Time Capsule!

Best song I downloaded this year
Anything off of Night Ripper (no, I'm not even close to done pimping it out, why do you ask?) or Gnarls Barkley's "Crazy", natch

My favorite new toy
Blue Katana! The second-best looking Katana/eh I know.

Favorite word or phrase of 2006
C'mon. Say it with me, now:

That is IT! I have HAD IT with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane!

Honorable mention:
hahahahahahahahaWORD. -- Flav.

Today I'm a free man. Ladies look out. Fuck a wife. Give me my kids BITCH!--K-Fed

I'm 99% positive that Randolph & Mortimer Duke recently wagered $1 that they could turn the funniest, most successful stand-up comic into a disturbed bum on the street and turn a random unfunny guy off the street into the hottest comic in the land with TV specials and a feature film. How else can you explain the fall of Dave Chappelle and the rise of Dane Cook? It is the only answer. Looking good, Dane Cook! Feeling good, Dave Chappelle--Simmons reader

How do you always have 2 hot chicks who always want you? You're the ugliest fucking CHUD I've ever seen in my life and there are always two girls fighting over you!--Randal, Clerks II

Memo to John L. Smith: Learn the f'ing rules and realize your timeouts are not like cell-phone minutes--they do not carry over!!!--crazed MSU radio guy after they blew it against Notre Dame

"Because you all ignited it," he said to a small room of reporters. "You listen to eBay and e-mail and all that junk, and you all kept writing about it and that fans it and makes it grow and grow, and it becomes a cancer. That's why."--Bobby Bowden responding to FSU criticism

Debra Fordman says she likes shopping at Dollar Palace because it's cheap and convienent. "I don't have to get all dressed up like I'm going to Wal-Mart or something," she said. -- Letterman Small Town News segment

any Keith Olbermann special comment

Best James Brown song
"Sex Machine", even if I'm really partial to "It's A Man's Man's Man's World".

Best movie moment of the year
(tie) Borat and whispering to my friends during the end of Pirates 2 as they were floating downstream after they sent Sparrow off "How'd they end up in New Orleans?"

Saddest celebrity breakup
Miss Nevada and fun. I never thought I'd say this, but the no-goodniks run this country.

Man crush of the year
All the incoming members of the House and Congress waving the blue

Best sex I've had all year
A gentlemen doesn't kiss and tell, and neither do I.--Michael Scott

Obsession of the year
Finding employment.

Biggest disappointment of the year
Everything with my Grandma and throwing in 50 hours a week for seven months and not being able to make her better at all before she passed.

Best TV moment of the year
(tie) the Veronica Mars season finale, and Stephen Colbert's meltdown after the election

Trend I'm most sick of
See Obsession. So bad I cannot mount sufficient hate to everybody ugly bringing sexybackCHEAH. You need to invent your own catchphrases, same as nicknames. Dinkin flicka.

Rock star moment of the year
One time I stayed up all night with my Grandma and then went straight to work, pulled a 7-hour shift, and came home and made myself dinner. No, wait--
I still think it was worth it.

Britney, Paris, or Lindsay?
Zoinks, yo. Lindsay's winning by default, I suppose...

Biggest time-suck
MySpace, which is probably going to win this award for the next 15 years.

Favorite sign of the apocalypse
They gave me Time's Man of the Year award this year. Where were y'all the last three years? I was rolling like my name was Chong. I suppose some may argue my humanitarian if ultimately futile work with my grandmother counts, but c'mon. I don't think the Man of the Year is supposed to be jobless (frankly the fact that am I reeks of racism, that's right, I said it).

Most expensive purchase
You need money for those things is what they tell me.

Ambition for 2007
I think I have the same ones, more or less. Pretty flat year. Turn these 17,000 words into about 90,000 and get an agent for the publishing of Title TBD. Serious relationship with the right woman (also TBD). New job. Financial and self freedom. Getting gone. Going back to Vegas.

Save It For Later Harvey Danger cover

If I Had No Loot

Listed in chronological order, so no one whines.

