There are way more one-hitters than no-hitters. And way more no-hitters than perfect games.
So for the first day ever at Comic-Con, I didn't meet anybody famous. Though I could've met Virgil! ("You said famous!") Iyari no-showed, which was mildly distressing, and I didn't get to break to see John Kricfalusi. Ah, well. I did, in the interests of fairness, get a shot with a smoking hot Leialike, so the day wasn't a complete wash. Yeah, the Force was with me...in my pants!
Classics are classics because they're always good.
Tomorrow & Saturday are the big star-gazing days, though it's going to be fun this weekend with the Padres back in the Litterbox across the street from the year the Con quite possibly breaks six digits.
And as my tired head hits the pillow tonight, a little voice will go "Portman, take me away!"...
This post brought to you BAH: "Megalomaniac" by Incubus
7/14/05
7/13/05
the King of Clubs The King Of Hearts
I'm sitting here thinking.
Three roads diverged in a snowy wood, and I...
Haven't picked one yet. But I'm getting there.
Saturday I was thinking of calling Rebecca. R's the one I met back on Memorial Day Eve and had the good date with, and the one who went off for a couple weeks for her brother's graduation.
This is where Liz and...ooh, I really don't want to name names on the third. For completion's sake and because I like the name, we'll call her Jessica...step up further in my mind. Liz and I start flirting as I through a random series of events show up at the hookah bar more often. Jessica I meet out of the blue at a party and we get along great, especially on the dance floor.
Rebecca comes back, and I pull the Swingers over the holiday weekend on her. Why? Because I have to. Better to be aloof than needy. Don't play the game, I just make the rules.
So I'm about to call Saturday afternoon and get into the whole casualask to Rebecca of what she's doing Saturday night and see if she would also care to frequent the club I'm planning to hit when Aaron comes up and tempts me with the possibility of seeing Jessica.
And what option does my 142 IQ take? Jessica. Duh. And she doesn't disappoint, as at some point I am sure my overt staring of her when I can get away with it is going to cause a Clark Kentian eruption of fire. Doesn't, thankfully. But I do forget to call Rebecca back for a day or two, or up until right nowish.
I go see Liz with the date question cocked and loaded in my mind. Despite that, I play some of my best poker ever. If only we were allowed to bet money in the City of San Diego I would be quite far ahead--folding good, making fold-inducing raises, figuring out Aaron & Ivan's hands by how much they bet on some occassions. In fact, things are going well enough I sort of go on autopilot pokerwise and start focusing on the Lust Parallelogram I've wandered into. I think of the date I had with cute and funny Rebecca, I think of probably-way-too-young-for-me-but-that-just-makes-it-better Jessica's legs, I think of Liz inches away and it's like If it weren't for my horse... except the scenery's a billion times better when it all goes six ways from Sunday.
Earlier on, Aaron & I order hot chocolate while Ivan foolishly reveals he bought his hookah elsewhere. Liz goes as far as to jokingly call it a betrayal while we immediately sell him out and make sure our beverages don't get spit in. So when he says hot chocolate and hands me a five for two bucks, I decide to take a break from the game action and get him a second hot chocolate.
So, I get back, and Liz brings the hot chocolate.
Aaron just paid me back for the first one, since he didn't have exact change. Superflous! So after some embarrassment, I just take it in. And then, after putting the straw in but not having any, I decide to get a refund. What's more, I decide to announce it to my friends.
My friends who immediately look at me as if I am dancing the fox trot on Elliot Ness' corpse.
But fuck them, I'll get to see Liz, which is worth it. Back to the front I head, and then I explain to her exactly what had happened and calmly ask for my refund.
She says to me but you bought it. I say, this is true, but I didn't have any of it, all I did was put in the straw. I rotate the glass a bit to show her the level of liquid has remained unchanged since she made it, and we go back and forth about the rebate on the chocolate, the possibility of germs, and my flash of idiocy. And she says something, and I smile and ask if you're trying to seduce me, Mrs. Robinson, and she says no with a yes smile and then I turn away.
It was really something, the look on Ivan & Aaron's faces when I walked back with the rebate.
And the hot chocolate.
It's a Spectorian Wall of Sound, whatthehowthedidyouholdherupwhatthehowtheareyoufuckingkiddingme for about two minutes. All I can do is laugh and deliver one of my favorite quotes by an African-American philosopher: I'm a hustla, baby.
Poker continues. I'm too busy laughing. They're too busy wondering if I am, in fact, Lucifer Hisself. There's a followup move I have to do, and it takes me a while to figure out what it is. Clearly, heart chess is being played here and she's made a move. But while I ignore the poker, I think of everything possible to say and/or do.
And when it closes, I thank her one more time, and tip her the money she gave me back. An "Aww!" and "Thank you" later, with another fetching smile, I'm out the door with the Dirk Diggler Power Kick.
Aaron thinks I should've pulled the trigger earlier, and I'm willing to bet Rob does too. But she took a step forward, and I met it. So the next move is the all-in, not this one.
I mean, if I was smart enough to wait until the end of the night to drop the tip, I'm not about to blow my goodfaith wad in that early a stroke.
As for Rebecca and Jessica...well, clearly, some things are going to be done on my part on those fronts. But all I can think about now is a certain beautiful blonde and that second hot chocolate that tasted like heaven-coated sweetness.
Chris Griffin was right: the best things in life are free.
Current music: "Until The End Of The World" by U2
Three roads diverged in a snowy wood, and I...
Haven't picked one yet. But I'm getting there.
Saturday I was thinking of calling Rebecca. R's the one I met back on Memorial Day Eve and had the good date with, and the one who went off for a couple weeks for her brother's graduation.
This is where Liz and...ooh, I really don't want to name names on the third. For completion's sake and because I like the name, we'll call her Jessica...step up further in my mind. Liz and I start flirting as I through a random series of events show up at the hookah bar more often. Jessica I meet out of the blue at a party and we get along great, especially on the dance floor.
Rebecca comes back, and I pull the Swingers over the holiday weekend on her. Why? Because I have to. Better to be aloof than needy. Don't play the game, I just make the rules.
So I'm about to call Saturday afternoon and get into the whole casualask to Rebecca of what she's doing Saturday night and see if she would also care to frequent the club I'm planning to hit when Aaron comes up and tempts me with the possibility of seeing Jessica.
And what option does my 142 IQ take? Jessica. Duh. And she doesn't disappoint, as at some point I am sure my overt staring of her when I can get away with it is going to cause a Clark Kentian eruption of fire. Doesn't, thankfully. But I do forget to call Rebecca back for a day or two, or up until right nowish.
I go see Liz with the date question cocked and loaded in my mind. Despite that, I play some of my best poker ever. If only we were allowed to bet money in the City of San Diego I would be quite far ahead--folding good, making fold-inducing raises, figuring out Aaron & Ivan's hands by how much they bet on some occassions. In fact, things are going well enough I sort of go on autopilot pokerwise and start focusing on the Lust Parallelogram I've wandered into. I think of the date I had with cute and funny Rebecca, I think of probably-way-too-young-for-me-but-that-just-makes-it-better Jessica's legs, I think of Liz inches away and it's like If it weren't for my horse... except the scenery's a billion times better when it all goes six ways from Sunday.
Earlier on, Aaron & I order hot chocolate while Ivan foolishly reveals he bought his hookah elsewhere. Liz goes as far as to jokingly call it a betrayal while we immediately sell him out and make sure our beverages don't get spit in. So when he says hot chocolate and hands me a five for two bucks, I decide to take a break from the game action and get him a second hot chocolate.
So, I get back, and Liz brings the hot chocolate.
Aaron just paid me back for the first one, since he didn't have exact change. Superflous! So after some embarrassment, I just take it in. And then, after putting the straw in but not having any, I decide to get a refund. What's more, I decide to announce it to my friends.
My friends who immediately look at me as if I am dancing the fox trot on Elliot Ness' corpse.
But fuck them, I'll get to see Liz, which is worth it. Back to the front I head, and then I explain to her exactly what had happened and calmly ask for my refund.
She says to me but you bought it. I say, this is true, but I didn't have any of it, all I did was put in the straw. I rotate the glass a bit to show her the level of liquid has remained unchanged since she made it, and we go back and forth about the rebate on the chocolate, the possibility of germs, and my flash of idiocy. And she says something, and I smile and ask if you're trying to seduce me, Mrs. Robinson, and she says no with a yes smile and then I turn away.
It was really something, the look on Ivan & Aaron's faces when I walked back with the rebate.
And the hot chocolate.
It's a Spectorian Wall of Sound, whatthehowthedidyouholdherupwhatthehowtheareyoufuckingkiddingme for about two minutes. All I can do is laugh and deliver one of my favorite quotes by an African-American philosopher: I'm a hustla, baby.
Poker continues. I'm too busy laughing. They're too busy wondering if I am, in fact, Lucifer Hisself. There's a followup move I have to do, and it takes me a while to figure out what it is. Clearly, heart chess is being played here and she's made a move. But while I ignore the poker, I think of everything possible to say and/or do.
And when it closes, I thank her one more time, and tip her the money she gave me back. An "Aww!" and "Thank you" later, with another fetching smile, I'm out the door with the Dirk Diggler Power Kick.
Aaron thinks I should've pulled the trigger earlier, and I'm willing to bet Rob does too. But she took a step forward, and I met it. So the next move is the all-in, not this one.
I mean, if I was smart enough to wait until the end of the night to drop the tip, I'm not about to blow my goodfaith wad in that early a stroke.
As for Rebecca and Jessica...well, clearly, some things are going to be done on my part on those fronts. But all I can think about now is a certain beautiful blonde and that second hot chocolate that tasted like heaven-coated sweetness.
Chris Griffin was right: the best things in life are free.
Current music: "Until The End Of The World" by U2
7/12/05
Work ChummmmmmmmmmmmmmmPs
My usual Saturday night I head downtown, across the street from work, and wander Fourth and Fifth Avenues looking for a good place to get up on the goodfoot, drink, and be merry.
What'd I do at work today?
Wandered Fourth & Fifth Avenues plugging the Comic-Con.
They said some people found it hard. I said "Some people need to try doing it every other Saturday with seven beers in them at 2 in the morning with two girls using you as a crutch to keep themselves upright."
Oh, and there was a metric shitload of hot hostesses out, including a really cute British girl with blue eyes working--where else--at a Mexican restaurant.
And I got off two and a half hours early.
BRING ON THE PORTMANIA!
Current music: "In The Garage (live)" by Weezer
What'd I do at work today?
Wandered Fourth & Fifth Avenues plugging the Comic-Con.
They said some people found it hard. I said "Some people need to try doing it every other Saturday with seven beers in them at 2 in the morning with two girls using you as a crutch to keep themselves upright."
Oh, and there was a metric shitload of hot hostesses out, including a really cute British girl with blue eyes working--where else--at a Mexican restaurant.
And I got off two and a half hours early.
BRING ON THE PORTMANIA!
Current music: "In The Garage (live)" by Weezer
7/11/05
That Which Does Not Kill Us...
August 16th: Sin City DVD
August 19th-22nd: Vegas vacation.
All I know is if I'm still alive on the 23rd, I'm going to be dizzy like a b a s t a r d...
Current music: "Popular" by Nada Surf
August 19th-22nd: Vegas vacation.
All I know is if I'm still alive on the 23rd, I'm going to be dizzy like a b a s t a r d...
Current music: "Popular" by Nada Surf
7/9/05
KWBR: the Playlist
First time for everything...
WHERE IS THE LOVE:
"Be Yourself" (14)
"Beverly Hills" (15)
15) Ciara feat. Ludacris, "Oh" (9)
14) Gorillaz, "Feel Good Inc." (13)
13) Coldplay, "Speed Of Sound" (7)
12) System Of A Down, "BYOB" (11)
11) 50 Cent, "Just A Lil' Bit" (6)
10) Ludacris feat Bobby Valentino, "Pimpin' All Over The World" (12)*
09) Foo Fighters, "Best Of You" (5)
08) 50 Cent, "Disco Inferno" (9)
07) the White Stripes, "Blue Orchid" (4)
06) Jimmy Eat World, "Futures" (10)*
05) Common, "Go" (debut)
04) Mariah Carey feat. the Lox, "We Belong Together (remix)" (3)
03) Ying Yang Twins, "Wait" (1)
02) Gwen Stefani, "Hollaback Girl" (2)*
01) Coldplay, "Fix You" (debut) [2w]
Current music: "Lucky Man" by the Verve
WHERE IS THE LOVE:
"Be Yourself" (14)
"Beverly Hills" (15)
15) Ciara feat. Ludacris, "Oh" (9)
14) Gorillaz, "Feel Good Inc." (13)
13) Coldplay, "Speed Of Sound" (7)
12) System Of A Down, "BYOB" (11)
11) 50 Cent, "Just A Lil' Bit" (6)
10) Ludacris feat Bobby Valentino, "Pimpin' All Over The World" (12)*
09) Foo Fighters, "Best Of You" (5)
08) 50 Cent, "Disco Inferno" (9)
07) the White Stripes, "Blue Orchid" (4)
06) Jimmy Eat World, "Futures" (10)*
05) Common, "Go" (debut)
04) Mariah Carey feat. the Lox, "We Belong Together (remix)" (3)
03) Ying Yang Twins, "Wait" (1)
02) Gwen Stefani, "Hollaback Girl" (2)*
01) Coldplay, "Fix You" (debut) [2w]
Current music: "Lucky Man" by the Verve
7/8/05
This Is The Usual Friday Post With A Little Twist
Shoutout to Victor, condolences for everybody affected by the London Attack, and eggnog in the face of the guilty parties.
LADDER: Payday!
LADDER: Paying for the Alba Fantastic 4 poster to help bolster my Jessica corner, and being able to get Passion Is A Fashion, a Clash biography for only $10.50 off eBay.
LADDER: The weather, which is why we suffer exorbitant prices.
SNAKE: The mercurial nature of my modem out of nowhere today.
LADDER: Next week's the motherfucking Con! List of people I hope to interact with (ranging from meet and give props to saw off own arm for a no-holds-barred one-night stand): Iyari Limon (it's becoming a tradition), Jerry O'Connell, Christine Taylor, Lucy Lawless, John Kricfalusi, Greg "the Hammer" Valentine, Charisma Carpenter, Natalie Portman, Stan Lee, Seth Green, John Landis (going for the repeat), John Favreau (especially given the trip to Vegas next month), Grace Park, David Boreanaz (maybe Jaime Bergman?), Amber Benson, Kevin Smith, Joss Whedon, Nicholas Brendon, Kate Beckinsale, Eva Mendes, Matt Groening, Michelle Rodriguez, Summer Altice, Rachel Sterling, Tenacious D, and Carla Gugino.
Keep in mind this is just who's advertised to show up.
SNAKE: The Portman announcement--this is akin to having a religious revival in the LA Coliseum and mentioning Jesus is going to swing by for Q & A. If I don't come back alive, you know why: I stood between 90,000 nerds and their goddess.
LADDER: I'd be lying if I said I didn't think about Natalie recording The Voicemail Message on the cell I named after her. Plus, I gotta figure meeting Natalie Portman is like playing with pocket aces all the time--how many times have I pissed off poor Dupin with "Everybody's who's hugged Ms. Calendar put their hand up. Hey, it's just me! I guess you need to shut the fuck up, then!"
LADDER: Fantastic 4's out today! Will it suck? Do I give a rat's sweet ass? Oh, that reminds me...
SNAKE: Leno...
