I'm sure if I hadn't gone out for 8 jobs this week and already gotten shut down for 2, if the installation fee for the internet didn't fall on my head somehow due to the move, if I had any money, if the people looking for said money stopped calling three times a day and I didn't have to stay up until 2 a.m. to get some fucking quiet in this house I would be on pace or ahead.
Then again, wouldn't be my life, would it?
A village of supporting characters is cropping up. My idea to write four times a day in 15-minute bursts is going okay. Perhaps I should've thought of it before 5 hours ago. Brittany is going to have to address her singlehood, her brother David is going to have to address whether she wants it, and she might be into either the guy who was a victim of his girlfriend beating him in the library, the officer making the arrest, the reporter who's about to launch her into the stratosphere, or the guy her best friend wants to set her up with.
I'm on my way
I don't know where I'm goin'
I'm on my way
I'm taking my time but I don't know where...
Oh, in order to write the first club scene I did put together the DJ BC Saturday Night Mix, which for all none of you who care goes like this
1 - Madison Avenue, "Don't Call Me Baby"
2 - Mobb Deep feat. 50 Cent & Nate Dogg, "Have A Party"
3 - Chris Brown feat. Juelz Santana, "Run It (remix)"
4 - Purple Ribbon All-Stars feat. Big Boi, "Kryptonite (I'm On It)"
5 - Jackson 5, "I Want You Back"
6 - Dem Franchize Boyz feat. Jermaine Dupri, Da Brat, and Bow Wow, "I Think They Like Me (remix)"
7 - Chamillionaire feat. Lil' Flip, "Turn It Up"
8 - Cassie, "Me & U" (in a perfect world it would've been the DJ Steve 1nder mash with the Cure's "Close To You" with the backbeat. ahhhhhhhhh.)
9
Tears Of A Shakeoff DJ AM's Mariah Carey/Smokey Robinson and the Miracles mash
10 - Franz Ferdinand, "Take Me Out"
11 - Three 6 Mafia feat. 8-Ball, MJG, and Young Buck, "Stay Fly"
12 - E-40 feat. Keak Da Sneak, "Tell Me When To Go"
13 - Bubba Sparxxx feat. Ying Yang Twins, "Ms. New Booty"
14 - Fall Out Boy, "Dance, Dance"
15 - Yung Joc, "It's Goin' Down"
16 - Sean Paul, "Temperature"
17 - The Outfield, "Your Love"
18 - Lighter Shade Of Brown, "Hey DJ"
19 - Kurupt feat. Snoop Dogg, Warren G, and Nate Dogg, "Ain't No Fun"
Feel free to burn it and try it on your own fun endeavors. I'm going to take a short break and hopefully can get another half hour's work in before I go out and fuel up.
I can do this.
Even now.
Just got to keep chopping.
11/11/06
Radio Free Chula
Before you say anything...I know.
DROPS:
"U & Dat" (11)
"Here It Goes Again" (12)
15. Fergalicious ¤ Fergie (debut)
14. London Bridge (Oh, Shit) ¤ Fergie (14)
13. Gone Daddy Gone ¤ Gnarls Barkley (7)
12. Nausea ¤ Beck (15)*
11. Show Me What You Got ¤ Jay-Z (13)*
10. Anna Molly ¤ Incubus (debut)
9. Hate (I Really Don't Like You) ¤ Plain White Ts (9)*
8. Crazy ¤ Gnarls Barkley (8)
7. Waiting On The World To Change ¤ John Mayer (10)*
6. SexyLove ¤ Ne-Yo (4)
5. Steady, As She Goes ¤ the Raconteurs (5)
4. Money Maker ¤ Ludacris feat. Pharrell (6)*
3. I Will Follow You Into The Dark ¤ Death Cab For Cutie (3)*
2. Tell Me Baby ¤ Red Hot Chili Peppers (2)
1. When You Were Young ¤ the Killers (1) [1m]
So Whatcha Want Beasties
DROPS:
"U & Dat" (11)
"Here It Goes Again" (12)
15. Fergalicious ¤ Fergie (debut)
14. London Bridge (Oh, Shit) ¤ Fergie (14)
13. Gone Daddy Gone ¤ Gnarls Barkley (7)
12. Nausea ¤ Beck (15)*
11. Show Me What You Got ¤ Jay-Z (13)*
10. Anna Molly ¤ Incubus (debut)
9. Hate (I Really Don't Like You) ¤ Plain White Ts (9)*
8. Crazy ¤ Gnarls Barkley (8)
7. Waiting On The World To Change ¤ John Mayer (10)*
6. SexyLove ¤ Ne-Yo (4)
5. Steady, As She Goes ¤ the Raconteurs (5)
4. Money Maker ¤ Ludacris feat. Pharrell (6)*
3. I Will Follow You Into The Dark ¤ Death Cab For Cutie (3)*
2. Tell Me Baby ¤ Red Hot Chili Peppers (2)
1. When You Were Young ¤ the Killers (1) [1m]
So Whatcha Want Beasties
11/8/06
11/6/06
Our Freedom Of Speech Is Freedom Or Death*
*= this post won't have the gravitas necessary to both my foreign fans.
And you should know how the rest of that lyric goes. KO?
We are, as every generation, inseparable from our own time.
Thus is our perspective, inevitably that of the explorer looking into the wrong end of the telescope.
But even accounting for our myopia, it’s hard to imagine there have been many elections more important than this one, certainly not in non-presidential years.
And so we look at the verdict in the trial of Saddam Hussein yesterday, and, with the very phrase “October, or November, Surprise” now a part of our vernacular, and the chest-thumping coming from so many of the Republican campaigners today, each of us must wonder about the convenience of the timing of his conviction and sentencing.
But let us give history and coincidence the benefit of the doubt—let’s say it’s just “happened” that way—and for a moment not look into the wrong end of the telescope.
Let’s perceive instead the bigger picture:
Saddam Hussein, found guilty in an Iraqi court.
Who can argue against that?
He is officially, what the world always knew he was: a war criminal.
Mr. Bush, was this imprimatur, worth the cost of 2,832 American lives, and thousands more American lives yet to be lost?
Is the conviction of Saddam Hussein the reason you went to war in Iraq?
Or did you go to war in Iraq because of the weapons of mass destruction that did not exist?
Or did you go to war in Iraq because of the connection between Iraq and al-Qaida that did not exist?
Or did you go to war in Iraq to break the bonds of tyranny there, while installing the mechanisms of tyranny here?
Or did you go to war in Iraq because you felt the need to wreak vengeance against somebody, anybody?
Or did you go to war in Iraq to contain a rogue state which, months earlier, your own administration had declared had been fully contained by sanctions?
Or did you go to war in Iraq to keep gas prices down?
How startling it was, sir, to hear you introduce oil to your stump speeches over the weekend.
Not four years removed from the most dismissive, the most condescending, the most ridiculing denials of the very hint at, as Mr. Rumsfeld put it, this “nonsense.”
There you were, campaigning in Colorado, in Nebraska, in Florida, in Kansas -- suddenly turning this ‘unpatriotic idea’ into a platform plank.
"You can imagine a world in which these extremists and radicals got control of energy resources," you told us. "And then you can imagine them saying, 'We're going to pull a bunch of oil off the market to run your price of oil up unless you do the following.'"
Having frightened us, having bullied us, having lied to us, having ignored and rewritten the Constitution under our noses, having stayed the course, having denied you’ve stayed the course, having belittled us about "timelines" but instead extolled "benchmarks," you’ve now resorted, sir, to this?
We must stay in Iraq to save the $2 gallon of gas?
Mr. President, there is no other conclusion we can draw as we go to the polls tomorrow.
Sir, you have been making this up as you went along.
This country was founded to prevent anybody from making it up as they went along.
Those vaunted Founding Fathers of ours have been so quoted up, that they appear as marble statues: like the chiseled guards of China, or the faces on Mount Rushmore. But in fact they were practical people and the thing they obviously feared most was a government of men and not laws.
They provided the checks and balances for a reason.
No one man could run the government the way he saw fit -- unless he, at the least, took into consideration what those he governed saw.
A House of Representatives would be the people's eyes.
A Senate would be the corrective force on that House.
An executive would do the work, and hold the Constitution to his chest like his child.
A Supreme Court would oversee it all.
Checks and balances.
Where did that go, Mr. Bush?
And what price did we pay because we have let it go?
Saddam Hussein will get out of Iraq the same way 2,832 Americans have and thousands more.
He’ll get out faster than we will.
And if nothing changes tomorrow, you, sir, will be out of the White House long before the rest of us can say we are out of Iraq.
And whose fault is this?
Not truly yours. You took advantage of those of us who were afraid, and those of us who believed unity and nation took precedence over all else.
But we let you take that advantage.
And so we let you go to war in Iraq to oust Saddam or find non-existant weapons or avenge 9/11 or fight terrorists who only got there after we did or as cover to change the fabric of our Constitution or for lower prices at The Texaco or…?
There are still a few hours left before the polls open, sir. There are many rationalizations still untried.
And whatever your motives of the moment, we the people have, in true good faith and with the genuine patriotism of self-sacrifice (of which you have shown you know nothing), we have let you go on making it up as you went along.
Unchecked and unbalanced.
Vote.
And you should know how the rest of that lyric goes. KO?
We are, as every generation, inseparable from our own time.
Thus is our perspective, inevitably that of the explorer looking into the wrong end of the telescope.
But even accounting for our myopia, it’s hard to imagine there have been many elections more important than this one, certainly not in non-presidential years.
And so we look at the verdict in the trial of Saddam Hussein yesterday, and, with the very phrase “October, or November, Surprise” now a part of our vernacular, and the chest-thumping coming from so many of the Republican campaigners today, each of us must wonder about the convenience of the timing of his conviction and sentencing.
But let us give history and coincidence the benefit of the doubt—let’s say it’s just “happened” that way—and for a moment not look into the wrong end of the telescope.
Let’s perceive instead the bigger picture:
Saddam Hussein, found guilty in an Iraqi court.
Who can argue against that?
He is officially, what the world always knew he was: a war criminal.
Mr. Bush, was this imprimatur, worth the cost of 2,832 American lives, and thousands more American lives yet to be lost?
Is the conviction of Saddam Hussein the reason you went to war in Iraq?
Or did you go to war in Iraq because of the weapons of mass destruction that did not exist?
Or did you go to war in Iraq because of the connection between Iraq and al-Qaida that did not exist?
Or did you go to war in Iraq to break the bonds of tyranny there, while installing the mechanisms of tyranny here?
Or did you go to war in Iraq because you felt the need to wreak vengeance against somebody, anybody?
Or did you go to war in Iraq to contain a rogue state which, months earlier, your own administration had declared had been fully contained by sanctions?
Or did you go to war in Iraq to keep gas prices down?
How startling it was, sir, to hear you introduce oil to your stump speeches over the weekend.
Not four years removed from the most dismissive, the most condescending, the most ridiculing denials of the very hint at, as Mr. Rumsfeld put it, this “nonsense.”
There you were, campaigning in Colorado, in Nebraska, in Florida, in Kansas -- suddenly turning this ‘unpatriotic idea’ into a platform plank.
"You can imagine a world in which these extremists and radicals got control of energy resources," you told us. "And then you can imagine them saying, 'We're going to pull a bunch of oil off the market to run your price of oil up unless you do the following.'"
Having frightened us, having bullied us, having lied to us, having ignored and rewritten the Constitution under our noses, having stayed the course, having denied you’ve stayed the course, having belittled us about "timelines" but instead extolled "benchmarks," you’ve now resorted, sir, to this?
We must stay in Iraq to save the $2 gallon of gas?
Mr. President, there is no other conclusion we can draw as we go to the polls tomorrow.
Sir, you have been making this up as you went along.
This country was founded to prevent anybody from making it up as they went along.
Those vaunted Founding Fathers of ours have been so quoted up, that they appear as marble statues: like the chiseled guards of China, or the faces on Mount Rushmore. But in fact they were practical people and the thing they obviously feared most was a government of men and not laws.
They provided the checks and balances for a reason.
No one man could run the government the way he saw fit -- unless he, at the least, took into consideration what those he governed saw.
A House of Representatives would be the people's eyes.
A Senate would be the corrective force on that House.
An executive would do the work, and hold the Constitution to his chest like his child.
A Supreme Court would oversee it all.
Checks and balances.
Where did that go, Mr. Bush?
And what price did we pay because we have let it go?
Saddam Hussein will get out of Iraq the same way 2,832 Americans have and thousands more.
He’ll get out faster than we will.
And if nothing changes tomorrow, you, sir, will be out of the White House long before the rest of us can say we are out of Iraq.
And whose fault is this?
Not truly yours. You took advantage of those of us who were afraid, and those of us who believed unity and nation took precedence over all else.
But we let you take that advantage.
And so we let you go to war in Iraq to oust Saddam or find non-existant weapons or avenge 9/11 or fight terrorists who only got there after we did or as cover to change the fabric of our Constitution or for lower prices at The Texaco or…?
There are still a few hours left before the polls open, sir. There are many rationalizations still untried.
And whatever your motives of the moment, we the people have, in true good faith and with the genuine patriotism of self-sacrifice (of which you have shown you know nothing), we have let you go on making it up as you went along.
Unchecked and unbalanced.
Vote.
11/4/06
10%!
I figured this year every 5,000 words I would reward myself with a post about the novel and how it's going. One, because I figure talking about it will keep me doing it (barring horrible illness again). Two, because I know some of you are wondering how a normal person is trying to do a 50k novel in the course of a month as opposed to Crazy Aussie Man who last I heard is rocking himself to sleep muttering "semi-colon, semi-colon, semi-colon". And three, because I can't live on writing the novel alone; I need to break it up.
First of all, the decision to leave the house today and go to a community computer was awesome. No brother pouting, no mother yelling, just me and the taunting cursor. Better yet, no waiting for 2 a.m. for the quiet, or trying to steal it in 110-word bursts in the middle of the day wondering when the other shoe is going to drop and the real world unfocuses me. I unfocus myself enough, thanks--don't need help on the arms of outside services.
Second, the goal is 1,750 a day. It's a little bit better than average with the idea that that little bit better over the course of a month is to get me done a day or two early (a good idea seeing Thanksgiving is around the corner--where did the year go? OH. Right.). So far I am batting 66%, which will be up to 75% by the time I get done today.
Third, I wrote the opening stuff. I'm pretty sure how I am going to end it, and know of at least 4--maybe 6?--semi-major to major events I want to happen in the creamy middle. The rest? We leave that up to the ether and what comes out of it.
This year's novel is actually one of those fun "inspired by real life events" that I didn't know I was going to do until the day before Labor Day. It's a simple story of a DJ. Who happens to be rich. And white. And a girl. I threw in a black adopted younger brother, his girlfriend who goes from struggling actress to supernova, a best friend coming back from her dad's suicide after his Golden Boy status at a network went from Midas to DeLorean (those parts inspired by the five-star Desperate Networks, which is probably going to end up my Book of the Year by Bill Carter), and a couple of ancillary characters who are surprisingly making good cases to stick around more than I had booked them into being. Presto. This is drawing from some of last year's failed attempt, but Brittany Cattroli is her own girl and this is her own story. Matter of fact, she's beginning to come up with stuff on her own. I hope it continues.