• blue Sprint Katana
• Clerks II DVD
• 50 First Dates DVD
• Spiderman 2 DVD
• No Plot? No Problem: A Low-Stress, High-Velocity Guide To Writing A Novel In 30 Days by Chris Baty (the founder of NaNoWriMo)
• Season 1 of the Boondocks
• Seasons 1 and 2 of the Office (US)
• bottle of Grey Goose, original (time of completion: 2 hours)
• 3 mini bottles of Grey Goose, 2 original, 1 L'Orange (yup, all gone)
• bottle of Bacardi (slowly being drained)
  
• Mr. T In Your Pocket (six Mr. T quote buttons, attached to keychain)
• $50 from my uncle
• enough candy to induce diabetes
• black slacks
• 2 sweaters
• ESPN card deck
• YOUR 2006 AFC West Champion San Diego SUPER CHAAAAAAAAARGERS shirt
• 4 SportsCenter shot glasses
• lotto tickets (total winnings: another ticket, $7)
• flip-flops
• $45
• Survivor Series from last month
• new, plus-sized headphones
  
• the annual Borders gift card

That's My DJ Girl Talk

Radio Free Chula's 2006 Denoument

DROPS:
"Tell Me Baby" - 11
"Hate (I Really Don't Like You) " - 12
"Nausea" - 14
"Sexy Love" - 15

15. How To Save A Life ¤ the Fray (10)
14. Make It Rain ¤ Lil' Wayne feat. Fat Joe (debut)
13. I Will Follow You Into The Dark ¤ Death Cab For Cutie (8)
12. Show Me What You Got ¤ Jay-Z (6)
11. Fergalicious ¤ Fergie (13)*

10. Snow (Hey Oh) ¤ Red Hot Chili Peppers (re-entry)
9. Irreplaceable ¤ Beyonce (9)*
8. Steady, As She Goes ¤ the Raconteurs (5)
7. Say It Right ¤ Nelly Furtado (7)*
6. Wind It Up ¤ Gwen Stefani (debut)

5. White And Nerdy ¤ 'Weird' Al Yankovic (debut)
4. When You Were Young ¤ the Killers (3)

3. Waiting On The World To Change ¤ John Mayer (4)*

2. Anna Molly ¤ Incubus (2)*

1. Money Maker ¤ Ludacris feat. Pharrell (1) [1m]

Where Is The Love? Black Eyed Peas feat. Justin Timberlake

Terrorists 1, America 0

This is not our country, despite reports to the contrary. I mean, if Miss USA has to pull a Mel for liking barely legal poon and they strip Miss Nevada for minor offenses like this, let's just knock down Mt. Rushmore and get started on the big statue of Osama. Jeez.

Finally! Finally! BAH GAWD, Finally!

I'm sure some of you with jobs and significant others may wonder why I'm so much better that Time felt it necessary to honor me instead of you. A few reasons come to mind.

• I still have never made a purchase from Starbucks.
• I didn't bring sexyback; when you remain something, the necessity of bringing it back is none.
• I completely should've shattered the time-space continuum; instead, you all still live.
• By keeping the #21 powder blue freezer crisp, LaDainian Tomlinson is having the best season in the history of recorded sports.
• I was into Girl Talk before you.
• Propelled YouTube and MySpace into the stratosphere when normal people would've polished their resumes.
• By sheer force of thought, got NewsRadio reruns back on the air.
• Am currently about 60 pages into this novel, which we'll call the first.
• Thought a shitload of Republicans should be forced from office before it became trendy.
• STILL the Best Running Man in the County.
• Renamed my blog to reference the Roots.
• 14 shots of Goose. Amount of vomit: 0.
• Named my fantasy football team the T.Overdose, and then watched them fail to make the playoffs. That's right, I sacrificed a season for hilarity and accuracy.
• Am a black male, lived to see 27, and still don't have an arrest record.
• Didn't write horribly crappy song just to get Petra Nemcova and cheat on her later.
• Property of Kristen Bell. Even now.
• Despite never being asked to do so, always provided the kids with a positive role model.

American Idiot Green Day

The Best Music Of 2006

Now, usually I have something deep to say that sums up the year. And I'll get to it.

But first, to the progenitors of "Chicken Noodle Soup", "Chain Hang Low", BALLIN'!, people bringing sexyback months after the song came out, and "everything Rihanna did this year", I have but one thing to say to you: when I see you, it's not going to be pretty. And by 'not going to be pretty', I mean I will punch you all in the face with a speeding U-Haul.

You ask for Hova to come back and he half-asses it. You ask for your horizons to widen and suddenly you're listening to "Scentless Apprentice" backgrounding "Soul Survivor". And just when you think you'll never get to hear Cee-Lo without a backpack on...yeah.

In awards held prior to the ceremony: Night Ripper from Girl Talk got Album of the Year (seriously, the lead track has "Wait" over "Bittersweet Symphony"--and yes, he's using BSS because he could get sued for the 250ish samples on this--immediately followed by "I Ain't Heard Of That" over "Wonderwall" in 40 of the best seconds of the year. And knowledgeable enough about his skills to end with "Neva Eva". What's that Lil' Flip says? Game over?)

