Yes, I Am Having A Good Friday Barometer

I'm really going to be bringing the video content on this one since KRS-One needs it for oh so very many things. Seriously, though, you 56k-using dial-up AOL.com e-mail having pranksters may want to join us in the 21st century and skip this go-round. As for the rest of y'all--

REGULAAAAAAATORS! Mount up!

ALBA: Mmm-MMM, this week has been freedomtastic. With the rest of the family going to the chick ball final four I have had the house to myself. You'd be surprised to find this out, but it turns out my family and the lack of money are the cause of all the lack-of-female stress in my life. Give me my tax return at the speed of light and autonomy? It turns out I can get around 30, almost 60, and sometimes 90 minutes of writing done a day while buffering it with practicing poker, keeping up on podcasts, wallowing in my own crapulence, and laughing as the creditors dial the house phone as the same time as my cell and I ignore both. I'll be broke by Monday giving them a little cash and paying off old rent, but that should settle my equilibrium.

Cheney: Why do I have to write the Friday Barometer with Firefox every week? It's like Opera has a thing against the content I bring specificially for FBs. Some Ghost in the Machine shit going on, I swears.

Cheney: And how the hell did I get a cold in this, the best of all possible times?

ALBA: Quality speakers for $20. First time I have the new tower alongside actual audio. Life is good.

ALBA: BundchenBundchenBundchen! It's fun to say and a million more times more fun to look at. Of course, thinking about things has sent me down a Lewis Black path that should be killing me in the course of the next week, but it's a fine way to go. Questions that need to be answered, if you ask me--how does she have 3 other sisters with no brothers, b) how is the Victoria's Secret supermodel not automatically the hottie of the family, c) what are the odds of having 6 girls, c.5) let alone six hawwwwwwwwwwwt ones, 4) how much of your soul would you give up to walk in that house with your best friend, look around at the Bundchens at the pool, poke him in the shoulder and go "I'll dive on the grenade here"?, e) is this the first time in recorded history you would push your family in traffic to dive on the grenade?

And right before I passed out in a pool of my own DNA and sweat, I remember thinking "If it weren't for my horse..."

Cheney: Tom Brady. Seriously, motherFUCK him.

ALBA: "So, about 10 years ago we're in London riding in an original Edsel, and then we got to go all the way to the left side of the road. We're in Great England, is why! And all of a sudden Brasky goes, 'Did that rich bitch in the limo just cut us off?!' and I look ahead and I see this logo for the royal family, so I say to Brasky, 'Bill! It's Princess Diana!' And Brasky stares a hole from me--which healed in 4 months--and he says to me, 'You mean was Princess Diana.' The next thing I know I'm flying through a windshield wondering if my passport just fell out my pants. I can tell that story now because the statue of limitations has expired."

ALBA: Grindhouse. Just assuming. Now if there was only a way they could get cheap, awesome publicity and blow KMB's heart out his chest...naaaaaaaaaaah...

ALBA: In one of the greatest parodies of all time, Alanis will have you spending all your money on her, and spending time on her--her jiggling...it's oddly hypnotic...like a lava lamp...



ALBA: As the alleged table-setter the rest of the world takes their cues from, why the hell does our TV suck so much? Mexican TV owns us, and Brazilian TV owns everybody. Exhibit A.



And the defense motherfucking rests, because it's feeling oddly sleepy now.

ALBA: For everybody I'm dragging into the mashup world, Ramdom Thoughts brings an hour of bastard pop sweetness a week. And they shout me out in episode #50, which in no way, shape, or form influenced their position in this site. *cough*

ALBA: Girl Talk may not be the best DJ alive, but nobody's better. Almost an hour of phenaweomnal goddamn Gregg Gillis power, from his live New Year's Eve show in Chicago. There are singalongs from Tom Petty AND Tag Team. Paula Cole makes a 12-second appearance. Even the lowlight with the drunken moron screaming "GROOVE IS IN THE HEART" for the minute it's on is immediately assuaged with Jermaine Stewart. You read me right, Aaron. Jermaine Stewart. Anyhow, if I got to sell you on him after this, find yourself a new friend.