If you guys have any questions, I'll try to answer them in the comments or send you messages. See ya when I see ya--right now I got a cute girl who's got a Rakim itch she needs to scratch.
(Scratch! DJ! I slay me.)
P.S.: This Is A Journey Into Sound. Spin Spin Sugar. Possible titles. Thumbs up or thumbs down?
Black Tambourine Beck
First of all, the decision to leave the house today and go to a community computer was awesome. No brother pouting, no mother yelling, just me and the taunting cursor. Better yet, no waiting for 2 a.m. for the quiet, or trying to steal it in 110-word bursts in the middle of the day wondering when the other shoe is going to drop and the real world unfocuses me. I unfocus myself enough, thanks--don't need help on the arms of outside services.
Second, the goal is 1,750 a day. It's a little bit better than average with the idea that that little bit better over the course of a month is to get me done a day or two early (a good idea seeing Thanksgiving is around the corner--where did the year go? OH. Right.). So far I am batting 66%, which will be up to 75% by the time I get done today.
Third, I wrote the opening stuff. I'm pretty sure how I am going to end it, and know of at least 4--maybe 6?--semi-major to major events I want to happen in the creamy middle. The rest? We leave that up to the ether and what comes out of it.
This year's novel is actually one of those fun "inspired by real life events" that I didn't know I was going to do until the day before Labor Day. It's a simple story of a DJ. Who happens to be rich. And white. And a girl. I threw in a black adopted younger brother, his girlfriend who goes from struggling actress to supernova, a best friend coming back from her dad's suicide after his Golden Boy status at a network went from Midas to DeLorean (those parts inspired by the five-star Desperate Networks, which is probably going to end up my Book of the Year by Bill Carter), and a couple of ancillary characters who are surprisingly making good cases to stick around more than I had booked them into being. Presto. This is drawing from some of last year's failed attempt, but Brittany Cattroli is her own girl and this is her own story. Matter of fact, she's beginning to come up with stuff on her own. I hope it continues.
If you guys have any questions, I'll try to answer them in the comments or send you messages. See ya when I see ya--right now I got a cute girl who's got a Rakim itch she needs to scratch.
(Scratch! DJ! I slay me.)
P.S.: This Is A Journey Into Sound. Spin Spin Sugar. Possible titles. Thumbs up or thumbs down?
Black Tambourine Beck
Throwing Muses (Out There)
AWWW:
Brooke Burke, 19 -- Mariah Carey, 26 -- Keira Knightley, 33 --
Lacey Chabert, 37 -- Carmen Electra, 39
(40) Anna Kournikova (re)
(39) Kristin Cavallari (d)
(38) Kelly Clarkson (d)
(37) Petra Nemcova (36)
(36) Elizabeth Hurley (25)
(35) Kelly Hu (40)
(34) Jessica Simpson (re)
(33) Michelle Trachtenberg (re)
(32) Jamie Pressly (32)
(31) Vanessa Minillo (31)
(30) Sofia Vergara (21)
(29) Adriana Lima (38)
(28) Esther Baxter (34)
(27) Mayra Veronica (27)
(26) Vida Guerra (23)
(25) Eva Mendes (35*)
(24) Summer Altice (30)
(23) C.J. Gibson (24*)
(22) Charisma Carpenter (18)
(21) Beyonce (17)
(20) Monica Bellucci (28*)
(19) Shakira (12)
(18) Halle Berry (20)
(17) Sarah Shahi (29*)
(16) Kim Smith (22)
(15) Raquel Gibson (14)
(14) Katherine Heigl (13)
(13) Jennifer Walcott (10)
(12) Kate Beckinsale (6)
(11) Jennifer Love Hewitt (9)
(10) Kristen Bell (8)
(9) Stacy Keibler (11)
(8) Scarlett Johannson (16*)
(7) Marisa Miller (15*)
(6) Trish Stratus (4)
(5) Salma Hayek (7)
(4) Eva Longoria (3)
(3) Angelina Jolie (5)
(2) Jessica Biel (2)
(1) Jessica Alba (1)
No Sensitivity Jimmy Eat World
Brooke Burke, 19 -- Mariah Carey, 26 -- Keira Knightley, 33 --
Lacey Chabert, 37 -- Carmen Electra, 39
(40) Anna Kournikova (re)
(39) Kristin Cavallari (d)
(38) Kelly Clarkson (d)
(37) Petra Nemcova (36)
(36) Elizabeth Hurley (25)
(35) Kelly Hu (40)
(34) Jessica Simpson (re)
(33) Michelle Trachtenberg (re)
(32) Jamie Pressly (32)
(31) Vanessa Minillo (31)
(30) Sofia Vergara (21)
(29) Adriana Lima (38)
(28) Esther Baxter (34)
(27) Mayra Veronica (27)
(26) Vida Guerra (23)
(25) Eva Mendes (35*)
(24) Summer Altice (30)
(23) C.J. Gibson (24*)
(22) Charisma Carpenter (18)
(21) Beyonce (17)
(20) Monica Bellucci (28*)
(19) Shakira (12)
(18) Halle Berry (20)
(17) Sarah Shahi (29*)
(16) Kim Smith (22)
(15) Raquel Gibson (14)
(14) Katherine Heigl (13)
(13) Jennifer Walcott (10)
(12) Kate Beckinsale (6)
(11) Jennifer Love Hewitt (9)
(10) Kristen Bell (8)
(9) Stacy Keibler (11)
(8) Scarlett Johannson (16*)
(7) Marisa Miller (15*)
(6) Trish Stratus (4)
(5) Salma Hayek (7)
(4) Eva Longoria (3)
(3) Angelina Jolie (5)
(2) Jessica Biel (2)
(1) Jessica Alba (1)
No Sensitivity Jimmy Eat World
10/30/06
Marathon Man
In one three-hour session at Full Tilt Poker, I amassed $50,075 off one $1,000 buy-in.
1) Imagine if I hadn't lost the last hand.
2) If only that was real money.
Bed. Now.
The Man Who Sold The World Nirvana unplugged covering David Bowie
1) Imagine if I hadn't lost the last hand.
2) If only that was real money.
Bed. Now.
The Man Who Sold The World Nirvana unplugged covering David Bowie
10/28/06
Radio Free Chula
DROPS:
"Promiscuous" (11)
"White Gurl" (15)
15. Nausea ¤ Beck (14)
14. London Bridge (Oh, Shit) ¤ Fergie (12)
13. Show Me What You Got ¤ Jay-Z (debut)
12. Here It Goes Again ¤ OK Go (10)
11. U & Dat ¤ E-40 feat. T-Pain (9)
10. Waiting On The World To Change ¤ John Mayer (13)*
9. Hate (I Really Don't Like You) ¤ Plain White Ts (debut)
8. Crazy ¤ Gnarls Barkley (5)
7. Gone Daddy Gone ¤ Gnarls Barkley (7)*
6. Money Maker ¤ Ludacris feat. Pharrell (8)*
5. Steady, As She Goes ¤ the Raconteurs (2)
4. SexyLove ¤ Ne-Yo (3)
3. I Will Follow You Into The Dark ¤ Death Cab For Cutie (6)*
2. Tell Me Baby ¤ Red Hot Chili Peppers (1)
1. When You Were Young ¤ the Killers (4) [2w]
"Promiscuous" (11)
"White Gurl" (15)
15. Nausea ¤ Beck (14)
14. London Bridge (Oh, Shit) ¤ Fergie (12)
13. Show Me What You Got ¤ Jay-Z (debut)
12. Here It Goes Again ¤ OK Go (10)
11. U & Dat ¤ E-40 feat. T-Pain (9)
10. Waiting On The World To Change ¤ John Mayer (13)*
9. Hate (I Really Don't Like You) ¤ Plain White Ts (debut)
8. Crazy ¤ Gnarls Barkley (5)
7. Gone Daddy Gone ¤ Gnarls Barkley (7)*
6. Money Maker ¤ Ludacris feat. Pharrell (8)*
5. Steady, As She Goes ¤ the Raconteurs (2)
4. SexyLove ¤ Ne-Yo (3)
3. I Will Follow You Into The Dark ¤ Death Cab For Cutie (6)*
2. Tell Me Baby ¤ Red Hot Chili Peppers (1)
1. When You Were Young ¤ the Killers (4) [2w]
10/23/06
Keith vs. the Terrorists (6: A Commercial Flop)
Tonight, a special comment on the advertising of terrorism – the commercial you have already seen.
It is a distillation of everything this administration and the party in power have tried to do these last five years and six weeks.
It is from the Republican National Committee;
It shows images of Osama bin Laden and Ayman al-Zawahiri;
It offers quotes from them—all as a clock ticks ominously in the background.
It concludes with what Zawahiri may or may not have said to a Pakistani journalist as long ago as 2001: His dubious claim that he had purchased “suitcase bombs.”
The quotation is followed (by sheer coincidence no doubt) by an image of a massive explosion.
“These are the stakes,” appears on the screen, quoting exactly from Lyndon Johnson’s infamous nuclear scare commercial from 1964.
“Vote—November 7th.”
There is a cheap “Texas Chainsaw Massacre” quality to the whole thing, and it also serves to immediately call to mind the occasions when President Bush dismissed Osama bin Laden as somebody he didn’t think about—except, obviously, when elections were near.
Frankly, a lot of people seeing that commercial for the first time, have laughed out loud.
But—not everyone.
And therein lies the true threat to this country.
The dictionary definition of the word “terrorize” is simple and not open to misinterpretation:
“To fill or overpower with terror; terrify. To coerce by intimidation or fear.”
Note please, that the words “violence” and “death” are missing from that definition.
The key to terror, the key to terrorism, is not the act—but the fear of the act.
That is why bin Laden and his deputies and his imitators are forever putting together videotaped statements and releasing virtual infomercials with dire threats and heart-stopping warnings.
But why is the Republican Party imitating them?
Bin Laden puts out what amounts to a commercial of fear; The Republicans put out what is unmistakable as a commercial of fear.
The Republicans are paying to have the messages of bin Laden and the others broadcast into your home.
Only the Republicans have a bigger bank roll.
When, last week, the CNN network ran video of an insurgent in Iraq, evidently stalking and killing an American soldier, the Chairman of the House Armed Services Committee, Mr. Hunter, Republican of California, branded that channel, quote, “the publicist for an enemy propaganda film” and that CNN used it “to sell commercials.”
Another California Republican, Rep. Brian Bilbray, called the video “nothing short of a terrorist snuff film.”
If so, Mr. Bilbray, then what in the hell is your Party’s new advertisement?
And Mr. Hunter, CNN using the video to “sell commercials”?
Commercials!
You have adopted bin Laden and Zawahiri as spokesmen for the Republican National Committee!
“To fill or overpower with terror; terrify. To coerce by intimidation or fear.”
By this definition, the people who put these videos together—first the terrorists and then the administration—whose shared goal is to scare you into panicking instead of thinking—they are the ones terrorizing you.
By this definition, the leading terrorist group in this world right now is al Qaida.
But the leading terrorist group in this country right now is the Republican Party.
Eleven Presidents ago, a chief executive reassured us that “we have nothing to fear but fear itself.”
His distant successor has wasted his administration insisting that there is nothing we can have but fear itself.
The vice president, as recently as this month, was caught campaigning with the phrase “mass death in the United States.”
Four years ago it was the now-Secretary of State, Dr. Rice, rationalizing Iraq with “we don’t want the smoking gun to be a mushroom cloud.”
Days later Mr. Bush himself told an audience that “we cannot wait for the final proof, the smoking gun, that could come in the form of a mushroom cloud.”
And now we have this cheesy commercial—complete with images of a faked mushroom cloud, and implications of “mass death in America.”
This administration has derived benefit and power from terrorizing the very people it claims to be protecting from terror.
It may be the oldest trick in the political book: scare people into believing they are in danger and that only you can save them.
Lyndon Johnson used it to bury Barry Goldwater.
Joe McCarthy leaped from obscurity on its back.
And now the legacy has come to President George Bush.
Of course, the gruel of fear is getting thinner and thinner, is it not, Mr. President?
And thus more and more of it needs to be made out of less and less actual terror.
After last week’s embarrassing Internet hoax about ‘dirty bombs’ at football stadiums, the one your Department of Homeland Security immediately disseminated to the public, a self-described “former CIA operative” named Wayne Simmons, cited the fiasco as “the, and I mean the, perfect example of the President’s Military Commissions Act of 2006 and the NSA terrorist eavesdropping program - how vital they are.”
Frank Gaffney, once a respected assistant secretary of defense and now the president of something called the Center for Security Policy, added, “one of the things that I hope Americans take away from this, is not only that they’re gunning for us not just in a place like Iraq—but truly, worldwide.”
Of course, the “they” to which Mr. Gaffney referred, turned out to be a lone 20-year-old grocery bagger from Wisconsin named Jake—a kid, trying to one-up some other loser in an Internet game of chicken.
His “threat,” referenced seven football stadiums at which dirty bombs were to be exploded yesterday. It began with the one in New York City - even though there isn’t one in New York City. And though the attacks were supposed to be simultaneous, four of the games were scheduled to start at 1 p.m. ET and the others at 4 p.m. ET.
More over, the kid said he’d posted the identical message on 40 websites since September.
We caught him in “merely” about six weeks, even though the only way he could have been less subtle, less stealthy, and less of a threat was if he’d bought an advertisement on the Super Bowl broadcast.
Mr. Bush, this is the—what? – 100th plot your people have revealed, that turned out to be some nonsensical misunderstanding, or the fabrications of somebody hoping to talk his way off a water board in Eastern Europe?
If, Mr. President, this is the kind of crack work that your new ad implies that only you and not the Democrats can do, you, sir, need to pull over and ask for directions.
The real question of course, Mr. Bush, is why did your Department of Homeland Security even release this information in the first place?
It was never a serious threat. Even the first news accounts quoted a Homeland spokesman as admitting “strong skepticism”—the kind of strong skepticism which most government agencies address before telling the public, not afterwards.
So that leaves two options, Mr. President.
The first option: you and your department of Homeland Security don’t have the slightest idea what you’re doing. Thus, contrary to your flip-flopping between saying “we’re safe” and saying “but we’re not safe enough,” and contrary to the vice president’s swaggering pronouncements about the lack of another attack since 9/11, the last five years has been just an accident.
Or there’s the second option: your political operatives leaked this nonsense for the same reason your political operatives put out that commercial—to scare the gullible.
Obviously the correct answer, Mr. Bush, is all of the above.
There are some of us who could forgive you for trying to run your candidates on the coattails of the Grim Reaper, for reducing your party’s existence to “Death and Attacks Us.”
It’s cynical and barbaric.
But, after all, it may be merely the natural extension of the gutter politics to which you have subscribed since you sidled over from baseball, and the business world of other people’s money.
