)", 7; "The Way You Move", 9

[10] A Perfect Circle => Weak And Powerless (6)
[09] Norah Jones => Sunrise (10)*
[08] Joss Stone feat. the Roots => Fell In Love With A Boy (8)*
[07] Jet => Are You Gonna Be My Girl (3)
[06] Incubus => Megalomaniac (N)*

[05] N.E.R.D. => She Wants To Move (5)*
[04] Alicia Keys => You Don't Know My Name (2)

[03] Kanye West => Through The Wire (4)*

[02] G-Unit feat. Joe => Wanna Get To Know Ya (N)*

[01] the Darkness => I Believe In A Thing Called Love (1) [6w]

Currently playing: Denis Leary's "Asshole"

"Why'd I Put That? Because I Couldn't Figure Out How To Translate 'Pimp Needs Gangsta Biatch'."

I love my Spanish class.

Well, we're learning adjectives so yesterday's hom--tarea--was to write a personal ad. Oh, sure, two weeks AFTER the first girlfriend, yeah, let's do that. Even though I have severe misgivings about doing such a goofy-assed thing and minimally debate whether or not I want to catch the 24-hour flu, I decide to go today.

I, of course, have a plan.

And my profesora, Steve bless her, is just crazy enough to acquiesce.

So we spent the majority of class today looking over each other's personal ads and playing as background music was "Call Me", "I'm Still In Love With You", "Tired Of Being Alone" (my personal favorite heh heh heh) and "Let's Stay Together". Side note: if people really want to tighten up immigration laws, have the oral section be "do a verse and the chorus of "Let's Stay Together"" because even though the class' median age is maybe 21, everyone was bobbing their heads, synching, and in the case of mi profe, singing along. It's a shame we didn't get to "Here I Am (Come And Take Me)", "Love And Happiness" or the criminally underrated "Look What You Done For Me", but ah well. Only an hour class.

And this cute little Twinkie Stephanie and I had a fun little discussion about me being highly entertaining for doing things like this. What a shame. But, as I likes to say now, THE BANDWAGON DONE LEFT, baby.

Moral of the story: best. professor. E V A H. C'mon, do you ever get to play Al Green's Greatest Hits because it'll add to the ambiance?

Currently playing: matchbox twenty's "If You're Gone"

This Is For Me And I Know Everyone Knows

This is on a side of me, and all this I know to be true: I have a job that allows me to live about as reasonably as possible. Coworkers I get along with, some better than others. The class I pay for and am learning a foreign language in is going beyond all expectations, so much so that I'm in the uppermost echelon of the class. I have great friends, however scattered and scatterbrained, that've hung with me through the valleys and are helping me hoist the flags at the peaks.

And I have the first girlfriend of my life, which is everything I ever wanted or dreamed, physically and mentally. Through sheer force of will she's made me a better person, got through all the millions of walls I'd put up and gotten into my heart. She has me in a sea of cliches but when I see her smile and I make her laugh I know people have more than I do but none of them anywhere is living better than I am at that time.

And yet.

This is on the other side of me, and all this I know to be true: we're going to have to move before the summer because the rent's going up and we have no idea where to move to. They're closing my dad's work and it is not a sure thing that he'll be able to get a job with the Center. My mom's fighting off diabetes, a shoulder that is periously close to being a glorified change purse, and who knows what else. My grandmother's hitting the end of the road, if no one else will say it, and is getting increasingly blind and dependent by the day. My aunt's arthritis is beginning to come in on her too.

So what do you do? You live in joy forever and the first shot of darkness is perennial eclipse. You worry and you fret and at the end of the metaphorical day you're dead anyways and what few moments of joy you could've had went by in sneezes.

What do you do?

Swim.

Learn to swim.

Learn to swim.

Learn to swim.

Currently playing: Ben Folds Five's "Don't Change Your Plans"

As A Fat Man Once Taught Me...

The more I know, the less I understand. All the things I thought I knew, I'm learning again.

