And I LOVE YOU, TOO!

Here's to football?

Fucking a-right.

A minor miracle happened yesterday. It wasn't that I did my body weight in rum and champagne and didn't wake up with a monstrous hangover (because I did). What it was was I turned on the Fiesta Bowl with 6 minutes left in the 4th quarter. What would happen next--

--would make Cal/Stanford look like the NFC playoffs.

OK drives. Lucky TD. Lucky 2. Tie game, minute left.

Boise throws a pick and OU runs it back. Game over? HA!

Boise gets up against it, one last play for the season, on fourth and fucking 18, they run a hook and ladder.

To the house.

To tie the game.

With seven seconds left.

OT.

They give up a TD on the first play, get the ball, undefeated season on the line again, and a walk-on wide receiver on 4th and 2 with their season on the line again, throws it.

SIX.

Usual teams kick the extra point and go for the 2nd OT since they get the ball last--BOISE STATE SCOFFS AT YOUR EXTRA POINT!

YES, THAT'S THE F'N STATUE OF LIBERTY!

YES, the QB handed it off BEHIND HIS BACK!

43-42~!

ANARCHY OF BIBLICAL PROPORTIONS~~~~~!

And then the star player who scored the winning points proposed to his head cheerleader girlfriend, and they all lived happily ever after. That shit actually happened!

And then, since certain people know I never, e-e-e-e-e-eeeeeeeeever start a new year of posting without them, Jessica tests out her arm in Miami and will now start for the Dolphins. To quote Tyler Durden directly:

Pictures of Jessica Alba playing football in a bikini doesn't even sound like a real thing, it sounds like something a 14-year-old would draw in his wish book. It's just too good to be true. Her nipples are even showing for Christ’s sake. Honest to god, you would need that diamond hardness scale to measure my erection right now. I could use my penis to cut glass. There's no way this can be real. I'm sure if I looked closer I'd see a winking sun drinking a coke and Captain America's dinosaur eating bin Laden, but I don't want to ruin it. I'm so much happier in pretend world, in this fantasy world where Jessica Alba plays football in a bikini. And look, now I’m a Viking!

Oh, he's batshit insane, but it's not like he's wrong or anything.

It only took one day, but Football is having the Best Week Ever!

Let Me Clear My Throat DJ Kool