LADDER: ...interviewing Jessica. Jessica actually copping to her jealousy and absolute willingness to scrap over her man, including the old punch in the hand...if she hadn't broken the scale, that would have broken the scale. It was either cute in a frightening way or frightening in a cute way.
LADDER: By putting my right hand up and applying constant pressure to the mute I barely heard from the fat-chinned eunuch.
LADDER: Jennifer Tilly winning a women's event at the WSOP. Was it because I took the pictures of her last year? Who can say? Well, me. Sure, some people will try and tell you it's her boyfriend the Unabomber, but ask QT how Kill Bill did after I wished him good luck in '03. Not only do I got the magic stick, I'm a magic charm.
LADDER: Londonites, for their well-that-sucked-back-to-work-on-Monday attitude. I hate to sound glib and flip about this (outside of my 'pocket sevens are going to get called the London Attack in poker within the next year' comment last night) but it almost seems like they're fully prepared to handle something like this.
LADDER: VEGAS, BABY! Oh, I know it's like five and a half weeks away. But you swing a deal like Aaron, Ivan and I swung, and then have a week off with nothing but time on your hands and the daydreams are just wheat ready to be reaped or whatever the fuck it is one does with wheat. I feel like Red crossing the border to that Mexican town where Andy was working on the boat. I hope I can make it into the Grand, and shake the concierge's hand with a 10 in mine. I hope the pool at the Hard Rock is as full of morally decrepit babes looking for someone to fling around as it has been in my dreams. I hope...
SNAKE: I'm thirsty.
LADDER: Mmm...Pepsi.
SNAKE: I haven't played poker in entirely too fucking long. Epecially emboldended by Ms. Tilly's success and the trip, I need to rectify this and the sooner the better.
LADDER: Grandmaster Flash coming to town...
SNAKE: ...on the first night of Comic-Con. Decisions!
Current music: "Electric Avenue" by Eddy Grant
LADDER: Payday!
LADDER: Paying for the Alba Fantastic 4 poster to help bolster my Jessica corner, and being able to get Passion Is A Fashion, a Clash biography for only $10.50 off eBay.
LADDER: The weather, which is why we suffer exorbitant prices.
SNAKE: The mercurial nature of my modem out of nowhere today.
LADDER: Next week's the motherfucking Con! List of people I hope to interact with (ranging from meet and give props to saw off own arm for a no-holds-barred one-night stand): Iyari Limon (it's becoming a tradition), Jerry O'Connell, Christine Taylor, Lucy Lawless, John Kricfalusi, Greg "the Hammer" Valentine, Charisma Carpenter, Natalie Portman, Stan Lee, Seth Green, John Landis (going for the repeat), John Favreau (especially given the trip to Vegas next month), Grace Park, David Boreanaz (maybe Jaime Bergman?), Amber Benson, Kevin Smith, Joss Whedon, Nicholas Brendon, Kate Beckinsale, Eva Mendes, Matt Groening, Michelle Rodriguez, Summer Altice, Rachel Sterling, Tenacious D, and Carla Gugino.
Keep in mind this is just who's advertised to show up.
SNAKE: The Portman announcement--this is akin to having a religious revival in the LA Coliseum and mentioning Jesus is going to swing by for Q & A. If I don't come back alive, you know why: I stood between 90,000 nerds and their goddess.
LADDER: I'd be lying if I said I didn't think about Natalie recording The Voicemail Message on the cell I named after her. Plus, I gotta figure meeting Natalie Portman is like playing with pocket aces all the time--how many times have I pissed off poor Dupin with "Everybody's who's hugged Ms. Calendar put their hand up. Hey, it's just me! I guess you need to shut the fuck up, then!"
LADDER: Fantastic 4's out today! Will it suck? Do I give a rat's sweet ass? Oh, that reminds me...
SNAKE: Leno...
LADDER: ...interviewing Jessica. Jessica actually copping to her jealousy and absolute willingness to scrap over her man, including the old punch in the hand...if she hadn't broken the scale, that would have broken the scale. It was either cute in a frightening way or frightening in a cute way.
LADDER: By putting my right hand up and applying constant pressure to the mute I barely heard from the fat-chinned eunuch.
LADDER: Jennifer Tilly winning a women's event at the WSOP. Was it because I took the pictures of her last year? Who can say? Well, me. Sure, some people will try and tell you it's her boyfriend the Unabomber, but ask QT how Kill Bill did after I wished him good luck in '03. Not only do I got the magic stick, I'm a magic charm.
LADDER: Londonites, for their well-that-sucked-back-to-work-on-Monday attitude. I hate to sound glib and flip about this (outside of my 'pocket sevens are going to get called the London Attack in poker within the next year' comment last night) but it almost seems like they're fully prepared to handle something like this.
LADDER: VEGAS, BABY! Oh, I know it's like five and a half weeks away. But you swing a deal like Aaron, Ivan and I swung, and then have a week off with nothing but time on your hands and the daydreams are just wheat ready to be reaped or whatever the fuck it is one does with wheat. I feel like Red crossing the border to that Mexican town where Andy was working on the boat. I hope I can make it into the Grand, and shake the concierge's hand with a 10 in mine. I hope the pool at the Hard Rock is as full of morally decrepit babes looking for someone to fling around as it has been in my dreams. I hope...
SNAKE: I'm thirsty.
LADDER: Mmm...Pepsi.
SNAKE: I haven't played poker in entirely too fucking long. Epecially emboldended by Ms. Tilly's success and the trip, I need to rectify this and the sooner the better.
LADDER: Grandmaster Flash coming to town...
SNAKE: ...on the first night of Comic-Con. Decisions!
Current music: "Electric Avenue" by Eddy Grant
7/6/05
Ezekiel 25:17, or something like that...
And you will know my name is the LORD
When I lay my Vengeance upon thee.
Either one works. Carlito defends, Christian rules, and Lita spends 20 consecutive minutes without being on her back.
Be there (or there). Aloha.
Current music: "All Day And All Of The Night" by the Kinks
When I lay my Vengeance upon thee.
Either one works. Carlito defends, Christian rules, and Lita spends 20 consecutive minutes without being on her back.
Be there (or there). Aloha.
Current music: "All Day And All Of The Night" by the Kinks
And On The Count Of 40, Everybody Run Back To My Fantasy
So, did a spot of HTML work and reformed my hot chick laminates list without the help of outside sources. You can pan down the page and see it after the blogs.
Tidbits:
Current music: "Walk On The Wild Side" by Lou Reed
Tidbits:
- Four dropped out: Anna Kournikova (26), Kylie Mingoue (28), Teri Hatcher (32), and Tyra Banks (39); but all of them are in the top 50.
- Leeann Tweeden and Jennifer Walcott re-enter the top 40, and Kelly Hu & Sarah Shahi debut.
- Jessica Biel made the biggest jump, up 11 to 26.
- Jennifer Love Hewitt is back in the top 10 roughly since Time Of Your Life.
- Jessica Alba....still #1.
Current music: "Walk On The Wild Side" by Lou Reed
7/4/05
And The Winner IS...
LAST NIGHT: A simple game based on the Price Is Right. If I wanted to take an over-the-weekend four-day three-night roundtrip flight to Vegas and stay in the MGM Grand, how much would I have to spend?
Five guesses.
And you all overbid.
I'm not talking kinda overbid, I'm talking overbid. I'm talking up to three times as much at the most extreme.
Because the winning number for my new vacation beginning six weeks from tomorrow?
It's $375.
How does this happen? How does a man land this plum a spot on the Strip at that big a discount this close to the date of the event?!
Two things: you should know I'm a veritable captain of charisma, and as such--heh--that's how I roll!
Current music: "Don't Lose Your Head" by INXS
Five guesses.
And you all overbid.
I'm not talking kinda overbid, I'm talking overbid. I'm talking up to three times as much at the most extreme.
Because the winning number for my new vacation beginning six weeks from tomorrow?
It's $375.
How does this happen? How does a man land this plum a spot on the Strip at that big a discount this close to the date of the event?!
Two things: you should know I'm a veritable captain of charisma, and as such--heh--that's how I roll!
Current music: "Don't Lose Your Head" by INXS
In My America...
...the longer people preach about the need for the Lord Jesus Christ to save somebody who obviously isn't interested, the closer they come to spontaneously combusting.
...robots do all the work on major holidays.
...the national anthem is "Flashlight" by Parliament.
...the guillotine is back, and we are richer for having tested it out on Julia Roberts, Ryan Seacrest, and the Runaway Bride before using it on the murderers and rapists.
...girls under 18 who look older have a red barcode on the back of their hands. Between 18 and 21, yellow barcode.
...dress size is in direct inverted proportion to hotness.
...the hottest selling celebrity porno tape is Angelina Jolie/Jessica Alba.
...my birthday's a national holiday.
...Valentine's Day is so completely optional.
...we've annexed Canada, renamed that North America, and renamed North America Butchland.
...Vicente Fox lives in Compton. Or, he did for a couple hours...
..."Hail To The Chief" has been replaced by "Back In Black".
...sarcasm meters made by fine upstanding Japanese workers are readily available to the populace, just 'cause.
...there's a PSP in every hand and a plasma in every room.
...Brazil is the 51st state.
...not only have I legalized it, but the chip and salsa industry has hit 10 figures.
...not everybody's opinion counts the same, because some people clearly have no idea what the fuck they're talking about.
...in the event something horrible happens to me, David Stern will act as defacto President.
...I've bombed the Fox News building back to the Stone Age.
...Catholic school comes with 4 grand worth of psychiatry appointments.
...fewer Starbucks. More strip clubs.
...I've taught the world to sing, but it's not in perfect harmony because a lot of us are drunk. Coke. Pfft.
...everybody within 30 minutes of their job goes home for lunch, you get off at 7, dinner's at 9, the clubs close at 4, and work starts promptly at 10.
...Tom Cruise has his own reality show, and the ratings are spectacular.
...people who can't control their kids get them controlled for them. Any irritated strangers get 1 (one) free swing at the little fucker.
...I'm the gardener on Wisteria Lane. Screw you, this is MY America.
Current music: "Pass The Mic" by the Beastie Boys
7/3/05
The Interactive Portion Of My Blog
I figure I'll run this game for 24 hours, since it'll be fun.
Now then, the rules are basic Price Is Right, whoever can come closest without going over wins. Those who already know the answer can't play.
But what do you think I'd have to pay to get a roundtrip flight to Vegas next month along with a four-day, three-night over-the-weekend stay at the MGM Grand?
Hm?
Use the comments. I trust we can all play by the rules of the honor system, so don't cheat. At least over something trivial like this.
Current music: "Somebody To Love" by Queen
Now then, the rules are basic Price Is Right, whoever can come closest without going over wins. Those who already know the answer can't play.
But what do you think I'd have to pay to get a roundtrip flight to Vegas next month along with a four-day, three-night over-the-weekend stay at the MGM Grand?
Hm?
Use the comments. I trust we can all play by the rules of the honor system, so don't cheat. At least over something trivial like this.
Current music: "Somebody To Love" by Queen
And the Whole Pampered Style-Making Cult of the Bored Young
It occurs to me on this very early Sunday morning as I sit back in this chair smelling dimly of sweat and booze, dreading work the next couple days and feeling an ache in the back of my neck that I'm just sick of it.
I'm sick of meeting friends from the Net and I'm sick of taking them to the Strip Club where apparently everyone knows my name and I'm sick of letting DJs let me do the chorus of "The Choice Of Yours" and I'm sick of walking Fifth Avenue on a Saturday night after the game with beers in me and I'm sick of wowing hot girls with my dance moves and encyclopedic knowledge of old school hip hop and I'm sick of bumping and I'm sick of grindiahahahahahaahaha.
Well, shit, I tried.
Current music: "Undone (The Sweater Song)" by Weezer
I'm sick of meeting friends from the Net and I'm sick of taking them to the Strip Club where apparently everyone knows my name and I'm sick of letting DJs let me do the chorus of "The Choice Of Yours" and I'm sick of walking Fifth Avenue on a Saturday night after the game with beers in me and I'm sick of wowing hot girls with my dance moves and encyclopedic knowledge of old school hip hop and I'm sick of bumping and I'm sick of grindiahahahahahaahaha.
Well, shit, I tried.
Current music: "Undone (The Sweater Song)" by Weezer
7/2/05
Don't Know How To Live. Gotta Lot Of Toys.
Too many. I actually have a blog where I just fill out surveys, cheekily named When Keeping It Real Fills In The Blanks.
Be there. Aloha.
Current music: "Brimful Of Asha" by Cornershop
Be there. Aloha.
Current music: "Brimful Of Asha" by Cornershop
6/30/05
Somebody Get Me A Bat And A Dresser
It is taking every waking muscle in my capabilities not to just let fly with a colossal bell-ringing pigeon-scattering outburst of the F word.
I am going to try.
So I go to my bank, to withdraw money so that's I can send off the money order for the Fantastic 4 poster. I'm going to put it caddy-corner to the Sin City poster, claim the corner in the name of Jessica. When I can't get the money, I go inside.
Inside it says some Travel something or other has taken my money, about $100 of it. So between the pittiance I had in the main account and the overdraft charge I'm now in the hole about $70.
This is Not Good.
So I call the number the teller gives me and find out it's the people who jumped on me when I bought the now-in-retrospect-due-to-Street-Scene completely unnecessary Snoop tickets. They offered a trial membership (which I took) and then a year membership (which, in May I sent e-mails to break off) for...you guessed it, $100.
So I call them up and read them the Riot Act and their Swear to their God my refund is coming in the next couple of business days.
That isn't going to work for me on a holiday weekend. On THE holiday weekend of the summer.
So instead of...pfft...having a life, I think I'm going to be stuck inside on Saturday barring some Miracle on 34th Street, working Sunday and ID4. So hitting the club with Rebecca, or taking the crushes on dates, or poker, or, y'know, living is all right out the door right now.
And of course the irony is, had I not decided to throw the biggest bomb of the summer last weekend, I'd have another $70-$80 in my pocket...
Life sure is beautiful, innit?
Current music: "Away" by Mercy Drive
I am going to try.
So I go to my bank, to withdraw money so that's I can send off the money order for the Fantastic 4 poster. I'm going to put it caddy-corner to the Sin City poster, claim the corner in the name of Jessica. When I can't get the money, I go inside.
Inside it says some Travel something or other has taken my money, about $100 of it. So between the pittiance I had in the main account and the overdraft charge I'm now in the hole about $70.
This is Not Good.
So I call the number the teller gives me and find out it's the people who jumped on me when I bought the now-in-retrospect-due-to-Street-Scene completely unnecessary Snoop tickets. They offered a trial membership (which I took) and then a year membership (which, in May I sent e-mails to break off) for...you guessed it, $100.
So I call them up and read them the Riot Act and their Swear to their God my refund is coming in the next couple of business days.
That isn't going to work for me on a holiday weekend. On THE holiday weekend of the summer.
So instead of...pfft...having a life, I think I'm going to be stuck inside on Saturday barring some Miracle on 34th Street, working Sunday and ID4. So hitting the club with Rebecca, or taking the crushes on dates, or poker, or, y'know, living is all right out the door right now.
And of course the irony is, had I not decided to throw the biggest bomb of the summer last weekend, I'd have another $70-$80 in my pocket...
Life sure is beautiful, innit?
Current music: "Away" by Mercy Drive
6/26/05
Waiting For Charlie Murphy
I think disgust is too far an extreme of a word, given what happened.
But the term "extreme disappointment"? Well, I'll wave that around like a Hanzo sword against O-Ren.