But to forgive you for terrorizing us, we would have to believe you somehow competent in keeping others from doing so.
Yet, last week, construction workers repairing a subway line in New York City, were cleaning out an abandoned manhole on the edge of the World Trade Center site, when they stumbled on to the impossible: human remains from 9/11.
Bones and fragments.
Eighty of them.
Some as much as a foot long.
The victims had been lying, literally in the gutter, for five years and five weeks.
The families and friends of each of the 2,749 dead—who had been grimly told in May of 2002 that there were no more remains to be found—were struck anew as if the terrorism of that day had just happened again.
And over the weekend they’ve found still more remains.
And now this week will be spent looking in places that should have already been looked at a thousand times five years ago.
For all the victims in New York, Mr. Bush—the living and the dead—it’s a touch of 9/11 all over again.
And the mayor of this city, who called off the search four-and-a-half years ago is a Republican.
The governor of this state with whom he conferred is a Republican.
The House of Representatives, Republican.
The Senate, Republican.
The President, Republican.
And yet you can actually claim that you and you alone can protect us from terrorism?
You can’t even recover our dead from the battlefield—the battlefield in an American city—when we’ve given you five years and unlimited funds to do so!
While signing a Military Commissions Act so monstrous that it has been criticized by even the John Birch Society, you told us, Mr. Bush, “there is nothing we can do to bring back the men and women lost on September 11th, 2001. Yet we’ll always honor their memory, and we will never forget the way they were taken from us.”
Except, of course, for the ones who’ve been lying under a manhole cover for five years.
Setting aside the fact that your government has done nothing else for those five years but pat yourselves on the back about terror, while waging pointless war on the wrong enemy in Iraq, and waging war on the cherished freedoms in America;
Just on this subject of counter-terrorism, sir, yours is the least competent government, in time of crisis, in this country’s history!
“These are the stakes,” indeed, Mr. President.
You do not know what you are doing.
And the commercial—the one about which Zawahiri might say “hey, pretty good—we love your choice of font style”?
All that need further be said is to add three words to Shakespeare.
Mr. President, you, and that advertisement of terror, are full of sound and fury—signifying (and competent at) nothing.
10/19/06
Keith vs. the Washington World (5: The Blank Check)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SXuQw1j6JzA
We have lived as if in a trance.
We have lived as people in fear.
And now—our rights and our freedoms in peril—we slowly awaken to learn that we have been afraid of the wrong thing.
Therefore, tonight have we truly become the inheritors of our American legacy.
For, on this first full day that the Military Commissions Act is in force, we now face what our ancestors faced, at other times of exaggerated crisis and melodramatic fear-mongering:
A government more dangerous to our liberty, than is the enemy it claims to protect us from.
We have been here before—and we have been here before, led here by men better and wiser and nobler than George W. Bush.
We have been here when President John Adams insisted that the Alien and Sedition Acts were necessary to save American lives, only to watch him use those acts to jail newspaper editors.
American newspaper editors, in American jails, for things they wrote about America.
We have been here when President Woodrow Wilson insisted that the Espionage Act was necessary to save American lives, only to watch him use that Act to prosecute 2,000 Americans, especially those he disparaged as “Hyphenated Americans,” most of whom were guilty only of advocating peace in a time of war.
American public speakers, in American jails, for things they said about America.
We have been here when President Woodrow Wilson insisted that the Espionage Act was necessary to save American lives, only to watch him use that Act to prosecute 2,000 Americans, especially those he disparaged as “Hyphenated Americans,” most of whom were guilty only of advocating peace in a time of war.
American public speakers, in American jails, for things they said about America.
And we have been here when President Franklin D. Roosevelt insisted that Executive Order 9066 was necessary to save American lives, only to watch him use that order to imprison and pauperize 110,000 Americans while his man in charge, General DeWitt, told Congress: “It makes no difference whether he is an American citizen—he is still a Japanese.”
American citizens, in American camps, for something they neither wrote nor said nor did, but for the choices they or their ancestors had made about coming to America.
Each of these actions was undertaken for the most vital, the most urgent, the most inescapable of reasons.
And each was a betrayal of that for which the president who advocated them claimed to be fighting.
Adams and his party were swept from office, and the Alien and Sedition Acts erased.
Many of the very people Wilson silenced survived him, and one of them even ran to succeed him, and got 900,000 votes, though his presidential campaign was conducted entirely from his jail cell.
And Roosevelt’s internment of the Japanese was not merely the worst blight on his record, but it would necessitate a formal apology from the government of the United States to the citizens of the United States whose lives it ruined.
The most vital, the most urgent, the most inescapable of reasons.
In times of fright, we have been only human.
We have let Roosevelt’s “fear of fear itself” overtake us.
We have listened to the little voice inside that has said, “the wolf is at the door; this will be temporary; this will be precise; this too shall pass.”
We have accepted that the only way to stop the terrorists is to let the government become just a little bit like the terrorists.
Just the way we once accepted that the only way to stop the Soviets was to let the government become just a little bit like the Soviets.
Or substitute the Japanese.
Or the Germans.
Or the Socialists.
Or the Anarchists.
Or the Immigrants.
Or the British.
Or the Aliens.
The most vital, the most urgent, the most inescapable of reasons.
And, always, always wrong.
“With the distance of history, the questions will be narrowed and few: Did this generation of Americans take the threat seriously, and did we do what it takes to defeat that threat?”
Wise words.
And ironic ones, Mr. Bush.
Your own, of course, yesterday, in signing the Military Commissions Act.
You spoke so much more than you know, Sir.
Sadly—of course—the distance of history will recognize that the threat this generation of Americans needed to take seriously was you.
We have a long and painful history of ignoring the prophecy attributed to Benjamin Franklin that “those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety.”
But even within this history we have not before codified the poisoning of habeas corpus, that wellspring of protection from which all essential liberties flow.
You, sir, have now befouled that spring.
You, sir, have now given us chaos and called it order.
You, sir, have now imposed subjugation and called it freedom.
For the most vital, the most urgent, the most inescapable of reasons.
And — again, Mr. Bush — all of them, wrong.
We have handed a blank check drawn against our freedom to a man who has said it is unacceptable to compare anything this country has ever done to anything the terrorists have ever done.
We have handed a blank check drawn against our freedom to a man who has insisted again that “the United States does not torture. It’s against our laws and it’s against our values” and who has said it with a straight face while the pictures from Abu Ghraib Prison and the stories of Waterboarding figuratively fade in and out, around him.
We have handed a blank check drawn against our freedom to a man who may now, if he so decides, declare not merely any non-American citizens “unlawful enemy combatants” and ship them somewhere—anywhere -- but may now, if he so decides, declare you an “unlawful enemy combatant” and ship you somewhere - anywhere.
And if you think this hyperbole or hysteria, ask the newspaper editors when John Adams was president or the pacifists when Woodrow Wilson was president or the Japanese at Manzanar when Franklin Roosevelt was president.
And if you somehow think habeas corpus has not been suspended for American citizens but only for everybody else, ask yourself this: If you are pulled off the street tomorrow, and they call you an alien or an undocumented immigrant or an “unlawful enemy combatant”—exactly how are you going to convince them to give you a court hearing to prove you are not? Do you think this attorney general is going to help you?
This President now has his blank check.
He lied to get it.
He lied as he received it.
Is there any reason to even hope he has not lied about how he intends to use it nor who he intends to use it against?
“These military commissions will provide a fair trial,” you told us yesterday, Mr. Bush, “in which the accused are presumed innocent, have access to an attorney and can hear all the evidence against them.”
"Presumed innocent," Mr. Bush?
The very piece of paper you signed as you said that, allows for the detainees to be abused up to the point just before they sustain “serious mental and physical trauma” in the hope of getting them to incriminate themselves, and may no longer even invoke The Geneva Conventions in their own defense.
"Access to an attorney," Mr. Bush?
Lieutenant Commander Charles Swift said on this program, Sir, and to the Supreme Court, that he was only granted access to his detainee defendant on the promise that the detainee would plead guilty.
"Hearing all the evidence," Mr. Bush?
The Military Commissions Act specifically permits the introduction of classified evidence not made available to the defense.
Your words are lies, Sir.
They are lies that imperil us all.
“One of the terrorists believed to have planned the 9/11 attacks,” you told us yesterday, “said he hoped the attacks would be the beginning of the end of America.”
That terrorist, sir, could only hope.
Not his actions, nor the actions of a ceaseless line of terrorists (real or imagined), could measure up to what you have wrought.
Habeas corpus? Gone.
The Geneva Conventions? Optional.
The moral force we shined outwards to the world as an eternal beacon, and inwards at ourselves as an eternal protection? Snuffed out.
These things you have done, Mr. Bush, they would be “the beginning of the end of America.”
And did it even occur to you once, sir — somewhere in amidst those eight separate, gruesome, intentional, terroristic invocations of the horrors of 9/11 -- that with only a little further shift in this world we now know—just a touch more repudiation of all of that for which our patriots died --- did it ever occur to you once that in just 27 months and two days from now when you leave office, some irresponsible future president and a “competent tribunal” of lackeys would be entitled, by the actions of your own hand, to declare the status of “unlawful enemy combatant” for -- and convene a Military Commission to try -- not John Walker Lindh, but George Walker Bush?
For the most vital, the most urgent, the most inescapable of reasons.
And doubtless, Sir, all of them—as always—wrong.
We have lived as if in a trance.
We have lived as people in fear.
And now—our rights and our freedoms in peril—we slowly awaken to learn that we have been afraid of the wrong thing.
Therefore, tonight have we truly become the inheritors of our American legacy.
For, on this first full day that the Military Commissions Act is in force, we now face what our ancestors faced, at other times of exaggerated crisis and melodramatic fear-mongering:
A government more dangerous to our liberty, than is the enemy it claims to protect us from.
We have been here before—and we have been here before, led here by men better and wiser and nobler than George W. Bush.
We have been here when President John Adams insisted that the Alien and Sedition Acts were necessary to save American lives, only to watch him use those acts to jail newspaper editors.
American newspaper editors, in American jails, for things they wrote about America.
We have been here when President Woodrow Wilson insisted that the Espionage Act was necessary to save American lives, only to watch him use that Act to prosecute 2,000 Americans, especially those he disparaged as “Hyphenated Americans,” most of whom were guilty only of advocating peace in a time of war.
American public speakers, in American jails, for things they said about America.
We have been here when President Woodrow Wilson insisted that the Espionage Act was necessary to save American lives, only to watch him use that Act to prosecute 2,000 Americans, especially those he disparaged as “Hyphenated Americans,” most of whom were guilty only of advocating peace in a time of war.
American public speakers, in American jails, for things they said about America.
And we have been here when President Franklin D. Roosevelt insisted that Executive Order 9066 was necessary to save American lives, only to watch him use that order to imprison and pauperize 110,000 Americans while his man in charge, General DeWitt, told Congress: “It makes no difference whether he is an American citizen—he is still a Japanese.”
American citizens, in American camps, for something they neither wrote nor said nor did, but for the choices they or their ancestors had made about coming to America.
Each of these actions was undertaken for the most vital, the most urgent, the most inescapable of reasons.
And each was a betrayal of that for which the president who advocated them claimed to be fighting.
Adams and his party were swept from office, and the Alien and Sedition Acts erased.
Many of the very people Wilson silenced survived him, and one of them even ran to succeed him, and got 900,000 votes, though his presidential campaign was conducted entirely from his jail cell.
And Roosevelt’s internment of the Japanese was not merely the worst blight on his record, but it would necessitate a formal apology from the government of the United States to the citizens of the United States whose lives it ruined.
The most vital, the most urgent, the most inescapable of reasons.
In times of fright, we have been only human.
We have let Roosevelt’s “fear of fear itself” overtake us.
We have listened to the little voice inside that has said, “the wolf is at the door; this will be temporary; this will be precise; this too shall pass.”
We have accepted that the only way to stop the terrorists is to let the government become just a little bit like the terrorists.
Just the way we once accepted that the only way to stop the Soviets was to let the government become just a little bit like the Soviets.
Or substitute the Japanese.
Or the Germans.
Or the Socialists.
Or the Anarchists.
Or the Immigrants.
Or the British.
Or the Aliens.
The most vital, the most urgent, the most inescapable of reasons.
And, always, always wrong.
“With the distance of history, the questions will be narrowed and few: Did this generation of Americans take the threat seriously, and did we do what it takes to defeat that threat?”
Wise words.
And ironic ones, Mr. Bush.
Your own, of course, yesterday, in signing the Military Commissions Act.
You spoke so much more than you know, Sir.
Sadly—of course—the distance of history will recognize that the threat this generation of Americans needed to take seriously was you.
We have a long and painful history of ignoring the prophecy attributed to Benjamin Franklin that “those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety.”
But even within this history we have not before codified the poisoning of habeas corpus, that wellspring of protection from which all essential liberties flow.
You, sir, have now befouled that spring.
You, sir, have now given us chaos and called it order.
You, sir, have now imposed subjugation and called it freedom.
For the most vital, the most urgent, the most inescapable of reasons.
And — again, Mr. Bush — all of them, wrong.
We have handed a blank check drawn against our freedom to a man who has said it is unacceptable to compare anything this country has ever done to anything the terrorists have ever done.
We have handed a blank check drawn against our freedom to a man who has insisted again that “the United States does not torture. It’s against our laws and it’s against our values” and who has said it with a straight face while the pictures from Abu Ghraib Prison and the stories of Waterboarding figuratively fade in and out, around him.
We have handed a blank check drawn against our freedom to a man who may now, if he so decides, declare not merely any non-American citizens “unlawful enemy combatants” and ship them somewhere—anywhere -- but may now, if he so decides, declare you an “unlawful enemy combatant” and ship you somewhere - anywhere.
And if you think this hyperbole or hysteria, ask the newspaper editors when John Adams was president or the pacifists when Woodrow Wilson was president or the Japanese at Manzanar when Franklin Roosevelt was president.
And if you somehow think habeas corpus has not been suspended for American citizens but only for everybody else, ask yourself this: If you are pulled off the street tomorrow, and they call you an alien or an undocumented immigrant or an “unlawful enemy combatant”—exactly how are you going to convince them to give you a court hearing to prove you are not? Do you think this attorney general is going to help you?
This President now has his blank check.
He lied to get it.
He lied as he received it.
Is there any reason to even hope he has not lied about how he intends to use it nor who he intends to use it against?
“These military commissions will provide a fair trial,” you told us yesterday, Mr. Bush, “in which the accused are presumed innocent, have access to an attorney and can hear all the evidence against them.”
"Presumed innocent," Mr. Bush?
The very piece of paper you signed as you said that, allows for the detainees to be abused up to the point just before they sustain “serious mental and physical trauma” in the hope of getting them to incriminate themselves, and may no longer even invoke The Geneva Conventions in their own defense.
"Access to an attorney," Mr. Bush?
Lieutenant Commander Charles Swift said on this program, Sir, and to the Supreme Court, that he was only granted access to his detainee defendant on the promise that the detainee would plead guilty.
"Hearing all the evidence," Mr. Bush?