Everything I mentioned up in paragraph two tied for Axis Of Evil of the Year, and since they narrowly missed the top 25 the Arctic Monkeys will have to make do with Opening Line of the Year from their near-ubiquitous single "I Bet You Look Good On The Dancefloor": Stop making the eyes at me, I'll stop making the eyes at you. If I had a nickel for every time I thought that.

And in the second-biggest non shock of these proceedings, somehow OK Go managed to win Video of the Year. (BTW, Hinder talking shit about how OK Go doesn't rock is like K-Fed telling Clark Kent to get a job.)

Anyways...yes, let's...commence...

YET THE BRAIN KICKIN', THINKING OF 1,000 THINGS (HONORABLE MENTION)
Red Hot Chili Peppers - Tell Me Baby
NeYo - SexyLove
the Roots - Don't Feel Right
the Killers - When You Were Young
Pharrell feat. Kanye - Number 1
Weezer - Perfect Situation
Big Boi & the Purple Ribbon All-Stars - Kryptonite (I'm On It) GEORGE MASON WHAT
Kelly Clarkson - Walk Away

I KNOW. I KNOW! YEP. YEAH, YOU TOO.
25) Fall Out Boy ¤ Dance, Dance
I also only look for sympathy by the act of doing it. So I know where the kids are coming from here.

RIFF of the Year
24) Pearl Jam ¤ Life Wasted
Amount of time it took to win Riff of the Year: 6 seconds. Some Tenworthy stuff from the last survivors of grunge, a motivational speech with the kick in the ass guitar-supplied.

23) Beyonce feat. Jay-Z ¤ Deja Vu
Apparently this is where all the better rhymes went for Sean this year. Not quite "Crazy In Love", but it's good enough.

22) She Wants Revenge ¤ Tear You Apart
Joy Division and Pete Rock's bastard child talk about animal lust with a wholly depressing stutter behind it. Which just makes the animal lust stand out all the more.

21) John Mayer ¤ Waiting On The World To Change
20) Dixie Chicks ¤ Not Ready To Make Nice

Dear George,

Just wait until November.

Love, John.

Dear George,

Hello. Our names are Martie, Emily, and Natalie. You killed our careers for a couple years. Prepare to die.

P.S. FUCK YOU. Stronger message to follow.

Sincerely,
the Dixie Chicks.

19) the Bravery ¤ Unconditional
A great song that New Order didn't write...I guess...about the less fun upside of being single: the constant flip-flop of not caving vs. wanting someone in your life.

18) Yung Joc ¤ It's Goin' Down
Come on, it's okay. Just do the dance. Nobody's looking.

17) Regina Spektor ¤ Fidelity
I swear next year I'll have a Horribly Underplayed Song of the Year category. A kinda-sorta love song so great Veronica Mars used it, even if it didn't ultimately break the title character's fa-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-aaalll.

16) Franz Ferdinand ¤ The Fallen
The winners of last year's Line of the Year almost pulled it off again this year with any of the first four lines, praised their own personal saviors, had some adult beverages, got in a fight, and provided another 3½ minutes of feet-stomping singalong rock'n'roll the way it used to beish. No wonder everybody loves these guys!

15) Three 6 Mafia ¤ Stay Fly
The best part of a great party jam happens right off in the background: you're my peeps/'till I die...But nobody remembers that because the ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-chorus sticks in your he-he-he-he-he-head. Shit, where do you think Regina Spektor got the idea? And Girl Talk's minute of this over "1979" is phenawesomenal.

14) Cassie ¤ Me & U
A model-looking chick--except with the actual pedigree--drums up enough courage to make her move, now, over a beat I'm almost positive got lifted from the Bravery.

13) Ne-Yo ¤ So Sick
You know, for a talented guy you'd think he'd have some concept of what exactly a self-fulfilling prophecy entails...

12) Death Cab For Cutie ¤ I Will Follow You Into The Dark
Feel the love.

11) Fall Out Boy ¤ A Little Less Sixteen Candles, A Little More 'Touch Me'
This shouldn't made the top 25. The song was too short. The title was too long. The video was too goofy. And it was the 3rd single after two other hit singles. So why did this chart so high for me? Because I am the progeny of people who actually set their clocks late so they're always early, and I've blown it with a girl. Or 47.

And now, for the creme de la menthe!

10) T-Pain feat. Mike Jones ¤ I'm N Luv With A Stripper (remix)
Been there. Done that. Got the receipt to prove it. And the fact this song starts off as a barely revved up acoustic guitar...there is great, and then there is really great. This would be the second.