ALBA: San Diego's new mashup night is tomorrow night and thanks to his tireless grassroots promotional efforts certain people you know, love--well, tolerate and even take blog ideas from is getting a half-hour of requests to make heads turn, necks bruise, ears perks, and booties to decrease in horizontalality as if the surface is heated. I've been saying for months I'm going to throw it all away to become a DJ...and I might.

Cheney: Trying to narrow it down to 8 songs and a half-hour's worth of stuff when I have 200 songs and 12.4 hours worth.

ALBA: Libby had a few suggestions as I dropped a few of my favorites--stuff in the final pile of 30 that may make the cut and she's a fan of the Montell Jordan/GnR headbanger "This Is How We Do It In The Jungle" and the Most Evil And Wrong Song In the History Of Mankind That's Still Listenable, nin and Ace of Base bring together a rape baby in "She Wants Animals". I'm going with the fine folks at Uncast so you should have some pictures and I'll let y'all know how it goes.

Y Mi Palabra Es La Ley

To anybody I offend in the the following 76-minute podcast: from the bottom of my heart, y'all can eat this dick.

Tres Delinquentes Deliquent Habits

Add To The List Of Talents

Oscar prognostication.  

I couldn't hit the ocean with an oar in a boat in the middle of the ocean the first 47 hours, but I finished up strong by pitching a perfect game when it came to Best Actor, Actress, Director, and Picture.

And considering all the other crap I sat through, when you think about the awards that matter, those are the Big 4 and I aced 'em.

So I'm perfect (at that?  How?  I guess)

Smells Like Compton = Cheekyboy + N.W.A. + Nirvana

Under Atmospheric Pressure...

ALBA: I love Australians. Even more so than usual.

ALBA: Since the Blogoogle switchover looking at the labels is almost as good as the posts sometimes.

MENCIA: Opera's being uppity, so I'm doing this out of Mozilla. I don't think there's that much of a difference, but it still seems off.

MENCIA: Why did my friend float the possibility of going to Mexico, getting drunk and lapdances tomorrow after I'd already made plans?

ALBA: iPod. Teacher. Mother. Secret lover.

ALBA: Rob floated me a little walking around cash.

ALBA: Finding more mashups. When they work, they work. Gary Numan + the Beatles. I may dedicate next weekend's Follow the Leader to a creme de la menthe list.

MENCIA: Getting shot down. I'm not exactly surprised given my lot in the world right now, but it would've been nice.

MENCIA: Actually lost at a home game Saturday for the first time in forever. Mere hours after the rejection, too. Apres moi, le deluge... I haven't posted a top 5 finish in a month. I keep coming between 13th and 25th, which was the original plan, and yet now that I'm here it sucks. So I'm in Must Always Win Mode. (Friends: As opposed to? Me: SHARRUP YOU MOUTH)

ALBA: Going to try to get back in the black tomorrow night.

ALBA: Had two consecutive excellent interviews with one of my top 5 clubs. It's a security position at a place I love where I've never seen a fight in the 12-17 odd times I've been there. Nice late start, too. Honestly, if I don't get this I don't know what I'm going to do. I might as well give up. I can't interview any better than I did. Even in the face of a ludicrously hot boss, I held serve.

MENCIA: The Rent Issue. Still. Where does one get $200 by the end of the month?

MENCIA: I owe about 3x what I thought I did bill-wise (forgot about other phone).

ALBA: Holy GOD was the Office awesome last night. Roy's meltdown was #1. #2 was Fancy New Beesley v2. #3 was "...or collapse in on myself like a dying star." I usually don't say this in the face of white-on-white crime but Roy is going to fuck that nigga Jim up...

MENCIA: In six weeks. Sad face.

ALBA: Well, the label says it all. Let's end this on an up note--









I Want To Take You Higher Sly and the Family Stone

I Want To See The Sun Blotted Out By The Sky

1) Fits my horrible luck and bad mood.

2) Victor's is pretty.

3) Jen's is pretty.

4) Looks oh-so-very badassed.

5) Felt like it.

So that's why.

Push It (Salt-N-Pepa)/Connection (Elastica) Girl Talk live in Chicago New Year's Eve/Day

UGH.