The Military Commissions Act specifically permits the introduction of classified evidence not made available to the defense.
Your words are lies, Sir.
They are lies that imperil us all.
“One of the terrorists believed to have planned the 9/11 attacks,” you told us yesterday, “said he hoped the attacks would be the beginning of the end of America.”
That terrorist, sir, could only hope.
Not his actions, nor the actions of a ceaseless line of terrorists (real or imagined), could measure up to what you have wrought.
Habeas corpus? Gone.
The Geneva Conventions? Optional.
The moral force we shined outwards to the world as an eternal beacon, and inwards at ourselves as an eternal protection? Snuffed out.
These things you have done, Mr. Bush, they would be “the beginning of the end of America.”
And did it even occur to you once, sir — somewhere in amidst those eight separate, gruesome, intentional, terroristic invocations of the horrors of 9/11 -- that with only a little further shift in this world we now know—just a touch more repudiation of all of that for which our patriots died --- did it ever occur to you once that in just 27 months and two days from now when you leave office, some irresponsible future president and a “competent tribunal” of lackeys would be entitled, by the actions of your own hand, to declare the status of “unlawful enemy combatant” for -- and convene a Military Commission to try -- not John Walker Lindh, but George Walker Bush?
For the most vital, the most urgent, the most inescapable of reasons.
And doubtless, Sir, all of them—as always—wrong.
10/14/06
Radio Free Chula
Nice, huh?
DROPS:
"Idlewild Blue (Don't 'Chu Worry 'Bout Me)", 7
"Work It Out", 13
15. White Gurl ¤ E-40 feat. Juelz Santana & Bun B (14)
14. Nausea ¤ Beck (debut)
13. Waiting On The World To Change ¤ John Mayer (debut)
12. London Bridge (Oh, Shit) ¤ Fergie (15)*
11. Promiscuous ¤ Nelly Furtado f/Timbaland (8)
10. Here It Goes Again ¤ OK Go (12)
9. U & Dat ¤ E-40 & T-Pain (6)
8. Money Maker ¤ Ludacris f/Pharrell (10)*
7. Gone Daddy Gone ¤ Gnarls Barkley (11)*
6. I Will Follow You Into The Dark ¤ Death Cab For Cutie (9)*
5. Crazy ¤ Gnarls Barkley (3)
4. When You Were Young ¤ the Killers (5)*
3. SexyLove ¤ NeYo (2)
2. Steady, As She Goes ¤ the Raconteurs (1)
1. Tell Me Baby ¤ Red Hot Chili Peppers (4) [2w]
Right Place, Wrong Time John Spencer Blues Explosion
DROPS:
"Idlewild Blue (Don't 'Chu Worry 'Bout Me)", 7
"Work It Out", 13
15. White Gurl ¤ E-40 feat. Juelz Santana & Bun B (14)
14. Nausea ¤ Beck (debut)
13. Waiting On The World To Change ¤ John Mayer (debut)
12. London Bridge (Oh, Shit) ¤ Fergie (15)*
11. Promiscuous ¤ Nelly Furtado f/Timbaland (8)
10. Here It Goes Again ¤ OK Go (12)
9. U & Dat ¤ E-40 & T-Pain (6)
8. Money Maker ¤ Ludacris f/Pharrell (10)*
7. Gone Daddy Gone ¤ Gnarls Barkley (11)*
6. I Will Follow You Into The Dark ¤ Death Cab For Cutie (9)*
5. Crazy ¤ Gnarls Barkley (3)
4. When You Were Young ¤ the Killers (5)*
3. SexyLove ¤ NeYo (2)
2. Steady, As She Goes ¤ the Raconteurs (1)
1. Tell Me Baby ¤ Red Hot Chili Peppers (4) [2w]
Right Place, Wrong Time John Spencer Blues Explosion
10/12/06
10/7/06
Are You FEELING IT, Evel!? Is That A Yes?!?!?
You know what's awesome about today?
Padres win.
Dodgers lose.
Yankees die die die die die die die die die DIE.
And, of course, the Scarlett Johannsson on top of the sundae on top of Jessica Alba that is the day, the new computer tower courtesy of Mr. Daniel Womack. It's only a couple years old, but I feel firmly enconsed in the 21st century now. Like the reverse of a freakshow in the circus.
BEHOLD! The CD-rom that actually works smoothly!
FEAST YOUR EYES! On the DVD drive! Yes, computers have DVD drives!
MARVEL! At the depth of your AIM emoticons!
GAZE IF YOU DARE! At flash drives! You don't have to stare blankly, son, we'll explain how they suck the few good components from old Betsy and put them in a computer worth a damn!
DROOL IN AWE! As your computer actually runs security checks non-stop without you having to download anything and you don't have to reset the thing every 25 minutes!
WEEP WITH AMAZEMENT! There's this thing called iTunes!
Somehow actually playing mp3s again became tertiary somehow. And about 4 million things I didn't find in the first couple hours. It's Morning Again Here In America.
Go Tigers.
Go Yankees.
...to the GOLF COURSE!
Tribute Tenacious D
Padres win.
Dodgers lose.
Yankees die die die die die die die die die DIE.
And, of course, the Scarlett Johannsson on top of the sundae on top of Jessica Alba that is the day, the new computer tower courtesy of Mr. Daniel Womack. It's only a couple years old, but I feel firmly enconsed in the 21st century now. Like the reverse of a freakshow in the circus.
BEHOLD! The CD-rom that actually works smoothly!
FEAST YOUR EYES! On the DVD drive! Yes, computers have DVD drives!
MARVEL! At the depth of your AIM emoticons!
GAZE IF YOU DARE! At flash drives! You don't have to stare blankly, son, we'll explain how they suck the few good components from old Betsy and put them in a computer worth a damn!
DROOL IN AWE! As your computer actually runs security checks non-stop without you having to download anything and you don't have to reset the thing every 25 minutes!
WEEP WITH AMAZEMENT! There's this thing called iTunes!
Somehow actually playing mp3s again became tertiary somehow. And about 4 million things I didn't find in the first couple hours. It's Morning Again Here In America.
Go Tigers.
Go Yankees.
...to the GOLF COURSE!
Tribute Tenacious D
9/30/06
KWBR
- I want to name this something different; I just havent' figured out what yet.
- Hard at work compiling the top 25 of '06 list. As of this mostly completed list, long-time followers could probably guess the top 2 songs. No one is in the top 25 twice, though, as of right now.
- Industry Rule #4,080: no local terrestrial radio is playing "Idlewild Blue", John Mayer's "Waiting On the World To Change", or Regina Spektor's "Fidelity". Criminal, especially the latter. It breaks my hea ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah artttttt...but enough sidebar banter.
DROPS:
"Deja Vu", 9..."Original Fire", 14...."It's Goin' Down", 15
15. London Bridge (Oh, Shit) ¤ Fergie (debut)
14. White Gurl ¤ E-40 feat. Juelz Santana & Bun B (debut)
13. Work It Out ¤ Jurassic 5 feat. Dave Matthews (12)
12. Here It Goes Again ¤ OK Go (10)
11. Gone Daddy Gone ¤ Gnarls Barkley (11)
10. Money Maker ¤ Ludacris feat. Pharrell (debut)
9. I Will Follow You Into The Dark ¤ Death Cab For Cutie (13)*
8. Promiscuous ¤ Nelly Furtado feat. Timbaland (5)
7. Idlewild Blue (Don't 'Chu Worry 'Bout Me) ¤ Andre 3000 (4)
6. U & Dat ¤ E-40 feat. T-Pain (8)*
5. When You Were Young ¤ the Killers (7)*
4. Tell Me Baby ¤ Red Hot Chili Peppers (6)*
3. Crazy ¤ Gnarls Barkley (1)
2. SexyLove ¤ NeYo (2)*
1. Steady, As She Goes ¤ the Raconteurs (3) [2w]
Behind These Immigrant Eyes DJ Aggro's Kelly Clarkson/Led Zeppelin mash
9/27/06
This Is Keith's Olbermann's Latest Middle Finger. This Is Me Trying To Make It Viral.
The headlines about them are, of course, entirely wrong.
It is not essential that a past president, bullied and sandbagged by a monkey posing as a newscaster, finally lashed back.
It is not important that the current President’s portable public chorus has described his predecessor’s tone as “crazed.”
Our tone should be crazed. The nation’s freedoms are under assault by an administration whose policies can do us as much damage as al Qaida; the nation’s marketplace of ideas is being poisoned by a propaganda company so blatant that Tokyo Rose would’ve quit.
Nonetheless. The headline is this: Bill Clinton did what almost none of us have done in five years.
He has spoken the truth about 9/11, and the current presidential administration.
"At least I tried," he said of his own efforts to capture or kill Osama bin Laden. "That’s the difference in me and some, including all of the right-wingers who are attacking me now. They had eight months to try; they did not try. I tried."
Thus in his supposed emeritus years has Mr. Clinton taken forceful and triumphant action for honesty, and for us; action as vital and as courageous as any of his presidency; action as startling and as liberating, as any, by any one, in these last five long years.
The Bush Administration did not try to get Osama bin Laden before 9/11.
The Bush Administration ignored all the evidence gathered by its predecessors.
The Bush Administration did not understand the Daily Briefing entitled "Bin Laden Determined To Strike in U.S."
The Bush Administration did not try.
Moreover, for the last five years one month and two weeks, the current administration, and in particular the President, has been given the greatest “pass” for incompetence and malfeasance in American history!
President Roosevelt was rightly blamed for ignoring the warning signs—some of them, 17 years old—before Pearl Harbor.
President Hoover was correctly blamed for—if not the Great Depression itself—then the disastrous economic steps he took in the immediate aftermath of the Stock Market Crash.
Even President Lincoln assumed some measure of responsibility for the Civil War—though talk of Southern secession had begun as early as 1832.
But not this president.
To hear him bleat and whine and bully at nearly every opportunity, one would think someone else had been president on September 11th, 2001 -- or the nearly eight months that preceded it.
That hardly reflects the honesty nor manliness we expect of the executive.
But if his own fitness to serve is of no true concern to him, perhaps we should simply sigh and keep our fingers crossed, until a grown-up takes the job three Januarys from now.
Except for this.
After five years of skirting even the most inarguable of facts—that he was president on 9/11 and he must bear some responsibility for his, and our, unreadiness, Mr. Bush has now moved, unmistakably and without conscience or shame, towards re-writing history, and attempting to make the responsibility, entirely Mr. Clinton’s.
Of course he is not honest enough to do that directly.
As with all the other nefariousness and slime of this, our worst presidency since James Buchanan, he is having it done for him, by proxy.
Thus, the sandbag effort by Fox News Friday afternoon.
Consider the timing: the very weekend the National Intelligence Estimate would be released and show the Iraq war to be the fraudulent failure it is—not a check on terror, but fertilizer for it.
The kind of proof of incompetence, for which the administration and its hyenas at Fox need to find a diversion, in a scapegoat.
It was the kind of cheap trick which would get a journalist fired—but a propagandist, promoted: promise to talk of charity and generosity; but instead launch into the lies and distortions with which the Authoritarians among us attack the virtuous and reward the useless.
And don’t even be professional enough to assume the responsibility for the slanders yourself; blame your audience for “e-mailing” you the question.
Mr. Clinton responded as you have seen.
He told the great truth untold about this administration’s negligence, perhaps criminal negligence, about bin Laden.
He was brave.
Then again, Chris Wallace might be braver still. Had I in one moment surrendered all my credibility as a journalist, and been irredeemably humiliated, as was he, I would have gone home and started a new career selling seeds by mail.
The smearing by proxy, of course, did not begin Friday afternoon.
Disney was first to sell-out its corporate reputation, with "The Path to 9/11." Of that company’s crimes against truth one needs to say little. Simply put: someone there enabled an Authoritarian zealot to belch out Mr. Bush’s new and improved history.
The basic plot-line was this: because he was distracted by the Monica Lewinsky scandal, Bill Clinton failed to prevent 9/11.
The most curious and in some ways the most infuriating aspect of this slapdash theory, is that the Right Wingers who have advocated it—who try to sneak it into our collective consciousness through entertainment, or who sandbag Mr. Clinton with it at news interviews—have simply skipped past its most glaring flaw.
Had it been true that Clinton had been distracted from the hunt for bin Laden in 1998 because of the Monica Lewinsky nonsense, why did these same people not applaud him for having bombed bin Laden’s camps in Afghanistan and Sudan on Aug. 20, of that year? For mentioning bin Laden by name as he did so?
That day, Republican Senator Grams of Minnesota invoked the movie "Wag The Dog."
Republican Senator Coats of Indiana questioned Mr. Clinton’s judgment.
Republican Senator Ashcroft of Missouri—the future attorney general—echoed Coats.
Even Republican Senator Arlen Specter questioned the timing.
And of course, were it true Clinton had been “distracted” by the Lewinsky witch-hunt, who on earth conducted the Lewinsky witch-hunt?
Who turned the political discourse of this nation on its head for two years?
Who corrupted the political media?
Who made it impossible for us to even bring back on the air, the counter-terrorism analysts like Dr. Richard Haass, and James Dunegan, who had warned, at this very hour, on this very network, in early 1998, of cells from the Middle East who sought to attack us, here?
Who preempted them in order to strangle us with the trivia that was, “All Monica All The Time”?
Who distracted whom?
This is, of course, where—as is inevitable—Mr. Bush and his henchmen prove not quite as smart as they think they are.
The full responsibility for 9/11 is obviously shared by three administrations, possibly four.
But, Mr. Bush, if you are now trying to convince us by proxy that it’s all about the distractions of 1998 and 1999, then you will have to face a startling fact that your minions may have hidden from you.
The distractions of 1998 and 1999, Mr. Bush, were carefully manufactured, and lovingly executed, not by Bill Clinton, but by the same people who got you elected President.
Thus, instead of some commendable acknowledgment that you were even in office on 9/11 and the lost months before it, we have your sleazy and sloppy rewriting of history, designed by somebody who evidently read the Orwell playbook too quickly.
Thus, instead of some explanation for the inertia of your first eight months in office, we are told that you have kept us "safe" ever since—a statement that might range anywhere from zero, to 100 percent, true.
We have nothing but your word, and your word has long since ceased to mean anything.
And, of course, the one time you have ever given us specifics about what you have kept us safe from, Mr. Bush, you got the name of the supposedly targeted Tower in Los Angeles wrong.
Thus was it left for the previous president to say what so many of us have felt; what so many of us have given you a pass for in the months and even the years after the attack:
You did not try.
You ignored the evidence gathered by your predecessor.
You ignored the evidence gathered by your own people. Then, you blamed your predecessor.
That would be a textbook definition, Mr. Bush, of cowardice.
To enforce the lies of the present, it is necessary to erase the truths of the past.
That was one of the great mechanical realities Eric Blair—writing as George Orwell—gave us in the book “1984.” The great philosophical reality he gave us, Mr. Bush, may sound as familiar to you, as it has lately begun to sound familiar to me.