9) Nelly Furtado feat. Timbaland ¤ Promiscuous
What happened to my crunchy fair-voiced baby!? Minutes later, I realized I didn't care. Much as I thought Kevin Smith was making a mistake with Clerks II that ended up turning into one of my favorite movies of the year, Miss Nash rebounded from "Powerless (Say What You Want)" dying a quick death a couple years ago with her strongest outing to date, Timbaland providing beats and banter all the way. "I Got A Man" for the new generation, and I mean that in the most positive of ways.

8) Kanye West ¤ Touch The Sky
Literally inches away from Video of the Year. The whole President Nixon-Nia Long-'Gold Digger" callback-standing by TV bumper interlude was damn near too funny for words. Oh, by the way, this song also features Kanye's expert wordplay, a great horn section, and some kid named Lupe.

7) E-40 feat. Keak Da Sneak ¤ Tell Me When To Go
That's what going stupid is? I've been doing that since Hammer days! Despite possibly making me engage in legal action, the Bay Area veteran's missile into the middle class did so many great things this year you could find it emulated by A's fans, Playboy cover girls, and thankfully let Lil' Jon finally make a little bit of cash from this music thing. Is it weird because of a certain period between '99 and '01 and how I roll I think of stunna shades as Christian shades?

HOOK of the Year
6) T.I. ¤ What You Know
Allow me to invent a genre, so far as I know: menacing bounce. Look up this song in the hip-hop dictionary, and if it's the new edition that's where you'll find it. "Going Back To Cali": Less Than Zero:: this :: ATL.

5) Bubba Sparxxx feat. Ying Yang Twins ¤ Ms. New Booty
Please, please, no USC quarterbacking jokes. When you run into your first-ever high school crush after about a decade, and you love a song, and she really loves a song, yeah, that's a slight advantage in your quest to get in good at a year-ending list. Plus, I'm an ass man by nature anyhow. Ah, memories...

4) the White Stripes ¤ The Denial Twist
Not only did they almost win hook of the year again, about six lines from this got line of the year consideration. This is a sign of a Very Good Band. The shortest song on Get Behind Me Satan's singles list is so simple and accurate that the only imperfection is it's only two and a half minutes long instead of 3 or 4.

3) the Raconteurs ¤ Steady, As She Goes
Dude, I just got finished bigging you up. Jesus. Fine, fine, fine: when I heard VM was coming up with a new open, I deemed this after a couple short months as the only song that could really replace "We Used To Be Friends". It had it all: thinking you found a friend, a great riff, and that insistent end of Are you steady nowwwwwww? signifying anything but. At least I haven't had too much to think yet.

LINE of the Year
2) the All-American Rejects ¤ Move Along
If I'd had a better year, Kanye would've gotten this accolade. And maybe even this spot. Instead, the Everybody Hurts-style song summed up damn near the entirety of my 2006. Miss dating opportunities? Caretaker 50 hours a week for free? Get fired for your first offense? Get creditors calling you daily? Run into three figures and two phones worth of debt? Lose your room? Lose your cable? Lose your grandmother? Have your mom revert back to what she was? Have to keep pretending you have a job because your mom reverts back to what she was?

When all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through

It almost makes the fact the lead guy's attached to Kim Smith forgiveable, if you ask me.

1) Gnarls Barkley ¤ Crazy
About as big a shock as Jessica Alba winning my hottie list every 2 months. And just about as big a cakewalk. It's a remarkable thing for a song to be played everywhere for months on end and your instinct time and time again is to turn it up to 11. Yes, everywhere. Hip-hop. Top 40. Pop. Alternative. The fucking jazz station, for god's sake. And who would've thought they'd get the last ha ha ha with a club banging electro hip-hop orchestral tune about insanity? Bless their souls. And doubly bless their awesome live show I need to see next year, assuming I ever get money again.

I'm Pretty Sure This Ensures A White Christmas

Skinny little Lacey Chabert.

She grew up.

She filled out.

Lost One Jay-Z

Radio Free Chula

A prologue: Girl Talk's Night Ripper is so far and away the best album of the year that every other album released this year should get together and file a class-action rape charge. You think I'm kidding.