The invites left here fine, but something must've happened when they hit the transmitter. Five people showed up, two of whom Aaron & I hadn't seen in years. (A special nod, bow, and pelvic thrust must be given to Diane at this point, who biked in). FIVE out of, I'd be fair in guessing, 30. I realize people have lives and daughters and jobs, and these things must be accounted for. But only one person gave advance notice on dodging out, one dropped 24 hours before, and another while it was happening. I'm not giving away anthrax, I'm throwing a party! I buy food, and some drink, and bring some tunes. You show up, you sing the songs, you eat the food, you drink the drink, and that's the end of it. You're not marrying me, you're not sleeping with me (though varying on who you are that option may make itself available ANYfuckingway), and I'm not asking you to find a low-carb cure for cancer.
JUST SHOW UP.
It's just unbelivably frustrating to go through all the effort of setting things up and clearing off a day to do this, and then to just be met with a tidal wave of near-complete apathy. And I take back the opening sentence, I am a little disgusted. People need to keep this sort of thing in mind when I don't return their DVDs promptly or borrow money or admit to dreaming about fingerfucking their sisters in the future. I'm sitting here with extra pounds of carne, full soda and beer cans alongside the mild stench of bile at the back of my throat; the crowning moment of the day was almost watching the Scrubs DVD.
It's hard not to just throw my hands up, say "Why bother?" and not do it anymore. But I think we all know someday, even if I went away, I'd just probably come back.
Tempting as it is at this moment to just explode the contacts side of the cell and start over fresh, I've decided to hold off.
Forgivenes is hard.
Forgetting's a near-impossibility.
You're so vain...you probably think this post is about you...
Current music: "Let Me Go" by 3 Doors Down
But the term "extreme disappointment"? Well, I'll wave that around like a Hanzo sword against O-Ren.
The invites left here fine, but something must've happened when they hit the transmitter. Five people showed up, two of whom Aaron & I hadn't seen in years. (A special nod, bow, and pelvic thrust must be given to Diane at this point, who biked in). FIVE out of, I'd be fair in guessing, 30. I realize people have lives and daughters and jobs, and these things must be accounted for. But only one person gave advance notice on dodging out, one dropped 24 hours before, and another while it was happening. I'm not giving away anthrax, I'm throwing a party! I buy food, and some drink, and bring some tunes. You show up, you sing the songs, you eat the food, you drink the drink, and that's the end of it. You're not marrying me, you're not sleeping with me (though varying on who you are that option may make itself available ANYfuckingway), and I'm not asking you to find a low-carb cure for cancer.
JUST SHOW UP.
It's just unbelivably frustrating to go through all the effort of setting things up and clearing off a day to do this, and then to just be met with a tidal wave of near-complete apathy. And I take back the opening sentence, I am a little disgusted. People need to keep this sort of thing in mind when I don't return their DVDs promptly or borrow money or admit to dreaming about fingerfucking their sisters in the future. I'm sitting here with extra pounds of carne, full soda and beer cans alongside the mild stench of bile at the back of my throat; the crowning moment of the day was almost watching the Scrubs DVD.
It's hard not to just throw my hands up, say "Why bother?" and not do it anymore. But I think we all know someday, even if I went away, I'd just probably come back.
Tempting as it is at this moment to just explode the contacts side of the cell and start over fresh, I've decided to hold off.
Forgivenes is hard.
Forgetting's a near-impossibility.
You're so vain...you probably think this post is about you...
Current music: "Let Me Go" by 3 Doors Down
6/25/05
KWBR: The Playlist
BOYS DON'T CRY:
"Toma" (9)
"Drop It Like It's Hot (remix)" (11)
"Lose Control" (12)
"Like That" (14)
"Smile Like You Mean It" (15)
15) Weezer, "Beverly Hills" (13)
14) Audioslave, "Be Yourself" (2)
13) Gorillaz, "Feel Good Inc." (debut)
12) Ludacris feat. Bobby Valentino, "Pimpin' All Over The World" (debut)
11) System Of A Down, "BYOB" (debut)
10) Jimmy Eat World, "Futures" (debut)
09) 50 Cent, "Disco Inferno" (6)
08) Ciara feat. Ludacris, "Oh" (10)
07) Coldplay, "Speed Of Sound" (8)*
06) 50 Cent, "Just A Lil' Bit" (7)*
05) Foo Fighters, "Best Of You" (debut)
04) the White Stripes, "Blue Orchid" (5)*
03) Mariah Carey feat. the Lox, "We Belong Together (remix)" (4)*
02) Gwen Stefani, "Hollaback Girl" (3)*
01) Ying Yang Twins, "Wait" (1) [1m]
Current music: "The Good Life" by Weezer
"Toma" (9)
"Drop It Like It's Hot (remix)" (11)
"Lose Control" (12)
"Like That" (14)
"Smile Like You Mean It" (15)
15) Weezer, "Beverly Hills" (13)
14) Audioslave, "Be Yourself" (2)
13) Gorillaz, "Feel Good Inc." (debut)
12) Ludacris feat. Bobby Valentino, "Pimpin' All Over The World" (debut)
11) System Of A Down, "BYOB" (debut)
10) Jimmy Eat World, "Futures" (debut)
09) 50 Cent, "Disco Inferno" (6)
08) Ciara feat. Ludacris, "Oh" (10)
07) Coldplay, "Speed Of Sound" (8)*
06) 50 Cent, "Just A Lil' Bit" (7)*
05) Foo Fighters, "Best Of You" (debut)
04) the White Stripes, "Blue Orchid" (5)*
03) Mariah Carey feat. the Lox, "We Belong Together (remix)" (4)*
02) Gwen Stefani, "Hollaback Girl" (3)*
01) Ying Yang Twins, "Wait" (1) [1m]
Current music: "The Good Life" by Weezer
6/24/05
Oh, Yeah, Throw Your Love And Hate In The Air Like You Don't Care
LOVE: The 1st Annual Rick James Memorial Summer Jam is less than 24 hours away, and I'm fucking stoked. Outside of Amanda & Nate (damn Berkeley people, breaking my heart...) I am of the belief 90% of my friends are in. You couple it in with Aaron's friends--especially the hot ones--a bunch of carne asada y pollo, and this is going to be a parTAY of epic proportion.
And yes, I'll take pictures and throw 'em up so y'all see how a brother livin'.
LOVE: Just in time for the 1ARJMSJ, the June Gloom has finally died off--mid 70's, cloud-dotted sunny weather. This is why we suffer through extravagantly high prices and we're finally gettting a return on the investment. Plus, I need to work on my tan.
LOVE: Fuck that bar with peanuts, it's PayDay! Paid off the bills, about to pay off the rent, and still got enough to live the kind of life I like to live. Good times, good times.
LOVE: Went to Fumari last night and dropped a new top 5 on her: uses of real music in the movies. My list? Billie Holliday's "As Time Goes By", Casablanca; Steppenwolf's "Born To Be Wild", Easy Rider; the Beatles' "Twist & Shout", Ferris Bueller's Day Off; and the co-#1s: Otis Redding's "Shout" as covered by Otis "My Man" Day & the Knights, Animal House; and, of fucking course, Peter Gabriel's "In Your Eyes", Say Anything.
I mean, I had to bump the piano solo from "Layla" in Goodfellas and "Stuck In The Middle With You" from Reservoir Dogs, to say nothing of the pain brought on from not having "Damn It Feels Good To Be A Gangsta" in Office Space, but fuck it--I'll put that top 5 against ANYBODY'S.
LOVE: Liz agreeing with me with the #1s, and not laughing when I admitted to her I cried at the end of Say Anything. I'm secure enough in my masculinity to say that. And if it didn't at least occur to you, get the hell off my friend list. She's also a Cusack fan, which is why I think she appreciates the High Fidelity game.
LOVE: When Ivan & I went to place our order last night, Liz was wearing a low-cut tank top and we both had a psychic moment where we thought of the exact same line from the "Mad Real World" sketch. I said, "We're thinking the exact same thing and we don't even need to say what it is, aren't we?" He said "Yeah" and we both cracked up. That's got beer commercial written all over it.
LOVE: So, picked up the new Rolling Stone.
HATE: I should've picked up two copies.
I'm KIDDING!
...or am I?!
LOVE: I'm the Hurricane's friend on MySpace. Hurricane's on RAW, so if anybody would have Trish's cell number or know somebody who would...
LOVE: The InsomNBA Finals are finally over. I'm sorry, a good game 5 and a good game 7 (and hey, if you can't show up for a GAME FUCKING 7, go play in traffic) don't make this a classic series. The old Bulls, Lakers, and he admits choking back the bile at the back of his throat 60s and 80s Celtics would kill the Spurs. Even with sneaking looks at Eva Longoria.
HATE: My stupid itching beard.
LOVE: I'm dropping it tomorrow to look more Rick-like. Rickian? Rickesque?
I cannot think of anything else that is either relevant or true...
Current music: "Let Me Ride" by Dr. Dre
And yes, I'll take pictures and throw 'em up so y'all see how a brother livin'.
LOVE: Just in time for the 1ARJMSJ, the June Gloom has finally died off--mid 70's, cloud-dotted sunny weather. This is why we suffer through extravagantly high prices and we're finally gettting a return on the investment. Plus, I need to work on my tan.
LOVE: Fuck that bar with peanuts, it's PayDay! Paid off the bills, about to pay off the rent, and still got enough to live the kind of life I like to live. Good times, good times.
LOVE: Went to Fumari last night and dropped a new top 5 on her: uses of real music in the movies. My list? Billie Holliday's "As Time Goes By", Casablanca; Steppenwolf's "Born To Be Wild", Easy Rider; the Beatles' "Twist & Shout", Ferris Bueller's Day Off; and the co-#1s: Otis Redding's "Shout" as covered by Otis "My Man" Day & the Knights, Animal House; and, of fucking course, Peter Gabriel's "In Your Eyes", Say Anything.
I mean, I had to bump the piano solo from "Layla" in Goodfellas and "Stuck In The Middle With You" from Reservoir Dogs, to say nothing of the pain brought on from not having "Damn It Feels Good To Be A Gangsta" in Office Space, but fuck it--I'll put that top 5 against ANYBODY'S.
LOVE: Liz agreeing with me with the #1s, and not laughing when I admitted to her I cried at the end of Say Anything. I'm secure enough in my masculinity to say that. And if it didn't at least occur to you, get the hell off my friend list. She's also a Cusack fan, which is why I think she appreciates the High Fidelity game.
LOVE: When Ivan & I went to place our order last night, Liz was wearing a low-cut tank top and we both had a psychic moment where we thought of the exact same line from the "Mad Real World" sketch. I said, "We're thinking the exact same thing and we don't even need to say what it is, aren't we?" He said "Yeah" and we both cracked up. That's got beer commercial written all over it.
LOVE: So, picked up the new Rolling Stone.
HATE: I should've picked up two copies.
I'm KIDDING!
...or am I?!
LOVE: I'm the Hurricane's friend on MySpace. Hurricane's on RAW, so if anybody would have Trish's cell number or know somebody who would...
LOVE: The InsomNBA Finals are finally over. I'm sorry, a good game 5 and a good game 7 (and hey, if you can't show up for a GAME FUCKING 7, go play in traffic) don't make this a classic series. The old Bulls, Lakers, and he admits choking back the bile at the back of his throat 60s and 80s Celtics would kill the Spurs. Even with sneaking looks at Eva Longoria.
HATE: My stupid itching beard.
LOVE: I'm dropping it tomorrow to look more Rick-like. Rickian? Rickesque?
I cannot think of anything else that is either relevant or true...
Current music: "Let Me Ride" by Dr. Dre
6/19/05
A Surefire Way To Spice Up Work
Go to a birthday party where you don't even know anybody, drink 10 beers, mingle with everybody, dance with hot girls and throw your shoulder out of whack (probably as a result of the breakdancing).
The recuperative powers of Sunny D best start kicking in right quick or today's gonna be trouble.
Current music: "Gimme Shelter" by the Stones
The recuperative powers of Sunny D best start kicking in right quick or today's gonna be trouble.
Current music: "Gimme Shelter" by the Stones
6/17/05
What's Hate And Love Got To Do With It?
HATE: They brought down the Babe Index! Just when I was getting off the anal-retentive habit of making full lists, listing last month's rankings and peak positions. Figures.
HATE: This is the last day of my weekend. Five days after this. Is there anyway I can get money for sitting on my ass besides joining Congress?
LOVE: Swingers, even if I still can't watch the Most Awkward Scene In Movie History. The physical representation of your friend telling a joke about you that cuts way deeper than it appears but you don't want to bring any attention to yourself so you give one of those "ha HA" laughs while inside it feels like you just got punched in the chest by a Buick.
LOVE: Sunny Delight, version 1.
LOVE: My friend Amanda back in town for the weekends; I still owe her a Saturday night of wilding out.
LOVE: The thing about having weekdays off is you never know what's going to pop up on the tele. I mean, you'd think a weekday afternoon would be a dead zone without PTI, but right now I'm half-watching some idiot blowing it on Blind Date, There's Something About Mary's on FX (even though I own it, it's still great), they rerun Ed on TBS--which I hadn't been aware of until a week ago--and Celebrity Poker Showdown is going to be on in the bottom of the hour. I know I'm supposed to go buy the Father's Day present at some point today, but there are just too many options!
LOVE: The Rick James Memorial Summer Jam is coming along nicely, with friends in and more hot girls than guys. Everyone who wants to know the real secret to throwing a good party: get hot girls to show up. Hot girls travel in packs. Hot girls attract guys. And there you go.
HATE: Everybody jumping on the Jessica Alba bandwagon. Where is my credit? Where is my dap? The first local man to bring a pimp cup to the clubs, a Rick James wig, a World Championship belt, the man who in 2002 said Reese's needed to make a big-ass peanut butter cup, and do I even get a sniff of credit for innovation? Of course not.
HATE: The friend coming of Aaron's who asked "Who is Rick James?" She better be, like, MERILYNN hot to get away with that.
LOVE: Party tomorrow! Do I know anybody besides Aaron? Does it matter?
LOVE: Hilary Duff expanding her acting portfolio to science fiction; apparently she's in some sort of bizarro world that looks like ours in this one except Heather freaking Locklear can't get a date. I'd like to visit that place, I think I could be president.
HATE: With the door slam, my brother is officially on summer vacation. He wakes me up early once, I shall kill him.
Current music: "It's Only Rock n' Roll" by the Stones
HATE: This is the last day of my weekend. Five days after this. Is there anyway I can get money for sitting on my ass besides joining Congress?
LOVE: Swingers, even if I still can't watch the Most Awkward Scene In Movie History. The physical representation of your friend telling a joke about you that cuts way deeper than it appears but you don't want to bring any attention to yourself so you give one of those "ha HA" laughs while inside it feels like you just got punched in the chest by a Buick.
LOVE: Sunny Delight, version 1.
LOVE: My friend Amanda back in town for the weekends; I still owe her a Saturday night of wilding out.
LOVE: The thing about having weekdays off is you never know what's going to pop up on the tele. I mean, you'd think a weekday afternoon would be a dead zone without PTI, but right now I'm half-watching some idiot blowing it on Blind Date, There's Something About Mary's on FX (even though I own it, it's still great), they rerun Ed on TBS--which I hadn't been aware of until a week ago--and Celebrity Poker Showdown is going to be on in the bottom of the hour. I know I'm supposed to go buy the Father's Day present at some point today, but there are just too many options!
LOVE: The Rick James Memorial Summer Jam is coming along nicely, with friends in and more hot girls than guys. Everyone who wants to know the real secret to throwing a good party: get hot girls to show up. Hot girls travel in packs. Hot girls attract guys. And there you go.