"The Party seeks power entirely for its own sake. We are not interested in the good of others; we are interested solely in power... Power is not a means; it is an end. One does not establish a dictatorship to safeguard a revolution; one makes the revolution in order to establish the dictatorship.
"The object of persecution, is persecution. The object of torture, is torture. The object of power… is power."
Earlier last Friday afternoon, before the Fox ambush, speaking in the far different context of the closing session of his remarkable Global Initiative, Mr. Clinton quoted Abraham Lincoln’s State of the Union address from 1862.
"We must disenthrall ourselves."
Mr. Clinton did not quote the rest of Mr. Lincoln’s sentence. He might well have: "We must disenthrall ourselves and then we shall save our country."
And so has Mr. Clinton helped us to disenthrall ourselves, and perhaps enabled us, even at this late and bleak date, to save our country.
The "free pass" has been withdrawn, Mr. Bush.
You did not act to prevent 9/11.
We do not know what you have done to prevent another 9/11.
You have failed us—then leveraged that failure, to justify a purposeless war in Iraq which will have, all too soon, claimed more American lives than did 9/11.
You have failed us anew in Afghanistan.
And you have now tried to hide your failures, by blaming your predecessor.
And now you exploit your failure, to rationalize brazen torture which doesn’t work anyway; which only condemns our soldiers to water-boarding; which only humiliates our country further in the world; and which no true American would ever condone, let alone advocate.
And there it is, Mr. Bush:
Are yours the actions of a true American?
Walk This Way Aerosmith & Run-DMC
9/25/06
When Keeping It Real Sends A Message At 2 A.M.
Before the greatest e-mail ever, three simple things you need to know.
1) MySpace.
2) Don't know this guy.
3) Don't know a Roshawnda.
But here it is, verbatim:
IF YOU ARE CHOPPIN IT UP WIT ROSHAWNDA, NIGGA WATCH OUT SHE IS A STRAIGHT SLUT. SHE WAS AT MY PAD LAST NIGHT WIT MY DICK IN HER MOUTH. SHE IS ON HER PERIOD THATS WHY I DIDNT FUCK. THE BITCH IS A LIAR AND SHE BE FUCKIN HELLA NIGGAZ. SHE GOT OUT OF BED AND CAME TO MY PAD AND SUCKED ME UP. I TRIED TO HIT THE ASS BUT SHE COULDNT TAKE IT.SHE WANTED ME TO HIT WITH NO RUBBER BUT I TOLD HER HELL NAW. SHE FELL ASLEEP ON THE COUCH UNTIL LIKE 4 IN DA MORNIN. JUST GIVIN YOU A HEADZ UP. SHE AINT SHIT. AND SHE GOT A GANG OF KIDS. YEAH DAT !!!!!
Cheated Hearts Yeah Yeah Yeahs
1) MySpace.
2) Don't know this guy.
3) Don't know a Roshawnda.
But here it is, verbatim:
IF YOU ARE CHOPPIN IT UP WIT ROSHAWNDA, NIGGA WATCH OUT SHE IS A STRAIGHT SLUT. SHE WAS AT MY PAD LAST NIGHT WIT MY DICK IN HER MOUTH. SHE IS ON HER PERIOD THATS WHY I DIDNT FUCK. THE BITCH IS A LIAR AND SHE BE FUCKIN HELLA NIGGAZ. SHE GOT OUT OF BED AND CAME TO MY PAD AND SUCKED ME UP. I TRIED TO HIT THE ASS BUT SHE COULDNT TAKE IT.SHE WANTED ME TO HIT WITH NO RUBBER BUT I TOLD HER HELL NAW. SHE FELL ASLEEP ON THE COUCH UNTIL LIKE 4 IN DA MORNIN. JUST GIVIN YOU A HEADZ UP. SHE AINT SHIT. AND SHE GOT A GANG OF KIDS. YEAH DAT !!!!!
Cheated Hearts Yeah Yeah Yeahs
9/19/06
Coda.
Funeral was today. Said an impromptu eulogy. Pallbearered.
One more round of sympathy's about all I can take. And now for the rest of it...
One more round of sympathy's about all I can take. And now for the rest of it...
9/16/06
K-WBR
Rather than talk about this encompassing depression or the Last Kiss being good but not Garden State good (oh, how KS will enjoy this movie) or this being the 500th post...TCB.
DROPS:
"Me & U" (12)
"Mr. Me Too" (13)
15. It's Goin' Down ¤ Yung Joc (8)
14. Original Fire ¤ Audioslave (return)
13. I Will Follow You Into The Dark ¤ Death Cab For Cutie (15)*
12. Work It Out ¤ Jurassic 5 feat. Dave Matthews (return)
11. Gone Daddy Gone ¤ Gnarls Barkley (10)
10. Here It Goes Again ¤ OK Go (9)
9. Deja Vu ¤ Beyonce feat. Jay-Z (4)
8. U & Dat ¤ E-40 feat. T-Pain (7)
7. When You Were Young ¤ the Killers (14)*
6. Tell Me Baby ¤ Red Hot Chili Peppers (11)*
5. Promiscuous ¤ Nelly Furtado feat. Timbaland (3)
4. Idlewild Blue (Don't Chu Worry 'Bout Me) ¤ Andre 3000 (6)*
3. Steady, As She Goes ¤ the Raconteurs (4)*
2. Sexy Love ¤ NeYo (2)*
1. Crazy ¤ Gnarls Barkley (1) [3m]
DROPS:
"Me & U" (12)
"Mr. Me Too" (13)
15. It's Goin' Down ¤ Yung Joc (8)
14. Original Fire ¤ Audioslave (return)
13. I Will Follow You Into The Dark ¤ Death Cab For Cutie (15)*
12. Work It Out ¤ Jurassic 5 feat. Dave Matthews (return)
11. Gone Daddy Gone ¤ Gnarls Barkley (10)
10. Here It Goes Again ¤ OK Go (9)
9. Deja Vu ¤ Beyonce feat. Jay-Z (4)
8. U & Dat ¤ E-40 feat. T-Pain (7)
7. When You Were Young ¤ the Killers (14)*
6. Tell Me Baby ¤ Red Hot Chili Peppers (11)*
5. Promiscuous ¤ Nelly Furtado feat. Timbaland (3)
4. Idlewild Blue (Don't Chu Worry 'Bout Me) ¤ Andre 3000 (6)*
3. Steady, As She Goes ¤ the Raconteurs (4)*
2. Sexy Love ¤ NeYo (2)*
1. Crazy ¤ Gnarls Barkley (1) [3m]
9/13/06
Requiem
Doris Black
1/20/26 - 9/13/06
No more pain, Grandma.
POSTSCRIPT: The funeral's on Monday, which you think would be redundant. And yet. Thanks to everybody from pretty much everywhere for all the condolences and well-wishes. I would like to point out to everyone that there is a difference between being sad and being surprised, though.
In The Sun Joseph Arthur
1/20/26 - 9/13/06
No more pain, Grandma.
POSTSCRIPT: The funeral's on Monday, which you think would be redundant. And yet. Thanks to everybody from pretty much everywhere for all the condolences and well-wishes. I would like to point out to everyone that there is a difference between being sad and being surprised, though.
In The Sun Joseph Arthur
9/11/06
Holy GOD Do I Loves Me Some Olbermann
Half a lifetime ago, I worked in this now-empty space. And for 40 days after the attacks, I worked here again, trying to make sense of what happened, and was yet to happen, as a reporter.
All the time, I knew that the very air I breathed contained the remains of thousands of people, including four of my friends, two in the planes and -- as I discovered from those "missing posters" seared still into my soul -- two more in the Towers.
And I knew too, that this was the pyre for hundreds of New York policemen and firemen, of whom my family can claim half a dozen or more, as our ancestors.
I belabor this to emphasize that, for me this was, and is, and always shall be, personal.
And anyone who claims that I and others like me are "soft,"or have "forgotten" the lessons of what happened here is at best a grasping, opportunistic, dilettante and at worst, an idiot whether he is a commentator, or a Vice President, or a President.
However, of all the things those of us who were here five years ago could have forecast -- of all the nightmares that unfolded before our eyes, and the others that unfolded only in our minds -- none of us could have predicted this.
Five years later this space is still empty.
Five years later there is no memorial to the dead.
Five years later there is no building rising to show with proud defiance that we would not have our America wrung from us, by cowards and criminals.
Five years later this country's wound is still open.
Five years later this country's mass grave is still unmarked.
Five years later this is still just a background for a photo-op.
It is beyond shameful.
At the dedication of the Gettysburg Memorial -- barely four months after the last soldier staggered from another Pennsylvania field -- Mr. Lincoln said, "we cannot dedicate, we cannot consecrate, we cannot hallow this ground. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here, have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract."
Lincoln used those words to immortalize their sacrifice.
Today our leaders could use those same words to rationalize their reprehensible inaction. "We cannot dedicate, we can not consecrate, we can not hallow this ground." So we won't.
Instead they bicker and buck pass. They thwart private efforts, and jostle to claim credit for initiatives that go nowhere. They spend the money on irrelevant wars, and elaborate self-congratulations, and buying off columnists to write how good a job they're doing instead of doing any job at all.
Five years later, Mr. Bush, we are still fighting the terrorists on these streets. And look carefully, sir, on these 16 empty acres. The terrorists are clearly, still winning.
And, in a crime against every victim here and every patriotic sentiment you mouthed but did not enact, you have done nothing about it.
And there is something worse still than this vast gaping hole in this city, and in the fabric of our nation. There is its symbolism of the promise unfulfilled, the urgent oath, reduced to lazy execution.
The only positive on 9/11 and the days and weeks that so slowly and painfully followed it was the unanimous humanity, here, and throughout the country. The government, the President in particular, was given every possible measure of support.
Those who did not belong to his party -- tabled that.
Those who doubted the mechanics of his election -- ignored that.
Those who wondered of his qualifications -- forgot that.
History teaches us that nearly unanimous support of a government cannot be taken away from that government by its critics. It can only be squandered by those who use it not to heal a nation's wounds, but to take political advantage.
Terrorists did not come and steal our newly-regained sense of being American first, and political, fiftieth. Nor did the Democrats. Nor did the media. Nor did the people.
The President -- and those around him -- did that.
They promised bi-partisanship, and then showed that to them, "bi-partisanship" meant that their party would rule and the rest would have to follow, or be branded, with ever-escalating hysteria, as morally or intellectually confused, as appeasers, as those who, in the Vice President's words yesterday, "validate the strategy of the terrorists."
They promised protection, and then showed that to them "protection" meant going to war against a despot whose hand they had once shaken, a despot who we now learn from our own Senate Intelligence Committee, hated al-Qaida as much as we did.
The polite phrase for how so many of us were duped into supporting a war, on the false premise that it had 'something to do' with 9/11 is "lying by implication."
The impolite phrase is "impeachable offense."
Not once in now five years has this President ever offered to assume responsibility for the failures that led to this empty space, and to this, the current, curdled, version of our beloved country.
Still, there is a last snapping flame from a final candle of respect and fairness: even his most virulent critics have never suggested he alone bears the full brunt of the blame for 9/11.
Half the time, in fact, this President has been so gently treated, that he has seemed not even to be the man most responsible for anything in his own administration.
Yet what is happening this very night?
A mini-series, created, influenced -- possibly financed by -- the most radical and cold of domestic political Machiavellis, continues to be televised into our homes.
The documented truths of the last fifteen years are replaced by bald-faced lies; the talking points of the current regime parroted; the whole sorry story blurred, by spin, to make the party out of office seem vacillating and impotent, and the party in office, seem like the only option.
How dare you, Mr. President, after taking cynical advantage of the unanimity and love, and transmuting it into fraudulent war and needless death, after monstrously transforming it into fear and suspicion and turning that fear into the campaign slogan of three elections? How dare you -- or those around you -- ever "spin" 9/11?
Just as the terrorists have succeeded -- are still succeeding -- as long as there is no memorial and no construction here at Ground Zero.
So, too, have they succeeded, and are still succeeding as long as this government uses 9/11 as a wedge to pit Americans against Americans.
This is an odd point to cite a television program, especially one from March of 1960. But as Disney's continuing sell-out of the truth (and this country) suggests, even television programs can be powerful things.
And long ago, a series called "The Twilight Zone" broadcast a riveting episode entitled "The Monsters Are Due On Maple Street."
In brief: a meteor sparks rumors of an invasion by extra-terrestrials disguised as humans. The electricity goes out. A neighbor pleads for calm. Suddenly his car -- and only his car -- starts. Someone suggests he must be the alien. Then another man's lights go on. As charges and suspicion and panic overtake the street, guns are inevitably produced. An "alien" is shot -- but he turns out to be just another neighbor, returning from going for help. The camera pulls back to a near-by hill, where two extra-terrestrials are seen manipulating a small device that can jam electricity. The veteran tells his novice that there's no need to actually attack, that you just turn off a few of the human machines and then, "they pick the most dangerous enemy they can find, and it's themselves."
And then, in perhaps his finest piece of writing, Rod Serling sums it up with words of remarkable prescience, given where we find ourselves tonight: "The tools of conquest do not necessarily come with bombs and explosions and fallout. There are weapons that are simply thoughts, attitudes, prejudices, to be found only in the minds of men.
"For the record, prejudices can kill and suspicion can destroy, and a thoughtless, frightened search for a scapegoat has a fallout all its own -- for the children, and the children yet unborn."
When those who dissent are told time and time again -- as we will be, if not tonight by the President, then tomorrow by his portable public chorus -- that he is preserving our freedom, but that if we use any of it, we are somehow un-American...When we are scolded, that if we merely question, we have "forgotten the lessons of 9/11"... look into this empty space behind me and the bi-partisanship upon which this administration also did not build, and tell me:
Who has left this hole in the ground?
We have not forgotten, Mr. President.
You have.
May this country forgive you.
9/8/06
The Friday Barometer Was Merely Pining For The Fjords
ALBA: Moving.
BUSH: Family moving. I think Imelda Marcos has been passing herself off as my mother since the nineties, to say nothing of all the bullshit my brother/now roomate has got on him. I came to the realization Tuesday me moving solo would take less time than Goodfellas, exempting the cable, Internet and phone service. I am a complicated man who tries to keep his life simple. Everyone else is nowhere near done.
BUSH: So Steve Irwin dies and Paris Hilton gets arrested and Linday Lohan whips her lips out--and I'm completely Amish during this time period. Faboo.
ALBA: I like the new digs, actually. Pool, air conditioning, 10-minute walk to a semimajor mall with the old grocery store staples I had at the old place. And I've seen more cute neighbors in 3 days then I did the past couple years at the Rosserdence v3.0. Whether they're all legal or not is a story that remains to be told. It's going to be a problem in me staying out Saturday nights; without a ride home I'll need to crash at Grandma's. But the ups outweigh the downs handily so far.
BUSH: So there's six plugs in our room. We're using 2. There's a phone jack we don't need. And we have no cable. And I can't get the basic channels on myour TV yet. "Gee, Homer, you sure seem awfully calm..." "I'LL KILL YOU! I'LL KILL ALL OF YOU!" You guys come back to BR.net and my whole family's slaughtered, I owe you a Coke.