DROPS:
"Snow (Hey Oh)" - 9
"London Bridge (Oh Shit)" - 13
"Maneater" - 14

15. SexyLove ¤ NeYo (10)
14. Nausea ¤ Beck (15)
13. Fergalicious ¤ Fergie (12)*
12. Hate (I Really Don't Like You) ¤ Plain White T's (9)
11. Tell Me Baby ¤ Red Hot Chili Peppers (3)

10. How To Save A Life ¤ the Fray (debut)
9. Irreplaceable ¤ Beyonce (debut)
8. I Will Follow You Into The Dark ¤ Death Cab For Cutie (8)
7. Say It Right ¤ Nelly Furtado (debut)
6. Show Me What You Got ¤ Jay-Z (11)*

5. Steady, As She Goes ¤ the Raconteurs (4)
4. Waiting On The World To Change ¤ John Mayer (6)*

3. When You Were Young ¤ the Killers (1)

2. Anna Molly ¤ Incubus (5)*

1. Money Maker ¤ Ludacris feat. Pharrell (2) [2w]

Smash Your Head Girl Talk

And Now, A PSA From Kristen Bell

Seriously, y'all.

Nausea Beck

NP: Franz Ferdinand's "Take Me Out"

1. My music is sentient, down to the CD mixes.

2. Is it possible a newspaper is somehow mentally stalking me again?! This is twice in almost four months. And if their taste is so good, why don't they hire me? And I thought the fact my match.com profile went through was the weirdest thing that was going to happen tonight...

This Is The Noise That Keeps Me Awake

• Been a long time since I got in here. Let's start cleaning house.
• Tragically, this might've been my best NaNo showing to date. And in Vonnegutian fashion I find the first three chapters fine and don't want to change a page after about 478 hours of minor tweaking. I just got to figure out how I'm opening chapter 4 and keep going from there. I can finish before I turn 28. This I know now.
• Living broke without a cellphone in 2006 America is the next closest thing to being homeless. I think this is why I don't feel like writing; my character is living a much better life than I am, and I'm holding it against her. Everything is a stress. I'm thinking about getting a credit card, which in the long run is like deciding injection over the chair, but it's getting to the 11th hour where people are going to go without Christmas presents. Le sigh.
• Paris Hilton, Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan. My groin's starting to itch just looking at it.
• BAHAHAHAHAHAHA on cue my mix CD has launched into "Hoochie Mama". All my audio knows me better than I know myself.
• Everybody's leaving to go to Vegas right before Christmas. Not going. Family vacation, let alone in Vegas, is like taunting Suge Knight. There's a way I spend my time in Vegas, and it ain't got jack shit to do with family. Unless you count mother/daughter. Plus, family vacations always sound more placid in theory and then about 45 minutes into it somebody (say, Mom) is at somebody else's (say, Quay's) throat and the room becomes a cell. Besides, when The Medicore Depression ends in employment and I get back in black I'm going with my friends, who are like family you can ditch without the guilt trips.
• Poor Rob. You want to talk, I'm here.
• I hate you, NFL Network.
• You speak/of signs and wonders/but I need/something other/I would believe/if I was able/but I'm waiting on the crumbs from your table...
• Why is everybody breaking up BUT Jessica & Cash? And if that Jessica Biel rumor is true, she can expect to swanddive down the fuck ladder on the next go-round.
• I want to think about doing something for New Year's Eve, but what?
• The one highlight of my life is the party I'm throwing when the fam is out of town getting such a tremendous response the first week out--I'm already looking at around 15 definites so far. Not only that, a great combination of at least my 3 closest friends, some new friends (my DJ buddy might change his mind about doing some work when he sees my 18 gigs), and some friends I haven't seen in forever. Plus I can neither confirm nor deny rumors John Mayer may show up. It'll be nice to be with everybody who's carried me through this time, have some poker, drinks, good times. Niiiiiiiiiiice!
• Friendistry? Chemistry? Stupid Joey and her plus one. I need a hook-up, damnit!
• By the way, about the whole waiting to declare Chapter 11 thing before finding a potential, there's a reason Groin's name isn't Brain.
• Did I mention I have a wishlist on the sidebar? Done.
• Funny moment as Danny worried about the Chargers losing to the Aaron Brooks led Raiders going into the 4th quarter. I pointed this out to him, and 2 plays later the pic was in the air. Should also be said Danny's excellent photography, no matter how evil it may make me look, will be at the partay.
• Scrubs is back tonight after The Office and My Name Is Earl. Waaaaayyyyyyyyyy too excited about this, I am.
• The more I hear "Baby Got Back", the more I'm convinced a) Sir-Mix-A-Lot was a prophet and b) here's another thing (said song's mentality going out) the white man stole from us.
• I promise to play "Christmas In Hollis" every hour on the hour until I get too drunk to do so.
• This is the hardest time of the year anyway. Just got to keep on keepin' on and get to '07. After all, I have a 10-year-reunion to think about and alternate life I'm leading to tell people.
• Now, does anyone care besides KRS-One?