So I'm fucking giddy over talking to Cristal for about 40 minutes, so much so I go on a "Heaven Is A Place On Earth" bender. Seriously. And I'm flipping the dial, and all of a sudden I see one of my 43 bosses Anthony.

Not because he's stalking me, not because he's blown up the Center, but because he's on Blind Date.

That's TWO people I've seen on this show now. They're really going after him, the poor bastard. Hey, there's where I didn't go to prom!

May you be cursed to live in interesting times, kids!

The February Starfuckers, Inc. Top 25

Fell from my good grace: Victoria Silvstedt, 16; Tyra Banks, 19; Stacy Keibler, 20; Michelle Branch, 21; Leeann Tweeden, 22; Lucy Liu, 23; Jennifer Love Hewitt, 24

LM TM Object Of Lust Peak
25 = 25 Kristanna Loken 25
NR ^ 24 Christina Aguilera 6
NR ^ 23 Kim Smith 23
NR ^ 22 Dawn Marie 22
07 v 21 Jaime Pressly 7
NR ^ 20 Halle Berry 20
17 v 19 Ana Beatriz Barros 17
NR ^ 18 Victoria 18
11 v 17 Heidi Klum 10
09 v 16 Alyson Hannigan 6
08 v 15 Sofia Vergara 8
18 ^ 14 Britney Spears 14
15 ^ 13 Adriana Lima 13
NR ^ 12 Alyssa Milano 12
13 ^ 11 Michelle Trachtenberg 9

NR ^ 10 Rachel Bilson 10
06 v 09 Vida Guerra 6
12 ^ 08 Anna Kournikova 8
14 ^ 07 Angelina Jolie 7
10 ^ 06 Beyonce Knowles 6

05 = 05 Carmen Electra 5
03 v 04 Eliza Dushku 3
02 v 03 Brooke Burke 2
01 v 02 Trish Stratus 1
04 ^ 01 Jessica Alba 1

Still also receiving votes: Josie Maran, Elisha Cuthbert, Vanessa Kay

New flava: Kitana Baker, Cameron Diaz, Shakira

That's it! THAT'S the list!

Currently playing: Jimmy Eat World's "The Middle"

A KWBR Sampling, And It's Been One Week...

So it turns out since we're on an equal level, the Corporation has blessed our union--though two of my bosses have said (hopefully joking) that if I break her heart they will fire me.

I finally bought a cell phone.

Watch me become everything I've ever hated. December Me's looking at Today Me and going "Nigga, what happened to you? You P. Diddy?" In A Completely Unrelated Note, you know what's an awesome sentence prefix is my girlfriend. My girlfriend teaches kids. My girlfriend's bilingual. My girlfriend's an older woman. My girlfriend MY GIRLFRIEND MY MOTHERFUCKING GIRLFRIEND!

*deep inhale* Life is goooooooooooooooood.

And now, inspired by Mr. Dupin, 20 consecutive random songs that came up on my Winamp

(01) Tantric >>> Breakdown
(02) Richard Cheese & Lounge Against the Machine >>> Closer (live)
(03) Stone Temple Pilots >>> Big Bang Baby
(04) Janet Jackson (hey, MY GIRLFRIEND'S favorite artist) >>> Escapade
(05) Kenny Wayne Shepherd >>> Blue On Black
(06) Prodigy >>> Firestarter (heh)
(07) Nirvana >>> Jesus Don't Want Me For A Sunbeam (unplugged)
(08) Jimmy Clift >>> I Can See Clearly Now
(09) Run-DMC >>> The Kings [for DX back when]
(10) David Gray >>> Babylon
(11) Dave Chappelle >>> HBO hour long comedy special, Killin' 'Em Softly
(12) Sex Pistols >>> God Save The Queen
(13) Tracy Chapman >>> Fast Car
(14) Alanis Morrissette >>> Your House [hidden track off Jagged Little Pill]
(15) The Roots & Mos Def >>> Double Trouble
(16) Semisonic >>> Closing Time
(17) Roy Orbison >>> Only The Lonely
(18) Blues Traveler >>> Hook
(19) Rob Base & DJ Ez Rock >>> It Takes Two
(20) Pete Yorn >>> Life On A Chain

I will give any radio station alive my kidney to do 7 into 8, 12 into 13, 14 into 15. 10 & 20 are on MTV2's Handpicked, which you should get on general principles.