BUSH: The cable in the living room is slightly off, though I haven't figured out how or why yet. And I am at the library doing this because the pins in the mouse aren't getting through to the back and of course, are the last thing standing between Internet access at home and I.
ALBA: I am having quite the library renaissance with all of the unemployed and the need to get the hell away from the family every so often. Maybe the selection's improved. Maybe because I can get a computer with no fuss and non-major waits. Maybe they've hired more hot girls here then I've seen since I realized girls didn't have cooties, or if they did I should be trying to get some. Some combination of the above.
PUSH: Computer's in the living room. I don't have the total autonomy I once did and am going to have to time my NC-17 sites and bytes now; at the same time without it being in my room I won't have to worry about Mom deciding 1:30 is a good time to recheck her e-mail.
ALBA: The Go-Go Mega 8 last Sunday. Actually, this is one of those Swiss doll sort of things (maybe I'm thinking of Russian dolls, non-tennis player division? Someone get back to me on that). Lessee: got so close to the dancers you could see individual abs move while dancing. Check. Saw my hot friend Chloe MC it, even though she could've won. Check. Saw old friends for the first time in over 6 months and this time didn't walk right out into somebody getting homicided? Check. Got unbelievable novel inspiration? Check.
Oh, that. Anyhow, I got there early, and the DJ spun a bunch of old, old shit I love. De La, some Tribe, "It's Like That", "Supersonic"--had I had the hooch in me and/or it have been later it definitely would've been breakdancing time. Said DJ was about 5'3", 100 pounds maybe, and blonde. Cute, too. [This leads into a whole art v. commerce thing of is she cute because she plays De La or does she play De La and happen to be cute--don't know, don't care.] This story--or something inspired by this story--needs to be told. And my NaNo idea has been sitting on the shelf. I think I'm getting into the internal combustion engine, cranking a few gears, and getting that sumbitch back on the road when the time comes. Would've been nice to have more people around, but TWISFI.
ALBA: I don't even need to know how, but Nu Shooz's "I Can't Wait" is becoming a old school club staple. 1) Yes, please. 2) Can you throw on some "Point Of No Return" to bookend it?
BUSH: I'm no medicial expert, but Grandma being .5 away from dialysis--there's no good way to spin that, is there?
ALBA: It's recently come back to my attention the first season of Sports Night was really something.
ALBA: Despite the fact we don't have our own rooms anymore, my brother and I are getting along better than ever. Tuesday, we kept ourselves sane during a ricockulous 14-hour move by playing an offshoot of Dozens called Your TV's So Old... (By the way--giant wood and steel TV. Going down steps. BUSH.) Favorite lines included "...the first time you turned it on, the #1 show was CSI: Bethlehem!", "...it just came in white because black hadn't been invented yet!", "...the first thing you saw was the Olsen Twins eating; then again, it was Full House", and my own and my brother's favorite, "...back then he wasn't Fat Joe, he was Might Like Snacks A Little Too Much Joe".
ALBA: LaVar Arrington comparing the Giants D to VOLTRON, followed by a lengthy explanation of how Voltron works in the article for the uneducated. I hope the Giants win everything ever except when it'd blow up my fantasy teams for that. (Go Skins--more to the point, go Brunell to Moss. Double points, man.)
BUSH: For the love of Alba people, you are not bringing sexy back. Stop it, just stop it. You should be like me and just remain sexy and then that way you don't need to be making no extra trip to bring it back. But what the shit do I know?
ALBA: Right at my time of barrel-scraping, someone will be buying a phone off me tomorrow and reliving some pressure off my self for a little bit. Got another interview Tuesday, maybe a possible job. Gotta stay up on it this weekend.
BUSH: I'm so horribly addicted to the Internet it's not amusing. If I hadn't been so deadassed tired the past few days I might've tried putting a phone jack in my arm to get the high back. At least I know, and knowing is half the battle. I think.
London Bridge (Oh, Shit) Fergie (Butch hears ya. Butch don't care.)
BUSH: Family moving. I think Imelda Marcos has been passing herself off as my mother since the nineties, to say nothing of all the bullshit my brother/now roomate has got on him. I came to the realization Tuesday me moving solo would take less time than Goodfellas, exempting the cable, Internet and phone service. I am a complicated man who tries to keep his life simple. Everyone else is nowhere near done.
BUSH: So Steve Irwin dies and Paris Hilton gets arrested and Linday Lohan whips her lips out--and I'm completely Amish during this time period. Faboo.
ALBA: I like the new digs, actually. Pool, air conditioning, 10-minute walk to a semimajor mall with the old grocery store staples I had at the old place. And I've seen more cute neighbors in 3 days then I did the past couple years at the Rosserdence v3.0. Whether they're all legal or not is a story that remains to be told. It's going to be a problem in me staying out Saturday nights; without a ride home I'll need to crash at Grandma's. But the ups outweigh the downs handily so far.
BUSH: So there's six plugs in our room. We're using 2. There's a phone jack we don't need. And we have no cable. And I can't get the basic channels on myour TV yet. "Gee, Homer, you sure seem awfully calm..." "I'LL KILL YOU! I'LL KILL ALL OF YOU!" You guys come back to BR.net and my whole family's slaughtered, I owe you a Coke.
BUSH: The cable in the living room is slightly off, though I haven't figured out how or why yet. And I am at the library doing this because the pins in the mouse aren't getting through to the back and of course, are the last thing standing between Internet access at home and I.
ALBA: I am having quite the library renaissance with all of the unemployed and the need to get the hell away from the family every so often. Maybe the selection's improved. Maybe because I can get a computer with no fuss and non-major waits. Maybe they've hired more hot girls here then I've seen since I realized girls didn't have cooties, or if they did I should be trying to get some. Some combination of the above.
PUSH: Computer's in the living room. I don't have the total autonomy I once did and am going to have to time my NC-17 sites and bytes now; at the same time without it being in my room I won't have to worry about Mom deciding 1:30 is a good time to recheck her e-mail.
ALBA: The Go-Go Mega 8 last Sunday. Actually, this is one of those Swiss doll sort of things (maybe I'm thinking of Russian dolls, non-tennis player division? Someone get back to me on that). Lessee: got so close to the dancers you could see individual abs move while dancing. Check. Saw my hot friend Chloe MC it, even though she could've won. Check. Saw old friends for the first time in over 6 months and this time didn't walk right out into somebody getting homicided? Check. Got unbelievable novel inspiration? Check.
Oh, that. Anyhow, I got there early, and the DJ spun a bunch of old, old shit I love. De La, some Tribe, "It's Like That", "Supersonic"--had I had the hooch in me and/or it have been later it definitely would've been breakdancing time. Said DJ was about 5'3", 100 pounds maybe, and blonde. Cute, too. [This leads into a whole art v. commerce thing of is she cute because she plays De La or does she play De La and happen to be cute--don't know, don't care.] This story--or something inspired by this story--needs to be told. And my NaNo idea has been sitting on the shelf. I think I'm getting into the internal combustion engine, cranking a few gears, and getting that sumbitch back on the road when the time comes. Would've been nice to have more people around, but TWISFI.
ALBA: I don't even need to know how, but Nu Shooz's "I Can't Wait" is becoming a old school club staple. 1) Yes, please. 2) Can you throw on some "Point Of No Return" to bookend it?
BUSH: I'm no medicial expert, but Grandma being .5 away from dialysis--there's no good way to spin that, is there?
ALBA: It's recently come back to my attention the first season of Sports Night was really something.
ALBA: Despite the fact we don't have our own rooms anymore, my brother and I are getting along better than ever. Tuesday, we kept ourselves sane during a ricockulous 14-hour move by playing an offshoot of Dozens called Your TV's So Old... (By the way--giant wood and steel TV. Going down steps. BUSH.) Favorite lines included "...the first time you turned it on, the #1 show was CSI: Bethlehem!", "...it just came in white because black hadn't been invented yet!", "...the first thing you saw was the Olsen Twins eating; then again, it was Full House", and my own and my brother's favorite, "...back then he wasn't Fat Joe, he was Might Like Snacks A Little Too Much Joe".
ALBA: LaVar Arrington comparing the Giants D to VOLTRON, followed by a lengthy explanation of how Voltron works in the article for the uneducated. I hope the Giants win everything ever except when it'd blow up my fantasy teams for that. (Go Skins--more to the point, go Brunell to Moss. Double points, man.)
BUSH: For the love of Alba people, you are not bringing sexy back. Stop it, just stop it. You should be like me and just remain sexy and then that way you don't need to be making no extra trip to bring it back. But what the shit do I know?
ALBA: Right at my time of barrel-scraping, someone will be buying a phone off me tomorrow and reliving some pressure off my self for a little bit. Got another interview Tuesday, maybe a possible job. Gotta stay up on it this weekend.
BUSH: I'm so horribly addicted to the Internet it's not amusing. If I hadn't been so deadassed tired the past few days I might've tried putting a phone jack in my arm to get the high back. At least I know, and knowing is half the battle. I think.
London Bridge (Oh, Shit) Fergie (Butch hears ya. Butch don't care.)
9/2/06
The Last KWBR From Here
DROPS:
The entire bottom third of the last countdown: "Ain't No Other Man", "Work It Out", "Move Along", "Original Fire", and "Number One".
15. I Will Follow You Into The Dark ¤ Death Cab For Cutie (debut)
14. When You Were Young ¤ the Killers (debut)
13. Mr. Me Too ¤ Clipse feat. Pharrell (10)
12. Me & U ¤ Cassie (8)
11. Tell Me Baby ¤ Red Hot Chili Peppers (9)
10. Gone Daddy Gone ¤ Gnarls Barkley (debut)
9. Here It Goes Again ¤ OK Go (debut)
8. It's Goin' Down ¤ Yung Joc (6)
7. U & Dat ¤ E-40 feat. T-Pain (7)*
6. Idlewild Blue (Don't Chu Worry 'Bout Me) ¤ Andre 3000 (debut)
5. Deja Vu ¤ Beyonce feat. Jay-Z (3)
4. Steady, As She Goes ¤ the Raconteurs (4)*
3. Promiscuous ¤ Nelly Furtado feat. Timbaland (2)
2. Sexy Love ¤ Ne-Yo (5)*
1. Crazy ¤ Gnarls Barkley (1) [10w]
Doowutchyalike Digital Underground
The entire bottom third of the last countdown: "Ain't No Other Man", "Work It Out", "Move Along", "Original Fire", and "Number One".
15. I Will Follow You Into The Dark ¤ Death Cab For Cutie (debut)
14. When You Were Young ¤ the Killers (debut)
13. Mr. Me Too ¤ Clipse feat. Pharrell (10)
12. Me & U ¤ Cassie (8)
11. Tell Me Baby ¤ Red Hot Chili Peppers (9)
10. Gone Daddy Gone ¤ Gnarls Barkley (debut)
9. Here It Goes Again ¤ OK Go (debut)
8. It's Goin' Down ¤ Yung Joc (6)
7. U & Dat ¤ E-40 feat. T-Pain (7)*
6. Idlewild Blue (Don't Chu Worry 'Bout Me) ¤ Andre 3000 (debut)
5. Deja Vu ¤ Beyonce feat. Jay-Z (3)
4. Steady, As She Goes ¤ the Raconteurs (4)*
3. Promiscuous ¤ Nelly Furtado feat. Timbaland (2)
2. Sexy Love ¤ Ne-Yo (5)*
1. Crazy ¤ Gnarls Barkley (1) [10w]
Doowutchyalike Digital Underground
8/30/06
I [heart] Olbermann
Check the title. KMB put me up on it, and I'm watching it now, and now I'm sending it to you:
= = = = =
The man who sees absolutes, where all other men see nuances and shades of meaning, is either a prophet, or a quack.
Donald H. Rumsfeld is not a prophet.
Mr. Rumsfeld’s remarkable speech to the American Legion yesterday demands the deep analysis—and the sober contemplation—of every American.
For it did not merely serve to impugn the morality or intelligence -- indeed, the loyalty -- of the majority of Americans who oppose the transient occupants of the highest offices in the land. Worse, still, it credits those same transient occupants -- our employees -- with a total omniscience; a total omniscience which neither common sense, nor this administration’s track record at home or abroad, suggests they deserve.
Dissent and disagreement with government is the life’s blood of human freedom; and not merely because it is the first roadblock against the kind of tyranny the men Mr. Rumsfeld likes to think of as “his” troops still fight, this very evening, in Iraq.
It is also essential. Because just every once in awhile it is right and the power to which it speaks, is wrong.
In a small irony, however, Mr. Rumsfeld’s speechwriter was adroit in invoking the memory of the appeasement of the Nazis. For in their time, there was another government faced with true peril—with a growing evil—powerful and remorseless.
That government, like Mr. Rumsfeld’s, had a monopoly on all the facts. It, too, had the “secret information.” It alone had the true picture of the threat. It too dismissed and insulted its critics in terms like Mr. Rumsfeld’s -- questioning their intellect and their morality.
That government was England’s, in the 1930’s.
It knew Hitler posed no true threat to Europe, let alone England.
It knew Germany was not re-arming, in violation of all treaties and accords.
It knew that the hard evidence it received, which contradicted its own policies, its own conclusions — its own omniscience -- needed to be dismissed.
The English government of Neville Chamberlain already knew the truth.
Most relevant of all — it “knew” that its staunchest critics needed to be marginalized and isolated. In fact, it portrayed the foremost of them as a blood-thirsty war-monger who was, if not truly senile, at best morally or intellectually confused.
That critic’s name was Winston Churchill.
Sadly, we have no Winston Churchills evident among us this evening. We have only Donald Rumsfelds, demonizing disagreement, the way Neville Chamberlain demonized Winston Churchill.
History — and 163 million pounds of Luftwaffe bombs over England — have taught us that all Mr. Chamberlain had was his certainty — and his own confusion. A confusion that suggested that the office can not only make the man, but that the office can also make the facts.
Thus did Mr. Rumsfeld make an apt historical analogy.
Excepting the fact that he has the battery plugged in backwards.
His government, absolute -- and exclusive -- in its knowledge, is not the modern version of the one which stood up to the Nazis.
It is the modern version of the government of Neville Chamberlain.
But back to today’s Omniscient ones.
That about which Mr. Rumsfeld is confused is simply this: This is a Democracy. Still. Sometimes just barely.
And, as such, all voices count -- not just his.
Had he or his president perhaps proven any of their prior claims of omniscience — about Osama Bin Laden’s plans five years ago, about Saddam Hussein’s weapons four years ago, about Hurricane Katrina’s impact one year ago — we all might be able to swallow hard, and accept their “omniscience” as a bearable, even useful recipe, of fact plus ego.
But, to date, this government has proved little besides its own arrogance, and its own hubris.
Mr. Rumsfeld is also personally confused, morally or intellectually, about his own standing in this matter. From Iraq to Katrina, to the entire “Fog of Fear” which continues to envelop this nation, he, Mr. Bush, Mr. Cheney, and their cronies have — inadvertently or intentionally — profited and benefited, both personally, and politically.