Brimful Of Asha (Fatboy Slim remix) Cornershop

Radio Free Chula

DROPS:
All Gnarls--"Crazy" was #8, "Gone Daddy Gone" #13

15. Nausea ¤ Beck (12)
14. Maneater ¤ Nelly Furtado (debut)
13. London Bridge (Oh, Shit) ¤ Fergie (14)*
12. Fergalicious ¤ Fergie (15)*
11. Show Me What You Got ¤ Jay-Z (11)*

10. SexyLove ¤ Ne-Yo (6)
9. Snow (Hey Oh) ¤ Red Hot Chili Peppers (debut)
8. I Will Follow You Into The Dark ¤ Death Cab For Cutie (3)
7. Hate (I Really Don't Like You) ¤ Plain White Ts (9)*
6. Waiting On The World To Change ¤ John Mayer (7)*

5. Anna Molly ¤ Incubus (10)*
4. Steady, As She Goes ¤ the Raconteurs (5)

3. Tell Me Baby ¤ Red Hot Chili Peppers (2)

2. Money Maker ¤ Ludacris feat. Pharrell (4)*

1. When You Were Young ¤ the Killers (1) [6w]

Go Common feat. John Mayer

KOSC: Lesson One

Stuck On Pam

Further evidence this is Tom's world and we just have profiles on it--

ACT I
So I wrote to Jenna Fischer's MS blog a few weeks ago that since she loved 24 (as do I) and was going to be on Letterman with Keifer that she should totally get him to be her voicemail message; some sort of variant on "WHAT ARE THE DIGITS?! WHAT PURPOSE ARE YOU SERVING!"

ACT II
We fast-forward to today's blog from Jenna:

I met Kiefer!!! It was only for like 1 minute backstage. He was leaving stage and I was getting ready to go on. I didn't have my cell phone with me so I couldn't ask him to record an outgoing message. Instead, I babbled on and on about how much I love 24 and how he totally deserved the Emmy win. He was very polite and humble and wished me luck with Dave.

I better not tell her I'm rooting for Karen the rest of the year and Jim/Pam for life after that, she'd be furious. Which would be kinda cute, actually...

ACT III
I was quick and decisive with my response, however--

That's so sad you didn't get Keifer to do the voicemail. I would've called myself all the time if I'd been able to get one and never picked up. I bet friends would've gotten upset if you actually, you know, answered your own phone.

Uh...DVD recommendations. I'm a little goofy and whatnot, but I recommend anything with Kevin Smith, John Cusack, and, of course, Coming To America.

I am now officially psyched up for Thursday. Here's to your good luck and improving ratings!
-

More on this story as it develops...

Fortune Faded Red Hot Chili Peppers

More Than Word

Ironically Sweet Brown Medicine was my first AIM handle.

Fidelity Regina Spektor

20%.

I'm sure if I hadn't gone out for 8 jobs this week and already gotten shut down for 2, if the installation fee for the internet didn't fall on my head somehow due to the move, if I had any money, if the people looking for said money stopped calling three times a day and I didn't have to stay up until 2 a.m. to get some fucking quiet in this house I would be on pace or ahead.

Then again, wouldn't be my life, would it?

A village of supporting characters is cropping up. My idea to write four times a day in 15-minute bursts is going okay. Perhaps I should've thought of it before 5 hours ago. Brittany is going to have to address her singlehood, her brother David is going to have to address whether she wants it, and she might be into either the guy who was a victim of his girlfriend beating him in the library, the officer making the arrest, the reporter who's about to launch her into the stratosphere, or the guy her best friend wants to set her up with.

I'm on my way
I don't know where I'm goin'
I'm on my way
I'm taking my time but I don't know where...

Oh, in order to write the first club scene I did put together the DJ BC Saturday Night Mix, which for all none of you who care goes like this

1 - Madison Avenue, "Don't Call Me Baby"
2 - Mobb Deep feat. 50 Cent & Nate Dogg, "Have A Party"
3 - Chris Brown feat. Juelz Santana, "Run It (remix)"
4 - Purple Ribbon All-Stars feat. Big Boi, "Kryptonite (I'm On It)"
5 - Jackson 5, "I Want You Back"
6 - Dem Franchize Boyz feat. Jermaine Dupri, Da Brat, and Bow Wow, "I Think They Like Me (remix)"
7 - Chamillionaire feat. Lil' Flip, "Turn It Up"
8 - Cassie, "Me & U" (in a perfect world it would've been the DJ Steve 1nder mash with the Cure's "Close To You" with the backbeat. ahhhhhhhhh.)