Who wants to read a funny work story about the best 168 hours of my life? That's right, you do. "Dance, puppets, DANCE!"--Stewie Griffin, Family Guy

Butch 0wns j00: No, me being the master of subtlety, I brought up intraoffice dating to my bosses during ticket counting today
Butch 0wns j00: So one was like "Who're you dating?" and I was all "Oh, it's not me." Very convincingly. And she was like "no one asks unless they are already."
Grand Theft Rob: they're not total Boffos! Geez. That's like that "well, I have a friend who has this hypothethical problem" speech
Grand Theft Rob: they know you're talking about yourself
Butch 0wns j00: And I allowed it might could be me, and then they asked for an initial. They knew off of that. That's OK, but I can't date supervisors cause of the feudal capitalist system, and she turned to the other female supervisor and went, "I'm sorry, Karyn, you're going to have to break up with him."
Butch 0wns j00: She turned red a little. I was practically baying at the moon.
Grand Theft Rob: hahah
Grand Theft Rob: awesome
Butch 0wns j00: Karyn's very, very quiet. Very cool, but very quiet.
Butch 0wns j00: Then I was informed they really like her so if I break her heart I'm fired
Grand Theft Rob: at Jack, it was kinda informal. Except if people started dating, inevitably it became a problem putting them on the same shift
Grand Theft Rob: because you know how it goes - one calls in, both call in. And the matter of actually working assuming they both show up....
Butch 0wns j00: Yeah
Butch 0wns j00: But she only works weekends so it shouldn't be a thing
Butch 0wns j00: But Karyn was nodding her head when I said C, because the other one--Caroline--had heard such things to that effect
Grand Theft Rob: I remember one time Rhonda and I were up in the office. I was doing the schedule and she was doing paperwork and this dumb girl named Amanda called it for like the third time that week - and she was nailing this other guy who had already no-called no showed
Grand Theft Rob: that day and I asked her what was wrong (Very dubiously...I knew what was up) and she said she had the flu
Grand Theft Rob: and I repeated it out loud so Rhonda could hear
Grand Theft Rob: and Rhonda snaps, "she must have the FUCKING flu", emphasizing the f-word
Grand Theft Rob: and I hung up and both of us just cracked up.
Butch 0wns j00: Heh
Grand Theft Rob: the FUCKING flu. That became a running gag for a while.
Grand Theft Rob: "I'm going home, I have the FUCKING flu." "Rob, you ain't got nobody to fuck." ":-("
Butch 0wns j00: Karyn goes, "Oh, so it's offical. You know, I caught them." Not insinuating anything, but Caroline loses her humor like that. "You caught them?" and I'm like (what could she have caught us doing, we're still kiss--VALENTIN--) "Oh, yeah, she did catch us."
Butch 0wns j00: And then we had to explain.
Butch 0wns j00: But see? Funny.
Grand Theft Rob: heh
Grand Theft Rob: you got caught!
Butch 0wns j00: So we can't screw on the premises during our shift.
Butch 0wns j00: But other than that, full speed ahead.
Butch 0wns j00: In A Hilarious Sidenote, I'm missing the sexual harassment seminar Thursday to get my ID renewed
Butch 0wns j00: And she's not going because she's teaching
Butch 0wns j00: >>>insert eyebrow raise heah<<<
Grand Theft Rob: hehehe
Grand Theft Rob: we had a sexual harassment tape
Butch 0wns j00: See, I wanted to go! I was hoping I was going to get to be the disgusting guy in charge with a fake porn mustache and stuff
Butch 0wns j00: But noooooooooooooo