HATE: Everybody jumping on the Jessica Alba bandwagon. Where is my credit? Where is my dap? The first local man to bring a pimp cup to the clubs, a Rick James wig, a World Championship belt, the man who in 2002 said Reese's needed to make a big-ass peanut butter cup, and do I even get a sniff of credit for innovation? Of course not.
HATE: The friend coming of Aaron's who asked "Who is Rick James?" She better be, like, MERILYNN hot to get away with that.
LOVE: Party tomorrow! Do I know anybody besides Aaron? Does it matter?
LOVE: Hilary Duff expanding her acting portfolio to science fiction; apparently she's in some sort of bizarro world that looks like ours in this one except Heather freaking Locklear can't get a date. I'd like to visit that place, I think I could be president.
HATE: With the door slam, my brother is officially on summer vacation. He wakes me up early once, I shall kill him.
Current music: "It's Only Rock n' Roll" by the Stones
6/16/05
And Now To Totally Surprise Regular Visitors, A Post Glorifying Jessica Alba
I'm just saying. There is quality, and there is Quality, and then there is what Jessica has been doing for the past...let's hedge our bets and call it nine months.
1) Maxim shoot. Soooo hot, even hotter than the first.
2) Parties with Eva Longoria for New Year's Eve in South Beach.
3) That same week, candid shots of her go out at the beach with her wearing a white bikini and her ass pointing square at the camera as some sort of siren song of all that is good and holy with the world.
4) Sin City.
5) the GQ shoot.
6) Sin City.
7) the GQ shoot, because, in both cases, seriously though.
8) the see-through shirt for the MTV Movie Awards. To quote a wise man NIPPOLA NIPPOLA NIPPOLA NIPPOLA NIPPOLA NIPPOLA NIPPOLA
9) "But the thrill we've never known/Is the thrill that gets ya/When you get your picture/On the cover of a Rolling Stone ROLLING STONE..."
It should be noted based on advanced reports the first paragraph of the article (that needs words?!) is entirely based on how sweet her ass is.
Is this her year or what? Just remember six years ago who began building the bandwagon with his bare hands, baby. Just remember.
Ambient music: Young Buck feat. 50 Cent - Let Me In
1) Maxim shoot. Soooo hot, even hotter than the first.
2) Parties with Eva Longoria for New Year's Eve in South Beach.
3) That same week, candid shots of her go out at the beach with her wearing a white bikini and her ass pointing square at the camera as some sort of siren song of all that is good and holy with the world.
4) Sin City.
5) the GQ shoot.
6) Sin City.
7) the GQ shoot, because, in both cases, seriously though.
8) the see-through shirt for the MTV Movie Awards. To quote a wise man NIPPOLA NIPPOLA NIPPOLA NIPPOLA NIPPOLA NIPPOLA NIPPOLA
9) "But the thrill we've never known/Is the thrill that gets ya/When you get your picture/On the cover of a Rolling Stone ROLLING STONE..."
It should be noted based on advanced reports the first paragraph of the article (that needs words?!) is entirely based on how sweet her ass is.
Is this her year or what? Just remember six years ago who began building the bandwagon with his bare hands, baby. Just remember.
Ambient music: Young Buck feat. 50 Cent - Let Me In
6/12/05
Five Easy Pieces
ONE: She looked really cute in a way that elevated her to hot.
I had on a good pair of jeans but a polo shirt, too. For a guy on an early date, especially the first one, there's always the problem of looking like you care but not appearing to be desperate. So it's about 10 minutes away, and she's wearing a blue sundress with what're-they-called...pointsettias! and a little white sweater over the top. The nerves begin to kick in with some amplifiers now.
TWO: She's courageous. At least with food choices.
She got a pasta dish with pieces of fried calamari in it! I was blown away, as I fear certain seafood objects and that's one of them. Not only that, she offered me some of it, leading to the following exchange.
"No way, I'm not touching that."
"Why, you scared?"
"Yeah, I'm scared. That's how they get you, and then you lean in to eat, (miming a strangulation)"
"But it's fried!"
"Oh, that's what they'll tell you..."
THREE: She kept up in conversation with me, even when we disagreed.
But I'm totally right about this : all Molly Ringwald had to do was pick Duckie in Pretty In Pink and she'd be polishing Oscars right now. It was a lot about our lives, some music (mostly hip-hop), some religion, and in my favorite portion of the evening chat-wise, how Sophia was stupid, evil, crazy, and a man-hating dyke. Well, maybe not all of that, but even so it was pretty cathartic. So if I lose her it won't be over that.
FOUR: She is an appreciator of fine taste.
After originally wondering why we had to get to the restaurant when it opened up, her reaction to her plate after the first forkful in the packed house? "You seem like a nice guy and everything, but I'm leaving you for linguini and dead squid." Plus, she's into me, so there you go.
FIVE: She might not know if you kiss someone within an hour of eating said dish, you will still taste a little bit like the dish.
At least I know now.
I really like Rebecca. I mean, before, I just wanted to get with her, but now...well, we'll have to see.
But if I hads my druthers...
Current music: "Army" by Ben Folds Five
I had on a good pair of jeans but a polo shirt, too. For a guy on an early date, especially the first one, there's always the problem of looking like you care but not appearing to be desperate. So it's about 10 minutes away, and she's wearing a blue sundress with what're-they-called...pointsettias! and a little white sweater over the top. The nerves begin to kick in with some amplifiers now.
TWO: She's courageous. At least with food choices.
She got a pasta dish with pieces of fried calamari in it! I was blown away, as I fear certain seafood objects and that's one of them. Not only that, she offered me some of it, leading to the following exchange.
"No way, I'm not touching that."
"Why, you scared?"
"Yeah, I'm scared. That's how they get you, and then you lean in to eat, (miming a strangulation)"
"But it's fried!"
"Oh, that's what they'll tell you..."
THREE: She kept up in conversation with me, even when we disagreed.
But I'm totally right about this : all Molly Ringwald had to do was pick Duckie in Pretty In Pink and she'd be polishing Oscars right now. It was a lot about our lives, some music (mostly hip-hop), some religion, and in my favorite portion of the evening chat-wise, how Sophia was stupid, evil, crazy, and a man-hating dyke. Well, maybe not all of that, but even so it was pretty cathartic. So if I lose her it won't be over that.
FOUR: She is an appreciator of fine taste.
After originally wondering why we had to get to the restaurant when it opened up, her reaction to her plate after the first forkful in the packed house? "You seem like a nice guy and everything, but I'm leaving you for linguini and dead squid." Plus, she's into me, so there you go.
FIVE: She might not know if you kiss someone within an hour of eating said dish, you will still taste a little bit like the dish.
At least I know now.
I really like Rebecca. I mean, before, I just wanted to get with her, but now...well, we'll have to see.
But if I hads my druthers...
Current music: "Army" by Ben Folds Five
A DJ Plays "Just A Friend", Just A Friend Rises From The Grave, And Grave Misgivings Come True (Welcome to My Saturday)
I say yesterday if I show up dressed for the club they'll let me go early. If I don't I can assume they'll make me work my whole shift.
And for day one of my "third year", I got off two hours early for the first time. Instead of hopping across the street and joining things in media res I was doomed horribly. OK, not true, but it was a slight pain in the ass.
The oddness was only beginning.
I meant to get something substantial in my system but ended up reading a book about Coldplay at Borders. Then at the club I felt odd macking girls considering I am now under 12 hours away from my date with Rebecca. Got loose, went to Fumari. Liz, bless her, picked up the top 5 conversation right where we left off after I begged forgiveness and to replace P-Funk with Nirvana.
So just when I think the apex of oddity is reached, a group of three girls sidles in next to me, two of whom I haven't seen before and one of whom I haven't seen in months--Mary, who with glasses and darker, longer hair looks different than she was in an oddly fetching sort of Norah Jonesy way.
Talked to her, and now things are written are my arm, one of which is a message to the date and the one of which I can read is FUCKING REMEMBER THIS MARY WAS HERE.
The sobriety being an issue, and all.
Gotta get together with her; maybe invite her to the RJ Memorial Summer Jam. At least the next bowling get together.
Hey, seeing as I want to be moving in 10 hours towards Rebecca, maybe I want to use that vast interval of time for SLEEP, hm?!
Current music: "Bohemian Rhapsody" by Queen
And for day one of my "third year", I got off two hours early for the first time. Instead of hopping across the street and joining things in media res I was doomed horribly. OK, not true, but it was a slight pain in the ass.
The oddness was only beginning.
I meant to get something substantial in my system but ended up reading a book about Coldplay at Borders. Then at the club I felt odd macking girls considering I am now under 12 hours away from my date with Rebecca. Got loose, went to Fumari. Liz, bless her, picked up the top 5 conversation right where we left off after I begged forgiveness and to replace P-Funk with Nirvana.
So just when I think the apex of oddity is reached, a group of three girls sidles in next to me, two of whom I haven't seen before and one of whom I haven't seen in months--Mary, who with glasses and darker, longer hair looks different than she was in an oddly fetching sort of Norah Jonesy way.
Talked to her, and now things are written are my arm, one of which is a message to the date and the one of which I can read is FUCKING REMEMBER THIS MARY WAS HERE.
The sobriety being an issue, and all.
Gotta get together with her; maybe invite her to the RJ Memorial Summer Jam. At least the next bowling get together.
Hey, seeing as I want to be moving in 10 hours towards Rebecca, maybe I want to use that vast interval of time for SLEEP, hm?!
Current music: "Bohemian Rhapsody" by Queen
6/11/05
KWBR: The Playlist
PLUG AND PLAY:
"Touch" by Amerie
"Smells Like Teen Spirit" by Paul Anka
"Fix You" by Coldplay
"Go" by Common
"Futures" by Jimmy Eat World
WALK IDIOT WALK:
"1 Thing" (6)
"Hate It Or Love It" (10)
"The Corner" (12)
"You Don't Know Me" (14)
15) the Killers, "Smile Like You Mean It" (debut)
14) Memphis Bleek feat. Swizz Beats, "Like That" (15)*
13) Weezer, "Beverly Hills" (9)
12) Missy Elliott feat. Ciara, "Lose Control" (13)*
11) Snoop Dogg, Pharrell, and Jay-Z, "Drop It Like It's Hot (remix)" (debut)
10) Ciara feat. Ludacris, "Oh" (7)
09) Pitbull feat. Lil' Jon, "Toma" (11)
08) Coldplay, "Speed Of Sound" (debut)
07) 50 Cent, "Just A Lil Bit" (8)*
06) 50 Cent, "Disco Inferno" (4)
05) the White Stripes, "Blue Orchid" (5)*
04) Mariah Carey feat. the Lox, "We Belong Together (remix)" (debut)
03) Gwen Stefani, "Hollaback Girl" (3)*
02) Audioslave, "Be Yourself" (1)
01) Ying Yang Twins, "Wait" (2)
Current music: "Whatever" by Our Lady Peace
"Touch" by Amerie
"Smells Like Teen Spirit" by Paul Anka
"Fix You" by Coldplay
"Go" by Common
"Futures" by Jimmy Eat World
WALK IDIOT WALK:
"1 Thing" (6)
"Hate It Or Love It" (10)
"The Corner" (12)
"You Don't Know Me" (14)
15) the Killers, "Smile Like You Mean It" (debut)
14) Memphis Bleek feat. Swizz Beats, "Like That" (15)*
13) Weezer, "Beverly Hills" (9)
12) Missy Elliott feat. Ciara, "Lose Control" (13)*
11) Snoop Dogg, Pharrell, and Jay-Z, "Drop It Like It's Hot (remix)" (debut)
10) Ciara feat. Ludacris, "Oh" (7)
09) Pitbull feat. Lil' Jon, "Toma" (11)
08) Coldplay, "Speed Of Sound" (debut)
07) 50 Cent, "Just A Lil Bit" (8)*
06) 50 Cent, "Disco Inferno" (4)
05) the White Stripes, "Blue Orchid" (5)*
04) Mariah Carey feat. the Lox, "We Belong Together (remix)" (debut)
03) Gwen Stefani, "Hollaback Girl" (3)*
02) Audioslave, "Be Yourself" (1)
01) Ying Yang Twins, "Wait" (2)
Current music: "Whatever" by Our Lady Peace
6/10/05
Hate It Or Love It, This Friday Post Is On Top (as of this writing)
HATE: Adult responsibility. Back when I was 6, if I'd gotten 3g I would've thought I was a millionaire. At 16, I knew I could've had a fun night with my people. Now I see it and I start deducing cell bills and rent and checking charges and blah.
LOVE: Even with adult responsibility, there's still enough cash for me to be irresponsible with.
LOVE: That evil bastard Monty Burns got something right: there really is nothing like a good sit.
LOVE: Keeping the creditors from taking my pissant shit.
HATE: One of my bosses' hair-trigger temper has actually gotten worse. I don't know if it's really the slight violations I'm sort of doing or the rumor her twice her age boyfriend bounced her, but the "I'm paying you no attention and just nodding my head to mask my contempt for you" thing doesn't seem to be getting the point across.
LOVE: Picking up X&Y.
LOVE: "Fix You", which may be the best thing Coldplay's ever done. No, I didn't forget "Trouble", "Amsterdam", or "The Scientist".
HATE: They lead off with "Speed Of Sound", which is a fine enough song and all, but I am just utterly filled with resentment that "Fix You" didn't kick everybody's ass right out the starting gate. Why? WHY!?
HATE: Corrupted downloads of "Feel Good Inc." and Common's "Go".
LOVE: Paul Anka's covers, even if the whole CD was too expensive.
LOVE: The Swingers DVD, if only to fast forward through The Most Awkward Scene In Movie History. (That's not only, I got it for $7.50. But even so.)
LOVE: The first date Sunday.
HATE: The first date Sunday.
HATE: The voice who reminded me right before I went to sleep last night regarding the top 5 convo with Liz that I had omitted Run-DMC.
LOVE: What will be, once the appropriate measure of fame and looks is met at the Con, the best Answering Machine Message of All-Time: Hi, I'm ________. You may recognize me from (x), (y), and (z). Listen, if you called --my number-- hoping to talk to Butch, bad news. He's tied up at the moment. Well, that's not entirely true--it's more like he's cuffed up and not going anywhere until I'm done having my way with him. Ain't that right, baby? Anyway, I promise if you do the usual, once he gets his strength back he'll call you. Okay? Okay. Now...where'd I put that banana..."
LOVE: This post reminding me to kick off some invites for the the Summer Jam in a fortnight.
Ambient music: "It's The End Of The World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine) (unplugged) " by R.E.M.
LOVE: Even with adult responsibility, there's still enough cash for me to be irresponsible with.
LOVE: That evil bastard Monty Burns got something right: there really is nothing like a good sit.
LOVE: Keeping the creditors from taking my pissant shit.
HATE: One of my bosses' hair-trigger temper has actually gotten worse. I don't know if it's really the slight violations I'm sort of doing or the rumor her twice her age boyfriend bounced her, but the "I'm paying you no attention and just nodding my head to mask my contempt for you" thing doesn't seem to be getting the point across.
LOVE: Picking up X&Y.
LOVE: "Fix You", which may be the best thing Coldplay's ever done. No, I didn't forget "Trouble", "Amsterdam", or "The Scientist".
HATE: They lead off with "Speed Of Sound", which is a fine enough song and all, but I am just utterly filled with resentment that "Fix You" didn't kick everybody's ass right out the starting gate. Why? WHY!?
HATE: Corrupted downloads of "Feel Good Inc." and Common's "Go".