9
Tears Of A Shakeoff DJ AM's Mariah Carey/Smokey Robinson and the Miracles mash

10 - Franz Ferdinand, "Take Me Out"
11 - Three 6 Mafia feat. 8-Ball, MJG, and Young Buck, "Stay Fly"
12 - E-40 feat. Keak Da Sneak, "Tell Me When To Go"
13 - Bubba Sparxxx feat. Ying Yang Twins, "Ms. New Booty"
14 - Fall Out Boy, "Dance, Dance"
15 - Yung Joc, "It's Goin' Down"
16 - Sean Paul, "Temperature"
17 - The Outfield, "Your Love"
18 - Lighter Shade Of Brown, "Hey DJ"
19 - Kurupt feat. Snoop Dogg, Warren G, and Nate Dogg, "Ain't No Fun"

Feel free to burn it and try it on your own fun endeavors. I'm going to take a short break and hopefully can get another half hour's work in before I go out and fuel up.

I can do this.

Even now.

Just got to keep chopping.

Radio Free Chula

Before you say anything...I know.

DROPS:
"U & Dat" (11)
"Here It Goes Again" (12)

15. Fergalicious ¤ Fergie (debut)
14. London Bridge (Oh, Shit) ¤ Fergie (14)
13. Gone Daddy Gone ¤ Gnarls Barkley (7)
12. Nausea ¤ Beck (15)*
11. Show Me What You Got ¤ Jay-Z (13)*

10. Anna Molly ¤ Incubus (debut)
9. Hate (I Really Don't Like You) ¤ Plain White Ts (9)*
8. Crazy ¤ Gnarls Barkley (8)
7. Waiting On The World To Change ¤ John Mayer (10)*
6. SexyLove ¤ Ne-Yo (4)

5. Steady, As She Goes ¤ the Raconteurs (5)
4. Money Maker ¤ Ludacris feat. Pharrell (6)*

3. I Will Follow You Into The Dark ¤ Death Cab For Cutie (3)*

2. Tell Me Baby ¤ Red Hot Chili Peppers (2)

1. When You Were Young ¤ the Killers (1) [1m]

So Whatcha Want Beasties

Sacre Blue!

OVERTHROW

THAT

SHIT

I believe I will be marking the invitation BYOB for bring your own BOOYAH! Now do I keep him on the Dead To Me list since the psuedorreroists have taken care of it already, or...



BYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH~!

Unconditional the Bravery

Our Freedom Of Speech Is Freedom Or Death*

*= this post won't have the gravitas necessary to both my foreign fans.

And you should know how the rest of that lyric goes. KO?

We are, as every generation, inseparable from our own time.

Thus is our perspective, inevitably that of the explorer looking into the wrong end of the telescope.

But even accounting for our myopia, it’s hard to imagine there have been many elections more important than this one, certainly not in non-presidential years.

And so we look at the verdict in the trial of Saddam Hussein yesterday, and, with the very phrase “October, or November, Surprise” now a part of our vernacular, and the chest-thumping coming from so many of the Republican campaigners today, each of us must wonder about the convenience of the timing of his conviction and sentencing.

But let us give history and coincidence the benefit of the doubt—let’s say it’s just “happened” that way—and for a moment not look into the wrong end of the telescope.

Let’s perceive instead the bigger picture:

Saddam Hussein, found guilty in an Iraqi court.

Who can argue against that?

He is officially, what the world always knew he was: a war criminal.

Mr. Bush, was this imprimatur, worth the cost of 2,832 American lives, and thousands more American lives yet to be lost?

Is the conviction of Saddam Hussein the reason you went to war in Iraq?

Or did you go to war in Iraq because of the weapons of mass destruction that did not exist?

Or did you go to war in Iraq because of the connection between Iraq and al-Qaida that did not exist?

Or did you go to war in Iraq to break the bonds of tyranny there, while installing the mechanisms of tyranny here?

Or did you go to war in Iraq because you felt the need to wreak vengeance against somebody, anybody?

Or did you go to war in Iraq to contain a rogue state which, months earlier, your own administration had declared had been fully contained by sanctions?

Or did you go to war in Iraq to keep gas prices down?

How startling it was, sir, to hear you introduce oil to your stump speeches over the weekend.

Not four years removed from the most dismissive, the most condescending, the most ridiculing denials of the very hint at, as Mr. Rumsfeld put it, this “nonsense.”

There you were, campaigning in Colorado, in Nebraska, in Florida, in Kansas -- suddenly turning this ‘unpatriotic idea’ into a platform plank.