Currently playing (21?): holy SHIT, Stevie Wonder's "Superstition"

From The Home Office In Rasheed Wallace's "Travel Case"

Dropped: "Fortune Faded", 5; "In My Life", 8, "Milkshake", 9

[10] Norah Jones --> Sunrise (N)*
[09] Big Boi feat. Sleepy Brown --> The Way You Move (6)
[08] Joss Stone --> Fell In Love With A Boy (N)*
[07] Coldplay --> Moses (live) (3)
[06] A Perfect Circle --> Weak And Powerless (7)*

[05] N.E.R.D. --> She Wants To Move (N)*
[04] Kanye West --> Through The Wire (10)*

[03] Jet --> Are You Gonna Be My Girl (2)

[02] Alicia Keys --> You Don't Know My Name (4)*

[01] the Darkness --> I Believe In A Thing Called Love (1) [1m]

Currently playing: Soundgarden's "My Wave"

Call Mel Kiper Jr.

Because as of 8:37 p.m. Pacific Standard Time, February 15th, 2004...

Butch Rosser is finally--FINALLY--off the draft board.

Currently playing: Outkast's "Rosa Parks" and plenty ofs it

Train Keeps A-Rollin'

Two roses: $8

Box of premium chocolate hearts: $12

The look on her face: priceless. (She was just thinking of me, and how nice it'd be if someone showed up and gave her some V-Day stuff.)

Now the second date tomorrow and the meeting of my friends...that's gonna cost me. But fuck it.

It's so fucking WEIRD to be on this side of Valentine's Day--all happy and into somebody and joyous and...well, not me.

Two down.

Currently playing: the Motherfucking Chappelle Trio's Diff'rent Strokes cover

Clearer

So no Roots and I don't care.

She got a new job (something akin to permasubstitute and don't think about that term too long or blood'll shoot out your nose) the day after our...thing, that makes her get up at 5 weekdays. I have been there and it suuuuuuuucks. That explains Friday, as she got in around 4, crashed around 4:05, and woke up at quarter until midnight. Oh, and hey, guess which dumbass forgot to give her his phone number and still kept calling every few days?

I blame the Republicans.

But anyway, we had a good talk again today. I've determined the longer I stay on a phone with a girl is in direct proportion to my interest. 50 minutes means great interest. 5 minutes means friends. 20 seconds means telemarketer.

I'll bring her some stuff Saturday as I come off and she comes on. Nothing too fancy. Couple roses, peanut butter cup hearts, Al Green's Greatest Hits. I guess I can chase those N*E*R*D/Black Eyed Peas tix next month in earnest now. ($23?! Yeah, I'm in for sure now) I think I'm getting a thing for Fergie, too. Anyways, we're both off Sunday & Monday so maybe I'll coerce her into doing something and going somewhere then.

So what the hell am I gonna do V-Day? I can't do the "get drunk pig out and watch High Fidelity" gloom and doom but I also can't quite negotiate the "wookin por nub", either. Hm.

Currently playing: the Propellerheads feat. Shirley Bassey's "History Repeating"

Celebrating A Quarter Century Of...Well, Something Or Other...

Well we know where we're goin'
But we don't know where we've been
And we know what we're knowing
But we can't say what we've seen
And we're not little children
And we know what we want
And the future is certain
Give us time to work it out

We're on a road to nowhere
Come on inside
Takin' that ride to nowhere
We'll take that ride

Feelin' okay this mornin'
And you know,
We're on the road to paradise
Here we go, here we go

We're on a ride to nowhere
Come on inside
Takin' that ride to nowhere
We'll take that ride

Maybe you wonder where you are
I don't care
Here is where time is on our side
Take you there...take you there

We're on a road to nowhere
We're on a road to nowhere
We're on a road to nowhere

There's a city in my mind
Come along and take that ride
and it's all right, baby, it's all right

And it's very far away
But it's growing day by day
And it's all right, baby, it's all right

Would you like to come along
and you could help me sing this song?
And it's all right, baby, it's all right

They can tell you what to do
But they'll make a fool of you
And it's all right, baby, it's all right
[x2]

We're on a road to nowhere...
--Talking Heads, "Road To Nowhere"

the Most Recent In A Series Of High Fidelity Moments

The ends of my mustache are getting away from me, and that's not good. The bridge between mustache and beard have not quite fully formed Goatee Road, though the concrete is being layed for such, and it's not good because it makes the chaos theory at the ends stand out.