Friday Barometer?   

My cold just ejaculated so hard I don't know where the snot ends and the tears 
in my bleary eyes begin.   

The perfect job went to somebody else.  Yup, again.

The creditors won't stop calling.  

Pretty soon I'll be behind in the rent, too.  

I'm behind on writing, so at least it'll match.

I've got one good thing in my life and it's not for two weeks.  

Posts format weirdly now.

Yeah, here's your f'n Barometer (and the video went down!
WATFO?!):

Sawed Off Saturday Barometer

ALBA: Found my disk with Title TBD on it, thus allowing me to copy edit the first 3 chapters and add some stuff as well. At least it holds up; I was worried giving it some shelf life I was going to come back to it and be nauseated.

BRADY: "We Fly High". Because, that's why.

ALBA: Stephen Colbert Pwning the Big Giant Head on both ends of their home-and-home series Thursday. Hell, Thursday was just an awesome day for TV between that and the NBC comedy lineup (which in my land ends at 9:30--I need recovery time)

ALBA: With Quay back in school and it apparently kicking his ass every single day as opposed to last semester, this should open up my time to write.

BRADY: I totally ganked his working CD/radio player since he's iPoded out. I don't feel bad about the using of it, since he's not anymore; it's more of the the-wrong-brother-in-the-family-has-the-30 gig thing.

BRADY: The AFC Championship. Do I root for the chair or lethal injection? Geaux Saints Geaux.

ALBA: My birthday party in three weeks. All the major friends are in; anything after them is icing. Gravy's nice and all, but icing is much more delicious and much worse for you. Ergo, I will be using that term frequently this year to get it over and then point when someone not of my limited opportunities uses it in a mass-media forum. I'm guessing by the first day of summer.

ALBA: I had a great interview on Thursday with what turned out to be a hostel. I really hope I get this job; it's full-time and second shift in a hostel. 40 hours a week, 3Gs and then some, a bunch of hot foreign girls...besides having the slowest weekdays off fully, what's not to love?

BRADY: Selling off my DVD collection in stages because nobody's buying my digital camera or my throwbacks.

Night Ripper Girl Talk

What The--That Can't Be--It's...It's...OH, MY GOD!

ALBA: In attempt to reignite normalcy while at the same time bringing new things into the mix--Friday Barometer! You'll find most of your things as you left them.

ALBA: Title TBD, which I actually have been working on the last 2 days and throwing in another couple chapters to the tune of 3,000 words. I keep thinking I can get this done by the first day of summer--whenever the fuck that is.

THE BCS: I wish my brother would stop using my washcloth. I wish I'd bought an iPod instead of him--I don't think he even has 750 songs and I've got 18 GIG.

ALBA: Night Ripper. Because, that's why.

THE BCS: I'm actually going to miss him (at $12, no less!) next weekend in LA because my Angelino connection is coming down for the weekend. As much as I love Amanda, my favorite non-traditional DJ doing a live show in which people routinely get buck to the point of almost total nudity, especially in LA--I'm missing out on something, and Jessica Marie help y'all if I ever find out just how much.

ALBA: To the left, to the left...

ALBA: The creditors who left me alone for the holidays and then stupidly believed me when I said I'd have it 2 weeks from now despite all evidence to the contrary.

ALBA: Poker After Dark. Shawn Sheikhan's a .9 Matusow, Phil Hellmuth freaks out, Annie Duke had a prop bet over her first marriage, Shana Hiatt, 2 am. If that didn't sell you, I'll throw in another plug the week Evelyn Ng's on.

THE BCS: No Vegas birthday now, obv. I don't even know what I'm going to do this year.

ALBA: I got say anything... yesterday for FIVE FREAKING BUCKS!

ALBA: My Name Is Earl, the Office, and Scrubs. It's like if I was in a four-way and the other participants were Jess, Trish, and a streaming live video to the internet that people paid $49.99 to see.

ALBA: Chargers over the Saints in 41. My parents had their fun last year, now I get mine. MVP. Bye week. Shawne Merriman ripping off Tom Brady's arm and beating him with it.