LOVE: Paul Anka's covers, even if the whole CD was too expensive.
LOVE: The Swingers DVD, if only to fast forward through The Most Awkward Scene In Movie History. (That's not only, I got it for $7.50. But even so.)
LOVE: The first date Sunday.
HATE: The first date Sunday.
HATE: The voice who reminded me right before I went to sleep last night regarding the top 5 convo with Liz that I had omitted Run-DMC.
LOVE: What will be, once the appropriate measure of fame and looks is met at the Con, the best Answering Machine Message of All-Time: Hi, I'm ________. You may recognize me from (x), (y), and (z). Listen, if you called --my number-- hoping to talk to Butch, bad news. He's tied up at the moment. Well, that's not entirely true--it's more like he's cuffed up and not going anywhere until I'm done having my way with him. Ain't that right, baby? Anyway, I promise if you do the usual, once he gets his strength back he'll call you. Okay? Okay. Now...where'd I put that banana..."
LOVE: This post reminding me to kick off some invites for the the Summer Jam in a fortnight.
Ambient music: "It's The End Of The World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine) (unplugged) " by R.E.M.
"Ship was nice, food was good, everything was going great...and then somebody yelled out 'Iceberg!'..."
I keep trying to myself this was a good day, full far more of triumphs than missteps. But what a misstep. And, me being me, despite the fact it's the last thing that happened I get the feeling that's what's going to be on my mind tomorrow.
Work today was pretty jejune. I did, based on some smart Aussie advice, write out what it is I want Famous Woman Who I Meet At Comic-Con to say as the answering machine message and it went over huge with Ivan so I know it's good. I solidified a date on Sunday with Rebecca who I met at the Bitter End's Memorial Day eve party after some slight maniuplation on my part to get her attention. I went over to Fumari, where I proceeded to work Ivan over like Kunta Kinte in our game of superpowers/land/hot chicks poker (in public you can't play for cash in the City of San Diego™); he may've beaten me 6 times in two and a half hours. And Jen showed up again at Fumari from my Spanish class last year; the last time I'd went with Ivan she'd shown up out of the blue then, too. You say coincidence, I say the glass is half-full and I have a cute Asian stalker.
So this is all and well to the good, but now the inevitable fuckup.
So Liz walks over to Ivan to give him the Best Hot Chocolate in Town, and I ask her her top 5 music acts of all time. I say it's a simple question, and she says it's not. But she does in short order rattle off the Beatles, the Stones, Elvis, Unwritten Law (?!) and Aretha Franklin (!!!).
No, the fuckup is I didn't immediately jump in with "Elvis was a hero to most, but he never meant shit to me!" My list: the Zeppelin, Al Green, the Peppers, Parliament/Funkadelic, and, "of course", R.E.M.
It doesn't occur to me until 5 minutes after we leave I've forgotten the Clash.
It doesn't occur to me until 10 minutes after we leave I've forgotten Public Enemy.
And then...
B : See, I was knocking on the door, and now I fucked it all up. She was like "I was going to fuck him at some point, but I can't be with him now. He didn't even mention Nirvana!"
(beat)
(realization)
HOLY SHIT, I *DIDN'T* MENTION NIRVANA! Oh, son of a bitch! Well, that's it. Clearly, I'm going to have to go home and kill myself.
You know, only I have the idiot savant acumen and sharp timing to tell a joke and then have it almost on impact horribly blow up in my face. Sweet fucking Jesus. Clearly, we're never going to hook up now.
Brooks Was Here.
Current music: "Only U" by Ashanti
Work today was pretty jejune. I did, based on some smart Aussie advice, write out what it is I want Famous Woman Who I Meet At Comic-Con to say as the answering machine message and it went over huge with Ivan so I know it's good. I solidified a date on Sunday with Rebecca who I met at the Bitter End's Memorial Day eve party after some slight maniuplation on my part to get her attention. I went over to Fumari, where I proceeded to work Ivan over like Kunta Kinte in our game of superpowers/land/hot chicks poker (in public you can't play for cash in the City of San Diego™); he may've beaten me 6 times in two and a half hours. And Jen showed up again at Fumari from my Spanish class last year; the last time I'd went with Ivan she'd shown up out of the blue then, too. You say coincidence, I say the glass is half-full and I have a cute Asian stalker.
So this is all and well to the good, but now the inevitable fuckup.
So Liz walks over to Ivan to give him the Best Hot Chocolate in Town, and I ask her her top 5 music acts of all time. I say it's a simple question, and she says it's not. But she does in short order rattle off the Beatles, the Stones, Elvis, Unwritten Law (?!) and Aretha Franklin (!!!).
No, the fuckup is I didn't immediately jump in with "Elvis was a hero to most, but he never meant shit to me!" My list: the Zeppelin, Al Green, the Peppers, Parliament/Funkadelic, and, "of course", R.E.M.
It doesn't occur to me until 5 minutes after we leave I've forgotten the Clash.
It doesn't occur to me until 10 minutes after we leave I've forgotten Public Enemy.
And then...
B : See, I was knocking on the door, and now I fucked it all up. She was like "I was going to fuck him at some point, but I can't be with him now. He didn't even mention Nirvana!"
(beat)
(realization)
HOLY SHIT, I *DIDN'T* MENTION NIRVANA! Oh, son of a bitch! Well, that's it. Clearly, I'm going to have to go home and kill myself.
You know, only I have the idiot savant acumen and sharp timing to tell a joke and then have it almost on impact horribly blow up in my face. Sweet fucking Jesus. Clearly, we're never going to hook up now.
Brooks Was Here.
Current music: "Only U" by Ashanti
6/9/05
39 Running For Second
All right, Jessica, I get it. You really want to be #1 the rest of the year.
- The war for the top 10 contines, with Bilson narrowly getting ahead of Keibler this time around.
- Tyra Banks took the biggest hit of anyone who remained, dropping 15 to 39.
- Both JLH & Katherine Heigl jumped 12, but Nikki Cox had the biggest jump by going up 15.
- The turnover rate? 12%: welcome back Christian Milian, and back for the first time are Pam Anderson, Kate Beckinsale, Jessica Biel, and Shakira.
6/8/05
Not Just For Sodas
I feel so unbelievably bad I have to bump the Best Post Ever off the top slot on the marquee.
So my poker home game has somehow in the couple times I've missed out on switched its prime night from Saturday to Tuesday. Maybe this is a temporary thing, but I actually don't mind as you guys know the odds of me busting hump at the J O are way smaller on martes than sabado. Since it is a perilous shoestring 48 hours before the paycheck, Aaron is kind enough to front me $10 to buy in.
Tonight I think I played better than the time before, and exponentially better than the time before that. It's the point of playing NL Tex for cash; to not fritter away your money (even loaned) in a bunch of draw chases that end up going nowhere, to be able to read people, and most proudly, to know when to fold 'em. I think of at least three folds: pocket 6s where nothing came on the river and I would've gotten outdrawn is first and foremost, though I also ditched a 10-A suited facing a raise and reraise. I also remember getting two pair, but almost getting pushed to the breaking point and folding--what would've jobbed out to a better two pair.
Crowning achievement: finally toppling the monster once known as Bruce. Bruce has treated me & Aaron in the past few games the same way the Voorhies treat kids who come to camp, and we have never beaten him for any significant amount of money. So tonight after a flop comes down with JQ in it he's looking at my stack like he can imagine the 47" monitor it's going to fund to upgrade from that pussy-ass 30" he's got going on, and I push all in. Pocket Kings. Sacramento. I am fucked, unless by some divine act of Alba OH HOLY JESSICA MARIE IT'S THE LAST FUCKING KING IN THE DECK MAKING ME THE NUT STRAIGHT! Bruce is almost dead! Good, after 2,005 years of suffering, has finally bitchslapped evil into compliance!
All right, I am exaggerating slightly but damn it felt good. Bruce loses his remaining pittiance on the next hand, and Peter sings the second best song of all-time, "Bruce Just Lost All His Money (In The Last Two Hands)". When the night ends and they shuffle back off to the Official Taco Shop of the Local Klan, I'm ahead enough to give back Aaron his money and remain 7 up.
Sadly, I blew it all on big-ass peanut butter cups and whores.
Okay, I just blew some of it on the big-ass peanut butter cups. But it's still a good night in my development, and hey, Celebrity Poker Showdown in 45...of course, if it's the Brad Garrett ep, I'll be falling asleep to Katie Couric...
Current music: "Southside" by Moby & Gwen Stefani
So my poker home game has somehow in the couple times I've missed out on switched its prime night from Saturday to Tuesday. Maybe this is a temporary thing, but I actually don't mind as you guys know the odds of me busting hump at the J O are way smaller on martes than sabado. Since it is a perilous shoestring 48 hours before the paycheck, Aaron is kind enough to front me $10 to buy in.
Tonight I think I played better than the time before, and exponentially better than the time before that. It's the point of playing NL Tex for cash; to not fritter away your money (even loaned) in a bunch of draw chases that end up going nowhere, to be able to read people, and most proudly, to know when to fold 'em. I think of at least three folds: pocket 6s where nothing came on the river and I would've gotten outdrawn is first and foremost, though I also ditched a 10-A suited facing a raise and reraise. I also remember getting two pair, but almost getting pushed to the breaking point and folding--what would've jobbed out to a better two pair.
Crowning achievement: finally toppling the monster once known as Bruce. Bruce has treated me & Aaron in the past few games the same way the Voorhies treat kids who come to camp, and we have never beaten him for any significant amount of money. So tonight after a flop comes down with JQ in it he's looking at my stack like he can imagine the 47" monitor it's going to fund to upgrade from that pussy-ass 30" he's got going on, and I push all in. Pocket Kings. Sacramento. I am fucked, unless by some divine act of Alba OH HOLY JESSICA MARIE IT'S THE LAST FUCKING KING IN THE DECK MAKING ME THE NUT STRAIGHT! Bruce is almost dead! Good, after 2,005 years of suffering, has finally bitchslapped evil into compliance!
All right, I am exaggerating slightly but damn it felt good. Bruce loses his remaining pittiance on the next hand, and Peter sings the second best song of all-time, "Bruce Just Lost All His Money (In The Last Two Hands)". When the night ends and they shuffle back off to the Official Taco Shop of the Local Klan, I'm ahead enough to give back Aaron his money and remain 7 up.
Sadly, I blew it all on big-ass peanut butter cups and whores.
Okay, I just blew some of it on the big-ass peanut butter cups. But it's still a good night in my development, and hey, Celebrity Poker Showdown in 45...of course, if it's the Brad Garrett ep, I'll be falling asleep to Katie Couric...
Current music: "Southside" by Moby & Gwen Stefani
6/5/05
How You Living, Butchie Smalls?
No mansions or benzes, no m's to my friends but it's still stupendous.
SATURDAY (P.M.): Work. Go home and get my fresh on. Hit the club. Crazier than usual: an astounding Beyonce impression, ass-smacking, chicks kissing, and a funk band covering the Clash, along with the usual bump-and-grind suspects. Hit Fumari, say hi to Liz, and have the Best Hot Chocolate in the City. Crash out at the crack of 4.
SUNDAY (A.M.): Curse construction and the fact it's 9. Pancakes. Pancakes.
SUNDAY (P.M.): Change your font on the blog with a click of the keyboard the first time out without ruining anything else. Get back to work. Covering the marathon's after-party. Find out the DJ ain't no joke when he warms up with "Pump It Up". Proceed to plow through entire shift doing 15% ticket tacking and 85% dancing. "Let's Get Retarded", "Sex Machine" (!), "Don't Stop Till You Get Enough", "Don't Phunk With My Heart", admire the courage of those who put in 26 and still had enough in them to grind to "Yeah", and yes, the Macarena & YMCA. Find out apparently the funniest thing ever is the Jon Lovitz dance. For the uniniated, close your eyes, put a smile on your face, and shake your upper torso like a video honey on X. Get off an hour early. And download!
Current music: "Touch" by Amerie, which damn sure better blow up
SATURDAY (P.M.): Work. Go home and get my fresh on. Hit the club. Crazier than usual: an astounding Beyonce impression, ass-smacking, chicks kissing, and a funk band covering the Clash, along with the usual bump-and-grind suspects. Hit Fumari, say hi to Liz, and have the Best Hot Chocolate in the City. Crash out at the crack of 4.
SUNDAY (A.M.): Curse construction and the fact it's 9. Pancakes. Pancakes.
SUNDAY (P.M.): Change your font on the blog with a click of the keyboard the first time out without ruining anything else. Get back to work. Covering the marathon's after-party. Find out the DJ ain't no joke when he warms up with "Pump It Up". Proceed to plow through entire shift doing 15% ticket tacking and 85% dancing. "Let's Get Retarded", "Sex Machine" (!), "Don't Stop Till You Get Enough", "Don't Phunk With My Heart", admire the courage of those who put in 26 and still had enough in them to grind to "Yeah", and yes, the Macarena & YMCA. Find out apparently the funniest thing ever is the Jon Lovitz dance. For the uniniated, close your eyes, put a smile on your face, and shake your upper torso like a video honey on X. Get off an hour early. And download!
Current music: "Touch" by Amerie, which damn sure better blow up
6/3/05
A Never-Ending War Between Love And Hate, Updated For Friday
HATE: The cut I got yesterday right on the borderline between mustache and lip. Hopefully, that won't get out of control ugly before it heals up.
HATE: My mom getting on me about getting another job, or a full-time job. AND wanting me to go to school. First of all, I don't have time to do all of the above, second, between her illness, my Grandmother, Sparks games, and holidays, the last time she worked a whole 40-hour week was in 2003, and third, I'm only young once. I got plenty of years for the Man to full-over fuck me in the ass; there's only X amount of time I get to see my friends and party and play poker, et al. This is leftover from yesterday, but even so. Every time I get consecutive days off this shit comes up again.
HATE: I picked a girl up Memorial Day Eve, but I don't know when we're gonna get together with my schedule being really odd for the next week and not knowing for the week after that.
HATE: Gray weather. I was hoping with the Memorial Day weekend being mostly in the high 70s and low 80s we'd finally turned a corner on our year, but I guess not.
LOVE: Three weeks remain until the First Annual Rick James Memorial Summer Jam.
LOVE: This Charles Barkley quote page. A sampling: Everybody is automatically better when they play wtih Shaquille O'Neal. Look at it this way: We haven't heard anything from Devean George or Derek Fisher. Rick Fox retired. All those (Lakers) guys were good players, but they are not nearly as good without Shaquille. We didn't even know (Heat guard) Damon Jones was alive three months ago, and now he's leading the league in three-point shooting because his man is camped in Shaquille O'Neal's lap.
LOVE: Six weeks until Comic-Con, bitches!
HATE: The debating I'm having on when I meet a famous girl there, if I should have the crux of the voicemail "Butch isn't here" message written out already to save time or just have them wing it.
SOME NEBULOUS GRAY AREA: Winnie Cooper, you get some clothes on! And I really never, ever thought I'd be using that sentence...
HATE: The myriad of links since I'm feeling more meh than up today. What is this, a Johnny B post?
LOVE: The lack of problems from the other two since I dropped IE and threw Netscape at them.
Current music: "Underneath Your Clothes" by Shakira
HATE: My mom getting on me about getting another job, or a full-time job. AND wanting me to go to school. First of all, I don't have time to do all of the above, second, between her illness, my Grandmother, Sparks games, and holidays, the last time she worked a whole 40-hour week was in 2003, and third, I'm only young once. I got plenty of years for the Man to full-over fuck me in the ass; there's only X amount of time I get to see my friends and party and play poker, et al. This is leftover from yesterday, but even so. Every time I get consecutive days off this shit comes up again.