Why the hell don't I get rid of it, you ask, and well you should.

I dunno--the last couple days I've been all up in a heavel. Friday fizzled out, haven't spoken to her since Wednesday. She told me something was going down Thursday and New Butch wants to go down to work and Rational Don't Blow This You Idjit Butch is saying I should stay here and study for my Spanish test. [How fucked is THAT, by the by? That's what I always wanted for my birthday--a quiz. And work. Huzzah.] I just wish I knew, dammit, 'cause being on the edge of this is driving me nuts.

The party went...meh. I think I thought it was more spectacular than it was due to my inebriation. And I took some pics--if only I could find out how to upload them. Plus I got my goblet. My friend Ivan bought me a beer mug/crystal goblet looking deal that has Pimp Legion of Doom: Honorary Member on it so all's I need is a new hat and a cane.

But that's not the point.

I just wish I knew. And I wish she'd say yes. I perceived something. I thought I did. There's this person clawing inside of me that doesn't greet the day with a groan and smiles not just because he's at work and it's his job and is becoming, while not exactly a saint, something closer to the productive member of society.

And as she started fishing him out of me, the crazy thing was I wanted that guy free. He was me in my youth, before I found out the truth and let it build a wall on me. I laughed, and not in a figures-that'd-happen way, and then thing after thing after FUCKING THING happened--you ever see a karate exhibition on ESPN2 and one guy's pressing the other and the other guy's backing up, swinging and kicking, trying to come out of the corner and realizing it's probably futile because he should've gotten the jump?

If not, sorry. If you do, you understand.

I can't keep living like this.

25 shouldn't be like the other 24.

Currently playing: the Flaming Lips' "Do You Realize?"

From the Home Office In Under 19 Hours...

Dropped: "Hey Ya", 8; "It's My Life", 9

[10] Kanye West --> Through The Wire (N)*
[09] Kelis --> Milkshake (7)
[08] Juvenile f. Mannie Fresh --> In My Life (N)*
[07] A Perfect Circle --> Weak And Powerless (10)*
[06] Big Boi f. Sleepy Brown --> The Way You Move (5)

[05] Red Hot Chili Peppers --> Fortune Faded (6)
[04] Alicia Keys --> You Don't Know My Name (3)

[03] Coldplay --> Moses (live) (4)*

[02] Jet --> Are You Gonna Be My Girl (1)

[01] the Darkness --> I Believe In A Thing Called Love (2) [2w]

Currently playing: Smashing Pumpkins' "The End Is The Beginning Is The End"

GIRLZ = RATINGZ!~~!0101010101100

Oh, yeah, the news you've all been waiting to hear: I ACED MY FIRST SPANISH QUIZ!

Sorry.

The news you've REALLY all been waiting to hear: I BOUGHT A DIGITAL CAMERA!

I'll stop that right now.

So, I'm making her a CD. And we're going to spend the next two Fridays together, Valentine's Day Eve with the Roots. AND guests.

She sadly can't make the party Saturday, but ah well.

Ew...I feel all happy and stuff.

Currently playing: Q-Tip's "Vivrant Thing"

Starfuckers Inc. Top 25

I warned ya! DIDN'T I warn ya?!