And yet he can stand up, in public, and question the morality and the intellect of those of us who dare ask just for the receipt for the Emporer’s New Clothes?
In what country was Mr. Rumsfeld raised? As a child, of whose heroism did he read? On what side of the battle for freedom did he dream one day to fight? With what country has he confused the United States of America?
The confusion we -- as its citizens— must now address, is stark and forbidding.
But variations of it have faced our forefathers, when men like Nixon and McCarthy and Curtis LeMay have darkened our skies and obscured our flag. Note -- with hope in your heart — that those earlier Americans always found their way to the light, and we can, too.
The confusion is about whether this Secretary of Defense, and this administration, are in fact now accomplishing what they claim the terrorists seek: The destruction of our freedoms, the very ones for which the same veterans Mr. Rumsfeld addressed yesterday in Salt Lake City, so valiantly fought.
And about Mr. Rumsfeld’s other main assertion, that this country faces a “new type of fascism.”
As he was correct to remind us how a government that knew everything could get everything wrong, so too was he right when he said that -- though probably not in the way he thought he meant it.
This country faces a new type of fascism - indeed.
Although I presumptuously use his sign-off each night, in feeble tribute, I have utterly no claim to the words of the exemplary journalist Edward R. Murrow.
But never in the trial of a thousand years of writing could I come close to matching how he phrased a warning to an earlier generation of us, at a time when other politicians thought they (and they alone) knew everything, and branded those who disagreed: “confused” or “immoral.”
Thus, forgive me, for reading Murrow, in full:
“We must not confuse dissent with disloyalty,” he said, in 1954. “We must remember always that accusation is not proof, and that conviction depends upon evidence and due process of law.
“We will not walk in fear, one of another. We will not be driven by fear into an age of unreason, if we dig deep in our history and our doctrine, and remember that we are not descended from fearful men, not from men who feared to write, to speak, to associate, and to defend causes that were for the moment unpopular.”
And so good night, and good luck.
= = = = =
The man who sees absolutes, where all other men see nuances and shades of meaning, is either a prophet, or a quack.
Donald H. Rumsfeld is not a prophet.
Mr. Rumsfeld’s remarkable speech to the American Legion yesterday demands the deep analysis—and the sober contemplation—of every American.
For it did not merely serve to impugn the morality or intelligence -- indeed, the loyalty -- of the majority of Americans who oppose the transient occupants of the highest offices in the land. Worse, still, it credits those same transient occupants -- our employees -- with a total omniscience; a total omniscience which neither common sense, nor this administration’s track record at home or abroad, suggests they deserve.
Dissent and disagreement with government is the life’s blood of human freedom; and not merely because it is the first roadblock against the kind of tyranny the men Mr. Rumsfeld likes to think of as “his” troops still fight, this very evening, in Iraq.
It is also essential. Because just every once in awhile it is right and the power to which it speaks, is wrong.
In a small irony, however, Mr. Rumsfeld’s speechwriter was adroit in invoking the memory of the appeasement of the Nazis. For in their time, there was another government faced with true peril—with a growing evil—powerful and remorseless.
That government, like Mr. Rumsfeld’s, had a monopoly on all the facts. It, too, had the “secret information.” It alone had the true picture of the threat. It too dismissed and insulted its critics in terms like Mr. Rumsfeld’s -- questioning their intellect and their morality.
That government was England’s, in the 1930’s.
It knew Hitler posed no true threat to Europe, let alone England.
It knew Germany was not re-arming, in violation of all treaties and accords.
It knew that the hard evidence it received, which contradicted its own policies, its own conclusions — its own omniscience -- needed to be dismissed.
The English government of Neville Chamberlain already knew the truth.
Most relevant of all — it “knew” that its staunchest critics needed to be marginalized and isolated. In fact, it portrayed the foremost of them as a blood-thirsty war-monger who was, if not truly senile, at best morally or intellectually confused.
That critic’s name was Winston Churchill.
Sadly, we have no Winston Churchills evident among us this evening. We have only Donald Rumsfelds, demonizing disagreement, the way Neville Chamberlain demonized Winston Churchill.
History — and 163 million pounds of Luftwaffe bombs over England — have taught us that all Mr. Chamberlain had was his certainty — and his own confusion. A confusion that suggested that the office can not only make the man, but that the office can also make the facts.
Thus did Mr. Rumsfeld make an apt historical analogy.
Excepting the fact that he has the battery plugged in backwards.
His government, absolute -- and exclusive -- in its knowledge, is not the modern version of the one which stood up to the Nazis.
It is the modern version of the government of Neville Chamberlain.
But back to today’s Omniscient ones.
That about which Mr. Rumsfeld is confused is simply this: This is a Democracy. Still. Sometimes just barely.
And, as such, all voices count -- not just his.
Had he or his president perhaps proven any of their prior claims of omniscience — about Osama Bin Laden’s plans five years ago, about Saddam Hussein’s weapons four years ago, about Hurricane Katrina’s impact one year ago — we all might be able to swallow hard, and accept their “omniscience” as a bearable, even useful recipe, of fact plus ego.
But, to date, this government has proved little besides its own arrogance, and its own hubris.
Mr. Rumsfeld is also personally confused, morally or intellectually, about his own standing in this matter. From Iraq to Katrina, to the entire “Fog of Fear” which continues to envelop this nation, he, Mr. Bush, Mr. Cheney, and their cronies have — inadvertently or intentionally — profited and benefited, both personally, and politically.
And yet he can stand up, in public, and question the morality and the intellect of those of us who dare ask just for the receipt for the Emporer’s New Clothes?
In what country was Mr. Rumsfeld raised? As a child, of whose heroism did he read? On what side of the battle for freedom did he dream one day to fight? With what country has he confused the United States of America?
The confusion we -- as its citizens— must now address, is stark and forbidding.
But variations of it have faced our forefathers, when men like Nixon and McCarthy and Curtis LeMay have darkened our skies and obscured our flag. Note -- with hope in your heart — that those earlier Americans always found their way to the light, and we can, too.
The confusion is about whether this Secretary of Defense, and this administration, are in fact now accomplishing what they claim the terrorists seek: The destruction of our freedoms, the very ones for which the same veterans Mr. Rumsfeld addressed yesterday in Salt Lake City, so valiantly fought.
And about Mr. Rumsfeld’s other main assertion, that this country faces a “new type of fascism.”
As he was correct to remind us how a government that knew everything could get everything wrong, so too was he right when he said that -- though probably not in the way he thought he meant it.
This country faces a new type of fascism - indeed.
Although I presumptuously use his sign-off each night, in feeble tribute, I have utterly no claim to the words of the exemplary journalist Edward R. Murrow.
But never in the trial of a thousand years of writing could I come close to matching how he phrased a warning to an earlier generation of us, at a time when other politicians thought they (and they alone) knew everything, and branded those who disagreed: “confused” or “immoral.”
Thus, forgive me, for reading Murrow, in full:
“We must not confuse dissent with disloyalty,” he said, in 1954. “We must remember always that accusation is not proof, and that conviction depends upon evidence and due process of law.
“We will not walk in fear, one of another. We will not be driven by fear into an age of unreason, if we dig deep in our history and our doctrine, and remember that we are not descended from fearful men, not from men who feared to write, to speak, to associate, and to defend causes that were for the moment unpopular.”
And so good night, and good luck.
My Doorbell the White Stripes
8/25/06
SSSSSSSSSomething Like A Phenomenon
All right.
After the hitch I got roped into on its Opening Night, I finally caught the last show tonight to see the movie everybody's been talking about all summer.
Superman Returns? No.
Pirates 2: Eclectic Water Crew? Pshaw.
Lady In the Water? C'mon.
Let me just sum up the thing as it sums up itself.
Snakes. On. A. Mother. Fuckin'. Plane.
It's not Citizen Kane. Because, for one, Citizen Kane is fucking overrated. You heard me. And secondly, this isn't a comedy where the good stuff all got thrown in the trailer, and it's not a romantic comedy that makes you want to vomit, and it's not a drama trying to be Shakespeare, and it's not a remake of some movie that was way better 30 years ago that never should've been remade to begin with.
It is what it is. Snakes On A Plane.
And you know what the thing of it is?
It actually...doesn't suck. The stereotypes are there and gleefully hammed up, there are tons of pointless deaths, the snakes go crazy and bite everything not named Samuel L. Jackson, there's a bunch of hot babes standing around for no good reason in the background and eventually the main players survive and decide to celebrate their still living by hooking up. But on the way, you know what happens--especially if you know what you're getting into beforehand?
You have a metric shitload of fun. I mean, it scared my friend that I was with a few times, but you got to play MST3K for the rest, Samuel does his Samuel thing, shit blows up, and you too can horrify and amuse a movie theater by yelling out THE LINE the same time he does.
I've seen at least a dozen movies in the past 18 months I was "supposed to" like more than this goofy little thing, but this goofy little thing knows what it is, embraces it, bathes in it, and says, "Hey, c'mon, it's okay, you, too."
Expect the basic canons of horror movies to be in there and tweaked, even get a little high or drunk (I probably would be saying this is the BEST MOVIE EVAH~!! had I done either or both of those things), grab your friends (because seeing this alone is I'm convinced like going to see Rocky Horror alone), if you're squeamish check your barf bag, and just sit back and enjoy.
***.
Song With A Mission the Sounds
After the hitch I got roped into on its Opening Night, I finally caught the last show tonight to see the movie everybody's been talking about all summer.
Superman Returns? No.
Pirates 2: Eclectic Water Crew? Pshaw.
Lady In the Water? C'mon.
Let me just sum up the thing as it sums up itself.
Snakes. On. A. Mother. Fuckin'. Plane.
It's not Citizen Kane. Because, for one, Citizen Kane is fucking overrated. You heard me. And secondly, this isn't a comedy where the good stuff all got thrown in the trailer, and it's not a romantic comedy that makes you want to vomit, and it's not a drama trying to be Shakespeare, and it's not a remake of some movie that was way better 30 years ago that never should've been remade to begin with.
It is what it is. Snakes On A Plane.
And you know what the thing of it is?
It actually...doesn't suck. The stereotypes are there and gleefully hammed up, there are tons of pointless deaths, the snakes go crazy and bite everything not named Samuel L. Jackson, there's a bunch of hot babes standing around for no good reason in the background and eventually the main players survive and decide to celebrate their still living by hooking up. But on the way, you know what happens--especially if you know what you're getting into beforehand?
You have a metric shitload of fun. I mean, it scared my friend that I was with a few times, but you got to play MST3K for the rest, Samuel does his Samuel thing, shit blows up, and you too can horrify and amuse a movie theater by yelling out THE LINE the same time he does.
I've seen at least a dozen movies in the past 18 months I was "supposed to" like more than this goofy little thing, but this goofy little thing knows what it is, embraces it, bathes in it, and says, "Hey, c'mon, it's okay, you, too."
Expect the basic canons of horror movies to be in there and tweaked, even get a little high or drunk (I probably would be saying this is the BEST MOVIE EVAH~!! had I done either or both of those things), grab your friends (because seeing this alone is I'm convinced like going to see Rocky Horror alone), if you're squeamish check your barf bag, and just sit back and enjoy.
***.
Song With A Mission the Sounds
8/23/06
The Girls Of Summer*
*In one case, the girl is Summer. But I digress.
DROPPED:
Anna Kournikova [34]
Gabrielle Union [37]
Take On Me Reel Big Fish
- Jessica Alba, duh (1)
- Jessica Biel (21)*
- Eva Longoria (3)
- Trish Stratus (4)
- Angelina Jolie (2)
- Kate Beckinsale (6)*
- Salma Hayek (9)
- Kristen Bell (32)*
- JLH (8)
- Jennifer Walcott (5)
- Stacy Keibler (7)
- Shakira (10)
- Raquel Gibson (14)*
- Katherine Heigl (13)
- Marisa Miller (30)*
- Scarlett Johansson (23)*
- Beyonce (11)
- Charisma Carpenter (12)
- Brooke Burke (16)
- Halle Berry (15)
- Sofia Vergara (19)
- Kim Smith (18)
- Vida Guerra (17)
- C.J. Gibson (26)*
- Elizabeth Hurley (25)*
- Mariah Carey (20)
- Mayra Veronica (28)
- Monica Bellucci (36)
- Sarah Shahi (24)
- Summer Altice (22)
- Vanessa Minillo (38)*
- Jamie Pressly (33)
- Keira Knightley (27)
- Esther Baxter (28)
- Eva Mendes (39)
- Petra Nemcova (40)
- Lacey Chabert (35)
- Adriana Lima (return)
- Carmen Electra (31)
- Kelly Hu (return)
DROPPED:
Anna Kournikova [34]
Gabrielle Union [37]
Take On Me Reel Big Fish
8/19/06
KWBR
DROPS:
"Life Wasted", 9
"Where'd You Go", 11
"I Bet You Look Good On The Dancefloor", 15
15. Pharrell feat. Kanye West's "Number 1" (5)
14. Audioslave's "Original Fire" (debut)
13. the All-American Rejects' "Move Along" (14)
12. Jurassic 5 feat. Dave Matthews' "Work It Out" (debut)
11. Christina Aguilera's "Ain't No Other Man" (10)
10. Clipse feat. Pharrell's "Mr. Me Too" (12)*
9. Red Hot Chili Peppers' "Tell Me Baby" (debut)
8. Cassie's "Me & U" (7)
7. E-40 feat. T-Pain's "U & Dat" (13)*
6. Yung Joc's "It's Goin' Down" (1)
5. Ne-Yo's "Sexy Love" (8)*
4. the Raconteurs' "Steady, As She Goes" (5)*
3. Beyonce feat. Jay-Z's "Deja Vu" (4)*
2. Nelly Furtado feat. Timbaland's "Promiscuous" (3)*
1. Gnarls Barkley's "Crazy" (2) [2nd time; 2 months total]
Snakes On A Plane (Bring It) Cobra Starship
"Life Wasted", 9
"Where'd You Go", 11
"I Bet You Look Good On The Dancefloor", 15
15. Pharrell feat. Kanye West's "Number 1" (5)
14. Audioslave's "Original Fire" (debut)
13. the All-American Rejects' "Move Along" (14)
12. Jurassic 5 feat. Dave Matthews' "Work It Out" (debut)
11. Christina Aguilera's "Ain't No Other Man" (10)
10. Clipse feat. Pharrell's "Mr. Me Too" (12)*
9. Red Hot Chili Peppers' "Tell Me Baby" (debut)
8. Cassie's "Me & U" (7)
7. E-40 feat. T-Pain's "U & Dat" (13)*
6. Yung Joc's "It's Goin' Down" (1)
5. Ne-Yo's "Sexy Love" (8)*
4. the Raconteurs' "Steady, As She Goes" (5)*
3. Beyonce feat. Jay-Z's "Deja Vu" (4)*
2. Nelly Furtado feat. Timbaland's "Promiscuous" (3)*
1. Gnarls Barkley's "Crazy" (2) [2nd time; 2 months total]
Snakes On A Plane (Bring It) Cobra Starship
8/16/06
Miss Jessica Biel, Please Pick Up Your Ghetto Pass
1) LA face. With an Oakland booty. Ye gods.