"You can imagine a world in which these extremists and radicals got control of energy resources," you told us. "And then you can imagine them saying, 'We're going to pull a bunch of oil off the market to run your price of oil up unless you do the following.'"

Having frightened us, having bullied us, having lied to us, having ignored and rewritten the Constitution under our noses, having stayed the course, having denied you’ve stayed the course, having belittled us about "timelines" but instead extolled "benchmarks," you’ve now resorted, sir, to this?

We must stay in Iraq to save the $2 gallon of gas?

Mr. President, there is no other conclusion we can draw as we go to the polls tomorrow.

Sir, you have been making this up as you went along.

This country was founded to prevent anybody from making it up as they went along.

Those vaunted Founding Fathers of ours have been so quoted up, that they appear as marble statues: like the chiseled guards of China, or the faces on Mount Rushmore. But in fact they were practical people and the thing they obviously feared most was a government of men and not laws.

They provided the checks and balances for a reason.

No one man could run the government the way he saw fit -- unless he, at the least, took into consideration what those he governed saw.

A House of Representatives would be the people's eyes.

A Senate would be the corrective force on that House.

An executive would do the work, and hold the Constitution to his chest like his child.

A Supreme Court would oversee it all.

Checks and balances.

Where did that go, Mr. Bush?

And what price did we pay because we have let it go?

Saddam Hussein will get out of Iraq the same way 2,832 Americans have and thousands more.

He’ll get out faster than we will.

And if nothing changes tomorrow, you, sir, will be out of the White House long before the rest of us can say we are out of Iraq.

And whose fault is this?

Not truly yours. You took advantage of those of us who were afraid, and those of us who believed unity and nation took precedence over all else.

But we let you take that advantage.

And so we let you go to war in Iraq to oust Saddam or find non-existant weapons or avenge 9/11 or fight terrorists who only got there after we did or as cover to change the fabric of our Constitution or for lower prices at The Texaco or…?

There are still a few hours left before the polls open, sir. There are many rationalizations still untried.

And whatever your motives of the moment, we the people have, in true good faith and with the genuine patriotism of self-sacrifice (of which you have shown you know nothing), we have let you go on making it up as you went along.

Unchecked and unbalanced.

Vote.

10%!

I figured this year every 5,000 words I would reward myself with a post about the novel and how it's going. One, because I figure talking about it will keep me doing it (barring horrible illness again). Two, because I know some of you are wondering how a normal person is trying to do a 50k novel in the course of a month as opposed to Crazy Aussie Man who last I heard is rocking himself to sleep muttering "semi-colon, semi-colon, semi-colon". And three, because I can't live on writing the novel alone; I need to break it up.

First of all, the decision to leave the house today and go to a community computer was awesome. No brother pouting, no mother yelling, just me and the taunting cursor. Better yet, no waiting for 2 a.m. for the quiet, or trying to steal it in 110-word bursts in the middle of the day wondering when the other shoe is going to drop and the real world unfocuses me. I unfocus myself enough, thanks--don't need help on the arms of outside services.

Second, the goal is 1,750 a day. It's a little bit better than average with the idea that that little bit better over the course of a month is to get me done a day or two early (a good idea seeing Thanksgiving is around the corner--where did the year go? OH. Right.). So far I am batting 66%, which will be up to 75% by the time I get done today.

Third, I wrote the opening stuff. I'm pretty sure how I am going to end it, and know of at least 4--maybe 6?--semi-major to major events I want to happen in the creamy middle. The rest? We leave that up to the ether and what comes out of it.

This year's novel is actually one of those fun "inspired by real life events" that I didn't know I was going to do until the day before Labor Day. It's a simple story of a DJ. Who happens to be rich. And white. And a girl. I threw in a black adopted younger brother, his girlfriend who goes from struggling actress to supernova, a best friend coming back from her dad's suicide after his Golden Boy status at a network went from Midas to DeLorean (those parts inspired by the five-star Desperate Networks, which is probably going to end up my Book of the Year by Bill Carter), and a couple of ancillary characters who are surprisingly making good cases to stick around more than I had booked them into being. Presto. This is drawing from some of last year's failed attempt, but Brittany Cattroli is her own girl and this is her own story. Matter of fact, she's beginning to come up with stuff on her own. I hope it continues.

If you guys have any questions, I'll try to answer them in the comments or send you messages. See ya when I see ya--right now I got a cute girl who's got a Rakim itch she needs to scratch.

(Scratch! DJ! I slay me.)

P.S.: This Is A Journey Into Sound. Spin Spin Sugar. Possible titles. Thumbs up or thumbs down?

Black Tambourine Beck