LW TW Glitterati Peak
- ^ 25 Kristanna Loken 25
8 v 24 Jennifer Love Hewitt 1
- ^ 23 Lucy Liu 23
- ^ 22 Leeann Tweeden 22
5 v 21 Michelle Branch 5
- ^ 20 Stacy Keibler 20
- ^ 19 Tyra Banks 19
- ^ 18 Britney Spears 18
- ^ 17 Ana Beatriz Barros 8
- ^ 16 Victoria Silvstedt 16
- ^ 15 Adriana Lima 15
- ^ 14 Angelina Jolie 14
9 v 13 Michelle Trachtenberg 9
- ^ 12 Anna Kournikova 8
- ^ 11 Heidi Klum 10

7 v 10 Beyonce Knowles 7
- ^ 09 Alyson Hannigan 6
- ^ 08 Sofia Vergara 8
- ^ 07 Jaime Pressly 7
6 - 06 Vida Guerra 6

10 ^ 05 Carmen Electra 5
4 - 04 Jessica Alba 1
3 - 03 Eliza Dushku 3
2 - 02 Brooke Burke 2
1 - 01 Trish Stratus 1

Also receiving votes: Josie Maran, Victoria, Vanessa Kay, Elisha Cuthbert, Rachel Bilson

That'll do it for this month.

Currently playing: Dope's cover of "You Spin Me Round"

Everybody's Somebody's Tad Hamilton (Yes, This Is THAT Post)

leap (v.):
1. To spring or bound upward from or as if from the ground; jump: leaped over the wall; salmon leaping upriver.

2a. To move quickly or abruptly from one condition or subject to another: always leaping to conclusions.
2b. To act impulsively: leaped at the opportunity to travel.

The Leap (adj.): Bill Simmons vernacular for having a breakout moment, performance, or season

Lookitcha.

All hyper and sitting there with popcorn in your hand TELL US WHAT HAPPENED YOU BASTARD!

*sigh*

Well...all right.

I shower like an ex-con on his first day out of the pen. I put on the new shirt I got Friday with Amanda's ever-keen seeing eye and jeans--not quite casual but not quite wearing an Armani suit.

I wait for her. I get there really early which in retrospect was stupid because she's notoriously late and I don't know if you noticed but I've got a small streak of paranoia. But she's on time or close enough and she dressed like I did. Not exactly the same because well that would be creepy and veering into Chaz territory, but a fuzzy gray sweater, jeans, and black boots.

Movie tickets bought seperately. DID pay for the popcorn and the water she offhandedly mentioned she wanted.

So Win A Date With Tad Hamilton. It is what it is, a slightly above average romantic comedy. Kate Bosworth's eye turns different colors which is pretty cool. Topher Grace plays an excellent straight man. Perhaps the fact we were leaning into each other, arms and heads against each other as we were whispering intermittedly played a part in my review, but I was (mostly) paying attention to the flick. Most enjoyed by us--esp. considering this all started over THE joke in Office Space was Gary Cole (LUMBERGH~) as Bosworth's dad.

I think of asking her out then, but there's still more of the evening to go.

Pictures in a photo booth that are currently burning a hole in the back pocket.

We also played pool (she beat me 5 out of 8--one time "Cry Me A River" was playing, one time the 8 ball bounced off BOTH the corners, and another she brought up work and then sufficiently rattled she sank 4 in a row right after. ALL THOSE under protests.)

Bought her a rose.

And we had shakes at Ghiradelli's.

She talked a lot about her jobs and family. I know her better than most of my family now. She talked about being a substitute teacher and we get into a couple discussions of materialism vs. spirtuality, in part thanks to the movie. I lost track of how many of her thoughts I finished after 10. We talked about religion and family and immigration laws. Time flew and flew and flew at Ghiradelli's. I had more fun getting rooked at pool, but Ghiardelli's reinforces the fact while the physical is all well and good, her mental is real and it is spec-tac-u-lar.

There's also this thing where guys fall in love with her the second they see her, but since it was at the earliest the third time I'm going to gloss over it 'cause it don't apply to me no sir.