2) I was going to post about how I got screwed over in my Fafarazzi league, but I'm trying to dump Bono and Clay Aiken for more reliable point-scores Tara Reid and Pete Doherty.
That sentence is awesome.
ADDENDUM: Some previous posts have referenced a place called Confidential and a bartender named Jennifer who I deemed hottest in the county. I will now be turning off the All-American Rejects; it's no longer my dirty little secret.
2) I was going to post about how I got screwed over in my Fafarazzi league, but I'm trying to dump Bono and Clay Aiken for more reliable point-scores Tara Reid and Pete Doherty.
That sentence is awesome.
ADDENDUM: Some previous posts have referenced a place called Confidential and a bartender named Jennifer who I deemed hottest in the county. I will now be turning off the All-American Rejects; it's no longer my dirty little secret.
8/10/06
Finally, I Can Put All This Useless Knowledge To Use!
So, I'm in a celebrity fantasy league. Points and everything.
And if you as a friend of the Empire of Rosser would like me to kick your monkey ass, find the private league Celebs On A Blog, use firecrotch as the password, and sit back and wait for the smacktalk to begin.
The Gibson Conspiracy Theorists look forward to 0w1ng j00.
By The Time I Get To Arizona Public Enemy
And if you as a friend of the Empire of Rosser would like me to kick your monkey ass, find the private league Celebs On A Blog, use firecrotch as the password, and sit back and wait for the smacktalk to begin.
The Gibson Conspiracy Theorists look forward to 0w1ng j00.
By The Time I Get To Arizona Public Enemy
8/9/06
Hustler's Ambition
Yeah.
So I got up this morning and decided I was going to go out into the world and continue job hunting. I've been sleeping in my bed a lot more recently with my brother picking up some Grandma slack and I swear my posture and demeanor is a lot better for it. I swore I was going to have a nice quiet Saturday at home but then I found out DJ Spider was coming to town late Saturday night at On Broadway and since I can get in on the sly...well, at least next weekend I can have that nice quiet (boring?) Saturday night at home.
I went to a local mall, and found everything lacking. So I left and went to a job fair for a major hotel reopening. I had one interview where I started off below average but was coming on at the end. Then I was asked if I could hang around for another interview. Gotta be a good sign. I was texting my friend Meagan about how she'd missed out last Saturday but could make it up this Saturday. And then she couldn't. So I mocked her some more. And then the second interview. This was with a different woman a rung or two up the ladder and I was able to make her chuckle and impress her with some tales of the wilder situations I had to handle at the Center. That one goes about 10 or 15, and then they ask if I can hang around for a third interview and now I'm thinking I am Flynn. So I wait and keep taunting her. She says she's got a weekend before Hawaii, you want to go out then? Yes, it's next Saturday. She hasn't been to my favorite club in town (Stingaree--check February for that history), and now as I close that deal it's Interview #3 with the Director of Public Operations.
SO Flynn.
Anyway, the opening is the ridculousness of how I got fired and I explain the whole thing. He laughs at them. Not chuckles, full-on laughs about me getting 24x pay on a suspension and all of that. He says something like maybe subconsciously I was prompting myself to move on, and how the right opportunities spring out bad times if you work right. He finds my week-long unemployment hilarious, because I'm sure he's heard some sob stories over the past couple days and this kid's opening up laughing about his firing and is barely unemployed. PLUS he laughed at "Nothing that wouldn't get me fired". Then, he explains the job, which is like my old job with a couple of tweaks and a better uniform. Oh, and paying $11.75 an hour (I overheard...whoopsie!). So I'm finishing a lot of his sentences because I see the vision, and I would only be dealing with 500ish people because it's so exclusive. Twenty minute third interview, and he's stressing about making sure my address & cell # is correct. You tell me I'm not in.
Then I hit the mall (different) to get myself up to one of them there buhrightos and I run into my friend Stella and she recognizes me from the English class we had togther. Thirty minutes later I have an escort to see DJ Spider at On Broadway. And what I'd get? A couple of T-Mobiles that'll be activated in a month, with no upfront charges. Yup. A couple. My Verizon deal ends on Christmas Eve, so that might be ugly for a little bit. I think it's cheaper for me to stay on instead of breaking off and paying that fee until the hotel money comes in. 1000 minutes, which'll come in handy once I'm unsingle again. They aren't cameraphones, I think, so I may sell one or both of them.
And even with those, I was lucky enough to stop at Borders and then get a couple of slices before Aaron happened to get off while I was in the neighborhood and gave me a ride home. The Earth will provide, I told him simply at the end of this story. The Earth will provide.
Total time spent: 6.5 hours.
I want the finer things in my life, so I hustle
Nigga you get in my way when I'm tryna get mine and I'll buck you...
Wait & Whisper Sexual Healing DJ Spider mixing Marvin Gaye & the Ying Yang Twins
So I got up this morning and decided I was going to go out into the world and continue job hunting. I've been sleeping in my bed a lot more recently with my brother picking up some Grandma slack and I swear my posture and demeanor is a lot better for it. I swore I was going to have a nice quiet Saturday at home but then I found out DJ Spider was coming to town late Saturday night at On Broadway and since I can get in on the sly...well, at least next weekend I can have that nice quiet (boring?) Saturday night at home.
I went to a local mall, and found everything lacking. So I left and went to a job fair for a major hotel reopening. I had one interview where I started off below average but was coming on at the end. Then I was asked if I could hang around for another interview. Gotta be a good sign. I was texting my friend Meagan about how she'd missed out last Saturday but could make it up this Saturday. And then she couldn't. So I mocked her some more. And then the second interview. This was with a different woman a rung or two up the ladder and I was able to make her chuckle and impress her with some tales of the wilder situations I had to handle at the Center. That one goes about 10 or 15, and then they ask if I can hang around for a third interview and now I'm thinking I am Flynn. So I wait and keep taunting her. She says she's got a weekend before Hawaii, you want to go out then? Yes, it's next Saturday. She hasn't been to my favorite club in town (Stingaree--check February for that history), and now as I close that deal it's Interview #3 with the Director of Public Operations.
SO Flynn.
Anyway, the opening is the ridculousness of how I got fired and I explain the whole thing. He laughs at them. Not chuckles, full-on laughs about me getting 24x pay on a suspension and all of that. He says something like maybe subconsciously I was prompting myself to move on, and how the right opportunities spring out bad times if you work right. He finds my week-long unemployment hilarious, because I'm sure he's heard some sob stories over the past couple days and this kid's opening up laughing about his firing and is barely unemployed. PLUS he laughed at "Nothing that wouldn't get me fired". Then, he explains the job, which is like my old job with a couple of tweaks and a better uniform. Oh, and paying $11.75 an hour (I overheard...whoopsie!). So I'm finishing a lot of his sentences because I see the vision, and I would only be dealing with 500ish people because it's so exclusive. Twenty minute third interview, and he's stressing about making sure my address & cell # is correct. You tell me I'm not in.
Then I hit the mall (different) to get myself up to one of them there buhrightos and I run into my friend Stella and she recognizes me from the English class we had togther. Thirty minutes later I have an escort to see DJ Spider at On Broadway. And what I'd get? A couple of T-Mobiles that'll be activated in a month, with no upfront charges. Yup. A couple. My Verizon deal ends on Christmas Eve, so that might be ugly for a little bit. I think it's cheaper for me to stay on instead of breaking off and paying that fee until the hotel money comes in. 1000 minutes, which'll come in handy once I'm unsingle again. They aren't cameraphones, I think, so I may sell one or both of them.
And even with those, I was lucky enough to stop at Borders and then get a couple of slices before Aaron happened to get off while I was in the neighborhood and gave me a ride home. The Earth will provide, I told him simply at the end of this story. The Earth will provide.
Total time spent: 6.5 hours.
I want the finer things in my life, so I hustle
Nigga you get in my way when I'm tryna get mine and I'll buck you...
Wait & Whisper Sexual Healing DJ Spider mixing Marvin Gaye & the Ying Yang Twins
Let Me Put You On The Game: Jessica Burciaga
She did a couple Stuff shoots, she go-go dances, loves puppies, and Disney movies. Well, 3 out of 4 still passes. And so while you wait for the Hot 40 to come out later this week--
It's Not The Fall That Hurts Caesars
It's Not The Fall That Hurts Caesars
8/5/06
KWBR
a) I put the one that was supposed to be up two weeks ago on the MySpace blog. Doubt anyone cares, but you can find the "lost" KWBR if you care to.
b) Instead of a top 4 I nearly went 1a, 1b, 1c, 1d. All my summer anthems are clogging it at the top. Anyhow--
DROPS:
"Gimme That (remix)", 14
15. Arctic Monkeys' "I Bet You Look Good On The Dancefloor" (15)
14. the All-American Rejects' "Move Along" (12)
13. E-40 feat. T-Pain's "U & Dat" (debut)
12. Clipse feat. Pharrell's "Mr. Me Too" (13)*
11. Fort Minor feat. Holly Brook's "Where'd You Go" (9)
10. Christina Aguilera's "Ain't No Other Man" (10)
9. Pearl Jam's "Life Wasted" (8)
8. Ne-Yo's "Sexy Love" (11)*
7. Cassie's "Me & U" (6)
6. Pharrell feat. Kanye West's "Number 1" (5)
5. the Raconteurs' "Steady As She Goes" (7)*
4. Beyonce feat. Jay-Z's "Deja Vu" (4)*
3. Nelly Furtado feat. Timbaland's "Promiscuous" (2)
2. Gnarls Barkley's "Crazy" (1)
1. Yung Joc's "It's Goin' Down" (3) [2w]
Sweet Child O' Mine Gn'R
b) Instead of a top 4 I nearly went 1a, 1b, 1c, 1d. All my summer anthems are clogging it at the top. Anyhow--
DROPS:
"Gimme That (remix)", 14
15. Arctic Monkeys' "I Bet You Look Good On The Dancefloor" (15)
14. the All-American Rejects' "Move Along" (12)
13. E-40 feat. T-Pain's "U & Dat" (debut)
12. Clipse feat. Pharrell's "Mr. Me Too" (13)*
11. Fort Minor feat. Holly Brook's "Where'd You Go" (9)
10. Christina Aguilera's "Ain't No Other Man" (10)
9. Pearl Jam's "Life Wasted" (8)
8. Ne-Yo's "Sexy Love" (11)*
7. Cassie's "Me & U" (6)
6. Pharrell feat. Kanye West's "Number 1" (5)
5. the Raconteurs' "Steady As She Goes" (7)*
4. Beyonce feat. Jay-Z's "Deja Vu" (4)*
3. Nelly Furtado feat. Timbaland's "Promiscuous" (2)
2. Gnarls Barkley's "Crazy" (1)
1. Yung Joc's "It's Goin' Down" (3) [2w]
Sweet Child O' Mine Gn'R
8/1/06
Suicide Is Painless
It is better to burn out than to fade away.
--Kurt Cobain
That is what I wrote on the eraseboard of my supervisors a short few minutes after I got fired.
Then I hopped across the street to the Marriott and filled out an application. I got a few out already, between them, a couple of local clubs, and Best Buy since the suspension.
I think my getting terminated instead of quitting is a blight, but once they find out the site-specfic reasons why and alongside my prior clean record of 3 years it should lessen the sting.
At least I'm going to be missed. My supervisor was solemn, very sad. One of my few friends around gave me a hug and seemed proud of me, and my favorite supervisor was down because she wasn't going to be watching football with me come Sundays--though if I do get a door job at a club downtown I have to let her in. (Aaron, I told you Karyn liked me. Told ya.)
Nothing from The Best Saturday Ever on its own got me fired, but cumulatively everything did. If I wanted the press I could be saying I got fired because of my love for Veronica Mars. (Love that was shown back, let the record show.) But I knew what could've happen--even if I thought it was going to pan out at the suspension level--and I did it anyway, and made my peace with it as it happened. I told Ivan my friends always looked out for me and blessed me. I just got to find some strangers to do it now.
And to keep up the positives, here's 10 things (at least) I won't miss about work:
After the paperwork was done, I was asked if I had anything to say. Could've gone a lot of ways. I settled for "Nothing that wouldn't get me fired."
That's how I spell maturity.
And as one of my Song of the Year candidates so eloquently put it--
Move Along the All-American Rejects (double irony, gotta love it)
--Kurt Cobain
That is what I wrote on the eraseboard of my supervisors a short few minutes after I got fired.
Then I hopped across the street to the Marriott and filled out an application. I got a few out already, between them, a couple of local clubs, and Best Buy since the suspension.
I think my getting terminated instead of quitting is a blight, but once they find out the site-specfic reasons why and alongside my prior clean record of 3 years it should lessen the sting.
At least I'm going to be missed. My supervisor was solemn, very sad. One of my few friends around gave me a hug and seemed proud of me, and my favorite supervisor was down because she wasn't going to be watching football with me come Sundays--though if I do get a door job at a club downtown I have to let her in. (Aaron, I told you Karyn liked me. Told ya.)
Nothing from The Best Saturday Ever on its own got me fired, but cumulatively everything did. If I wanted the press I could be saying I got fired because of my love for Veronica Mars. (Love that was shown back, let the record show.) But I knew what could've happen--even if I thought it was going to pan out at the suspension level--and I did it anyway, and made my peace with it as it happened. I told Ivan my friends always looked out for me and blessed me. I just got to find some strangers to do it now.
And to keep up the positives, here's 10 things (at least) I won't miss about work:
- The ugliest fucking uniforms this side of the 70's Padres. The best one merely made me look like a milkman. The ugly ones were damn ugly. And now I'll never wear them again.
- Working weekends.
- Missing football games.
- Working New Year's fucking Eve, and Day.
- Standing a shitload, which wasn't so bad until I started spending 30 hours a week crashing on Grandma's couch. Which reminds me--
- --going from work directly after sleeping at Grandma's.
- NO hot girls in our department. NONE. Except my ex, and I already got her, so...
- Doctors asking me to write $2 receipts for coat checking their bag. DOCTORS!
- Increasingly working someplace where I cared more about the people than the job; the realization that I'm going to miss the people I worked with and the checks.
- Let it be known that the people who fired me for this infraction after 3 years of a perfect record in the past 2 weeks suspended me for 30 hours--paid me for 12--and made sure to give me my biggest check of the year on the way out the door.
After the paperwork was done, I was asked if I had anything to say. Could've gone a lot of ways. I settled for "Nothing that wouldn't get me fired."
That's how I spell maturity.
And as one of my Song of the Year candidates so eloquently put it--
Move Along the All-American Rejects (double irony, gotta love it)
7/25/06
My Most Rock Star Moment of 2006?
And the lesser pics. But honestly, does that have Christmas card written all over it or what?! (That munching sound you hear is me eating Dupin's soul.)
Rebel Without A Pause Public Enemy
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