HATE: I picked a girl up Memorial Day Eve, but I don't know when we're gonna get together with my schedule being really odd for the next week and not knowing for the week after that.
HATE: Gray weather. I was hoping with the Memorial Day weekend being mostly in the high 70s and low 80s we'd finally turned a corner on our year, but I guess not.
LOVE: Three weeks remain until the First Annual Rick James Memorial Summer Jam.
LOVE: This Charles Barkley quote page. A sampling: Everybody is automatically better when they play wtih Shaquille O'Neal. Look at it this way: We haven't heard anything from Devean George or Derek Fisher. Rick Fox retired. All those (Lakers) guys were good players, but they are not nearly as good without Shaquille. We didn't even know (Heat guard) Damon Jones was alive three months ago, and now he's leading the league in three-point shooting because his man is camped in Shaquille O'Neal's lap.
LOVE: Six weeks until Comic-Con, bitches!
HATE: The debating I'm having on when I meet a famous girl there, if I should have the crux of the voicemail "Butch isn't here" message written out already to save time or just have them wing it.
SOME NEBULOUS GRAY AREA: Winnie Cooper, you get some clothes on! And I really never, ever thought I'd be using that sentence...
HATE: The myriad of links since I'm feeling more meh than up today. What is this, a Johnny B post?
LOVE: The lack of problems from the other two since I dropped IE and threw Netscape at them.
Current music: "Underneath Your Clothes" by Shakira
6/1/05
Bless You, Keith Olbermann
So? The brand-new falling in love feeling? Medically specificially located upon a certain part of the brain. The only comparable things doctors found to equal the feeling are the following: vast quantities of chocolate numbering in pounds, winning money, and--I shit you not--cocaine.
Cocaine.
I think those of you familiar with my viewing habits know where I'm going with this: new poonani's a hell of a drug.
Current music: "The Last DJ" by Tom Petty
Cocaine.
I think those of you familiar with my viewing habits know where I'm going with this: new poonani's a hell of a drug.
Current music: "The Last DJ" by Tom Petty
5/28/05
T-Minus Hits
COMEDOWN:
"Number One Spot" (8)
"Signs" (12)
"Finding Out True Love Is Blind" (14)
15) Memphis Bleek, "Like That" (debut)
14) T.I., "You Don't Know Me" (9)
13) Missy Elliott feat. Ciara, "Lose Control" (debut)
12) Common feat. the Last Poets, "The Corner" (13)
11) Pitbull feat. Lil' Jon, "Toma" (15)
10) The Game & 50 Cent, "Hate It Or Love It" (4)
09) Weezer, "Beverly Hills" (7)
08) 50 Cent, "Just A Lil' Bit" (10)*
07) Ciara feat. Ludacris, "Oh" (11)*
06) Amerie, "1 Thing" (2)
05) The White Stripes, "Blue Orchid" (debut)
04) 50 Cent, "Disco Inferno" (1)
03) Gwen Stefani, "Hollaback Girl" (5)*
02) Ying Yang Twins, "Wait" (3)*
01) Audioslave, "Be Yourself" (6) [2w]
Ambient music: Live - I Alone
"Number One Spot" (8)
"Signs" (12)
"Finding Out True Love Is Blind" (14)
15) Memphis Bleek, "Like That" (debut)
14) T.I., "You Don't Know Me" (9)
13) Missy Elliott feat. Ciara, "Lose Control" (debut)
12) Common feat. the Last Poets, "The Corner" (13)
11) Pitbull feat. Lil' Jon, "Toma" (15)
10) The Game & 50 Cent, "Hate It Or Love It" (4)
09) Weezer, "Beverly Hills" (7)
08) 50 Cent, "Just A Lil' Bit" (10)*
07) Ciara feat. Ludacris, "Oh" (11)*
06) Amerie, "1 Thing" (2)
05) The White Stripes, "Blue Orchid" (debut)
04) 50 Cent, "Disco Inferno" (1)
03) Gwen Stefani, "Hollaback Girl" (5)*
02) Ying Yang Twins, "Wait" (3)*
01) Audioslave, "Be Yourself" (6) [2w]
Ambient music: Live - I Alone
5/27/05
Hate Leads To Friday
I hate:
- Ticketmaster being ¼ of my Snoop ticket.
- The stuff I absent-mindedly signed up for in order to process the order faster and trying to get back from my lunch break.
- Living hand-to-mouth for a week because of the ticket.
- Finding out 72 hours after the fact Snoop was coming back in 2 months.
- Not buying Anger Management because of the ticket.
- Finding out yesterday the e-mails I sent didn't get through to one department and causing a massive overdraw in my checking account.
- Living hand-to-mouth another couple weeks because of that.
- Cutting back on my plans for the holiday weekend because of it(?)
- No Team America, Scrubs, NewsRadio, or Seinfeld season 4.
- Delaying paying off the cell bill.
- Delaying continuing to pay for Miami, and hopefully that won't lead to a rate increase.
- The fact when I went into msconfig yesterday to delete all the bullshit my brother and mother download that sneaks into the startup, the computer reset itself to 640/480 and no matter what I've tried I haven't been able to fix it.
- Everything being gigantic and partially hidden behind a big fat wall of plaid.
- Randomly stopping and having to reset.
- How frustrated I am about the last three because everything works (except for getting into Java chat) and runs faster, but I still can't fix the display.
- The friends I usually depend on to do it haven't been able to help me.
- This stupid computer.
- My idiot family for fucking up the stupid computer.
5/21/05
How The West Was Won And Where It Got Me
Format shamelessly lifted from El Basquetbol.
FOR: Getting the Winslow throwback before I headed out--I did not want to be wearing the Kobe throwback in some sort of show of faux solidarity just that's 'cause where they're from. Plus, it sends a horrible message to cute available white girls.
AGAINST: Taking soooooooooo loooooooooooong to get up there.
FOR: When on a postcard-perfect day you unexpectedly see the Pacific and your first reaction besides "WOW." is Andy Dufresne. A man who crawled through a river of shit and came out clean on the other side...
AGAINST: Uphill walks.
FOR: The line for the monthly meeting of Fine Bitches happens to be occuring on Throwback Appreciation Night; Dominique, Diesel, Jim Brown, Dr. J (on the f'n SQUIRES, no less), Norm Nixon on the Clips...
AGAINST: You mean to tell me Norm Nixon gets one and I still can't get my Rambis on?
FOR: The Jaime Pressly lookalike ahead of me with the big rack. If Jaime Pressly has a fault--IF...
AGAINST: Taken. They always are. Lousy Jebus...
AGAINST: The cops swarming to break it up between the rival hip-hop stations, leading to them hovering around the line. I don't think I'll be able to sell this bad boy off now.
AGAINST: The merch. Only thing I would've considered were I not in such dire financial straits was the black Snoop Doog hoodie from "Drop It Like It's Hot", and at $45 I expect a nickel bag in the pocket.
FOR: General admission, because the term "sit wherethefuckever" doesn't fit on a ticket. On the floor? By the stage? Don't mind ifs I do!
AGAINST: NO BEER?! NO BEER?! This is the sort of thing you should put on the ticket! I mean, if I'd known in advance I would've done the honorable thing and shown up crocked out of my gourd. Seriously, for twofitty I could've had the one-Kennedy serving size Heineken and I would've slurped that bitch down like Brooke Burke's titty milk. Now I'm paying $3 for a Sprite that doesn't even have CAFFEINE!
FOR: A brother selling weed necklaces to "Superfly" and "I'm Your Pusherman". It's just right.
AGAINST: Cute female DJs--hell, next thing you know they'll be letting niggers golf!
FOR: The Game starting promptly at 8:10.
AGAINST: Not being able to give a proper Westside hand signal. My ring fingers just don't work. And maybe, they never will. :(
FOR: "The Documentary", though after hearing "Moment Of Clarity" I'm still slightly surprised Jay-Z is the best rapper alive...
FOR: Game making a joke about stopping pushing once this next check clears.
FOR: Game chugging a bottle of champagne.
FOR: Game chugging TWO bottles of champagne.
AGAINST: Game crying on stage. I believe it was heartfelt but if life has taught me anything besides "there is but one bitch in the world; one bitch with many faces", it's this: don't EVER fuck with DMX. EVER.
AGAINST: Cellphones being the new lights. It's not the same, it's not even close.
FOR: Puff, puff, pass! Hey, I haven't done it in four years; this just proves I've got it beat.
FOR: Game: I don't give a fuck if you a Blood, a Crip, male, female, black, Latino, Asian, white boy all both of y'all in here...(there were a few more than two, but funny's funny)
FOR: Game: ...maybe they hating on you 'cause your chain's better, maybe they hate on you because you got a fresh whip, maybe 'cause when they call their girl your dick's in her already and she on the line talkin' 'bout she at the mall with her friend Candice...
FOR: "Murder Inc. can SUCK! MY! DICK! Ja Rule can SUCK! MY! DICK!" Oh, I've said those hundreds of times, but when you got 6,499 saying it with you...
FOR: Closing out with the singles in reverse chronological order.
FOR: Singing 50's hooks on "Hate It Or Love It" & "How We Do".
AGAINST: Never should've broken up with Vivica.
FOR: Game: ...I'll fuck any one of you bitches! Line up by the side of the stage! Wow, I like Game now, and I don't just say that because I'd plow his moms.
FOR: Game going up through the crowd like DDP, and taking pictures, giving dap, and yelling at somebody's friend on their cell they were bitchmade for not showing up to the concert.
AGAINST: The pic I took, I only got the back of his Reds cap and some of the tat off the shoulder. Delete.
FOR: The little movie vignette where Snoop scores a threeway only to find out the chick he was with before it happened was setting him up and he's got to lay waste to all the bad guys.
FOR: The bad guys wearing President masks a la Point Break.
FOR: Snoop blowing them all away. Oh, also.
FOR: BOOBIES and lipstick lesbians and heavy petting.
FOR: Kicking off with "Who Am I? (What's My Name?)" That's right, nothing but the hits, nothing but the motherfucking hits.
FOR: UNCLE JUNEBUG~~~~~~~
FOR: DON MAGIC JUAN~~~~ and it segues right into "P.I.M.P.". Niiiiiiiiiiice.
FOR: Puff, puff, give!
AGAINST: I am Tone Loc. These girls are all around, but none of them want to get with me. But my threads are fresh and I'm looking def...but I'm standing too close to where they're letting some of them go backstage.
FOR: DJ Easy-Dick & W-Ballz! That's where they're going, they have a little radio setup.
AGAINST: Little samples of "Nuthin' But A G Thang" & "The Next Episode". Like we don't know Dre's part.
FOR: Snoop is smoking. A LOT. Read that back and let it set in.
FOR: Puff, puff, puff, pass!
FOR: The girls dancing backstage.
FOR: The "SHOW YOUR TITS!" chant that I swear I didn't start.
FOR: Snoop, delivering the Line of the Night: Show me your titties, bitch! I'm Rick James!
AGAINST: The first chick who flashed.
FOR: The other two.
FOR: The "It Ain't No Fun" singalong. Trust me, as fun as it is yelling "Trick ass biiiiiiiiiiiiitch!" at the top of your lungs, it's better watching cute girls do it.
FOR: Snoop doing "Let's Get Blown" over the beat from "Wait".
FOR: Closing out with "Drop It Like It's Hot".
FOR: Snoop doing hits while doing all his hits.
AGAINST: A full band AND two DJs. Overkill!
FOR: Doing it again, except with money.
Ambient music: De La Soul feat. Redman - Oooh
FOR: Getting the Winslow throwback before I headed out--I did not want to be wearing the Kobe throwback in some sort of show of faux solidarity just that's 'cause where they're from. Plus, it sends a horrible message to cute available white girls.
AGAINST: Taking soooooooooo loooooooooooong to get up there.
FOR: When on a postcard-perfect day you unexpectedly see the Pacific and your first reaction besides "WOW." is Andy Dufresne. A man who crawled through a river of shit and came out clean on the other side...
AGAINST: Uphill walks.
FOR: The line for the monthly meeting of Fine Bitches happens to be occuring on Throwback Appreciation Night; Dominique, Diesel, Jim Brown, Dr. J (on the f'n SQUIRES, no less), Norm Nixon on the Clips...
AGAINST: You mean to tell me Norm Nixon gets one and I still can't get my Rambis on?
FOR: The Jaime Pressly lookalike ahead of me with the big rack. If Jaime Pressly has a fault--IF...
AGAINST: Taken. They always are. Lousy Jebus...
AGAINST: The cops swarming to break it up between the rival hip-hop stations, leading to them hovering around the line. I don't think I'll be able to sell this bad boy off now.
AGAINST: The merch. Only thing I would've considered were I not in such dire financial straits was the black Snoop Doog hoodie from "Drop It Like It's Hot", and at $45 I expect a nickel bag in the pocket.
FOR: General admission, because the term "sit wherethefuckever" doesn't fit on a ticket. On the floor? By the stage? Don't mind ifs I do!
AGAINST: NO BEER?! NO BEER?! This is the sort of thing you should put on the ticket! I mean, if I'd known in advance I would've done the honorable thing and shown up crocked out of my gourd. Seriously, for twofitty I could've had the one-Kennedy serving size Heineken and I would've slurped that bitch down like Brooke Burke's titty milk. Now I'm paying $3 for a Sprite that doesn't even have CAFFEINE!
FOR: A brother selling weed necklaces to "Superfly" and "I'm Your Pusherman". It's just right.
AGAINST: Cute female DJs--hell, next thing you know they'll be letting niggers golf!
FOR: The Game starting promptly at 8:10.
AGAINST: Not being able to give a proper Westside hand signal. My ring fingers just don't work. And maybe, they never will. :(
FOR: "The Documentary", though after hearing "Moment Of Clarity" I'm still slightly surprised Jay-Z is the best rapper alive...
FOR: Game making a joke about stopping pushing once this next check clears.
FOR: Game chugging a bottle of champagne.
FOR: Game chugging TWO bottles of champagne.
AGAINST: Game crying on stage. I believe it was heartfelt but if life has taught me anything besides "there is but one bitch in the world; one bitch with many faces", it's this: don't EVER fuck with DMX. EVER.
AGAINST: Cellphones being the new lights. It's not the same, it's not even close.
FOR: Puff, puff, pass! Hey, I haven't done it in four years; this just proves I've got it beat.
FOR: Game: I don't give a fuck if you a Blood, a Crip, male, female, black, Latino, Asian, white boy all both of y'all in here...(there were a few more than two, but funny's funny)
FOR: Game: ...maybe they hating on you 'cause your chain's better, maybe they hate on you because you got a fresh whip, maybe 'cause when they call their girl your dick's in her already and she on the line talkin' 'bout she at the mall with her friend Candice...
FOR: "Murder Inc. can SUCK! MY! DICK! Ja Rule can SUCK! MY! DICK!" Oh, I've said those hundreds of times, but when you got 6,499 saying it with you...
FOR: Closing out with the singles in reverse chronological order.
FOR: Singing 50's hooks on "Hate It Or Love It" & "How We Do".
AGAINST: Never should've broken up with Vivica.
FOR: Game: ...I'll fuck any one of you bitches! Line up by the side of the stage! Wow, I like Game now, and I don't just say that because I'd plow his moms.
FOR: Game going up through the crowd like DDP, and taking pictures, giving dap, and yelling at somebody's friend on their cell they were bitchmade for not showing up to the concert.
AGAINST: The pic I took, I only got the back of his Reds cap and some of the tat off the shoulder. Delete.