I'm not going to lie to you and say the possibility of chickening out despite our fun at pool and deep talk didn't occur to me. Cowards die alone. New Butch lives on.

There's only so much I can take, y'know? With that perfect imperfect smile and the bangs and the sort of looking like a Latina Sarah Silverman and the last 8 hours and whatnot.

So, the question.

As Hemingway would put it, hm, the question. The question. Yes, the question.

She doesn't even really look at me. Not in disgust. Bashfulness. Brown eyes coming at me. Any will I had is dead. All that is left know is to obey my heart and these things I feel to be right.

She says "Why?". Not in a "how dare you *mace*" sort of way but a "you think I'm girlfriend material?" sort of way. I put my hand in hers--small and warm and I stare her right in the eyes.

I've only been waiting for this question how long? You think maybe I just might be able to pull this answer out of the recesses of my mind?

[This is DVD commentary, because about .2 seconds after the y got out I sold like a Lexus dealer on the pipe.]

"You're a great person. I know a couple people I'd consider cooler; you're the best person I know. You're nice, but you still have a spine. You're smart, but you're not an intellectual snob. You're cute, but you're not a slut. You make me unbelievably happy. I love when you laugh. I love it when you giggle. And when I'm not making you laugh or giggle, there's this voice in my head that's saying 'I wish Cristal was here so I could make her laugh and/or giggle. I don't need an answer now, this isn't Final Jeopardy. But you are the type of girl that I've always wanted.'"

This just in: AFFLECK AIN'T SHIT, BITCHES.

(This is going down as #1 in the Panthenon of Great Rosser Ad-Lib Speeches. Sorry, wedding.)

What was I going to do, not say anything? I've lived my whole life not saying anything and Kevin, damn his French-loving ass, was right and I said as much to her: if she rejected me, oh, well, I'd still have an awesome friend. But having her for a girlfriend would make me such a better person it couldn't help but change my world.

And by the way, now's her stop. I kiss her and tell her to really think it over. She looks at me with that fucking smile and the rose and thanks me--promises a call--and she's gone.

I look for her.

She looks at me.

It pulls away, with that red rose illuminating the 11:00 darkness as I speed off into the night. I've got a smile on my face to beat the band, Da Band, and Who The Band On Stage. I finally semi pull out of this stupor (because about two hours've gone by and I'm not out of it, and I damn sure don't plan on it going) and the guy across from us/me is looking at me with a mixture of shock and awe on his face.

"She's yours." he says. I can only laugh. "I really should've been writing down that whole part in the middle."

I shrug. "I can sit on the sidelines and watch someone else realize how awesome she is or I can do it myself." We do that aggressively male TRUE nod.

And now I'm here.

There's nothing more I can do or say. She believes or she doesn't. I will say I provided about as flawless a date as can go despite every paranoid fantasy that danced through my head last night. My adrenaline's flying and for the first time all day my heart is producing a Neptunes track (somehow making these posts has become the Vegas pay window of my life for one)...I don't know how I'm gonna sleep. Don't really care. I'm seeing that smile on her face as she smells the rose and remembering with Wonder Yearsian fondness That Look at the end.

The foreperson hasn't spoken, but I do believe the jury is in.

And poor Old Butch. Poor sad lonely Old Butch I do believe is about to get the death penalty.

Couldn't be happier. Almost.

And since others've said it better, I'll let them.

Get busy living, or get busy dying. That's goddamn right... I find I'm so excited I can barely sit still or hold a thought in my head. I imagine it's the excitement only a free man can feel. A free man at the start of a long journey, whose conclusion is uncertain...I hope.

The last lines of Coldplay's "Amsterdam":

Stood on the edge
Tied to the noose
But you came along and you cut me loose
You came along and you cut me loose
You came along and you cut me loose...