ALBA: The holiday period really gave me a surge of ideas...

THE BCS: I just don't have the time to write 6 things at once. :)

ALBA: King Ian and Queen Chrissy. All hail.



ALBA: The Police reuniting annual rumor getting started early this year due to the 30th anniversary. Am I asking too much that I'd like to see the Police in my own town just once before one of them passes or they try to do it GnR style? Is it?

ALBA: You know it's hard out here for a pimp...

ALBA: My last post here was kinda ludicrously awesome. I'm just saying.

I Only Want To Be With You Dusty Springfield

This Is The Noise That Keeps Me Awake

• Been a long time since I got in here. Let's start cleaning house.
• Tragically, this might've been my best NaNo showing to date. And in Vonnegutian fashion I find the first three chapters fine and don't want to change a page after about 478 hours of minor tweaking. I just got to figure out how I'm opening chapter 4 and keep going from there. I can finish before I turn 28. This I know now.
• Living broke without a cellphone in 2006 America is the next closest thing to being homeless. I think this is why I don't feel like writing; my character is living a much better life than I am, and I'm holding it against her. Everything is a stress. I'm thinking about getting a credit card, which in the long run is like deciding injection over the chair, but it's getting to the 11th hour where people are going to go without Christmas presents. Le sigh.
• Paris Hilton, Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan. My groin's starting to itch just looking at it.
• BAHAHAHAHAHAHA on cue my mix CD has launched into "Hoochie Mama". All my audio knows me better than I know myself.
• Everybody's leaving to go to Vegas right before Christmas. Not going. Family vacation, let alone in Vegas, is like taunting Suge Knight. There's a way I spend my time in Vegas, and it ain't got jack shit to do with family. Unless you count mother/daughter. Plus, family vacations always sound more placid in theory and then about 45 minutes into it somebody (say, Mom) is at somebody else's (say, Quay's) throat and the room becomes a cell. Besides, when The Medicore Depression ends in employment and I get back in black I'm going with my friends, who are like family you can ditch without the guilt trips.
• Poor Rob. You want to talk, I'm here.
• I hate you, NFL Network.
• You speak/of signs and wonders/but I need/something other/I would believe/if I was able/but I'm waiting on the crumbs from your table...
• Why is everybody breaking up BUT Jessica & Cash? And if that Jessica Biel rumor is true, she can expect to swanddive down the fuck ladder on the next go-round.
• I want to think about doing something for New Year's Eve, but what?
• The one highlight of my life is the party I'm throwing when the fam is out of town getting such a tremendous response the first week out--I'm already looking at around 15 definites so far. Not only that, a great combination of at least my 3 closest friends, some new friends (my DJ buddy might change his mind about doing some work when he sees my 18 gigs), and some friends I haven't seen in forever. Plus I can neither confirm nor deny rumors John Mayer may show up. It'll be nice to be with everybody who's carried me through this time, have some poker, drinks, good times. Niiiiiiiiiiice!
• Friendistry? Chemistry? Stupid Joey and her plus one. I need a hook-up, damnit!
• By the way, about the whole waiting to declare Chapter 11 thing before finding a potential, there's a reason Groin's name isn't Brain.
• Did I mention I have a wishlist on the sidebar? Done.
• Funny moment as Danny worried about the Chargers losing to the Aaron Brooks led Raiders going into the 4th quarter. I pointed this out to him, and 2 plays later the pic was in the air. Should also be said Danny's excellent photography, no matter how evil it may make me look, will be at the partay.
• Scrubs is back tonight after The Office and My Name Is Earl. Waaaaayyyyyyyyyy too excited about this, I am.
• The more I hear "Baby Got Back", the more I'm convinced a) Sir-Mix-A-Lot was a prophet and b) here's another thing (said song's mentality going out) the white man stole from us.
• I promise to play "Christmas In Hollis" every hour on the hour until I get too drunk to do so.
• This is the hardest time of the year anyway. Just got to keep on keepin' on and get to '07. After all, I have a 10-year-reunion to think about and alternate life I'm leading to tell people.
• Now, does anyone care besides KRS-One?

Brimful Of Asha (Fatboy Slim remix) Cornershop