FOR: The little movie vignette where Snoop scores a threeway only to find out the chick he was with before it happened was setting him up and he's got to lay waste to all the bad guys.
FOR: The bad guys wearing President masks a la Point Break.
FOR: Snoop blowing them all away. Oh, also.
FOR: BOOBIES and lipstick lesbians and heavy petting.
FOR: Kicking off with "Who Am I? (What's My Name?)" That's right, nothing but the hits, nothing but the motherfucking hits.
FOR: UNCLE JUNEBUG~~~~~~~
FOR: DON MAGIC JUAN~~~~ and it segues right into "P.I.M.P.". Niiiiiiiiiiice.
FOR: Puff, puff, give!
AGAINST: I am Tone Loc. These girls are all around, but none of them want to get with me. But my threads are fresh and I'm looking def...but I'm standing too close to where they're letting some of them go backstage.
FOR: DJ Easy-Dick & W-Ballz! That's where they're going, they have a little radio setup.
AGAINST: Little samples of "Nuthin' But A G Thang" & "The Next Episode". Like we don't know Dre's part.
FOR: Snoop is smoking. A LOT. Read that back and let it set in.
FOR: Puff, puff, puff, pass!
FOR: The girls dancing backstage.
FOR: The "SHOW YOUR TITS!" chant that I swear I didn't start.
FOR: Snoop, delivering the Line of the Night: Show me your titties, bitch! I'm Rick James!
AGAINST: The first chick who flashed.
FOR: The other two.
FOR: The "It Ain't No Fun" singalong. Trust me, as fun as it is yelling "Trick ass biiiiiiiiiiiiitch!" at the top of your lungs, it's better watching cute girls do it.
FOR: Snoop doing "Let's Get Blown" over the beat from "Wait".
FOR: Closing out with "Drop It Like It's Hot".
FOR: Snoop doing hits while doing all his hits.
AGAINST: A full band AND two DJs. Overkill!
FOR: Doing it again, except with money.
Ambient music: De La Soul feat. Redman - Oooh
5/20/05
Law & Order: Special Love & Hate Unit
HATE: Today's choices, one of which is go see the Game/Snoop concert and live like a pauper for the next few days, or sell the ticket and not see the concert.
LOVE: The Anger Management lineup of 50, Em, and Lil' Jon and his crew, which is making me lean towards selling this ticket.
LOVE: Paying off the Miami vacation with the next check.
LOVE: Finally got the Winslow throwback today, and it's one of the few things that's worth the wait.
HATE: Sodas with lime. Lime belongs in 7-Up, Sprite, and Corona. That's IT! THAT'S THE LIST!
LOVE: The summer party on June 25th, the First Annual Rick James Memorial Summer Jam.
LOVE: My shirt idea for the girls that show up--Rick James licked the side of my mom's face and all she got was type A syphillis (and a daughter).
LOVE: The new White Stripes single "Blue Orchid". Mmm...fuzzy guitar.
HATE: I still haven't figured out the sample from "Lose Control". I want to say the Pac-Man game, buuuuut....
LOVE: After our rainiest season--well, let's just say ever--we're finally getting some real honest-to-Alba San Diego weather going on: 70s, a little breeze, sun shining, sky dotted with clouds. This is why we all pay out the ass, folks.
LOVE: Looking at the scenery on a day like this while sipping a cold beverage and not being at work. Good times.
LOVE: A local pub is running a Hottie or Naughty event on Memorial Day Eve where it's a 5 buck discount if you dress all in white (hottie) or all in black (naughty). See, the problem is I have a lot of black in the closest, even though I am a Regulation Hottie. Cruel, cruel world.
LOVE:
Ambient music: Busta Rhymes feat. Pharrell - Light Your Ass On Fire
LOVE: The Anger Management lineup of 50, Em, and Lil' Jon and his crew, which is making me lean towards selling this ticket.
LOVE: Paying off the Miami vacation with the next check.
LOVE: Finally got the Winslow throwback today, and it's one of the few things that's worth the wait.
HATE: Sodas with lime. Lime belongs in 7-Up, Sprite, and Corona. That's IT! THAT'S THE LIST!
LOVE: The summer party on June 25th, the First Annual Rick James Memorial Summer Jam.
LOVE: My shirt idea for the girls that show up--Rick James licked the side of my mom's face and all she got was type A syphillis (and a daughter).
LOVE: The new White Stripes single "Blue Orchid". Mmm...fuzzy guitar.
HATE: I still haven't figured out the sample from "Lose Control". I want to say the Pac-Man game, buuuuut....
LOVE: After our rainiest season--well, let's just say ever--we're finally getting some real honest-to-Alba San Diego weather going on: 70s, a little breeze, sun shining, sky dotted with clouds. This is why we all pay out the ass, folks.
LOVE: Looking at the scenery on a day like this while sipping a cold beverage and not being at work. Good times.
LOVE: A local pub is running a Hottie or Naughty event on Memorial Day Eve where it's a 5 buck discount if you dress all in white (hottie) or all in black (naughty). See, the problem is I have a lot of black in the closest, even though I am a Regulation Hottie. Cruel, cruel world.
LOVE:
Ambient music: Busta Rhymes feat. Pharrell - Light Your Ass On Fire
5/17/05
And Nowwww....A Horrifying Look Into the Future!
(INT. suburban house in mid 2020s America)
(INT. hallway)
(Dad whistles, putting away a crate. Daughter tugs on his leg.)
Daughter: Daddy, whatcha doin'?
Daddy: Oh, hi pumpkin. Daddy's just putting away his old stuff. You want to see it?
Daughter: OK!
(Daddy opens box. Daughter pulls out his old pride and joy, a CD of Nevermind. The daughter looks at it, and flips it around, confused.)
Daughter: Did you use this to kill bugs, Daddy?
(laughter)
Daddy: No! No! It plays music--there's a disc on the inside. (Opens it.) See! It's a CD!
(Daughter has blank look of incomprehension on her face)
Daughter: Daddy, what's a CD?
(dumbfounded)
Daddy: It's--it's a CD! A CD! They were like records, but smaller!
(silence)
(silence)
Daughter: Daddy, what's a record?
(Daddy gets up without a word and goes into the kitchen.)
Daughter: Mommy, Daddy's drinking in the afternoon again!
(INT. hallway)
(Dad whistles, putting away a crate. Daughter tugs on his leg.)
Daughter: Daddy, whatcha doin'?
Daddy: Oh, hi pumpkin. Daddy's just putting away his old stuff. You want to see it?
Daughter: OK!
(Daddy opens box. Daughter pulls out his old pride and joy, a CD of Nevermind. The daughter looks at it, and flips it around, confused.)
Daughter: Did you use this to kill bugs, Daddy?
(laughter)
Daddy: No! No! It plays music--there's a disc on the inside. (Opens it.) See! It's a CD!
(Daughter has blank look of incomprehension on her face)
Daughter: Daddy, what's a CD?
(dumbfounded)
Daddy: It's--it's a CD! A CD! They were like records, but smaller!
(silence)
(silence)
Daughter: Daddy, what's a record?
(Daddy gets up without a word and goes into the kitchen.)
Daughter: Mommy, Daddy's drinking in the afternoon again!
FIN
Ambient music: Hoobastank - Crawling In The Dark
5/15/05
Jessica And The Albaettes
Updatery on the list of the future Mrs., mistresses, and booty calls on the side there. You can scroll down since I'm far too lazy to do a full-on recap now thanks to The Babe Index. Ah, technology. Respect.
A few assorted ends and odds, though:
A few assorted ends and odds, though:
- Stacy Keibler makes her first apperance in the top 10, getting that final nudge in off of the Stuff shoot.
- Biggest beneficiaries from the update are Rebecca Romijn (up 17), Monica Bellucci (up 16), and Shannon Elizabeth (up 11).
- None of the women still on the countdown dropped double digits.
- Debuts come from Ali Landry, Elizabeth Hurley, Kim Smith, Nikki Cox, Teri Hatcher, and since this list isn't retroactive to 1997, Jennifer Love Hewitt. Esther Baxter re-enters the countdown.
- I believe act one of my summer is going to be reuniting Lindsay Lohan with her hair, fake chest, and a fucking cheesburger.
5/14/05
Rosser Hot Fifteen
THE SOUND OF SETTLING:
"E-Pro" (14), "Ordinary People" (15)
15) Pitbull feat. Lil' Jon, "Toma" (re-entry)
14) Louis XIV, "Finding Out True Love Is Blind" (13)
13) Common feat. Kanye West & the Last Poets, "The Corner" (12)
12) Snoop Dogg feat. Justin Timberlake, "Signs" (2)
11) Ciara feat. Ludacris, "Oh" (debut)
10) 50 Cent, "Just A Lil' Bit" (11)*
09) T.I., "You Don't Know Me" (6)
08) Ludacris, "Number One Spot" (4)
07) Weezer, "Beverly Hills" (8)*
06) Audioslave, "Be Yourself' (9)*
05) Gwen Stefani, "Hollaback Girl" (7)*
04) the Game & 50 Cent, "Hate It Or Love It" (5)
03) Ying Yang Twins, "Wait" (10)*
02) Amerie, "1 Thing" (1)
01) 50 Cent, "Disco Inferno" (3) [3rd time, 6w]
Ambient music: Johnny Cash - I Walk The Line
"E-Pro" (14), "Ordinary People" (15)
15) Pitbull feat. Lil' Jon, "Toma" (re-entry)
14) Louis XIV, "Finding Out True Love Is Blind" (13)
13) Common feat. Kanye West & the Last Poets, "The Corner" (12)
12) Snoop Dogg feat. Justin Timberlake, "Signs" (2)
11) Ciara feat. Ludacris, "Oh" (debut)
10) 50 Cent, "Just A Lil' Bit" (11)*
09) T.I., "You Don't Know Me" (6)
08) Ludacris, "Number One Spot" (4)
07) Weezer, "Beverly Hills" (8)*
06) Audioslave, "Be Yourself' (9)*
05) Gwen Stefani, "Hollaback Girl" (7)*
04) the Game & 50 Cent, "Hate It Or Love It" (5)
03) Ying Yang Twins, "Wait" (10)*
02) Amerie, "1 Thing" (1)
01) 50 Cent, "Disco Inferno" (3) [3rd time, 6w]
Ambient music: Johnny Cash - I Walk The Line
5/13/05
A Thin Friday Between Love And Hate
HATE: Waiting in limbo to see when they're going to kill the electricity, if they are. They said they were going to back at 8, but here it is about noon and I'm doing this with Blind Date on the background.
HATE: One of the smallest checks I've ever seen in my life. How I am supposed to get a proper swerve on? HOW?
HATE: Delaying paying off Natalie, even though I don't think the next check is going to bring some financial windfall, either.
HATE: The looming possibility of--*gulp*--selling my Game/Snoop tickets. I suppose I could try to get the comeback for Anger Management, but even so.
HATE: The new Lindsay Lohan. No breasts and she got hit with a sudden case of the uglies, too. Damn shame. I haven't seen someone fall off this fast since Shawn Kemp.
HATE: Being jerked around on my Winslow throwback.
LOVE: The new host of E!'s Wild On is TARA REID. You could look it up! That's appointment television right there. I wonder if they'll have to shorten the show to 10 minutes to get in all the usable footage.
HATE: I'm still coughing up phlegm! HOW? Can someone put one of those dentist's things in my mouth and suck out all this what appears to be lining my insides?
HATE: Dave going to the crazy house. I just hope it's nothing major and we eventually get a Season 3.
HATE: I guess the best-season-of-Seinfeld/first-seasons-of-Scrubs/Team America: World Police debate I was having for next Tuesday just died an ugly, violent death.
LOVE: TWO more seasons of Arrested Development! Praise Buster! Now maybe you guys can quit sleeping on the co-funniest show on TV and actually see the damn thing, hmm?
LOVE: The possibility of Eva Longoria dating Keifer Sutherland, because if anybody deserves somebody on Eva's level, it's Jack Fucking Bauer. Yes, his middle name is the F-bomb; once you kick a certain amount of ass in the name of the country they just change it.
LOVE: If they keep taking forever to kill the electricity, maybe I can get some writing done.
Better not chance it...
LATE AFTERNOON ADDITIONS
LOVE: Naughty By Nature doing a medley of their classics on 106th & Park. Can you imagine having them do your prom? Oh, that'd be sick. I wonder if I'm going to feel the way about any artists today in 2016 if I happen to be flipping the dial and the opening from "O.P.P." came on.
LOVE: No cutting of the electricity. Sweet.
LOVE: My brother's profile on myspace. Good to know he's "not a movie nigga". I feel closer to him now more than ever, shit you not.
Ambient music: George Harrison - I've Got My Mind Set On You
HATE: One of the smallest checks I've ever seen in my life. How I am supposed to get a proper swerve on? HOW?
HATE: Delaying paying off Natalie, even though I don't think the next check is going to bring some financial windfall, either.
HATE: The looming possibility of--*gulp*--selling my Game/Snoop tickets. I suppose I could try to get the comeback for Anger Management, but even so.
HATE: The new Lindsay Lohan. No breasts and she got hit with a sudden case of the uglies, too. Damn shame. I haven't seen someone fall off this fast since Shawn Kemp.
HATE: Being jerked around on my Winslow throwback.
LOVE: The new host of E!'s Wild On is TARA REID. You could look it up! That's appointment television right there. I wonder if they'll have to shorten the show to 10 minutes to get in all the usable footage.
HATE: I'm still coughing up phlegm! HOW? Can someone put one of those dentist's things in my mouth and suck out all this what appears to be lining my insides?
HATE: Dave going to the crazy house. I just hope it's nothing major and we eventually get a Season 3.
HATE: I guess the best-season-of-Seinfeld/first-seasons-of-Scrubs/Team America: World Police debate I was having for next Tuesday just died an ugly, violent death.
LOVE: TWO more seasons of Arrested Development! Praise Buster! Now maybe you guys can quit sleeping on the co-funniest show on TV and actually see the damn thing, hmm?
LOVE: The possibility of Eva Longoria dating Keifer Sutherland, because if anybody deserves somebody on Eva's level, it's Jack Fucking Bauer. Yes, his middle name is the F-bomb; once you kick a certain amount of ass in the name of the country they just change it.
LOVE: If they keep taking forever to kill the electricity, maybe I can get some writing done.
Better not chance it...
LATE AFTERNOON ADDITIONS
LOVE: Naughty By Nature doing a medley of their classics on 106th & Park. Can you imagine having them do your prom? Oh, that'd be sick. I wonder if I'm going to feel the way about any artists today in 2016 if I happen to be flipping the dial and the opening from "O.P.P." came on.
LOVE: No cutting of the electricity. Sweet.
LOVE: My brother's profile on myspace. Good to know he's "not a movie nigga". I feel closer to him now more than ever, shit you not.
Ambient music: George Harrison - I've Got My Mind Set On You
5/11/05
Welcome to the Future
Thanks to a 25-second investment, I can now send pictures from Natalie to this blog, maybe even captioned if I so desire.
This was just to ensure it wouldn't take me forever to taunt Dupin about Comic-Con, but the quickness is good. Sadly, if I'd done it last week you could've seen the shot of me with the Wagner mask on drinking from the pimp cup and the 17-year-old's ass. Such is life.
Ambient music: Crash Test Dummies - Ballad of Peter Pumpkinhead
This was just to ensure it wouldn't take me forever to taunt Dupin about Comic-Con, but the quickness is good. Sadly, if I'd done it last week you could've seen the shot of me with the Wagner mask on drinking from the pimp cup and the 17-year-old's ass. Such is life.