From the Home Office At the Precipice Of Forever

DROPPED: Stand Up, 10

[10] A Perfect Circle --> Weak And Powerless (N)*
[09] No Doubt --> It's My Life (8)
[08] Andre 3000 --> Hey Ya (2)
[07] Kelis --> Milkshake (4)
[06] Red Hot Chili Peppers --> Fortune Faded (5)

[05] Big Boi f/Sleepy Brown --> The Way You Move (3)
[04] Coldplay --> Moses (live) (9)

[03] Alicia Keys --> You Don't Know My Name (7)*

[02] the Darkness --> I Believe In A Thing Called Love (6)*

[01] Jet --> Are You Gonna Be My Girl? (1) [4w]

Currently playing: last year's #13, Radiohead's "There There"

We Continue Nobody Remembers That 80's Band But Your Stinking Ass Week On KWBR With Some Timbuk3...

Wellllllll...

Sure, I could regale you about the burgeoning dictatorship with my name, or dabble in some Super Bowl hype, or the new Spanish class I'm just getting into, amigo.

But y'all don't want to hear me, you just wanna dance.

More accurately, you want the latest Cristal updates and the sooner the better. Since the advent of the Comment age, the last posting was the most popular even if that idjit Mike skewered it.

So today, then? Yeah.

So I accidentally went down to pick up my check around the same time she got off work. All right, it was an elaborate plot to see her specifically. AND pick up my check. Worst comes to worst I miss her somehow and pick up a sandwich to munch on during PTI. Like Candide, nothing could go wrong in this the best of all possible worlds.

That's when things started getting wonky.

No check, and I'm about to leave the building when my friend on the east dock says they're throwing a party at the end of the building--the 15th Anniversary party rescheduled because of the wildfires--and there's free food.

MMM...free.

So I amble over there and guess who that's who. I agree to meet her after her shift ends in a half an hour, thus giving me time to gorge myself on sushi, rolled chicken tacos, and Sprite. Thank Self I decided to do this because otherwise I would've missed this entirely. Anyway, she says today she scored her ride so she'll swing by to pick me up. What a pleasant surprise. I should preface this by saying she's notoriously late and I hear the checks been dropped off. So I walk to the back...

...right as she steps into the door I open.

Every so often, y'know. Every so often.

So we stand around waiting for the checks to show up and talk. About 10 people see us talking together which is really going to stem the rumor tide but FUCK THEM stronger message to follow. We get the checks and we're heading towards my place and we discuss Sunday. I proffer a few friendly games of pool after the movie lets out, and she says very fetchingly "You remembered I like pool!" I'm thinking internally I could probably memorize the Klan initiation speech if YOU told me to do it but I stifled the little voice.

We arrive.

But we sit in the car half an hour.

She's going through all my CDs from R.E.M. to More Music From 8 Mile with the chewy Johnny Cash center and putting in some N.E.R.D. and Outkast and we're sitting there talking and talking.

Upstairs.

My little brother and dad say hi and we head into my room.

Sadly, no, that did not happen, inasmuch fun as it would've been.

But I get her orange juice a couple of times, we sit and talk some more, the bed collapses as it's prone to do. I put on some Coldplay. Sadly, no, that didn't happen because of "Warning Sign", "Amsterdam", and "The Scientist", inasmuch fun as it would've been. The "hey, since you're right against her looking at the computer screen why not kiss her?" voice has been sacked. Three hours went by with her in a nod of the head. Yearbook pictures, book collection, past journalism awards all were brought up and shown. Plus, she didn't see my room and immediately vomit. You're entirely right, I should've just asked her to elope right there. I lend her 8 Mile and it's goodbye and I'm not going to see her for two days!

Blast this calendar.

This has to be a date. Who hangs out with someone they work with for 3 hours when they don't have to? My friend on Tuesday was right, we're both single, we're making plans days ahead of time...I told Rob it just walked and talked like a duck.

After today?

It's a fucking duck.

Two days.

Stay healthy.

Get ready.

(Ooh, I could have two of the three resolutions down in the first month. Go go go go go go go meeeeee it's my birfday...)

Currently playing: Blur's "Song 2"