Ambient music: Crash Test Dummies - Ballad of Peter Pumpkinhead
5/8/05
Frustrated Incorporated
And now, a haiku entirely composed of the words fuck and shit.
94, 103, 138 in the lone ray of light, and 114.
What's more painful: losing for money, losing by a pin when all you had to do was make a spare and missing by inches, or losing by a pin when all you had to do was make a spare and missing by inches again? Ancient Chinese riddle for ya.
UGH.
DANCES DONE
---------------------
Churning the Butter
Neon Deion (since I had the throwback on)
Lane Angel (like that guy on the Pats, except in the lane)
Shawn Michaels (fell to my knees and thanked the lord)
the Redd Foxx Memorial Massive Holy Fucking God How Did I Just Lose By A Pin AGAIN Quadruple Bypass
Ambient music: the Wallflowers - 6th Avenue Heartache
94, 103, 138 in the lone ray of light, and 114.
What's more painful: losing for money, losing by a pin when all you had to do was make a spare and missing by inches, or losing by a pin when all you had to do was make a spare and missing by inches again? Ancient Chinese riddle for ya.
UGH.
DANCES DONE
---------------------
Churning the Butter
Neon Deion (since I had the throwback on)
Lane Angel (like that guy on the Pats, except in the lane)
Shawn Michaels (fell to my knees and thanked the lord)
the Redd Foxx Memorial Massive Holy Fucking God How Did I Just Lose By A Pin AGAIN Quadruple Bypass
Ambient music: the Wallflowers - 6th Avenue Heartache
5/6/05
Son Of Broken Resolutions
DO NOT wonder what you're going to do with the little bit of extra time you have when you unexpectedly get off two hours early. It's called Panda Express and the biggest mall in town down the block.
DO NOT show up at a party right after it begins. What are you, in A/V?
DO call friends before you get drunk for a change.
DO rock the lime of the side of your pimp cup.
DO put on your Dr. Wagner tricolor mask and have a sip.
DO take a picture to prove it.
DO NOT keep track of how many people compliment the chalice, eventually you will lose the number.
DO run back across the block to work and check your bag for a few hours so you don't have to worry about it.
DO start dancing out of nowhere, because if you're going to go overboard go overboard.
DO wander into the background of news programs transmitting live. Why? To fuck with people, duh.
DO keep drinking.
DO keep drinking.
DO keep dancing.
DO let them come to you.
DO befriend the local radio stations' street teams.
DO remember to look for yourself on their websites when you sober up.
DO take off the mask when you get too hot, per the orders of Lloyd Banks.
DO NOT keep dancing about when the rain flurry happens; you're already the Mayor of the joint. You have Nothing Left To Prove.
DO remember to get your shit back from work.
DO NOT chalk up someone eventually copping the Wagner mask as an act of fate; by all reasonable accounts you should be able to hunt them down and rip off the arm in order to beat them with it.
DO NOT take pictures of hot brunettes shaking their asses.
DO take video.
DO make sure you close out the joint.
DO make sure the party continues.
DO NOT hit a wall and snap the top row of beads on the pimp cup.
DO NOT start dancing like a retard when they play 80's music.
DO be shocked when an attractive female begins to emulate you.
DO drink more.
DO invite her to dance when you both take a break.
DO get her name.
DO NOT Vogue to "Material Girl". It just makes you look incompetent and foolish.
DO get a name, because those things help. A true gentlemen doesn't just grind willy-nilly.
DO NOT follow the fact she's seen you before with "If you're stalking me, just let me know now." Not funny enough.
DO blame the eight-pack you've guzzled for not being funny enough.
DO promise to hook up at a club next week, 'cause that's how you roll.
DO NOT read the new FHM & King of the World drunk off your ass. You will retain nothing.
DO NOT stagger down the street alone at 2 in the morning. As bad as it sounds.
DO NOT shoot your right arm out in an attempt to correct the sidewalk. The sidewalk isn't moving eratticly; you are. You've HAD 8.75 Coronas. That wobble IS YOU.
DO NOT attempt to be drunk and blog at the same time, your head keeps rolling back and it takes you longer to do it because your journalism major need to make everything look right takes a lot longer when you misspell words like "guzzled" and "the".
DO be pissed you forgot to tape SmackDown.
DO wonder if Hate It or Love It Friday is really necessary after a post like this.
DO bring this thing to a merciful end and go pass out in your bed already.
Ambient music: my second favorite song of last year, G-Unit feat. Joe - Wanna Get To Know You
DO NOT show up at a party right after it begins. What are you, in A/V?
DO call friends before you get drunk for a change.
DO rock the lime of the side of your pimp cup.
DO put on your Dr. Wagner tricolor mask and have a sip.
DO take a picture to prove it.
DO NOT keep track of how many people compliment the chalice, eventually you will lose the number.
DO run back across the block to work and check your bag for a few hours so you don't have to worry about it.
DO start dancing out of nowhere, because if you're going to go overboard go overboard.
DO wander into the background of news programs transmitting live. Why? To fuck with people, duh.
DO keep drinking.
DO keep drinking.
DO keep dancing.
DO let them come to you.
DO befriend the local radio stations' street teams.
DO remember to look for yourself on their websites when you sober up.
DO take off the mask when you get too hot, per the orders of Lloyd Banks.
DO NOT keep dancing about when the rain flurry happens; you're already the Mayor of the joint. You have Nothing Left To Prove.
DO remember to get your shit back from work.
DO NOT chalk up someone eventually copping the Wagner mask as an act of fate; by all reasonable accounts you should be able to hunt them down and rip off the arm in order to beat them with it.
DO NOT take pictures of hot brunettes shaking their asses.
DO take video.
DO make sure you close out the joint.
DO make sure the party continues.
DO NOT hit a wall and snap the top row of beads on the pimp cup.
DO NOT start dancing like a retard when they play 80's music.
DO be shocked when an attractive female begins to emulate you.
DO drink more.
DO invite her to dance when you both take a break.
DO get her name.
DO NOT Vogue to "Material Girl". It just makes you look incompetent and foolish.
DO get a name, because those things help. A true gentlemen doesn't just grind willy-nilly.
DO NOT follow the fact she's seen you before with "If you're stalking me, just let me know now." Not funny enough.
DO blame the eight-pack you've guzzled for not being funny enough.
DO promise to hook up at a club next week, 'cause that's how you roll.
DO NOT read the new FHM & King of the World drunk off your ass. You will retain nothing.
DO NOT stagger down the street alone at 2 in the morning. As bad as it sounds.
DO NOT shoot your right arm out in an attempt to correct the sidewalk. The sidewalk isn't moving eratticly; you are. You've HAD 8.75 Coronas. That wobble IS YOU.
DO NOT attempt to be drunk and blog at the same time, your head keeps rolling back and it takes you longer to do it because your journalism major need to make everything look right takes a lot longer when you misspell words like "guzzled" and "the".
DO be pissed you forgot to tape SmackDown.
DO wonder if Hate It or Love It Friday is really necessary after a post like this.
DO bring this thing to a merciful end and go pass out in your bed already.
Ambient music: my second favorite song of last year, G-Unit feat. Joe - Wanna Get To Know You
5/3/05
The New Phenomenon and The Same Old Lines From Devil's Advocate
I'm going to save my energy now, because I feel I will be drifting off into Lewis Black territory as I discuss the fallout of today's incident.
I get on one of my chariots of the people, and as I am flipping through the radio dial I hear "One of my friends said it's $10,000 and another said that was a typo, it's $100,000. But there's no way he'd get a fine that big, right?"
Obviously, the topic of discussion is the massive fine Don Sterno has leveled against Van Gundy, and being a man who watched PTI on his break today help the discussion. "No, it's one hundred...thousand."
I'm sure that raised some eyebrows, as those who know me in the real world tend to know my words come in flows much like tsunamis or, say, Niagra Falls. The pause came because as I looked up to see who I should aim the comment at, it turned out there was a hot brunette. And a hot blonde, who originally asked the question. Yes, I was astute enough to know the voices were female. No, I had no idea they were hot until I looked up from the radio dial (or the button, at least--it's been giving me trouble recently). So the blonde starts getting about as irate as you can get in a conversation in a public place. She's from Houston, go figure. So we're having this state-of-the-Mavs-Rockets address going on and as we round a corner holy god. HOLY GOD. She has a rumpatumpalous. Except to say that would be like saying that Michael Jordan fellow played forward some. Three scoops of booty flakes. And she's wearing jeans, which helps. But even so. Somebody call Uncle L. Kim (her name, right) has a big ol' butt. And I'm leaving...somebody.
I mean, she looks a little young, but this is definitely worth a shot. I have, in a massive coincidence which in Hollywood would swing the thing in my favor, purchased a ticket to the big Cinco de Mayo block party I'm hitting up Thursday. I figure, I'm not going with anybody and it's worth a shot.
And right before I ask, the guardian angel on my shoulder who I assume died in the fiery soul crash of 1997 speaks up and says, "Hey. Hey. Maybe we should make sure they're 21 instead of 20."
So I ask.
Would you like to know what the answer is, dear reader? Of course.
"Next week I'm turning 18."
Remember There's Something About Mary? Remember when Stiller got his junk caught in his zipper? Remember the face you made? Remember when they showed the junk caught upside down in his zipper? Remember the face you made that time?
It's like I make that second face except a billion times worse.
And then, as if things weren't bad enough, she gives me this shit-eating grin that would be so hot if I hadn't just commited a felony act with my mind and says "Why? How old are you?"
It is only through some untapped reservoir of personal grace I shake the cobwebs free and go "22."
You shut your face, you shut it now. Now now now now NOW.
Look, I realize I'm still a young man. I realize I'm only 26, or 30 in white years. I realize the following words shouldn't come out of my mouth or onto my site except in times of extreme sarcasm.
But damn it all to blood-gutted pus-spewing hell, back when I was young, things were different. Evil was evil. Good was good. You knew where you stood growing up. Music was music, made by ugly people who actually played their own instruments. And there damn sure weren't white girls with big asses who got together with their hot friends to talk about the basketball playoffs!!!! Let alone being 17, goddamnit! In order to create that series of events in my youth I would've had to have been on some serious Weird Science/Jurassic Park shit to get it to go right. And even then something would've fallen apart since I didn't have a computer; she would've only ran on Linux or something.
In the end, I can only shake my head and cry over the lost future full of little mochas we could've had together.
Things have gone too fucking far now. As President, I demand all hot underage pieces of ass have some sort of easily identifiable signifier to say they are underage, like a red barcode on the back of their hand or something. And when they turn 18 but before they're 21, it turns to yellow. It can work like a traffic light. Ever since Britney, this place has gone down the fucking toilet, and now I'm choking on this shit.
And right before I passed out, I thought to myself...
Sadist.
Absentee landlord.
Ambient music: A Tribe Called Quest - Electric Relaxation
I get on one of my chariots of the people, and as I am flipping through the radio dial I hear "One of my friends said it's $10,000 and another said that was a typo, it's $100,000. But there's no way he'd get a fine that big, right?"
Obviously, the topic of discussion is the massive fine Don Sterno has leveled against Van Gundy, and being a man who watched PTI on his break today help the discussion. "No, it's one hundred...thousand."
I'm sure that raised some eyebrows, as those who know me in the real world tend to know my words come in flows much like tsunamis or, say, Niagra Falls. The pause came because as I looked up to see who I should aim the comment at, it turned out there was a hot brunette. And a hot blonde, who originally asked the question. Yes, I was astute enough to know the voices were female. No, I had no idea they were hot until I looked up from the radio dial (or the button, at least--it's been giving me trouble recently). So the blonde starts getting about as irate as you can get in a conversation in a public place. She's from Houston, go figure. So we're having this state-of-the-Mavs-Rockets address going on and as we round a corner holy god. HOLY GOD. She has a rumpatumpalous. Except to say that would be like saying that Michael Jordan fellow played forward some. Three scoops of booty flakes. And she's wearing jeans, which helps. But even so. Somebody call Uncle L. Kim (her name, right) has a big ol' butt. And I'm leaving...somebody.
I mean, she looks a little young, but this is definitely worth a shot. I have, in a massive coincidence which in Hollywood would swing the thing in my favor, purchased a ticket to the big Cinco de Mayo block party I'm hitting up Thursday. I figure, I'm not going with anybody and it's worth a shot.
And right before I ask, the guardian angel on my shoulder who I assume died in the fiery soul crash of 1997 speaks up and says, "Hey. Hey. Maybe we should make sure they're 21 instead of 20."
So I ask.
Would you like to know what the answer is, dear reader? Of course.
"Next week I'm turning 18."
Remember There's Something About Mary? Remember when Stiller got his junk caught in his zipper? Remember the face you made? Remember when they showed the junk caught upside down in his zipper? Remember the face you made that time?
It's like I make that second face except a billion times worse.
And then, as if things weren't bad enough, she gives me this shit-eating grin that would be so hot if I hadn't just commited a felony act with my mind and says "Why? How old are you?"
It is only through some untapped reservoir of personal grace I shake the cobwebs free and go "22."
You shut your face, you shut it now. Now now now now NOW.
Look, I realize I'm still a young man. I realize I'm only 26, or 30 in white years. I realize the following words shouldn't come out of my mouth or onto my site except in times of extreme sarcasm.
But damn it all to blood-gutted pus-spewing hell, back when I was young, things were different. Evil was evil. Good was good. You knew where you stood growing up. Music was music, made by ugly people who actually played their own instruments. And there damn sure weren't white girls with big asses who got together with their hot friends to talk about the basketball playoffs!!!! Let alone being 17, goddamnit! In order to create that series of events in my youth I would've had to have been on some serious Weird Science/Jurassic Park shit to get it to go right. And even then something would've fallen apart since I didn't have a computer; she would've only ran on Linux or something.
In the end, I can only shake my head and cry over the lost future full of little mochas we could've had together.
Things have gone too fucking far now. As President, I demand all hot underage pieces of ass have some sort of easily identifiable signifier to say they are underage, like a red barcode on the back of their hand or something. And when they turn 18 but before they're 21, it turns to yellow. It can work like a traffic light. Ever since Britney, this place has gone down the fucking toilet, and now I'm choking on this shit.
And right before I passed out, I thought to myself...
Sadist.
Absentee landlord.
Ambient music: A Tribe Called Quest - Electric Relaxation
5/1/05
the Definition of a Pimp
That's right. I'm famous. Bow down...
...to the hip, new slang.
Ambient music: Joss Stone - Fell In Love With A Boy
...to the hip, new slang.
Ambient music: Joss Stone - Fell In Love With A Boy
Stru-guh-LING
I feel like I haven't slept. It was only five hours. I blame the drugs.
Took my worst smacking in poker yet last night, down $18. And I believe I was almost up $10 at one point early, and then I quit getting cards for the most part. I don't know exactly if this was a loss to learn anything from, other than you need good cards to play. Well, except the time I won with a 3-4 offsuit (big blinded, so why the hell not).
So hooray for building character or whatever the fuck. Now let's get back to profiting from these little excursions, hmm?
Ambient music: Korn - Make Me Bad
Took my worst smacking in poker yet last night, down $18. And I believe I was almost up $10 at one point early, and then I quit getting cards for the most part. I don't know exactly if this was a loss to learn anything from, other than you need good cards to play. Well, except the time I won with a 3-4 offsuit (big blinded, so why the hell not).
So hooray for building character or whatever the fuck. Now let's get back to profiting from these little excursions, hmm?
Ambient music: Korn - Make Me Bad
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